Need to know

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Grlathrt -> Need to know (10/21/2009 7:09:18 AM)
I posted this in another forum, but I want to get a Dom/Dommes take on this. I was recently talking to Dom and was supposed to be in a poly relationship, however I found out his sub has a profile on a site that lists her as single, and I don't think he knows about it. Should I tell the Dom, confront the sub, or just throw this little tidbit of information away in the circular file???

MMagic -> RE: Need to know (10/21/2009 7:16:15 AM)
Sorry, I saw this is a rotational thing on the front page so forgive the intrusion into this forums but I wanted to comment. And my comment is NO! It's none of your business especially if they are poly. If he makes mention of something indicating that he thinks she's ALL his then maybe I'd mention something. Otherwise, looks like you're just trying to get him for yourself. I'm sure others will have different points of view, but I say stay out of it.

OsideGirl -> RE: Need to know (10/21/2009 7:18:49 AM)
You don't know them. You don't know their relationship. It's none of your business. Stay out of it.

Grlathrt -> RE: Need to know (10/21/2009 7:21:05 AM)
Oh he has mentioned it many times that she is all his.

NewGothamSub -> RE: Need to know (10/21/2009 7:30:09 AM)
So I would wonder what your objective would be in telling him.

Grlathrt -> RE: Need to know (10/21/2009 7:33:14 AM)
Well lets say you had a friend that you knew his spouse was running around on him. Would you just let her get away with it, or would you say something??? The guy in question is a very nice guy. I just don't like seeing people get hurt like that.

CarrieO -> RE: Need to know (10/21/2009 7:36:50 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Grlathrt Well lets say you had a friend that you knew his spouse was running around on him. Would you just let her get away with it, or would you say something??? quote: I was recently talking to Dom and was supposed to be in a poly relationship, however I found out his sub has a profile on a site that lists her as single, and I don't think he knows about it. I'm confused...is this person a close friend or someone you just started talking with? What would be gained by tattling? How do you feel it is your place to enlighten him?

OsideGirl -> RE: Need to know (10/21/2009 7:38:25 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Grlathrt Oh he has mentioned it many times that she is all his. Again, you don't know them and don't know their relationship. You're making assumptions about a relationship that you don't know based on your own red tapes. You're assuming that because of how you've interpreted what he's said that he's unaware or he'd be unhappy, and that may not be the case. Part two: It's not your business, stay out of it.

Grlathrt -> RE: Need to know (10/21/2009 7:39:43 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: CarrieO quote: ORIGINAL: Grlathrt Well lets say you had a friend that you knew his spouse was running around on him. Would you just let her get away with it, or would you say something??? quote: I was recently talking to Dom and was supposed to be in a poly relationship, however I found out his sub has a profile on a site that lists her as single, and I don't think he knows about it. I'm confused...is this person a close friend or someone you just started talking with? What would be gained by tattling? How do you feel it is your place to enlighten him? We have been talking since May. The reason I feel that I should say something is that like I said he is a nice guy, genuially cares for her, and me as well.

OsideGirl -> RE: Need to know (10/21/2009 7:42:04 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Grlathrt Well lets say you had a friend that you knew his spouse was running around on him. Well, let's start with he isn't a friend, he's just some guy you've been talking to. Part two, you don't know if she's running around. You don't know if he's unaware. You don't know the relationship dynamic. quote: I just don't like seeing people get hurt like that. So, you've decided to go ahead and throw a bomb into their relationship and you think that won't hurt him?

Grlathrt -> RE: Need to know (10/21/2009 7:44:23 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: OsideGirl quote: ORIGINAL: Grlathrt Well lets say you had a friend that you knew his spouse was running around on him. Well, let's start with he isn't a friend, he's just some guy you've been talking to. Part two, you don't know if she's running around. You don't know if he's unaware. You don't know the relationship dynamic. quote: I just don't like seeing people get hurt like that. So, you've decided to go ahead and throw a bomb into their relationship and you think that won't hurt him? I haven't decided on anything yet.

