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ORIGINAL: sincityprincess

It is unsolicited advice from subs or slaves who look down their noses at someone merely asking a question that irks me, that and more that I don't see the point in having separate forums if no one pays any attention to them anyway.

Not to mention the fact that you are absolutely right, I am not paying money for anyone's advice around here (thank God) and no one is obligated to reply. No one.

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ORIGINAL: sincityprincess

And added--

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ORIGINAL: porcelaine

do you sort of get terminated from a job or are you clearly fired?
porcelaine

Laid off with severence pay and the possibility of rehire?

He provides me a car to drive and covers all the expenses attached to it, he sends me money (only a little, like $50 or $100 here or there) when he says I should go buy myself something pretty, that sort of stuff.

I mean, if you get fired and are escorted out of the building but allowed to keep the company car...it would be confusing for anyone.

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ORIGINAL: sincityprincess

Have any Masters ever released a slave and still kept her ever so slightly under their thumb? Is it out of concern as she slowly learns to adjust to being in control of her own world? Or is it out of selfishness knowing that even though she is no longer your 24/7 property that she essentially still belongs to you?

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ORIGINAL: MarcEsadrian

Whether a Keeper wishes to invoke that influence for altruism or greed is entirely up to individual choice.

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(snipped) ...to help give her the tools to be free.

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ORIGINAL: sincityprincess

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ORIGINAL: MarcEsadrian

Whether a Keeper wishes to invoke that influence for altruism or greed is entirely up to individual choice.

...and I suppose no one will ever know which one it is except for him.

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ORIGINAL: CreativeDominant

What seems confusing about you, princess is that you went into a situation that you knew would be poly and it sounds as if you entered thinking you could LEARN to be O.K. with what you knew he wanted instead of entering once you knew you WERE O.K. with what he wanted.  Thus...the inevitable clash of wills.  Because of that, you were released and you decided you could not be around him.

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What you offered was a form of bait and switch, whether you meant for it to turn out that way or not...and forgive me if this seems harsh but you said you wanted to hear from dominants and all of what I have said is what I believe, the good as well as the harsh...and there is a part of me that can't help but wonder if you didn't feel somewhere inside you that once he had you, he'd drop his interest in other girls.  And when he did not...when he was as he advertised...you rebelled. 

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ORIGINAL: porcelaine

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ORIGINAL: CreativeDominant

What seems confusing about you, princess is that you went into a situation that you knew would be poly and it sounds as if you entered thinking you could LEARN to be O.K. with what you knew he wanted instead of entering once you knew you WERE O.K. with what he wanted.  Thus...the inevitable clash of wills.  Because of that, you were released and you decided you could not be around him.

if the op had disclosed this was regarding poly my response would have been somewhat different. i have spoken to tons of women like her that did the very same thing. most end up incredibly miserable if they are unable to come to terms with this. i had a similar issue and avoided involvement with dominants seeking this for this very reason. few ever become alright, they suck it up and deal and share their real feelings with confidants and other slaves. it can be very sad to hear.

there's also the fact that we don't know when this began. if he tried introducing others in the beginning or at a later time. that's fundamental. i have found most that behave this way are affected on a greater level if it happens later. they cling to a belief that they are enough and it won't occur. which is shattered when he begins to seek another, the very thing he said he'd do from the start.

with all due respect i don't think this is something you can grow into. if the op had spoken to me privately i would have shared my struggle. it took years for me to relent and i didn't do so for Someone. i did it because i was ready for a deeper level of surrender. even then it was a process for me that i embarked alone, not while involved. the idea of something and its reality are worlds apart.

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What you offered was a form of bait and switch, whether you meant for it to turn out that way or not...and forgive me if this seems harsh but you said you wanted to hear from dominants and all of what I have said is what I believe, the good as well as the harsh...and there is a part of me that can't help but wonder if you didn't feel somewhere inside you that once he had you, he'd drop his interest in other girls.  And when he did not...when he was as he advertised...you rebelled. 

sometime ago i spoke with someone that i knew was poly oriented. we were previously acquainted and at the time i still had a  desire for women. poly wasn't an issue because it would have permitted me to have both sexes. my interests had changed over the years when we reconnected. he still desired me and wanted poly. i was honest and said i don't know. i really have zero interest in women. i cannot promise you that is going to change overnight. what i can do is make a sincere effort and try.

