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Knowing Fake from Real Online - 10/26/2009 12:57:32 PM   
supportourtroops


Posts: 37
Joined: 9/26/2009
Status: offline 		I would like to know how everyone decides who is being real and honest, and who are who they say they are while meeting online?
In my case a person who claims to be in Afganistan so I can have no face to face meet.
How do I know what is said is true?
In this case limited pictures can be provided, but again it could be a 15 year old boy sending me photos of his dad, lol.
How much can you submit to someone who you have no proof of existing?
If they are deployed for another 10 months...how long to you continue on?
How do you know the meet will really take place?

I've met no one else on CM that is of interest, but again I could be talking to a 70 year old bald man.

Advice????
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Knowing Fake from Real Online - 10/26/2009 1:06:19 PM   
NihilusZero


Posts: 4036
Joined: 9/10/2008
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: supportourtroops

How do you know the meet will really take place?

You don't.

And you go from there.


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(in reply to supportourtroops)
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RE: Knowing Fake from Real Online - 10/26/2009 1:11:27 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		I tend to laugh a bit if there's anyone on these boards who doubts that I am who I say I am.  Too many people have met Me and various members of My poly family for that to fly.

If you've never met this person, or don't personally know someone who can verify them, you're taking a gamble.  You might come out a winner.  Then again, make sure you can afford to lose.


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RE: Knowing Fake from Real Online - 10/26/2009 1:38:46 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		And if he stops talking to you, there's no way for you to know if his mother took his computer priveleges away or if he's in a hospital somewhere learning how to walk again. He's in Afghanistan, an extremely dangerous place, you have no way of knowing if he'll come home, and if so will he still feel the way he does now. It's a gamble either way.

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RE: Knowing Fake from Real Online - 10/26/2009 1:49:23 PM   
ncbabe


Posts: 1060
Joined: 4/19/2009
Status: offline 		Webcam and phone are better ways than photos for verifying who you are talking to.  There is no way of knowing that what he says to you is true.  How much you can submit to someone you do not know exists, and how long you want to wait for him without being certain you will even meet, are questions only you can answer.  If you do go ahead with it, just be real about what it is.  A lot of relationships start out on line, but a lot of it is bullshit.  Don't get lost in fantasyland.  And be prepared to suddenly never hear from him and not know why because that can happen too.  The only thing you can fall back on in the end is your gut instinct, but even then I'd still be cautious as to how you proceed. 

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RE: Knowing Fake from Real Online - 10/26/2009 1:50:59 PM   
weaselwelder


Posts: 72
Joined: 6/22/2009
Status: offline 		Long story short: You don't, but don't let that stop you. I've got a running theory that about half the "fakes" on here in fact think they are serious, but get scared and run when the reality sets in.

A small thing I've used on the chat is checking their /whois IP location agianst the location they put in their profile. It's not a 100% absolute thing, but if they're lying abvout where they are, then you know how far they can be trusted.

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RE: Knowing Fake from Real Online - 10/26/2009 2:21:41 PM   
subbisherri


Posts: 109
Joined: 5/28/2006
Status: offline 		Until you meet in real time, it's nothing more than electrons. I have friends based at a US cyber-warfare unit at MacDill AFB, Florida, and they can convince you of anything you want online.

As long it's online, it's no more real than Second Life. For lots of people, that's fine and good enough, virtual sexual fantasy is the fantasy they want. Even webcam and telephone is still electrons; as real as it may seem, it may not be what you think.

How real do you want and need it to be? Online can be emotionally fulfilling, if it's working for you does the reality of your partner actually matter all that much? On the other hand, if it started out as cyber with the desire and intent to take it real-time, well I'm willing to bet 99 of 100 online scenes can't do that.

I hate to think that your situation isn't much different than the married man who's dalliance keeps believing him when he says he's going to tell his wife and leave her, all the while planning nothing of the sort.

Tell you what though: having spent a good bit of time in Afghanistan, ask him in detail where he is, what unit, what RC, that sort of thing, and maybe PM me with that? I just might be able to wave the bullshit flag on him.

ss


(in reply to weaselwelder)
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RE: Knowing Fake from Real Online - 10/26/2009 2:45:55 PM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline 		I have good gut instincts that have yet to be proven wrong. BUT, I also have a serious lack of give a damn.

