Can you ever really "end" ownership?

Can you ever really "end" ownership? (Full Version)

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Master

Message

sincityprincess -> Can you ever really "end" ownership? (10/18/2009 2:58:06 PM)
Hello, My former Master and I were together for about 4 years. I discovered slavery very shortly after we began seeing each other, however, I really actually gave myself to him mentally 1000% the day we met. I just didn't know there was a name for it. We were T/P/E and it was very intense. I was released after a period of rebelliousness and realizing that T/P/E is a lot more difficult in real life than it is in fantasy. Obeying out of necessity and changing one's actual mindset to wanting to obey are two different things. We have been apart for over 1 1/2 years now, and I had to move 500 mi. away because I knew I wouldn't be able to be around him without wanting to beg to be taken back. He helped me move and get started on my own because he knew it was best for me emotionally to learn to be independant for a while. We have stayed good friends and talk on the phone almost weekly. It is light conversation and not M/s natured for the most part. Just recently I have realized that aside from a few dates here and there, I haven't had the desire to pursue another relationship. He has dated a few vanilla girls but I have heard through the grapevine that they are definitely not submissive sort of girls and that as soon as things get serious, he dumps them. I started thinking about how he still texts me and tells me to call him that night at 7:00 and I will furiously change my schedule around to ensure that I am on time. He gives me little tasks to do (send him an email or pic) and I do it, he sends me presents from time to time and calls my friends or my mom if he hasn't heard from me to see if I am ok. I wonder if he still feels some sort of ownership over me? Like a parent whose child has gone to college--yet the parent still worries about the child even though he is on his own now and not a little kid anymore. I struggle with wondering if I will ever not feel as if he still owns me and that I am obligated to follow his orders (though calling him or writing a letter is minute compared to the tasks I was required to complete while owned by him) and while I don't sit around pining away for him to reclaim me, I really have no interest in anyone else whatsover--Dom, vanilla, or otherwise. Have any Masters ever released a slave and still kept her ever so slightly under their thumb? Is it out of concern as she slowly learns to adjust to being in control of her own world? Or is it out of selfishness knowing that even though she is no longer your 24/7 property that she essentially still belongs to you? Sorry this is so long, just wanted to give you some background of what I was talking about. Thank you.

leadership527 -> RE: Can you ever really "end" ownership? (10/18/2009 3:44:43 PM)
I don't know about other people, but for me, when I am done with a lover, I am done with them. For EVERYONE's saking, moving on needs to happen. Whatever is going on between you and your ex-master is incomprehensible to me. I might suggest you start focusing on your next master rather than the previous one. And the very first thing I would do to start focusing on your new master rather than your old is to explain this conundrum... How did you give yourself to your old master 1000% yet were also rebellious? How does that work exactly? Real life relationships are grounded in... well... real life.

littlewonder -> RE: Can you ever really "end" ownership? (10/18/2009 3:48:05 PM)
Can't say it's ever been that way for me. When my relationship ended with my ex Dom it ended. There was no keeping me under his thumb, no real communication with each other at all. It ended and we both went our separate ways. I had one Dom who I dated for awhile way in the past who tried that with me but I just simply cut off all communication. I didn't answer his phone calls, I didn't respond to his emails or conversations online and I didn't answer the door for him. I simply ignored him. He got tired of trying and he moved on. I would suggest the same for you if you want to move on with your life.

