My Mistress wants a new sub

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

My Mistress wants a new sub

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> My Mistress wants a new sub

Page: [1] 2 next > >>

Login

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

My Mistress wants a new sub - 3/8/2006 12:44:12 AM

Speedalicious

Posts: 3
Joined: 6/26/2005
Status: offline

My Mistress wants to take on a new sub. He happens to be my best friend and she has fallen in love with him, which in itself would be interesting to have him as a brother/sub. I however, want nothing sexual with him.

I feel somewhat like he’s stepping into my territory. I’m a little upset about it as I was 1st and think I should always be first. But those 2 want to be together.

I’m not sure what to do, should I be upset about it or except this with open arms?

Post #: 1

RE: My Mistress wants a new sub - 3/8/2006 12:55:35 AM

BitaTruble

Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline

I believe your Mistress posted something regarding this issue. I'd read that first, then speak with her about the situation. If you still have questions, then is the time to come back and post.

Good luck to all three of you,

Celeste

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."

(in reply to Speedalicious)

Post #: 2

RE: My Mistress wants a new sub - 3/8/2006 1:38:16 AM

IronBear

Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline

I feel for you lass... This is where a Gorean Solution is not a bad way to see things. Irrespective of personal relationship, the best slave regarding leadership and disclipline in My House will be designated as first girl or first boy, with all that entails.. Probably wouldn't suit most people but it is an option.

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to BitaTruble)

Post #: 3

RE: My Mistress wants a new sub - 3/8/2006 3:22:27 AM

1wildwolf

Posts: 120
Joined: 6/30/2004
From: New Zealand
Status: offline

i think that this is one of those issues that is always going to be personal to the people involved, as in it all depends on however it feels to u 3 (if that makes sense)

that is, for me personally i know that i couldnt be in a relationship where my Domme took another sub, and She knows and is quite happy with that. On the other hand if it isnt something that you are completely adverse to i guess it all comes down to talking talking talking and more talking

oh well, my 2 cents worth

1wildwolf

(in reply to Speedalicious)

Post #: 4

RE: My Mistress wants a new sub - 3/8/2006 4:17:08 AM

littlesarbonn

Posts: 1710
Joined: 12/3/2005
From: Stockton, California
Status: offline

Talk to your friend and talk to your Mistress. If neither seems willing to budge and you can't handle the parameters, and there isn't a compromise that can work out for you, find another Mistress. There are a couple of times in the past where I could have solved some really crappy situations just by opting out of the relationship, but I kept fooling myself into believing it would somehow work out.

Talking to her is most important. If she understands your concerns and doesn't care, that's the deciding moment for you as to whether or not this is the relationship for you. It doesn't have to be an ultimatum, but don't ever find yourself regretting a relationship because you hoped somehow it was going to be better than you knew it was going to be.

(in reply to 1wildwolf)

Post #: 5

RE: My Mistress wants a new sub - 3/8/2006 5:18:29 AM

knight4king

Posts: 13
Joined: 2/23/2006
Status: offline

You say you want nothing sexual but you would share a new level of intimacy at the least. Would things feel better if you knew that your Mistress's love for you would not change for loving another? It gives you the oppurtunity to love and Be loved by two and in ways you cannot with your Mistress. Look at it as an incredible chance.

(in reply to littlesarbonn)

Post #: 6

RE: My Mistress wants a new sub - 3/8/2006 5:21:27 AM

BeeQueen

Posts: 73
Joined: 9/29/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Speedalicious

My Mistress wants to take on a new sub. He happens to be my best friend and she has fallen in love with him, which in itself would be interesting to have him as a brother/sub. I however, want nothing sexual with him.

I feel somewhat like he’s stepping into my territory. I’m a little upset about it as I was 1st and think I should always be first. But those 2 want to be together.

I’m not sure what to do, should I be upset about it or except this with open arms?

the fact u feel like posting a note about it makes me think it does upset u
bdsm might bee fun in a polyrelation, but if ur not prepared to share, than u shouldnt...it might hurt ur personality if u try to jump over ur shadow.

honesty includes to speak open about ur concerns, if ur mistress doesnt listen to u in that, she might not do in other things neither.

_____________________________

All men are animals, just some make better pets. (note the sarcasm) personal free 3d-chat under http://members.chello.at/beequeen/

(in reply to Speedalicious)

Post #: 7

RE: My Mistress wants a new sub - 3/8/2006 5:22:32 AM

slavejali

Posts: 2918
Status: offline

quote:

I’m not sure what to do, should I be upset about it or except this with open arms?

There is no particular way you *should* be feeling. Feelings are as they are and you just have to take the appropriate action with what you feeling..which in this case is probably to talk to your Mistress openly and honestly.