Unless I spend time with them in person, getting to know them......I have pretty much zero emotional involvement in the relationship. At the most,  I may feel a mild annoyance for the waste of my time.


_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to supportourtroops)
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RE: Knowing Fake from Real Online - 10/26/2009 3:17:30 PM   
Elipsis


Posts: 301
Joined: 7/8/2009
Status: offline 		A few thoughts, I want to make a long post on this one but I have to go out in a few minutes:

-Part of how much time you give them relates to distance.  The longer the haul the two of you would be expected to travel to meet each other, the more reasonable it is that they want to be more sure about you.  (Funny story along that regard, the only person I ever met from cm.com so far was listed as 200 miles away but from my city... I messaged her about this discrepancy it turned we both lived a few blocks from each other [and both thought the other was full of shit due to how improbable that is].  We talked online for a grand total of 20 minutes before we decided to just walk to the local bar and get dinner.)

-I hate talking on the phone, nonetheless if someone is willing to give you their phone number and talk to you it's a sign that they are legitimate.  If someone tells you how awesome you are and how excited they are to meet you over and over again but won't volunteer any further contact information than the Internet, that would be a red flag to me.  It's a good interim step and can build a bit more trust than online only interaction.

(in reply to supportourtroops)
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RE: Knowing Fake from Real Online - 10/26/2009 3:21:46 PM   
angelikaJ


Posts: 8641
Joined: 6/22/2007
Status: offline 		To the OP:
Why aren't conversations with a webcam or via Skype not being utilized?

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RE: Knowing Fake from Real Online - 10/26/2009 3:40:46 PM   
Redoubt


Posts: 185
Joined: 8/11/2007
Status: offline 		FR: Time is usually the teller... if you don't feel comfortable... wait... talk more, get to know them - if you start feeling comfortable, share more but don't rush it. I think 98% of the horror stories you hear would disappear if more people waited until they got to know the other person, rather than being just super horny and ready to play.



(in reply to angelikaJ)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Knowing Fake from Real Online - 10/26/2009 4:02:51 PM   
Acer49


Posts: 1434
Joined: 8/7/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: supportourtroops

I would like to know how everyone decides who is being real and honest, and who are who they say they are while meeting online?
In my case a person who claims to be in Afganistan so I can have no face to face meet.
How do I know what is said is true?
In this case limited pictures can be provided, but again it could be a 15 year old boy sending me photos of his dad, lol.
How much can you submit to someone who you have no proof of existing?
If they are deployed for another 10 months...how long to you continue on?
How do you know the meet will really take place?

I've met no one else on CM that is of interest, but again I could be talking to a 70 year old bald man.

Advice????


Until you actually meet, there is no 100% even if her were to send a copy of his military id or him in a picture holding a dated newspaper.
You do not submit until you are collared and that should not happen without proof of identity, atleast for me.
There is no guarentee his enlistment will end in 10 months. The govt could extend the time over there or, God forbid, he could be killed. Ultitimately it is up to you to make the decision.

_____________________________

Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one's definition of your life; define yourself.
Harvey Fierstein

(in reply to supportourtroops)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Knowing Fake from Real Online - 10/26/2009 4:17:20 PM   
supportourtroops


Posts: 37
Joined: 9/26/2009
Status: offline 		The military in afganistan cant use skype, or online cams inside their quarters

(in reply to angelikaJ)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Knowing Fake from Real Online - 10/26/2009 4:24:22 PM   
supportourtroops


Posts: 37
Joined: 9/26/2009
Status: offline

< Message edited by supportourtroops -- 10/26/2009 4:30:56 PM >

(in reply to subbisherri)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Knowing Fake from Real Online - 10/26/2009 4:43:04 PM   
subbisherri


Posts: 109
Joined: 5/28/2006
Status: offline 		angelikaJ,

We can use Skype, and MWR has provided webcam facilities. I don't know about the US rules, but we (Canadians) get 35 minutes per week of telephone and webcam/skype time. We also have unlimited online access (limited to 30 min per login though) and Canada House at KAF and our FOBs have free wireless. The US FOBs that I worked out of had better MWR than we did. If he's off in deepest darkest Taliban-land, like RC East on the Pakistan border, sure there isn't access but they're too busy trying to kill the enemy and stay alive. That said, no one stays there for an entire tour, in fact no one stays there for more than a few weeks at a time before relief-in-place.

