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RE: forever, the future, and grim reality - 10/23/2009 1:21:01 AM   
RCdc


Posts: 8674
Status: offline
quote:

Porcelaine was speaking of financial preparedness to whom that quote you took was posted to.

I am quite aware whom you were refering to.

quote:

I will end this now without even bothering to address the rest of your posts because it isn't worth it.


See how much better it is when one is honest?

quote:

Sorry you disagree with what I have written for the reason I did but thats how it goes. I stand by what I have said regardless of yours or anyone else's opinion of it. :)


I am not sorry.  Disagreements occur because people are different... life would be pretty boring if we all went baa.

the.dark.

_____________________________
RC&dc


love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

(in reply to starshineowned)
Profile   Post #: 41
RE: forever, the future, and grim reality - 10/23/2009 1:35:36 AM   
allthatjaz


Posts: 2878
Joined: 8/20/2008
Status: offline 		I don't really see this as a Dominant/submissive, Master/slave thing.
People get together all the time and people make commitments to each other all the time. Every wedding vow includes till death us do part. Giving this vow without marriage is just the same vow but without the paperwork.
Just as a marriage can split, a word can be broken but that doesn't mean you didn't mean it at the time of saying it. You are either willing to make that commitment or not.
Possibly the best contingency plan is marriage and more and more people are getting married for that reason alone these days.
A man we know recently died suddenly and his family arrived at his house and kicked his lover of 3 years out. She was very much a kept woman but after her partners death his family had all the say and refused to even recognize her. She was basically thrown onto the street and told not to even attend his funeral.
Its a sad fact that this happens and the reality of seeing her devastation has made Steve and me make plans to protect one another if the worst happens.


_____________________________

S&M (Steve and Maria) persona libre de convencionalismos


Fan of edgeplay.co.uk

(in reply to Hierodule)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: forever, the future, and grim reality - 10/23/2009 1:43:18 AM   
porcelaine


Posts: 5020
Joined: 7/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: starshineowned

I don't go with a "true or real slave" Either you are or you aren't. All opinions are judgements. The only thing that makes them acceptable is if they are in agreement or supportive. Regardless..I missed this post of your explanation before I asked of your statement, and thats my error.


there are different levels of surrender and one persons servitude will never mirror the other. someone serving in a D/s relationship as an non residential slave does not have the same reality as a 24/7 TPE exchange would bring. while both are slaves in the context of their respective relationship, the realities are worlds apart. add in distance and the other ways of exploring slavery and the lines become blurred. its interpretation often differs from person to person.

your remark is based upon your definition which does not imply that her association to the word is incorrect. perhaps in your world pondering such things would seem unthinkable or inappropriate, but in hers it is not. nor has she conveyed discomfort about discussing the matter with her dominant. since she's approaching the subject from a viewpoint and lifestyle you appear to understand, i'm at a loss as to why the comment was made.

porcelaine


_____________________________

His will; my fate.

(in reply to starshineowned)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: forever, the future, and grim reality - 10/23/2009 5:04:57 AM   
eyesopened


Posts: 2798
Joined: 6/12/2006
From: Tampa, FL
Status: offline 		Could it be that you are over-thinking the word "forever"?

Instead of looking at the word as a length of measurable time, what would happen if you thought of it as a goal for the relationship?  Common goals make for great partnerships!  If the goal is "forever" and becomes a focus then you (and he) should do things to work toward that goal. 

That should, in my opinion, include a way of self support because relationships don't always end in breakup, sometimes "forever" comes for one partner by way of death.  But going into a relationship doubting that it could be "forever" brings a negativity that isn't supporting of the relationship.

My Master and I have forever as one of our relationship goals.  It is something we consider in every part ofour lives.  For us, to live without "forever" would be to live with fear rather than with gusto.

_____________________________

Proudly owned by InkedMaster. He is the one i obey, serve, honor and love.

No one is honored for what they've received. Honor is the reward for what has been given.

(in reply to Hierodule)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: forever, the future, and grim reality - 10/23/2009 11:22:22 AM   
DemonKia


Posts: 5521
Joined: 10/13/2007
From: Chico, Nor-Cali
Status: offline 		*carefully ignoring all that other discussion & etc*

Okay, the part quoted, below, was really interesting. Fascinating field to work in, there.