(in reply to Speedalicious)

Post #: 8

RE: My Mistress wants a new sub - 3/8/2006 5:40:31 AM

MstrssPassion

Posts: 2444
Joined: 1/1/2004
From: West Palm Beach, FL
Status: offline

I read the other thread that BitaTruble mentioned.

Though there is very little information, there is enough to get a sense that this will most likely be a big mess.

1) The two men have a history of deceit in their past involving a woman
2) Issues of jealousy which can also be issues of insecurity. NOT GOOD INGREDIENTS FOR ANY POLY RELATIONSHIP.
3) Admittance of being very new to all of this & that this is all happening rather fast. It takes a great deal of time, investigation, discovery, trial & error & deep introspection of self before one individual can be successful in this... add one partner & the process starts over... add a third... well you get my point.

Often a dominant needs to step back just a bit & take the focus off of self & look at the big picture here. You are responsible for the health & well-being of your submissive. No matter how much you might want to do a,b or c... if it ain't good for your sub(s) is it really something you should pursue. Being in control of the type of relationship you wish to have is only one aspect of dominance... accountability for what takes place within it is another.

Best of luck in this matter, you're gonna need it

< Message edited by MstrssPassion -- 3/8/2006 5:44:29 AM >

_____________________________

MstrssPassion

(in reply to Speedalicious)

Post #: 9

RE: My Mistress wants a new sub - 3/8/2006 6:56:36 AM

MHOO314

Posts: 3628
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline

Back away gracefully and head for the door. There appears to be too miscommunication, but more importantly--too much immaturity.

_____________________________

SLUTS: Southern Ladies Under Tremendous Stress...

Mistress Hathor

(in reply to Speedalicious)

Post #: 10

RE: My Mistress wants a new sub - 3/8/2006 7:15:41 AM

luckyslaveboync

Posts: 69
Joined: 3/18/2005
Status: offline

As Mistress Hathor said, there is too little communication and perhaps too much immaturity. However, lucky will observe that this sub once rejected polyamory out of hand but after having experienced such a relationship, found it quite natural. The key to polyamory's success is indeed the maturity of the people involved and the honesty of the communication, expecially going in.

Of course, ultimately it places more burden on the dom/me just in terms of time and attention, and subs' fear of neglect is probably the main reason why this course is not for everyone. At a minimum, that fear needs to be openly discussed among mature and honest individuals. lucky emphasizes "mature" not in terms of age or even experience, but in terms of knowing who one is, what one wants, and what commitments one will keep.

Wellwishes,
lucky

(in reply to MHOO314)

Post #: 11

RE: My Mistress wants a new sub - 3/8/2006 7:42:15 AM

thetammyjo

Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: BitaTruble

I believe your Mistress posted something regarding this issue. I'd read that first, then speak with her about the situation. If you still have questions, then is the time to come back and post.

Good luck to all three of you,

Celeste

This is the perfect answer -- the only way for this issue to be addressed is between the people involved.

I would add that the OP is of course perfectly free to feel as he feels -- what he does should take consideration and lots of communication. Does he love his mistress and does she love him? Does he worry that her love is limited and that she's stop loving him or is this not an issue? Multiple questions I would have.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to BitaTruble)

Post #: 12

RE: My Mistress wants a new sub - 3/8/2006 7:54:15 AM

MHOO314

Posts: 3628
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline

Nicely stated lucky.. and welcome to the boards!

_____________________________

SLUTS: Southern Ladies Under Tremendous Stress...

Mistress Hathor

(in reply to luckyslaveboync)

Post #: 13

RE: My Mistress wants a new sub - 3/8/2006 8:00:50 AM

Cloudz

Posts: 836
Joined: 9/13/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Speedalicious

My Mistress wants to take on a new sub. He happens to be my best friend and she has fallen in love with him, which in itself would be interesting to have him as a brother/sub. I however, want nothing sexual with him.

I feel somewhat like he’s stepping into my territory. I’m a little upset about it as I was 1st and think I should always be first. But those 2 want to be together.

I’m not sure what to do, should I be upset about it or except this with open arms?

Sweet one,

You are asking us how you should FEEL, only you can decide this. I suspect among the list of feelings you will find disappointed (why am I not enough?) betrayal (when did they sneak off and gather up all these feelings?) fear (what if I am not needed anymore?) and mistrust (hey this is not what I signed up for). So take a step back and try and decide what really works for you...at the end of the day, that is what matters.

IMO,

_____________________________

Enjoy the Journey,
~Cloudz

"Life isn't about how to survive the storm, but how to dance in the rain."

(in reply to Speedalicious)

Post #: 14

RE: My Mistress wants a new sub - 3/8/2006 8:58:43 AM

subtlesubie

Posts: 138
Joined: 1/5/2006
Status: offline

You need to speak to this guy. He'll help you sort out your problems.