CarrieO -> RE: Need to know (10/21/2009 7:54:22 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Grlathrt quote: ORIGINAL: CarrieO quote: ORIGINAL: Grlathrt Well lets say you had a friend that you knew his spouse was running around on him. Would you just let her get away with it, or would you say something??? quote: I was recently talking to Dom and was supposed to be in a poly relationship, however I found out his sub has a profile on a site that lists her as single, and I don't think he knows about it. I'm confused...is this person a close friend or someone you just started talking with? What would be gained by tattling? How do you feel it is your place to enlighten him? We have been talking since May. The reason I feel that I should say something is that like I said he is a nice guy, genuially cares for her, and me as well. It's not your place to enlighten him...if that's what you feel you'd be doing. He has an account, he can look for himself if its a concern for him...not you. Like others have said, unless you know and are privy to the actual dynamic they have in place, it's not for you to tattle. You have his view of the dynamic but do you have hers? Have you spent time with them in person and seen how they interact as a couple? Are you only going by online observations?

curiousINct -> RE: Need to know (10/21/2009 8:10:11 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Grlathrt I posted this in another forum, but I want to get a Dom/Dommes take on this. I was recently talking to Dom and was supposed to be in a poly relationship, however I found out his sub has a profile on a site that lists her as single, and I don't think he knows about it. Should I tell the Dom, confront the sub, or just throw this little tidbit of information away in the circular file??? Just to be clear, were you considering a relationship with him? Or you were speaking as friends? If you weren't part of the relationship, I wouldn't say anything. However, if you were supposed to be - I might mention it, only for reasons of personal safety. It could simply be an old profile that never got updated with mention of him.

Grlathrt -> RE: Need to know (10/21/2009 8:10:39 AM)
To be honest, it's just an online observation at the moment.

Grlathrt -> RE: Need to know (10/21/2009 8:12:33 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: curiousINct quote: ORIGINAL: Grlathrt I posted this in another forum, but I want to get a Dom/Dommes take on this. I was recently talking to Dom and was supposed to be in a poly relationship, however I found out his sub has a profile on a site that lists her as single, and I don't think he knows about it. Should I tell the Dom, confront the sub, or just throw this little tidbit of information away in the circular file??? Just to be clear, were you considering a relationship with him? Or you were speaking as friends? If you weren't part of the relationship, I wouldn't say anything. However, if you were supposed to be - I might mention it, only for reasons of personal safety. It could simply be an old profile that never got updated with mention of him. Yes him and I both were considering a relationship with him as a secondary with her as the primary.

Missokyst -> RE: Need to know (10/21/2009 8:45:20 AM)
It isn't your business. "Tattling" is a very unattractive trait in anyone. And honestly, her profile is there, if you saw it how can you imagine he has not? Not only would you be tattling on something of which you have no real knowlege, you would be making yourself look like an opportunistic .. umm.. person.

porcelaine -> RE: Need to know (10/21/2009 8:48:54 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Grlathrt I posted this in another forum, but I want to get a Dom/Dommes take on this. I was recently talking to Dom and was supposed to be in a poly relationship, however I found out his sub has a profile on a site that lists her as single, and I don't think he knows about it. Should I tell the Dom, confront the sub, or just throw this little tidbit of information away in the circular file??? you're proposing to provide information about his submissive's behavior in a virtual capacity without having established a real time bond with him yourself? who do you think is going to win in this situation? assuming they have a real relationship, i'd be hard pressed to think he's going to put your ideas ahead of hers. of course this assumes that he has no idea this is occurring. just like you saw her profile, are you naive enough to believe he couldn't do the same? in fact, for all you know he has access as well. i'd suggest you stay out of it. there's another thing you're not taking into consideration. it is called knowing ones place. you are stepping into an established relationship. you are the new person. i wouldn't come in making waves. what do you stand to gain by telling him? are you hoping that he will cast her aside and simply run off with you instead? i'm asking this sincerely for you to consider your motives. because the options are very simple. either you deal with it and see what happens or move on. i can't fathom how it could go well if the three of you got together and you betrayed her at the onset. perhaps this isn't the right situation for you. porcelaine

IrishMist -> RE: Need to know (10/21/2009 8:52:05 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Grlathrt I posted this in another forum, but I want to get a Dom/Dommes take on this. I was recently talking to Dom and was supposed to be in a poly relationship, however I found out his sub has a profile on a site that lists her as single, and I don't think he knows about it. Should I tell the Dom, confront the sub, or just throw this little tidbit of information away in the circular file??? Stay out of it. It's none of your business.

mnottertail -> RE: Need to know (10/21/2009 9:01:23 AM)
this is on a need to know basis, you don't need to know it, nor does anyone else you know. (can't post who I am here, cause then I would have to kill ya, them need to know rules operating again)

Wantstocontrolu -> RE: Need to know (10/21/2009 11:52:19 AM)
Just another example of the "games" here.... Walk away and do not worry about it..

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