Big huge changes going on in all industries associated with the creation of content -- audio, text, pictorial / cinematic. Primarily, as you evidence in your statement, because of a 'democratizing' force exerted by the dispersal & increasing sophistication of the desktop computer, enabling vast swathes of humanity to tap into talents hitherto left untapped . . . . . .

I'm mostly just posting to point out that the work world you're currently trained for will probably be vastly different in a few decades. The flexibility & fluidity your Master is offering sounds very useful in navigating the unknown & shifting future of the 'creativity industries' . . . . . . .

quote:

ORIGINAL: Hierodule

I have a BA Audio Arts and Acoustics, a field that I am pretty talented in (if I do say so myself, ahem) I could do post work and have a pretty good career with room to save for the future. But its not what I love to do. Its tedious and unrewarding. What I love to do is MAKE RECORDS, on TAPE, that get pressed to VINYL. And sound AMAZING. I currently work for a pretty well known engineer in alternative rock circles. I have engineered/mixed/produced one record on my own and got assistant credit on a couple pretty big ones (Pitchfork big, not Billboard big)

Master does not want me to stop doing this but to only work on projects I love. No one makes enough money to retire as a recording engineer when they only work on projects they love. Even successful freelancers sometimes have to have day jobs. Plus the industry is changing now. A lot of home recordings make it on the radio (or ipod commercials, the top ten radio of the double oughts) So engineers with 25 years of experience are out of work.

As far as keeping myself busy. We have talked about this, and we both love the idea of the Victorian, Jane Austen character-ish ideal of the cultivated young woman. I am creative and I have many talents that I don't cultivate because ambition and day to day life get in the way. Master and I both see my time as his "kept girl" spent cultivating my hobbies and talents. Music, dance, art, craft, etc. I write music and play but I spend most of my time now focusing on making other people's music sound good. I don't really want ,or need, to go to graduate school at the moment but maybe I could do an electrical engineering or systems installation technical certification program, something that could supplement the degree I already have. I'm not the watch-the-soaps-and-eat-bon-bons type believe me, although I do spend more time than I like on the computer some days!

This thread has really helped me with this issue to be honest. Thanks to everyone who contributed their 2 cents.


_____________________________

Snarko ergo sum.



The Verbossinator

(in reply to Hierodule)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: forever, the future, and grim reality - 10/23/2009 12:43:28 PM   
afterforever


Posts: 315
Joined: 6/12/2008
From: Belfast, NI
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ThatDamnedPanda

quote:

ORIGINAL: afterforever

I don't think forever (or a lifetime, since I don't believe in after)...


You, of all people, don't believe in after forever? Tell me it's not true!



Not in the traditional heaven-y sitting around on clouds way, sorry! But that's a totally different thread.

(in reply to ThatDamnedPanda)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: forever, the future, and grim reality - 10/23/2009 12:49:32 PM   
NihilusZero


Posts: 4036
Joined: 9/10/2008
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline 		Possible or not, his wanting you to say it will have zero effect on whether or not it actually happens.

It sounds like prettily spoken fluff, if you're into that sort of thing.


_____________________________

"I know it's all a game
I know they're all insane
I know it's all in vain
I know that I'm to blame."
~Siouxsie & the Banshees

NihilusZero.com

CM Sex God du Jour
CM Hall Monitor

(in reply to Hierodule)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: forever, the future, and grim reality - 10/23/2009 4:25:01 PM   
kiwisub12


Posts: 4742
Joined: 1/11/2006
Status: offline 		OP - please remember that forever after may not last as long as you think - i have lived with my Sir for almost four years, with great joy, even now, with his diagnosis of metastatic cancer.

No matter how optimistic we are, we both know that he is leaving before me - way before me. I continue to work five days a week and endevor to save for retirement. He wasn't expecting to find someone and doesn't have any life insurance, so when the time comes, i shall bury him and mourn him and carry on with my days, no richer, no poorer, but way better for having known him. And as morbid as it sounds, i shall be waiting to die to join him again.

The thing is, if he cares about you, he will make provision for you, not to make you rich, but to allow you to exist until you can find work for yourself.
You can't tell the future - either of you may get a fatal illness, or get hit by the proverbial bus, or taxi or truck. At the very least he needs to have a will. To me, it is part of showing love to make sure that your loved ones will be financially ok after you have gone. ( And yes, slaves/subs can be loved and cherished by their owners. )

Subs and slaves have to live in this world, and having a bit of money makes it a heck of a lot easier, especially if the owner is dead.

