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Casual play vs. waiting for "The One" - 10/19/2009 9:57:06 PM   
DreamsOfSpider


Posts: 56
Joined: 12/4/2006
Status: offline 		So, I've done a very little bit of casual play... enough to know I definitely enjoy pain for its own sake, and that I'd ideally prefer to explore that further in the context of a D/s relationship. Realistically, though, finding the right person is going to take anywhere from "a while" to "never," and I have no way of knowing which. Meanwhile I'm craving pain, and wondering just how fussy I want to be about who inflicts it. It's almost certainly going to be easier to find play partners than a life partner... but should I?

I realize if I can't answer that, no one can, but I'd love to hear from anyone who's dealt with similar questions, especially if they've since meet their "One."
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Casual play vs. waiting for "The One" - 10/19/2009 10:02:55 PM   
devilishpixie


Posts: 1044
Joined: 10/15/2009
Status: offline 		I never understood the idea of a casual play partner. Although for me it is more about the power exchange than the kink and I cant wrap my brain around casually giving someone control over me. Even if we are only talking kink I enjoy alot of edgeplay and for me the risk is far to high with someone who only knows my body on a casual level .

(in reply to DreamsOfSpider)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Casual play vs. waiting for "The One" - 10/19/2009 10:06:03 PM   
Toppingfrmbottom


Posts: 6528
Joined: 6/7/2009
Status: offline 		I loved casual play when I was single. And of course it doesn't have to be so casual they don't know you well, You could choose someone you saw weekly and it went on for lets say  6 months or more, but you're still casual because you're not commited to being more than play partners either of you.

(in reply to devilishpixie)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Casual play vs. waiting for "The One" - 10/19/2009 10:08:43 PM   
Elipsis


Posts: 301
Joined: 7/8/2009
Status: offline 		Wow that's such a personal thing...

I find that I'm asking myself the same question, although I don't exactly believe in "the one."

Current operating procedure is to continue to meet people, try to make friends at the very least, and see what opportunities present themselves.  I don't think I want to make up my mind on this one one way or the other without having a better idea of what potential experiences others are going to offer.

(in reply to DreamsOfSpider)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Casual play vs. waiting for "The One" - 10/19/2009 10:32:46 PM   
sweetobedience1


Posts: 25
Joined: 9/24/2009
Status: offline 		I don't want casual play at all. I only want committed and won't play until I have this. I have thought some were the one before and then it didn't work out, but I always thought it would.

(in reply to Elipsis)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Casual play vs. waiting for "The One" - 10/19/2009 10:36:59 PM   
Annabelle83


Posts: 55
Joined: 7/5/2007
From: Tulsa, Oklahoma
Status: offline 		Before I met Master, and even with my previous D/s relationship - I had casual play partners.  All were from the local group - never had any negative experiences with them.  I loved the play for the release, not from any D/s content.  Merely the pain, and the moment.  I really love playing, but unfortunately, it does not happen around here.  Have almost considered asking Master if I could find a play partner - but the need for the play has never really gotten to that point.

I say if you can enjoy it merely for the play part of it, go for it.

(in reply to sweetobedience1)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Casual play vs. waiting for "The One" - 10/19/2009 10:41:08 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		Not a sub, but starting out as a casual play partners is exactly how I got My boy.  It's been almost two years since I collared him.  You never know what can happen.


_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to Annabelle83)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Casual play vs. waiting for "The One" - 10/19/2009 10:48:33 PM   
cougar11


Posts: 11
Joined: 7/8/2007
Status: offline 		The magicial mythical life partner is a real deal..and can only be found by searching...so what if we fuck several frogs before recognizing Him/her (Her/him) ...the reality is simple- those who seek,find sooner and more often than those who cower in the dark.
Cougar11--seeking

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Casual play vs. waiting for "The One" - 10/19/2009 10:50:11 PM   
Missokyst


Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline 		I never understood how anyone knows the "ONE" if they haven't started out slowly. Personally I don't believe there is just one. I have had a few ones, and enjoyed my years with each of them. I do not consider someone special until I have no desire to date or play with others, when all I can think of is him. Then it is time for the relationship and not before. This has worked for me for decades.

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Casual play vs. waiting for "The One" - 10/20/2009 4:28:16 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Casual doesn't work for me. I need to be friends first at least. Whether or not it works for you only you can say.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to Missokyst)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Casual play vs. waiting for "The One" - 10/20/2009 5:05:06 AM   
choccywoc


Posts: 1919
Joined: 9/7/2009
Status: offline 		Caual play partners are a great option, it gives you the oppertunity to really get
to know someone and you never know where it could lead. Whereas finding the right
person can easily take forever. Since being on CM. I've had loads of encouragement
from people telling me not to give up the search. The right people have got to be out there.   