porcelaine -> RE: Can you ever really "end" ownership? (10/18/2009 3:53:31 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: sincityprincess Have any Masters ever released a slave and still kept her ever so slightly under their thumb? Is it out of concern as she slowly learns to adjust to being in control of her own world? Or is it out of selfishness knowing that even though she is no longer your 24/7 property that she essentially still belongs to you? i sincerely believe you know the answer to the question you're posing and are seeking confirmation for your suspicions. however, the remarks you've provided thus far are telling. do you sort of get terminated from a job or are you clearly fired? when a parting of ways occurs, it ushers in a break. whether the separation is temporary or permanent is dependent on the circumstances involved, agreements that we made at the time of the split, and whether it is possible to move beyond the factors that contributed to the relationship's demise. release means just that. his obligation to care for and guide you is null and void. as is your requirement to be obedient to him. regardless if you have some M/s undercurrents in your interactions doesn't change the fact that they are merely these things and nothing more. a commitment has not been undertaken on either end. quote: I really actually gave myself to him mentally 1000% the day we met. I just didn't know there was a name for it. We were T/P/E and it was very intense. I was released after a period of rebelliousness and realizing that T/P/E is a lot more difficult in real life than it is in fantasy. Obeying out of necessity and changing one's actual mindset to wanting to obey are two different things. you realize this statement is contradictory? if you gave yourself to him mentally in the manner stated, the continued rebellion would have subsided over time. you mentioned being involved nearly four years. i'd think by that point you'd have settled your heels. and yes it is much harder than the fiction novels make it appear to be. perhaps the idea of this level of servitude was more appealing than the reality. you really must have a sincere need to cede control in this manner or the results can be disastrous as you've seen. quote: We have stayed good friends and talk on the phone almost weekly. It is light conversation and not M/s natured for the most part. let me see if i have this correctly. you're still kind of sort of engaging in an exchange related manner with the man that released you due to your inability to follow his directives? but you're able to respond to him via telephone where doing so in person was a challenge? quote: He has dated a few vanilla girls but I have heard through the grapevine that they are definitely not submissive sort of girls and that as soon as things get serious, he dumps them. i'd gather you see this as a good thing in some misguided way because he isn't getting seriously attached. nevermind the fact he's engaging in situations with people that will never fulfill his need for an exchange, and he ends them when they get serious. which suggests he may have neglected to mention his preferences. otherwise why stop? quote: I started thinking about how he still texts me and tells me to call him that night at 7:00 and I will furiously change my schedule around to ensure that I am on time. He gives me little tasks to do (send him an email or pic) and I do it, he sends me presents from time to time and calls my friends or my mom if he hasn't heard from me to see if I am ok. so now you've morphed yourself into his long distance pseudo slave. who furiously seeks to please the very person she had trouble being obedient to when they were officially involved. could the lunacy of such be any clearer? allow me to bring light into the darkness. your previous dominant enjoys having control. he has a willing and familiar subject in you that will provide that for him. the beautiful thing about this arrangement is that it meets his needs and does so without all the headaches and responsibilities that ownership brought. you're leaping through hoops like a circus act trying to appease someone you rebelled at when you were in the very position to do that! i suspect that this is truthfully your flavor of dominance and it is time for you to be honest with yourself. you may enjoy yielding in some capacity, but you're about as a close to slavery as i am to being a darned bottom and that's pretty friggin' far. quote: I wonder if he still feels some sort of ownership over me? nahh trust me it isn't that. it is called exploiting ones opportunities. he can't take what you haven't offered. it is truly a win/win for him. you feed that need while he's on his self imposed hiatus. you realize that won't last forever and when he finds someone else your little arrangement will go poof. i hope you've prepared yourself for that reality. quote: and while I don't sit around pining away for him to reclaim me, I really have no interest in anyone else whatsover--Dom, vanilla, or otherwise. how could you when you're too busy obeying the ex-factor that released you? quote: Have any Masters ever released a slave and still kept her ever so slightly under their thumb? you really need to believe this to validate the fantasy you've crafted in your head. i think your common sense has told you differently. if he wanted you near you'd be in his bed or at the very least under his command - officially! quote: Is it out of concern as she slowly learns to adjust to being in control of her own world? Or is it out of selfishness knowing that even though she is no longer your 24/7 property that she essentially still belongs to you? have you ever watched a puppeteer and his marionette? when he moves she moves with him. he directs everything. that is what you've allowed yourself to become. now you're clearly getting a payoff in this because it satisfies your D/s fix. but i see this heading for a real big letdown. i'd probably find it kosher if you were more realistic and said things didn't work out and you two relate in a manner with no strings attached. it helps to pass the time and feed your needs. instead you're contorting yourself like some trapeze artist for what? either you want him back or you're too afraid to let go and start again. because i think some part of you realizes that after this much time if he wanted to rekindle things a discussion would have taken place by now. the only time i have ever behaved in this manner is when i know i messed up bad and i'm desperate to get back into that person's good graces. the guilt and loss are eating away at me and i'll do anything to earn my place back. where you and i differ is that i was upfront about this and my attention was devoted to regaining what i'd lost. i continued to serve him through the release and it didn't take a year and a half for things to be reconciled. it was a calculated risk and i knew there was no guarantee he'd have a change of heart. mistakes happen and i have made a ton of them myself. when you have damaged a relationship in this manner and seek to return you must be honest about it. trying to sidestep or sneak back in isn't good. if that isn't the case, you must ask yourself why you're expending so much energy towards this. when you could have the same or more with someone else who's willing to commit himself to the relationship. something you lack with the present party. either the person wants you or they don't. perhaps it is time for you to look at this situation honestly and ask yourself an important question when you do. what am i afraid of? why is the possibility of moving forward so frightening that i'll settle for pieces of something and deny myself from having the whole darned thing instead? release is a horrible thing and i can empathize with you there. perhaps your inability to settle in indicates that wasn't the ideal situation for you. it would appear that you have some soul searching to do. i wish you luck. porcelaine