(in reply to NihilusZero)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: forever, the future, and grim reality - 11/28/2009 6:19:43 PM   
Hierodule


Posts: 597
Joined: 9/22/2009
Status: offline 		Update:

My Master gave me a collar and we had a personal ceremony, no signed contract, but vows, which were printed out, read aloud,  and given to me to keep. Basically he promised to take care of me and I promised to obey him and keep his house. We agreed that when I move in with him on Jan 1st, I will keep my job as an assistant part time (2 days a week unless there is a session) but I can not spend my pay. It has to be saved. If our relationship is successful after a year of living together, we will get married and I will stop working as an assistant.  By that time I will either have semi regular work running sessions as a freelancer or I won't work.

Fingers crossed on forever but at least I feel safe. And  now when I say  "I belong to Tony, forever" I get happy (and wet, his fault for making me say it at cerain times) instead of scared.

(in reply to kiwisub12)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: forever, the future, and grim reality - 11/28/2009 6:58:34 PM   
Drifa


Posts: 547
Joined: 7/27/2007
From: Rural Texas
Status: offline 		I've been with my Lady 15 years. We both have a variety of legal documents, including wills, Powers of Attorney, Healthcare Powers of Attorney, and so forth.  We both have jobs and we both have good life insurance both from our employers and purchased on our own. My paycheck goes into the checking account my Lady administers, and I get an allowance amount deposited into my savings. I am signatory on the checking account, but rarely write checks unless she has sent me to buy something. And we hold a mortgage jointly.

We do expect "forever" at this point (honestly, if you can make it 15 years the rest should be easy!) But we set up most of the legal paperwork early in our relationship. By having these things, we are each protected if something bad happens, whether death or incapacitating illness. While you don't want to have to plan for the dissolution of your relationship, there's no way to know that you won't split. I think it's a VERY good idea to have some protections in place both for yourself and for your partner.

Everyone needs some life skills so that in dire need you can get a job. If you are a sub/slave and have never acquired any such skills, what will you do if your dominant has a stroke or cancer and suddenly can't work and can't care for themselves? The same skills, and your own savings, equally protect you if your relationship were to end.

(in reply to Hierodule)
Profile   Post #: 50
RE: forever, the future, and grim reality - 11/28/2009 9:14:34 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		Being a widow at the ripe age of 23, nothing is forever.

I would never say "forever"....It's nice to say. Sounds nice..but in reality....nothing is forever unfortunately










(in reply to Hierodule)
Profile   Post #: 51
RE: forever, the future, and grim reality - 11/28/2009 9:26:17 PM   
theRose4U


Posts: 3403
Joined: 8/22/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

The wording may be because he feels you drawing back, always looking for how you'll be safe. If so, this isn't the way to address it. Ask him about finances, is he putting $300 a month aside for you every month? Or a lump sum to support you for two years while you retrain and reenter the job force. Are you the beneficiary of his will or if he's hit by a bus do his siblings get his house while you get ten days to vacate? Health insurance of course is the big one.

But I'm curious that someone who says he wants you to commit forever will not lead by example and insist on marrying you in order to have all those legal protections in place. Seems you're the only one with something to lose here. And the only one being asked to commit in other than lip service.


These are the same types of things that immediately go through my mind.
A monthly "allowance" that is set aside and invested in your own name is wise. Wills, leases and insurance are practical things to talk about.

Forever isn't impossible, just unlikely thus the reason for preparing for the worst and praying for the best.

_____________________________

Finding a good sub is like sifting through trail mix. You find a few fruits, a lotta nuts and have to sift to get to the sweet and special ones
drama llama

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 52
RE: forever, the future, and grim reality - 11/28/2009 9:56:02 PM   
InvisibleBlack


Posts: 865
Joined: 7/24/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Hierodule
Update:

My Master gave me a collar and we had a personal ceremony, no signed contract, but vows, which were printed out, read aloud,  and given to me to keep. Basically he promised to take care of me and I promised to obey him and keep his house. We agreed that when I move in with him on Jan 1st, I will keep my job as an assistant part time (2 days a week unless there is a session) but I can not spend my pay. It has to be saved. If our relationship is successful after a year of living together, we will get married and I will stop working as an assistant.  By that time I will either have semi regular work running sessions as a freelancer or I won't work.

