CreativeDominant
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quote:
ORIGINAL: StoneFox
So as it turns out, I'm in love with my switchy companion. However, I'm moving overseas very soon but want to continue to make this work, esp. since I have zero desire to replace him.
For those of you who've had real time relatioships interrupted by distance but made it work anyways, how did you do that and to what do you attribute your success?
Part of it depends on what you mean by the relationship/dynamic "working". I was in the service and away from the woman who wound up being my first wife. There was a break-up along the way but what seemed to hold it together was loving each other. What seemed to keep that love established was communication and spending time together. Unlike a lot of servicemen, my leaves were spent at home so I could see her and she even took one of her breaks from college to come see me. Our biggest problem came not when we were apart but once we were together. In living together, she realized that part of her attraction to me had been because her mother had NOT liked me. Additionally, when I got home from the service, I entered college. My days were spent at school and hers at work and my nights were spent studying up until 9:00. I kept the weekends study-free but for someone who needed to be "paid attention to" like her, it was rough. She eventually started seeing her boss and that, on top of these other factors is what split us up. I was hooked up on a blind date with my second wife one time when I was home on spring break. We dated the whole time I was home and we continued speaking with each other after I went back. We did this for 3 years. Difficult? Yes, especially given this was long before the Internet but we made it work through communication----- phone calls daily, letter exchanges, seeing each other at least 3 - 4 times a year and, as we fell in love, setting a common goal. Concentrating on what made our relationship different from relationships we had with other people made a difference also. We wound up together for 20 years, married for 17 of them.
When it comes to D/s, I've had 3 long-term relationships prior to now. Each one of them ended but the reasons for each were different. Did they work? In the long run of having an established-for-life dynamic two of them did not...for D/s dynamics/love relationships that taught me something about me and D/s and what I do want in that "life" dynamic, yes. In one case, it was very successful even at the end because my submissive wound up moving into the area she is comfortable in...with my help, she became a femdominant. Since each of these relationships lasted over 2 years, I would say they were successful to at least some extent and especially in the fact that in one case only, distance was a major factor though not the main factor...the main factor was that she was a cheat.
Again...cliche as it sounds, it came down to communication. I spoke with them daily...I emailed them daily about little things as did they with me...the dynamic was set in place---as Lady P noted---in terms of ownership and being owned and having them do things that reminded them that they were owned by me, whether it was following a set of rules for this, that or something else or laying down in bed at night and turning in the direction where I was and concentrating on that being where I was and thinking of our dynamic and relationship and what they could do in making it better as well as what I could do that would make them feel more loved and more owned and more within a dynamic with me.
My heart's been hurt by those who I've been in a distance relationship with but you know what? My wife was living right there with me, day after day, and she still broke my heart. It is the character and the desire of the people involved that counts for a hell of a lot, not the distance. It is an endpoint goal eventually set in sight that makes a difference...I would not want to be involved in a LDR that never reached a state of moving forward, either relationship-wise or dynamic-wise even while realizing that some things ARE different because of distance but trying to put everything on hold because of "distance" is sooner or later going to cause a problem.
< Message edited by CreativeDominant -- 10/26/2009 1:21:06 PM >
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