Lashra -> RE: Can you ever really "end" ownership? (10/18/2009 6:18:14 PM)
No once I am done with someone it is all over with. I do not want them "under my thumb" or anything of that nature. I feel that they are adults and should be able to take care of themselves without any further help or direction from me. ~Lashra

AnimusRex -> RE: Can you ever really "end" ownership? (10/18/2009 8:19:33 PM)
I think porcelaine nailed it. He is enjoying the convenience of slave-on-demand, but eventually he will find something more interesting. Learn from the past and and move on.

MasterAramis -> RE: Can you ever really "end" ownership? (10/18/2009 8:33:08 PM)
He released because you were not behaving properly in an M/s dynamic. It doesn't mean he stopped having feelings for you, perhaps even love? It seems you still have an enormous amount of feelings for him, as well as his Mastery of you. Otherwise you wouldn't be adjusting your schedule to meet his demands. You need to figure out what it is you want to do here? Do you want to throw yourself back at his feet or do you want to end it. It seems the both of you have some unresolved issues regarding this break-up that you both should work out either together or separately. Either way, you won't be able to go backwards or forwards until you do. Just my opinion. Aramis

sincityprincess -> RE: Can you ever really "end" ownership? (10/18/2009 10:08:34 PM)
I appreciate all the feedback, positive or negative...thank you to all. quote: ORIGINAL: porcelaine quote: ORIGINAL: sincityprincess Have any Masters ever released a slave and still kept her ever so slightly under their thumb? Is it out of concern as she slowly learns to adjust to being in control of her own world? Or is it out of selfishness knowing that even though she is no longer your 24/7 property that she essentially still belongs to you? i sincerely believe you know the answer to the question you're posing and are seeking confirmation for your suspicions. however, the remarks you've provided thus far are telling. do you sort of get terminated from a job or are you clearly fired? when a parting of ways occurs, it ushers in a break. whether the separation is temporary or permanent is dependent on the circumstances involved, agreements that we made at the time of the split, and whether it is possible to move beyond the factors that contributed to the relationship's demise. release means just that. his obligation to care for and guide you is null and void. as is your requirement to be obedient to him. regardless if you have some M/s undercurrents in your interactions doesn't change the fact that they are merely these things and nothing more. a commitment has not been undertaken on either end. quote: I really actually gave myself to him mentally 1000% the day we met. I just didn't know there was a name for it. We were T/P/E and it was very intense. I was released after a period of rebelliousness and realizing that T/P/E is a lot more difficult in real life than it is in fantasy. Obeying out of necessity and changing one's actual mindset to wanting to obey are two different things. you realize this statement is contradictory? if you gave yourself to him mentally in the manner stated, the continued rebellion would have subsided over time. you mentioned being involved nearly four years. i'd think by that point you'd have settled your heels. and yes it is much harder than the fiction novels make it appear to be. perhaps the idea of this level of servitude was more appealing than the reality. you really must have a sincere need to cede control in this manner or the results can be disastrous as you've seen. I guess I use the term rebelliousness for lack of a better word. I really was quite poised and obedient nearly 100% of the time for the first 3 years and 9 months