RE: I'm confused - how do you know if someone is just stringing you along? (Full Version)

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DrkJourney -> RE: I'm confused - how do you know if someone is just stringing you along? (10/27/2009 1:16:04 PM)

To the original issue:  How could they be stringing you along?  I don't know who contacted who, but if they contacted you they might have just stumbled on your profile and thought you would be a fit for them, so they contacted you.  They knew the house stuff was coming up so they wanted to meet while they had time, you're weren't ready, that's understandable, but life goes on. 

Also, as far as stringing you along, did they tell you not to speak to anyone else?   Doesn't look like they were trying to remove you from the market or anything, seems to me in the case of them, life just happened, and you are upset that you aren't the center of their world.  Remember, you are just words on a screen and a voice on a phone until you actually meet and start a relationship...there is no reason they would put you in any higher place in their lives at this time, and if they did, that's when you should worry.

They are in fact still in contact, just because they don't have time to beg you 24/7 to please come and be ours doesn't mean they are stringing you along.  Why is there talk of a deadline all of a sudden?  Good thing they didn't have one with you or you would've been kicked to the curb when they wanted to meet and you said you weren't ready...how about just taking things one day at a time, if it's not right you will know it.

Your age has loads to lend to the fact that you need to be in the research stage now and not in the meeting "anyone" stage.  You are focused on totally the wrong things.  How about focusing on, they are going to live in a house so remote that there is no phone reception?  If you go to visit these "strangers" will you be safe?  Too late to ask when you get there, you will already be isolated and no phone coverage remember?

Second:  Don't you think it's strange you've only talked to the wife once?  Does he even have a wife?  Did he bury her in that remote location?  maybe the first time you said he was aggitated?

To the issue of your age:  you shrug off the fact that you came on here a year early and how you wanted to learn about bdsm.  The reason everyone is up in arms is because this is a good site and good sites are hard to come by.  Second if someone had taken you up on your offer, they could go to jail, you were in fact a minor.  Third. for all of those that gave you advice thinking you were older and if it had worked, that person would be in big trouble if caught with a minor, and they would feel responsible.

The issue of learning:  When I was a teen I learn by reading.  There are tons of sites on the net where you can read, watch movies, even go virtual, and learn all that you need to get you started without impacting someone else's life.  Getting someone in trouble with the law is definitely impacting their lives.  On a more minor note, people come here to learn, and make friends, if your little "lie" had gotten this site shut down, it would impact a lot of lives.  Case in point if this site had been shut down a year ago I wouldn't have met the guy here that is now my husband....remember that butterfly flapping it's wings thing?

the honest issue:  You yourself are wondering about the honesty of these people.  What about your honesty?  If someone you were talking to were found to be lying about anything, doesn't matter....could you really trust them to be telling you the truth about anything else?  You be checking and rechecking everything that person told you...what kind of relationship is that?

I don't think it's really impatience that drives you, I think you know how easy it is to lie, so you don't trust anyone either, as well you shouldn't on the net.  That is why you get to know someone at length before you jump into anything.

Personally, I think you need to research more, and if you want hands on, do things locally...see if this is really what you want, if so the right situation will be there for you when it's time....stop pushing it.  And for goodness sake, keep in the practice of being safe.  The two situations that I've seen that you posted, neither of them sound like winners to me.  I mean the first one obviously didn't work or you wouldn't be involved in this second one.

take your time....no reason to rush into anything

just my buck fifty worth...take it or no

good luck to you



HerLord -> RE: I'm confused - how do you know if someone is just stringing you along? (10/27/2009 1:16:36 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: supportourtroops

Take your fat overweight ass, hick hillbilly hat and bite my @ss. Your a c@ck bite, it appears most of you on here are. I cant say any of you are worth squat except a few of the ladies.
Of being on here a month I've seen and met games players, losers, ugly's, senior citizens, and men with small brains and over inflated egos. You being one of them with your lazy cut and paste jobs.
Go jogging, get yourself into shape, how do you expect a sub to follow the lead of a undisciplined slob. DOM my @ss, you can't even take care of yourself. A joke.

My wife tells me the same thing, when she wants a spanking, you offering?



Viridana -> RE: I'm confused - how do you know if someone is just stringing you along? (10/27/2009 1:18:14 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lockit


So don't mind us darlin... we find it and your attitude offensive.