Fingers crossed on forever but at least I feel safe. And  now when I say  "I belong to Tony, forever" I get happy (and wet, his fault for making me say it at cerain times) instead of scared.



Good for you and congratulations! I was going to make some comments about plans and contingencies - about how you never know what will happen,  people get sick or injured or die, and it's not beyond bounds but completely rational to be concerned about your future - but it sounds to me like you've put together a pretty realistic and sensible plan for moving forward - kudos to you and I wish you all the best!

_____________________________

Consider the daffodil. And while you're doing that, I'll be over here, looking through your stuff.

(in reply to Hierodule)
Profile   Post #: 53
RE: forever, the future, and grim reality - 11/29/2009 11:55:24 PM   
Mistress4Gurls


Posts: 34
Joined: 5/26/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Hierodule

Update:

My Master gave me a collar and we had a personal ceremony, no signed contract, but vows, which were printed out, read aloud,  and given to me to keep. Basically he promised to take care of me and I promised to obey him and keep his house. We agreed that when I move in with him on Jan 1st, I will keep my job as an assistant part time (2 days a week unless there is a session) but I can not spend my pay. It has to be saved. If our relationship is successful after a year of living together, we will get married and I will stop working as an assistant.  By that time I will either have semi regular work running sessions as a freelancer or I won't work.

Fingers crossed on forever but at least I feel safe. And  now when I say  "I belong to Tony, forever" I get happy (and wet, his fault for making me say it at cerain times) instead of scared.




Congrats, This sounds like a perfect compromise for the beginning of what hopefully will be a forever relationship.

My only suggestion was going to be to discuss your concerns with you Master, have an open honest discussion-perhaps even write all your concerns/worries down so you could let him know all of them. Communication and more communication will make this your forever relationship-never forget that

All the best to your Master and you!!





_____________________________

In My Chains she will find the freedom she has never had

(in reply to Hierodule)
Profile   Post #: 54
RE: forever, the future, and grim reality - 11/30/2009 1:16:58 AM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline 		My response without reading through the rest of the posts yet:

So far I don't really have a back-up plan. I'm 24 and about to go back to school for a second degree. My back-up is move in with my parents again. I love Valyraen. But... we might divorce. He might take his collar. I accept this. I don't want it. But I can't control the future. Whatever happens will happen. I know we will work to stay together together but only G-d knows what is actually going to happen.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to Hierodule)
Profile   Post #: 55
RE: forever, the future, and grim reality - 11/30/2009 1:26:51 AM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Hierodule

Update:

My Master gave me a collar and we had a personal ceremony, no signed contract, but vows, which were printed out, read aloud,  and given to me to keep. Basically he promised to take care of me and I promised to obey him and keep his house. We agreed that when I move in with him on Jan 1st, I will keep my job as an assistant part time (2 days a week unless there is a session) but I can not spend my pay. It has to be saved. If our relationship is successful after a year of living together, we will get married and I will stop working as an assistant.  By that time I will either have semi regular work running sessions as a freelancer or I won't work.

Fingers crossed on forever but at least I feel safe. And  now when I say  "I belong to Tony, forever" I get happy (and wet, his fault for making me say it at cerain times) instead of scared.



All the best to you and yours!

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to Hierodule)
Profile   Post #: 56
RE: forever, the future, and grim reality - 11/30/2009 6:10:53 AM   
lucylucy


Posts: 612
Joined: 3/1/2009
Status: offline 		Hierodule, it sounds like you and your Master have worked out something you are both comfortable with. Congrats. Also, your new profile pic is adorable (I loved the last one, too, but the new one is fitting).

_____________________________

“There are those who give with joy, & that joy is their reward.” Gibran / "Those who are willing to be vulnerable move among mysteries." Roethke / "Let the beauty we love be what we do. There are hundreds of ways to kneel & kiss the ground." Rumi

(in reply to AquaticSub)
Profile   Post #: 57
RE: forever, the future, and grim reality - 11/30/2009 6:32:33 AM   
wisdomtogive


Posts: 636
Joined: 11/13/2009
Status: offline 		Hierodule, i am very happy for your Master and you.
Forever does happen, well until death do us part, as was my case. The concept of forever to me though, is hanging through the good and rough times, and putting forth the best effort we can. Forever is a goal which in someways is achieved, though not in the fairy tale way. Look at those who entered a relationship wanting it to be forever, and it didn't happen. They still carry emotions though forever, and that person has touched their life in some way. Never could figure out how one can be so in love and then when things don't work out be so bitter for so long. Life happens and somethings things don't work out, but that person will remain with us forever.