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Casual play vs. waiting for "The One" - 10/20/2009 9:08:00 AM   
littleone35


Posts: 2828
Joined: 2/17/2005
Status: offline 		I had casual play partners , but i had to know them and had to be freindly with them. I would not do casual play with a stranger. Then i met Master he is my "ONE". it is so different being with Master than my casual pertners love makes the difference.

I see nothing wrong with casual play while you are searching.

Matt's littleone

(in reply to choccywoc)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Casual play vs. waiting for "The One" - 10/20/2009 9:42:00 AM   
AnimusRex


Posts: 2165
Joined: 5/13/2006
Status: offline 		Old joke I heard at a dungeon once:
Two Doms were talking, and one says, "Man I met the wildest girl a few weeks ago- she let me whip her, slap her face, burn her with a cigarette, ass-fuck her, piss on her, and licked my boots until they shined!"
The other guy says, "Wow, she must really love you!"
"Love me? Hell, she never even gave me a second date!"

I made reference to this in the thread about "Under Consideration", that the BDSM world is a little odd, in that the normal trajectory of aquaintance/dating/lover/engagement/marriage is downplayed. I don't really know why, exactly-maybe its the intensity of the feelings and the rarity of like-minded people.
If the vanilla model for relationships is some cute-meet movie with Meg Ryan, the BDSM equivalent is The Story of O, a tale of love so intense and soul-piercing that she is willing to surrender her very life. Combine this with a desire for a very specific fetish or two, and it then means that our desired "One Right One" is so rare, that we often are forced to settle instead for the "One Right Now", a play partner that satisfies for the moment, but not truly is fulfilling.

I don't really mean it as a criticism, or put forward any solutions, just a personal observation.

(in reply to littleone35)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Casual play vs. waiting for "The One" - 10/20/2009 9:42:04 AM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline 		this slave wasn't looking for "the One", a Master or a Dom.  She was looking to meet like minded folks who might be kind enough to point her in the direction of local kink-related establishments and perhaps become off-line friends.
 
within 6 weeks of knowing such possibilities existed, the most compatible person she had ever met crossed her path.
 
we've spent the last 6 1/2 years spending as much time together as possible...and having as much fun as possible without getting arrested!!!
 
best wishes to you!!!

(in reply to DreamsOfSpider)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Casual play vs. waiting for "The One" - 10/20/2009 9:43:29 AM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		well, when you guys gonna kick it up a notch and get to that next level, arrest?

Ron

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30


(in reply to Mercnbeth)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Casual play vs. waiting for "The One" - 10/20/2009 10:06:57 AM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mnottertail
well, when you guys gonna kick it up a notch and get to that next level, arrest?
Ron


Based upon the last party we had at the house, where we got away with only a police 'warning'; "This isn't the neighborhood to hold an outdoor orgy after 10:00PM!" - the NEXT party. If I didn't nearly bite my lip through to inhibit my knee jerk response "Really? Can you recommend a neighborhood that is?" - it would have been the last party.

(in reply to mnottertail)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Casual play vs. waiting for "The One" - 10/20/2009 10:44:22 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		Every time that subject comes up, I admit to laughing on this end of the screen.

I've noticed that the "next" party hasn't been scheduled yet.  Either that, or Merc has taken My advice about getting a better class of friends!


_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to Mercnbeth)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Casual play vs. waiting for "The One" - 10/20/2009 10:53:55 AM   
DVsFox


Posts: 133
Joined: 11/12/2008
Status: offline 		I personally never took to the idea of a casual play partner.  It just didn't seem right to me.  My submission was something that I only wanted to give to somebody I really loved.  So, I waited for the One. 

She found me...and it was totally worth the wait.  I've never been happier. :-)

DV's Fox

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Casual play vs. waiting for "The One" - 10/20/2009 12:48:35 PM   
afterforever


Posts: 315
Joined: 6/12/2008
From: Belfast, NI
Status: offline 		I've been wondering about this myself for the last few days. Usually I don't go to play parties but there's one in the pipelines with people from my munch. I'm pretty sure I'm not sexually attracted to anyone in particular and for me D/s is very sexual so I doubt there's a chance of casual play going anywhere. But on the whole I'm leaning towards going, some weird optimistic streak hidden very very far down I guess. You never know, I might see someone in a different light, or there'll be someone new. Worst case scenario, I'll say sex is a limit and just get caned or something, not the end of the world.

(in reply to DVsFox)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Casual play vs. waiting for "The One" - 10/20/2009 1:02:05 PM   
Acer49


Posts: 1434
Joined: 8/7/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: devilishpixie

I never understood the idea of a casual play partner. Although for me it is more about the power exchange than the kink and I cant wrap my brain around casually giving someone control over me. Even if we are only talking kink I enjoy alot of edgeplay and for me the risk is far to high with someone who only knows my body on a casual level .


It is like casual sex, emotionally void physically satisfying

_____________________________

Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one's definition of your life; define yourself.
Harvey Fierstein

(in reply to devilishpixie)
Profile   Post #: 20
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