Well I find the attitude of many other posters on this thread offensive with language and wording that render the posters way more immature than they boasts about being. Funny how some of the regulars expect a certain type of attitude and/or behaviour from others while attacking them but they themselves don't show when undir critizism.  One would think that their self-proclaimed level of maturity and experience would render posts enabling the OP to see the errors of her ways instead of feeling attacked, yanno like any reasonable adult could. But don't mind me.....



Lockit -> RE: I'm confused - how do you know if someone is just stringing you along? (10/27/2009 1:18:24 PM)

[sm=hearts.gif] DrkJourney!



lilmisssubmiss -> RE: I'm confused - how do you know if someone is just stringing you along? (10/27/2009 1:18:45 PM)

lolllllll you guys are acting like i never once said i was in the wrong...

no matter what i say you're going to attack me and make me seem like i'm such a horrible person.

i made a mistake yes, i feel bad... sure. but i made a mistake. i didn't quite understand that's the truth.

you guys have to realize being on a site like this comes with some dangers. it's the internet. you have to understand even having a profile on here is a threat so don't be calling me a threat myself.

if you can't handle things like this and throw such a hissy fit, imo you shouldn't be on this site in the first place.

it's cm people... get real.



mnottertail -> RE: I'm confused - how do you know if someone is just stringing you along? (10/27/2009 1:19:40 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: STLDom48

This thread is a perfect example of why these forums are a waste of time. A person asks a question, sincerely seeking feedback and the advice of others who may have the benefit of experience - and the forum police jump all over them to insult, belittle, judge, ridicule, lecture and generally act like rude idiots. I see it over and over again - I don't know why anyone would ever post a sincere question here. You should all be ashamed of yourselves.



You haven't actually read the thread have you?

We appreciate your immense contributions to the community, having just celebrated your third post in as many years.

I can say that you have already done too much, and nobody would fault you if you went over in the corner by your dish, and laid down.

Ron



STLDom48 -> RE: I'm confused - how do you know if someone is just stringing you along? (10/27/2009 1:21:21 PM)

..and name calling, rudeness, insults and the lack of basic human decency protects you how exactly? I read the entire thread and my opinon stands. If you truly have age of consent issues and concerns, I don't think public ridicule is the most effective way to "protect the site" do you? Well, apparently you do. Like I said - you should all be ashamed of yourselves.



lilmisssubmiss -> RE: I'm confused - how do you know if someone is just stringing you along? (10/27/2009 1:21:40 PM)

and to be honest.

with sincere, genuine people ... i really do feel bad. if i put anyone in harms way, like i said it wasn't what i meant to do. i REALLY do feel bad. if i could change it in any way i would...

i was 17 ...confused..and wanted to learn more. i should of waited i see now that would of been my best option...but i didn't take that route.

but you guys being big bullies to me over the net... doesn't exactly make me feel so remourseful in fact it kind of makes me scared that i tell the truth on here in the first if there are such jerks on here.



STLDom48 -> RE: I'm confused - how do you know if someone is just stringing you along? (10/27/2009 1:23:09 PM)

Well, since we measure our worth in the number of posts to this site - you are obviously a better person than I am. I have to be silent now in the face of your superior worth, wisdom and intellect.



LadyPact -> RE: I'm confused - how do you know if someone is just stringing you along? (10/27/2009 1:23:40 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: STLDom48

This thread is a perfect example of why these forums are a waste of time. A person asks a question, sincerely seeking feedback and the advice of others who may have the benefit of experience - and the forum police jump all over them to insult, belittle, judge, ridicule, lecture and generally act like rude idiots. I see it over and over again - I don't know why anyone would ever post a sincere question here. You should all be ashamed of yourselves.


Bullshit.

Curiosity about BDSM is no excuse to lie about a person's age, nor to endanger the site itself because someone chooses to do so.  I can only hope that anyone who was on this site dealing with the OP before her eighteenth birthday has the sense to wipe out any communications that they had with her.  Would you feel the same way if this person was involved in your local BDSM group and announced to everyone that she just turned eighteen, even if she'd been attending events for the past year?

There is not one damn thing wrong with anyone involved in WIITWD saying that they do not wish to be associated with those who are underage or can not manage to tell the truth about whether or not they are a legal adult.



Viridana -> RE: I'm confused - how do you know if someone is just stringing you along? (10/27/2009 1:24:27 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: STLDom48

..and name calling, rudeness, insults and the lack of basic human decency protects you how exactly? I read the entire thread and my opinon stands. If you truly have age of consent issues and concerns, I don't think public ridicule is the most effective way to "protect the site" do you? Well, apparently you do. Like I said - you should all be ashamed of yourselves.