I personally like the word forever because of the above mentioned. I know if i commit to someone, their being will be a part of me forever. I also know i have in me to work on a relationship that will last forever in the physical, until one of us dies. If i do not see forever, then i see no reason to commit. Course i known realistically forever is only what you make it inside. I been blessed with that several times, 1 marriage that was forever, 1 marriage that ended in divorce 2 years later, and some very good relationships throughout my life. They gave me a piece of them to last forever and i did the same for them.
blessings
wisdomtogive

_____________________________

Happily owned by MstrDark1

(in reply to Hierodule)
Profile   Post #: 58
RE: forever, the future, and grim reality - 11/30/2009 7:54:55 AM   
AnimusRex


Posts: 2165
Joined: 5/13/2006
Status: offline 		Hierodule-
Congratulations to the both of you-
It is, as others pointed out, wise to make plans and contingencies and backup plans besides.

But even then, sometimes we still have to make that leap of faith out into the unknown, risking all, to grab the brass ring of a better life with someone.

Good luck!

(in reply to Hierodule)
Profile   Post #: 59
RE: forever, the future, and grim reality - 11/30/2009 11:09:50 AM   
Acer49


Posts: 1434
Joined: 8/7/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Hierodule

I am about to enter a into a 24/7 TPE relationship with my Master. As of now I am his 24 hours a day but we do not live together. I work and support myself. Soon I will move in with him and be his "kept girl." He will support me finacially and I will be his uttterly..

Recently there has been a slight change in one of the things he requires of me. Before, when he asked "Who do you belong to?" the accepted response was always "I belong to Tony." Now when he asks who I belong to he wants, requires and expects me to say "I belong to Tony, Forever."

I comply without argument. However, we share our feelings openly. So I have mentioned to him that, as someone who got marrried and divorced at a  pretty young age, I have a really hard time believing in "forever." Its not that I feel I can't or do not want to commit my life to him its just that people change. Its just as likely that he may grow tired of me as it is that I may tire of him. I don't  FEEL like I will ever want to be without him. I want to be his forever more than anything. But I didn't feel like I would ever leave my first husband either. Things just changed.

So here is my question (actually there ar two of them):

First of all "Forever." Is it the stuff of fantasy? Or can two people actually commit to eachother for their whole lifetime and perhaps beyond ? (if you belive in that sort of thing)

Secondly, Do any of you 24/7  slaves who are supported finacially by your Masters  have a (....gasp! how un-slavely of me...) contingency plan if things go wrong? Savings, investments etc. Sorry folks reality bites. I just started my career and am more then ready to give it up to live the life I always dreamt of. In fact I want to give it up, can't wait to give it up/ I trust him more than I trust myself . I feel the love he has for me. I have no fear for my saftey or doubt that his words and intentions are true. But, what... if...? Anything could happen and 10, 20 years down the road when it will be too late for me to start again what will I do?. Am I just not a twue swave becasue I am even entertaining these thoughts? Bring it on oh slavely slaves. Put me in my place.






Is forever possible. yes it is, Is it likely, probably not. Keeping a relationship fresh is not an easy task and encompasses a lot of work.
Initally all relationships start out hot, emotions are high and the fireworks are blazing. However that type of emotion will die down at some point and time. People will become comfortable with one another and while this is not a bad thing, one or both partners may begin to become lax, even start to take the other one for granted, which of course will lead to problems

The financial aspect is a sticky one and if a Master wants a stay at home sub/slave, he/she are going to have to be able to make some sort of arrangement that ensures the sub/slaves security. Realistically, the easiest thing to do is for the sub to have a career and build her/his own nest egg, then if something were to happen, at least the sub would be somewhat protected. There are situations that could arise that could cause problems other than a slaves release, premature death, The dominant's loss of employment, his/her companies demise that would leave a submissivies financial situation in a very shakey state

_____________________________

Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one's definition of your life; define yourself.
Harvey Fierstein

(in reply to Hierodule)
Profile   Post #: 60
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