of the relationship, and happy to be so. What it came down to is that it was made very clear to me in the beginning of our relationship that there would be other women. I wanted to accept it and I really tried to tell myself that my only concern was his pleasure--regardless of where or how he received it, but after a while I realized I was lying to him and to myself, so I began misbehaving to garner his constant attention--even if it meant making him mad at me. Well, he had no tolerance for a misbehaving slave and released me. He said that if I really couldn't accept that part of him then our arrangement was not good for me but that although he loved me, he wouldn't change because it would at some level mean he was giving me control by rewarding me by giving in to what I wanted. We are both human afterall, I believe that even the most submissive and obedient girl has feelings and desires. Whether or not her desires are compatible with her Master's is another story. He was a firm and controlling Master but I know that he did, and still does love me. quote: ORIGINAL: MasterAramis He released because you were not behaving properly in an M/s dynamic. It doesn't mean he stopped having feelings for you, perhaps even love? It seems you still have an enormous amount of feelings for him, as well as his Mastery of you. Otherwise you wouldn't be adjusting your schedule to meet his demands. You need to figure out what it is you want to do here? Do you want to throw yourself back at his feet or do you want to end it. It seems the both of you have some unresolved issues regarding this break-up that you both should work out either together or separately. Either way, you won't be able to go backwards or forwards until you do. Just my opinion. Aramis Aramis, Thank you for your kind and thoughtful reply. I know you are right, I am stuck in limbo because I allow him to have some control over my life. And really I don't know what it is that I want to do here? I really don't want him out of my life, and I am not really unhappy with the way things are right now. He is older and very successful and gives me good advice about life and business...he helps me when I need it and is genuinely a good friend to me overall. I really was just wondering, since this is the forum for questions to other Masters, if this was a common predicament or just weaning someone off of heroin with methadone. Thank you for your input.

sincityprincess -> RE: Can you ever really "end" ownership? (10/18/2009 10:22:35 PM)
And added-- quote: ORIGINAL: porcelaine do you sort of get terminated from a job or are you clearly fired? porcelaine Laid off with severence pay and the possibility of rehire? He provides me a car to drive and covers all the expenses attached to it, he sends me money (only a little, like $50 or $100 here or there) when he says I should go buy myself something pretty, that sort of stuff. I mean, if you get fired and are escorted out of the building but allowed to keep the company car...it would be confusing for anyone.

DesFIP -> RE: Can you ever really "end" ownership? (10/19/2009 4:25:46 AM)
Yes, he is still acting like he has the right to tell you what to do. And yes, you are still acting like he still has that right. So don't. Change your phone number if he won't abide by your wish to not have any further contact with him. Put his name in your junk mail folder. You haven't moved on and you won't be able to as long as he's still there telling you what to do on a daily basis. And then take six months to really heal. And next time don't give yourself 1000% to someone immediately when you don't yet know if he deserves it. Explore, date, become friends and allow the relationship to grow into what it will be instead of deciding ahead of time that it will be a pine tree, not an oak.