[sm=goodpost.gif] 



supportourtroops -> RE: I'm confused - how do you know if someone is just stringing you along? (10/27/2009 1:24:37 PM)

Your right I've had no prior experience with meeting DOMs online and entering a BDSM relationship online without meeting the person first. My last DOM of 5 years I was here in Seattle also in the military, prior to that my husband of 12 years. Online is totally new to me and I hoped someone wiser would shed light on the subject for me.
In my case as the man I'm subing to is overseas I thought I could come here and get some real advice on others experiences, no smug, bullshit, condscending answers. I had hoped this was a true BDSM community not just a bunch of bitter, single, wanna be DOMs. You however are the perfect example of it and are the reason why so many subs I do know have not found a mate on this site. I believe its a waste of my time as well. A pity as there is on one BDSM club in Seattle its hard to meet real Dominants. Here there is clearly no guidence or support.
Hence...useless.



zephyroftheNorth -> RE: I'm confused - how do you know if someone is just stringing you along? (10/27/2009 1:24:54 PM)

Wow I go take a nap and look what I miss....

OP if I were you I would stop with the sniping and try to learn something here. the TOS doesn't exist for nothing. You broke it and you're damn lucky you didn't end up hooking up with a psycho. If I were you I would reread the thread and take notes, you've gotten some damn fine advice from some incredibly knowledgeable people.

Now Pots pass the popcorn, I'm hungry!



HerLord -> RE: I'm confused - how do you know if someone is just stringing you along? (10/27/2009 1:27:31 PM)

You said it. This is the internet. It is dangerous. There are dangerous people here. You should definitely go play somewhere else. Yeah, I am an asshole. What's your fucking point. It says it in my profile. Not some thing I am unaware of. Don't want me to be a bully, DON"T PUT ME IN FUCKING DANGER! I take my world VERY carefully, with entirely too much severity, so you want me to be nice, don't fuck my world up.



lilmisssubmiss -> RE: I'm confused - how do you know if someone is just stringing you along? (10/27/2009 1:27:33 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: DrkJourney

To the original issue:  How could they be stringing you along?  I don't know who contacted who, but if they contacted you they might have just stumbled on your profile and thought you would be a fit for them, so they contacted you.  They knew the house stuff was coming up so they wanted to meet while they had time, you're weren't ready, that's understandable, but life goes on. 

Also, as far as stringing you along, did they tell you not to speak to anyone else?   Doesn't look like they were trying to remove you from the market or anything, seems to me in the case of them, life just happened, and you are upset that you aren't the center of their world.  Remember, you are just words on a screen and a voice on a phone until you actually meet and start a relationship...there is no reason they would put you in any higher place in their lives at this time, and if they did, that's when you should worry.

They are in fact still in contact, just because they don't have time to beg you 24/7 to please come and be ours doesn't mean they are stringing you along.  Why is there talk of a deadline all of a sudden?  Good thing they didn't have one with you or you would've been kicked to the curb when they wanted to meet and you said you weren't ready...how about just taking things one day at a time, if it's not right you will know it.

Your age has loads to lend to the fact that you need to be in the research stage now and not in the meeting "anyone" stage.  You are focused on totally the wrong things.  How about focusing on, they are going to live in a house so remote that there is no phone reception?  If you go to visit these "strangers" will you be safe?  Too late to ask when you get there, you will already be isolated and no phone coverage remember?

Second:  Don't you think it's strange you've only talked to the wife once?  Does he even have a wife?  Did he bury her in that remote location?  maybe the first time you said he was aggitated?

To the issue of your age:  you shrug off the fact that you came on here a year early and how you wanted to learn about bdsm.  The reason everyone is up in arms is because this is a good site and good sites are hard to come by.  Second if someone had taken you up on your offer, they could go to jail, you were in fact a minor.  Third. for all of those that gave you advice thinking you were older and if it had worked, that person would be in big trouble if caught with a minor, and they would feel responsible.

The issue of learning:  When I was a teen I learn by reading.  There are tons of sites on the net where you can read, watch movies, even go virtual, and learn all that you need to get you started without impacting someone else's life.  Getting someone in trouble with the law is definitely impacting their lives.  On a more minor note, people come here to learn, and make friends, if your little "lie" had gotten this site shut down, it would impact a lot of lives.  Case in point if this site had been shut down a year ago I wouldn't have met the guy here that is now my husband....remember that butterfly flapping it's wings thing?

the honest issue:  You yourself are wondering about the honesty of these people.  What about your honesty?  If someone you were talking to were found to be lying about anything, doesn't matter....could you really trust them to be telling you the truth about anything else?  You be checking and rechecking everything that person told you...what kind of relationship is that?