KAF for example, you can get high-speed through a Pakistan company, it's about $100/month, and you CAN use a webcam. I know, I did it. My sometime home was an 8x6 space in an 8-person tent, and it was ALL wired with RG11 (did I get that right?) cable.

I hate to say it doll, but I think you're being strung a line here.

Seriously, I think he's telling you a ghost story.

ss

(in reply to supportourtroops)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Knowing Fake from Real Online - 10/26/2009 5:12:58 PM   
subbisherri


Posts: 109
Joined: 5/28/2006
Status: offline 		Oops, had the name wrong, that was for supportourtroops.

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Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Knowing Fake from Real Online - 10/26/2009 5:14:20 PM   
lizi


Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
Status: offline 		The cam thing varies, it depends on the military group, it depends on what their leader says at the time and it depends on the situation. My son is in Special Forces- there were deployments where he could not use a cam or Skype. With SF the families usually will not know the specific location of where their soldiers are or what they were doing until they come back home. Sometimes you don't even know how long they will be gone but their deployments generally are shorter than what was described in the OP of having 10 more months.

Go slowly and use common sense to help you figure things out. Being involved even if it's online can hold you back from finding someone else that would be perfect for you and who would be available for something in RL.

Plus, you have to consider that this man has a very dangerous lifestyle doing what he does. It will possibly be quite difficult for you to accept the nature of his job and be left behind time after time for his entire military career. Also understand that the SF soldier has worked unthinkably hard to get where he is so the career will probably come first. It is hard for most military relationships but Special Forces is especially brutal on the loved ones left behind. For this reason the military generally discourages the SF soldiers from being involved or having families while they are on active duty since it is a liability to the soldier and to his partner/family.

< Message edited by lizi -- 10/26/2009 5:19:06 PM >

(in reply to supportourtroops)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Knowing Fake from Real Online - 10/26/2009 5:44:15 PM   
Lucienne


Posts: 1175
Joined: 9/5/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: lizi

My son is in Special Forces- there were deployments where he could not use a cam or Skype. With SF the families usually will not know the specific location of where their soldiers are or what they were doing until they come back home.


More practically speaking, if the guy really is in Afghanistan and he doesn't want to give her any more information he can just pretend to be SF- voila! perfectly reasonable explanation he can't answer her questions.  If the OP enjoys her exchanges with him, I'd recommend treating him like an erotic pen pal, not a potential serious partner. Have fun. And assume you're helping some lonely guy halfway across the world develop some new spank bank material.



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Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Knowing Fake from Real Online - 10/26/2009 5:51:32 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		I talk to them and get to know them and then we meet in person.
How do you decide who is "real" and who is "fake" when face to face in person?

(in reply to Lucienne)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Knowing Fake from Real Online - 10/26/2009 6:28:34 PM   
supportourtroops


Posts: 37
Joined: 9/26/2009
Status: offline 		Yes, well my ex also couldn't use skype while he was deployed or use CAMS in their personal quarters, he would have to go to the center to use cam and then of course all are watching. 8 to a tent you were lucky my ex had about 20 and they were on bunk beds, ha ha ha.
I didn't say he was anywhere specific for the whole tour I said SF are not supposed to give out their locations. As the poster below agrees via their son.
As to militry life its what Im used to and prefer, career military all the better. I seek military only.
I know he's not lying about his unit or rank as I can see it in broad daylight on his uniforms, i have both pictures of his dress photos and while deployed in his ACU's. He is SF, and the rank he told me is also true, and his name is also true, the rest I can't say.

< Message edited by supportourtroops -- 10/26/2009 6:30:26 PM >

(in reply to subbisherri)
Profile   Post #: 20
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