however, what occurred was constant pushing and pressure and his belief that he could/would change me. promises to wait and allow me to get settled before any of this occurred took a back seat to his desires. i reached a point where living that way was no longer feasible. where i differ from the op was my willingness to go to him and say this. i explained that i did not wish for him to change at all. i recognized it was a need he possessed and one i could not fulfill. he took responsibility for his approach and the damage it had done. he was aware that all the badgering had taken a toll. but i remained adamant that it was important that he be true to himself, which wouldn't occur as long as i was there.

sometimes you have to do what is difficult. it wasn't pleasant and i've known this person for years. in fact he did everything he could to stop me. but in the end i knew it was the best thing to do. i don't know if he's found the one he seeks, but at the very least he deserves the chance to do so without my presence adding to and simultaneously impeding his happiness. i was willing to sacrifice my own for a greater good for us both. i believe i made the right decision.

porcelaine

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ORIGINAL: CreativeDominant

While I think it is difficult to grow into, I think that it is possible for some.  There've been posts from other submissives through the last couple of years who noted that they had started out SURE that they could not do something but because they were willing to accept that they might, they were guided to it by several factors...deepening submission, proper guidance from their dominant, reassurance by their dominant, etc..  I think the key is the ability to look within oneself and be honest about what you find there...not only with yourself but with your prospective partner.  If that honesty causes you loss of a partner, isn't it better to have it happen at the start than the way it did in this case? 

While not everything can be discussed initially, I would think that poly...whether casual or serious...is one of those things that does come up, especially if one party has an interest in it.  From what I can gather from the OP, it did come up initially and her response was that she was unsure but willing to give it a go somewhere down the line...which led me to my next statement--->

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Yes, you did do it right and it is my belief that in your case, he tried to get there wrong.  What I feel it takes to get there is what I've noted above.  I viewed what the OP had to say about this in a different way...it seems as if her dominant was patient, was understanding, gave her time to accept and it is my perception that she did not...in fact, accepted his patient waiting as an indication that he was no longer interested WITHOUT ever sitting down with him and asking if he'd indeed changed his ideas about what he wanted.  In my opinion, that's on her...not on him.  She knew what he wanted from the start and entered into the dynamic with a promise, as did he...then instead of trying to get to the endpoint of her promise, she set it aside until he brought it up again 3 years later.

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ORIGINAL: porcelaine

sometime ago i spoke with someone that i knew was poly oriented. we were previously acquainted and at the time i still had a desire for women. poly wasn't an issue because it would have permitted me to have both sexes. my interests had changed over the years when we reconnected. he still desired me and wanted poly. i was honest and said i don't know. i really have zero interest in women. i cannot promise you that is going to change overnight. what i can do is make a sincere effort and try.

however, what occurred was constant pushing and pressure and his belief that he could/would change me. promises to wait and allow me to get settled before any of this occurred took a back seat to his desires. i reached a point where living that way was no longer feasible. where i differ from the op was my willingness to go to him and say this. i explained that i did not wish for him to change at all. i recognized it was a need he possessed and one i could not fulfill. he took responsibility for his approach and the damage it had done. he was aware that all the badgering had taken a toll. but i remained adamant that it was important that he be true to himself, which wouldn't occur as long as i was there.

sometimes you have to do what is difficult. it wasn't pleasant and i've known this person for years. in fact he did everything he could to stop me. but in the end i knew it was the best thing to do. i don't know if he's found the one he seeks, but at the very least he deserves the chance to do so without my presence adding to and simultaneously impeding his happiness. i was willing to sacrifice my own for a greater good for us both. i believe i made the right decision.

porcelaine

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ORIGINAL: sincityprincess

(offers peace pipe to porcelaine)

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what he did was expect me to be his loyal slave and reserve the right to have random sex with vanilla girls if the opportunity arose.

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The first several times that it happened and I cried and begged for him not to do it anymore, he apologized to me "for my feelings being hurt" but never for the actual act or action.

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I tried to force myself to put it out of my mind, to learn to separate the immediate physical gratification he received from casual sex from the deep bond we shared on so many other levels. I was determined to persevere and for mind to conquer heart; but eventually and in hindsight, inevitably, I failed.

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It was really hard for me for a long time and I hated that it had to be this way. I only wonder if it is hard for him too and if he keeps a tiny bit of control over of me because he is weaning himself too? He must know that his actions are exhibiting some amount, however slight, of domination over me. Is it by chance or intention that he chooses to excercise this control over me?