(in reply to Cloudz)

Post #: 15

RE: My Mistress wants a new sub - 3/8/2006 1:26:15 PM

PlayfulOne

Posts: 1047
Status: offline

Speed,

I am sure by now you have looked at the other thread. You are the only one who knows how you feel, there is no right or wrong, they are your personal feelings. Some can do poly, some cannot, but in the end YOU are the one who must make sure you are in a situation that is proper for you.

Having looked at the original thread before I will say that I see a lot of imaturity, a huge lack of experience, and no thought of the ramifications to anybody in this relationship. Personally all I see is a train wreck waiting to happen.

You are the only one who knows if this situation can work for you, if it will work then fine, if it won't do not let others rain misery upon you.

K

(in reply to subtlesubie)

Post #: 16

RE: My Mistress wants a new sub - 3/8/2006 4:45:38 PM

SimplyV

Posts: 351
Joined: 11/5/2005
Status: offline

I have tried to refrain from posting on this thread as I wanted to leave this as an outlet for him to talk about his feelings about the situation from his perspective. Alas, I feel the need to update and reply.

I'd like to thank those of you who recommended him to talk to me about it. We had a good conversation last night after he posted this, about his feelings, worries, and insecurities. I believe we have addressed most of them and he feels much better about things now. Most of his concerns were centered around his worry that I would stop loving him. Which I don't ever forsee happening, but it will be my actions that convince him most over the next few weeks/months/years.

quote:

ORIGINAL: PlayfulOne

Having looked at the original thread before I will say that I see a lot of imaturity, a huge lack of experience, and no thought of the ramifications to anybody in this relationship. Personally all I see is a train wreck waiting to happen.

While you claim to have read the other thread ( http://www.collarchat.com/Poof%21%25%25_You%27re_Poly%21/m_275367/tm.htm ) I did not see you reply to it. I will "confirm" your statement of lack of experience as I believe in being honest, with myself as well as others.

However, you seem to see "a lot of immaturity" and no thought of the "ramifications".. which rather than blanket statements.. I think we would find it much more beneficial if you'd explain or give some type of councel on exactly what "immaturity" you are perceiving.. and what "ramifications" we are overlooking.

Much like telling a blind man "you're blind" and not telling him about the ledge ending in front of him.

V

< Message edited by SimplyV -- 3/8/2006 4:46:46 PM >

(in reply to PlayfulOne)

Post #: 17

RE: My Mistress wants a new sub - 3/8/2006 5:44:47 PM

MistressOfGa

Posts: 2929
Status: offline

Simply,
Far be it for me to tell you where you can post and where you cant, but IMO he should have been the one to come here on THIS thread and update us, if he wanted to. You said you wanted to stay away from this thread so that he could have an outlet and share his thoughts with us, and yet here you are, posting to it. Why? Because someone said something that you dont agree with, it wasnt directed at you, (although it was about you) it was directed to your submissive. IMO, it isnt right for you to post on this thread. If someone here says something that he doesnt agree with, he could post a defense in your name. If there is an update to be given, it should be by the OP, not his Mistress. But that is just my opinion. I have said this before, when you came to the defense of your "sub b" on another thread.

_____________________________

(in reply to SimplyV)

Post #: 18

RE: My Mistress wants a new sub - 3/8/2006 8:26:32 PM

brightspot

Posts: 3052
Status: offline

In your profile you say you have recently discovered your Domme side,
yet you are already screwing up a couple lives, well at least one for sure.

I think that a Domme should know somewhat of what the hell she is doing!

And This could be a good example for submissives to really get to know your
prospective Domme with good communication before you get into any deep
level of interaction.

Sheesh....

...Good Luck!

*Brightspot

_____________________________

"Comedy is NOT Pretty!" ~Peter Nelson

But..."May at Least One person have a sense of Humor!" ~KML.

http://360.yahoo.com/my_profile-TD4TwEw8crWS3GHFDcs_DK1rHmW6Dq_E;_ylt=Av2PfG9gH0wkQrMPivuMCivGAOJ3

(in reply to SimplyV)

Post #: 19

RE: My Mistress wants a new sub - 3/8/2006 9:15:17 PM

Knight2be

Posts: 5
Joined: 2/7/2006
Status: offline

I think you're to quick to Judge. I don't give a rats ass on what you think of her. But watch how you flame her. My friend came from an abusive relationship, an abusive past and in the last year hes come to grips with it because of her help.

So judge all you want. But I don't see how this is helping him to start a flame fest.

(in reply to brightspot)

Post #: 20

Page: [1] 2 next > >>

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> My Mistress wants a new sub

Page: [1] 2 next > >>

Jump to:

New Messages	No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages	Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages	Locked w/o New Messages

Post New Thread

Reply to Message

Post New Poll

Submit Vote

Delete My Own Post

Delete My Own Thread

Rate Posts

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.141