Domitianus -> RE: Can you ever really "end" ownership? (10/19/2009 6:32:58 AM)
To answer your question, yes, one can end ownership. But as with any relationships, termination requires just that...termination. Obviously, that is not what happened in your case. And there are some relationships that are so intensely defined that they can never be something else or something less. As long as you maintain this relationship, your sense of being owned--and his sense of owning you--will also be present. So if you want the ownership to end, you have to cut the cord.

OsideGirl -> RE: Can you ever really "end" ownership? (10/19/2009 7:28:28 AM)
Honestly, it's not healthy. The two of you aren't in a relationship but won't end it. It's preventing both of you from moving forward in life. It's keeping you tethered to the past. Give back the car. Stop accepting the money. Stop communicating with him. Go heal. Move on.

porcelaine -> RE: Can you ever really "end" ownership? (10/19/2009 8:32:16 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: sincityprincess He provides me a car to drive and covers all the expenses attached to it, he sends me money (only a little, like $50 or $100 here or there) when he says I should go buy myself something pretty, that sort of stuff. I mean, if you get fired and are escorted out of the building but allowed to keep the company car...it would be confusing for anyone. his provision of the car, while unusual to some, may be his way of making certain you're provided for. some Owners elect to put monies aside to aid the slave in starting anew. you consider this generosity, but you fail to see his gift has benefits. it allows you to remain dependent on him and under his control. the additional details you've provided bring this into clearer view. you were unable to abide by his lifestyle choices as his servant, but you can accept them now that you're no longer fettered? since i understand the poly issue and formally had one of my own, i'm curious to learn why you chose to get involved with him when you were aware of your discomfort with it? many attempt to do the same and find themselves woefully miserable. since you indicated this was tpe, realistically your aversion wouldn't matter much. there's also the fact you chose to act out rather than ask for release instead. why did you hang on and resort to inappropriate behavior, fully aware of the consequences? porcelaine

OrionTheWolf -> RE: Can you ever really "end" ownership? (10/19/2009 9:37:43 AM)
~FR~ Sometimes forms of rebelliousness may occur due to subconscious issues, such as insecurities or fear of internal enslavement process. I have found as each layer of surrender is penetrated, the next one has more resistance in a slave. This is not an active resistance though. My slave was gone away for 18 months with no contact, and finally realized that she had been running because of her fear of a man that can say no, show concern for her well being, love her but not be ruled by that love. After many discussions to assist her in being introspective, and for me to see the sincerity she returned and begged my collar again. There have been only 4 episodes in the last 1 and a half that required punishment beyond using dispappointment and verbal correction. I believe too many make narrow comments, and try to apply it to all situations, especially when the entire situation is not known firsthand. Those that view ownership as some kind of contract will take on stance, and those that realize there are some extreme internal components will take another. Somewhere between the two is where many will fall. There is no way for any of us to know why your former owner still maintains some control over you. It could be convenience, concern, inability to let go, or many other things. I recommend that you have a serious heart to heart with this person.