I don't think it's really impatience that drives you, I think you know how easy it is to lie, so you don't trust anyone either, as well you shouldn't on the net.  That is why you get to know someone at length before you jump into anything.

Personally, I think you need to research more, and if you want hands on, do things locally...see if this is really what you want, if so the right situation will be there for you when it's time....stop pushing it.  And for goodness sake, keep in the practice of being safe.  The two situations that I've seen that you posted, neither of them sound like winners to me.  I mean the first one obviously didn't work or you wouldn't be involved in this second one.

take your time....no reason to rush into anything

just my buck fifty worth...take it or no

good luck to you


alright thank you and i agree with all of that (well most of it).
and i really appreciate how you told me how you felt in a non attacking way. i understand why you are upset with me and i really do feel bad. i really do feel sorry. there are many other ways i could of learned about bdsm. i really did mess up and i do feel because of that post you just posted i see where you were coming from and you even did it with respect...it makes me respect you more and listen more even.

anyways thank you for all your helpful advice it is much appreciated it. and can't thank you enough for going that route also when explaining how you felt to me.
<3



mnottertail -> RE: I'm confused - how do you know if someone is just stringing you along? (10/27/2009 1:29:57 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: STLDom48

Well, since we measure our worth in the number of posts to this site - you are obviously a better person than I am. I have to be silent now in the face of your superior worth, wisdom and intellect.



Nope, a great deal of my posts are whimsical, scarcastic and pure fuckin bullshit.

However, I have at least a time or two, gave some pretty fucking sage advice to folks who heeded it. I made apologies when I was in the wrong, and have helped by giving insight to some of our nations youth. I have been involved in my 'local' community, and even been involved in a real face-to-face touchy feely interaction or two from across this nation.

you have done what? other than say this is a waste of time, ( I believe all three of your posts are here) because JUST LIKE THE REAL WORLD, if you are a fuckhead, you are gonna be informed of it by people you don't even know their names, whether you find that a self-absorbed interest of yours or not.

mull that over.

Ron



lilmisssubmiss -> RE: I'm confused - how do you know if someone is just stringing you along? (10/27/2009 1:31:18 PM)

lol oh god. oh well at least i'm not the only one who see's how effed up these people are treating me. (thank you to everyone btw who said something in this thread against the norm of the regulars).



subtlebutterfly -> RE: I'm confused - how do you know if someone is just stringing you along? (10/27/2009 1:32:02 PM)

Am I the only one feeling bad for madame 11?

(I'm a suckup I know!!)



supportourtroops -> RE: I'm confused - how do you know if someone is just stringing you along? (10/27/2009 1:32:09 PM)

Well Im glad you find him amusing. As a new person to this site and board I don't find it funny that he belittles others looking for advice in an area they are unfamiliar with. Especially young women who can be easily used and even harmed. I thought this was supposed to be a supportive BDSM community were we all could come, chat, share, learn, and feel safe with others who understand us and our life situations. I was wrong and a fool for hoping that would be the case. Lesson learned. I will now be just a cock in general as everyone thinks thats okay and cool.
As for my white spot the rules stated that the main photo was not to be dirty so I blocked that out. I had 14 photos up all without white outs but then someone told me men copy them and use them to pose as women. I then took them all down.
This whole thread has left me disgusted and down.[:'(]



mnottertail -> RE: I'm confused - how do you know if someone is just stringing you along? (10/27/2009 1:32:34 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: supportourtroops

Your right I've had no prior experience with meeting DOMs online and entering a BDSM relationship online without meeting the person first. My last DOM of 5 years I was here in Seattle also in the military, prior to that my husband of 12 years. Online is totally new to me and I hoped someone wiser would shed light on the subject for me.
In my case as the man I'm subing to is overseas I thought I could come here and get some real advice on others experiences, no smug, bullshit, condscending answers. I had hoped this was a true BDSM community not just a bunch of bitter, single, wanna be DOMs. You however are the perfect example of it and are the reason why so many subs I do know have not found a mate on this site. I believe its a waste of my time as well. A pity as there is on one BDSM club in Seattle its hard to meet real Dominants. Here there is clearly no guidence or support.
Hence...useless.



Lady, I never fuck women with their heads cut off, or their dick cut out from the picture.

Insofar as a bitter, wannabe, single dom, you are so fucking far off the mark as to be in a different universe. People who need some tough love get it, people who need advice get it........and you dont get IT.

Ron



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