DemonKia
Posts: 5521
Joined: 10/13/2007
From: Chico, Nor-Cali
Status: offline
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Hmmmm, OP, maybe this will help a little in deciphering the world of labels.
To some degree labels are names we select for parts of ourselves. This is more so than that they are names imposed on us from outside, for me.
I've known a number of people over the years who live under a name other than the one they were born with, usually cuz they didn't like the one they were given originally. The polite & respectful thing is to use their preferred name rather than their 'real' one . . .. . Similarly, people who choose to live under a different gender than the more obvious external one get the respect, from me, of calling them the 'he' or 'she' of their choice.
& I try to keep my beliefs about what the chosen tags mean out of the whole thing, cuz those are about me rather than this other person. I try to let the other person teach me what they mean by those names & labels.
Similarly, in the world of BDSM I let people apply the labels to themselves & I mostly just try to learn what that means to them. This has allowed me a richness & depth in seeing how people are kinky that is removes from the archetypes & cliches & stereotypes that are contained in the harshly applied separateness of the labels 'dom', 'sub', 'slave', 'switch', et al. . . . . .
So, maybe, rather than seeing these labels as discrete buckets that everyone must fit into with no overlap, perhaps you can shift your perception to include the idea that labels are merely street signs or landmarks that point one in a general direction, & that those who identify with any label are scattered widely over the geography adjacent . . . . .
Because. Yes, not only can subs own slaves & slaves have subs & etc etc, but that pattern is actually pretty 'normal'. In my experience, yes, actual people practicing this stuff are lots more 'switchy' than all the labels (& porn) might lead one to understand.
One trick is to let go of playing the 'ah ha -- gotcha!' game with people (including yourself) about their self-selected labels. There's something implicitly insulting about the use of 'switch' that goes, oh, so-&-so isn't really D or s, they're a switch . . . . . Just framing stuff that way is full of judgmental stuff that gets in the way of information flow. & as a switch I get offended by the use of 'switch' as some kind of back-handed insult, even when that usage is unconscious on the part of the utterer . . . . ..
& people have every right to label themselves in whatever way they see fit. Much more right than I do to go around deciding what other people's labels should be. (Within a context of people behaving legally, appropriately, etc, etc . . . . )
If ya wanna learn, open up. Release the pre-conceived notions & be open to learning about the innovative & creative ways people apply this stuff to their own warped selves . . .
_____________________________
Snarko ergo sum.
The Verbossinator
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Could a sub own a slave? - 
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