Acer49 -> RE: Can you ever really "end" ownership? (10/19/2009 11:37:58 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: sincityprincess Hello, My former Master and I were together for about 4 years. I discovered slavery very shortly after we began seeing each other, however, I really actually gave myself to him mentally 1000% the day we met. I just didn't know there was a name for it. We were T/P/E and it was very intense. I was released after a period of rebelliousness and realizing that T/P/E is a lot more difficult in real life than it is in fantasy. Obeying out of necessity and changing one's actual mindset to wanting to obey are two different things. We have been apart for over 1 1/2 years now, and I had to move 500 mi. away because I knew I wouldn't be able to be around him without wanting to beg to be taken back. He helped me move and get started on my own because he knew it was best for me emotionally to learn to be independant for a while. We have stayed good friends and talk on the phone almost weekly. It is light conversation and not M/s natured for the most part. Just recently I have realized that aside from a few dates here and there, I haven't had the desire to pursue another relationship. He has dated a few vanilla girls but I have heard through the grapevine that they are definitely not submissive sort of girls and that as soon as things get serious, he dumps them. I started thinking about how he still texts me and tells me to call him that night at 7:00 and I will furiously change my schedule around to ensure that I am on time. He gives me little tasks to do (send him an email or pic) and I do it, he sends me presents from time to time and calls my friends or my mom if he hasn't heard from me to see if I am ok. I wonder if he still feels some sort of ownership over me? Like a parent whose child has gone to college--yet the parent still worries about the child even though he is on his own now and not a little kid anymore. I struggle with wondering if I will ever not feel as if he still owns me and that I am obligated to follow his orders (though calling him or writing a letter is minute compared to the tasks I was required to complete while owned by him) and while I don't sit around pining away for him to reclaim me, I really have no interest in anyone else whatsover--Dom, vanilla, or otherwise. Have any Masters ever released a slave and still kept her ever so slightly under their thumb? Is it out of concern as she slowly learns to adjust to being in control of her own world? Or is it out of selfishness knowing that even though she is no longer your 24/7 property that she essentially still belongs to you? Sorry this is so long, just wanted to give you some background of what I was talking about. Thank you. Everyone is different, if you want the truth and you may not, simply ask him why he is doing it

DesFIP -> RE: Can you ever really "end" ownership? (10/19/2009 1:14:07 PM)
With the added info it seems obvious why he's doing it. He figures she'll come back and have sex with other females for him. OP, move on totally. Don't take his money, don't read his texts, don't read his emails. Don't answer the phone when it says it's him. Let it go to voicemail and delete it unread. Tear up checks and toss. And tell your friends you don't want to hear about him. If they insist that you're a perfect couple then tell them why you left. They'll stop helping him try to get you back.

RedMagic1 -> RE: Can you ever really "end" ownership? (10/19/2009 3:21:30 PM)
Jeez you guys. I'm friends with most of the women I've dated. If my current relationship ends, I hope I'll remain friends with her too. A year back, I posted about attending an ex-gf/sub's wedding. I was actually scheduled to help officiate, but I arrived late due to an airplane maintenance issue, so I was just an onlooker and celebrant. I took a date from CollarMe to that wedding. My date was impressed with how well my ex and I got along, and it won me romance points. It is totally possible to stay friends and also move on at the same time. That may not be what is happening here, but you'd think I was from the planet Mars given the responses on this thread.

dreamerdreaming -> RE: Can you ever really "end" ownership? (10/19/2009 5:34:43 PM)
"Can you ever really "end" ownership?" Nope. Not unless you want to. Apparently you don't. If you do want to end it, then go ahead. Right now. Tonight. Or tomorrow...Or next week, or never- but you choose. "If you choose not to decide, you still have made a choice." - Neil Peart (Rush) You can still be friends, and still care about one another forever after, if you want to. You don't need to stay tethered to him, to still be his friend. Jesus Christ, woman- I don't mean to be harsh but you're 34 years old! Get a clue. I would expect this sort of thing from an immature 19 year old. Grow up. Self-esteem. Get some. (Edited for spelling.)

OrionTheWolf -> RE: Can you ever really "end" ownership? (10/19/2009 5:45:06 PM)
Very contradictory. You insult for not being grown up, then say this person needs to get some self esteem. You do realize that insults and berating often erode self esteem, right? quote: ORIGINAL: dreamerdreaming Self-esteem. Get some.

dreamerdreaming -> RE: Can you ever really "end" ownership? (10/19/2009 5:55:42 PM)
Was I too harsh? [8\|] Maybe there's a better way to say it, but I don't think I was insulting her at all. Just telling her rather bluntly what she needs to do, IMHO. If there's a better way to say that she should: 1) Grow up and: 2) Get some self-esteem - then you are very welcome to give it a go. Thanks! [:)]

Page: [1] 2 3 4 next > >>

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

6.445313E-02