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Well Meaning Friends - 10/29/2009 9:50:55 AM   
littleone35


Posts: 2828
Joined: 2/17/2005
Status: offline 		I have many friends that do not know abut my lifestyle. I did not tell them about it because i know they would not understand. I do, however, have some friends that do know, and they are suppotive and curious about it.

Ok what happened is that one of my curious and supportive friends to mentioned something about my Master to one of the friends that did not know thnking they knew. To put it midly she freaked . I knew that would be her reaction which is why i did not tell her. She said he forced you into this right? If he is bothering you we can go to the police and get a restraining order. I siad to her relax i love him, he is not bothering me I CHOSE this, and him and no one is going to the police. She is still a little freaked out. Thinks something is seriously wrong with me. I know she means well but she has gotta chill. I guess i have to tell my friends who knows and who does not

Do you have well meaning friends who want to"protect" you? How did you handle it?

Matt's littleone

< Message edited by littleone35 -- 10/29/2009 9:51:40 AM >
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RE: Wel meaning friends - 10/29/2009 9:52:14 AM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		get the book, when someone you love is kinky and loan it to her.

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Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30


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RE: Wel meaning friends - 10/29/2009 9:55:34 AM   
littleone35


Posts: 2828
Joined: 2/17/2005
Status: offline 		Thank You i will look that up.

Matt's littleone

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RE: Well Meaning Friends - 10/29/2009 10:03:21 AM   
MasterAramis


Posts: 279
Joined: 7/29/2008
From: Connecticut
Status: offline 		This is not uncommon. Many people "freak" at things they don't or can't understand. However it is best that you sit down and talk to her about it. I am not sure as to your relationship dynamic with your Master, but I think it would best to discuss with her that there is something inside of you that is old, and desirous of when men were men, and women were women, to quote a cliche, and that you do so willingly and to top it off, that you are extremely happy in this dynamic.

I would also stress as you did, that you choose to live in this fashion and that it is not being forced upon you in the least. Please remember, that she can still go to the police without you if she feels you are being forced into this. If she does, you may have some cruisers in front of your house and the cops asking a bunch of questions about your personal life. Very embarrassing to say the least.

Bit of advice if this does happen, tell them everything you have said here, leave out any physical stuff that may go on between you too. I have seen some pretty bad things happen because of some well meaning friends.

Aramis





_____________________________

"He who would be a man must be a master. He who surrenders his mastery surrenders his manhood." - Players of Gor

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RE: Wel meaning friends - 10/29/2009 10:06:58 AM   
SubOnlyForHim


Posts: 787
Joined: 8/19/2009
Status: offline 		i had a similar reaction from a very close male friend a few days ago. i was the one to tell him. He said "I can handle anything. You can't be keeping anything THAT big from me". Boy, was he wrong! Sometimes you just never can tell. I told him he could just go back to thinking i had an over-bearing jealous control-freak boyfriend. He said he couldn't decide what kind of help i needed....mental or law enforcement. *major eye roll*

edited cause i can't spell!



< Message edited by SubOnlyForHim -- 10/29/2009 10:07:45 AM >

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*committed*

~The more answers i get, the more questions i have.~







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RE: Wel meaning friends - 10/29/2009 10:09:49 AM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		well, this is why I recommend books, which you yourself should read first so you can advance studious arguments.....sign your copy and get it back...

I read John Warren's, 'Loving Dominant' only a few years ago, and all the while I read his warnings and disclaimers and mumbled to myself throughout:

Yup, fucked up JUST LIKE THAT, Yup, fucked up JUST LIKE THAT ......

Ron

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30


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RE: Well Meaning Friends - 10/29/2009 10:15:42 AM   
leadership527


Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: littleone35
Do you have well meaning friends who want to"protect" you? How did you handle it?
I've never ran into this. The closest I came was my parents who had some momentary concern on Carol's behalf. How I would handle this situation is easy though. I don't personally believe anythign I'm doing is bad. Hence, anyone who felt so strongly that it was would be in the "mutually irreconcilable differences" category in my head and would not be my friend. Problem solved. I expect my friends to care about ME, not their own little warped visions of me.

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

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RE: Well Meaning Friends - 10/29/2009 10:15:49 AM   
porcelaine


Posts: 5020
Joined: 7/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: littleone35

Do you have well meaning friends who want to"protect" you? How did you handle it?


littleone,

this was a common occurrence for me years ago, but as an adult it is necessary to draw clear boundaries. advice is fine and expressing concern isn't something i mind. but in the end i will live my life according to my own terms without their consent or necessary approval. i simply can't live in the manner. this doesn't imply i have little regard for their feelings, but i'm unwilling to be restricted by them. that right is afforded to my Owner.

when i returned to collarme i recall my then Mentor looking at the profiles i found intriguing and frowning. she didn't find them appealing and would never select those individuals for me. but no one was ever good enough in her book so it became clear the remedy was to stop showing them to her. i would suggest something similar in your situation. when we share intimate things about ourselves we run the risk of negative consequences coming about. i'm of the opinion that some things are meant to remain within and don't need to be expressed verbally. i find myself far more tight lipped now than i ever was, and truth be told i'm much happier being this way.

porcelaine


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His will; my fate.

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RE: Well Meaning Friends - 10/29/2009 10:19:05 AM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: porcelaine

quote:

ORIGINAL: littleone35

Do you have well meaning friends who want to"protect" you? How did you handle it?


littleone,

this was a common occurrence for me years ago, but as an adult it is necessary to draw clear boundaries. advice is fine and expressing concern isn't something i mind. but in the end i will live my life according to my own terms without their consent or necessary approval. i simply can't live in the manner. this doesn't imply i have little regard for their feelings, but i'm unwilling to be restricted by them. that right is afforded to my Owner.

when i returned to collarme i recall my then Mentor looking at the profiles i found intriguing and frowning. she didn't find them appealing and would never select those individuals for me. but no one was ever good enough in her book so it became clear the remedy was to stop showing them to her. i would suggest something similar in your situation. when we share intimate things about ourselves we run the risk of negative consequences coming about. i'm of the opinion that some things are meant to remain within and don't need to be expressed verbally. i find myself far more tight lipped now than i ever was, and truth be told i'm much happier being this way.

porcelaine




and this is the reasoning behind the 'insultings' that a few people say exists on the forums, yanno, this is one that should be cross posted and allowed. it is what it is.

Ron

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30


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RE: Well Meaning Friends - 10/29/2009 10:28:29 AM   
oceanwynds1


Posts: 53
Joined: 10/20/2009
Status: offline 		Yes i do littleone and some of them feel they have an invested interest in me since hubby died. They do not understand why i want more then kink in the bedroom. i hear it a lot, almost like a constant drumming being played by them to control me.  i am pulling away from them not because they don't understand but the delusion that they know what is right and wrong for me.

i am very capable of making my own decisions and have realized that what i do will not be met in good grace by many, yet it is me that i will answer too in the end. i am who i am and to live that will serve my life better. Odd though they can handle me being a pagan, even into kink, but to live 24/7 in the expression of a submmissive baffles them. i do not push who i am or what i do on people. i bascially a quiet person. When i left Sir last week those against this where cheering big time, like i came to my 'senses'. Since i been back from the wedding, Sir and i have talked a lot and are working through the issues that were red flags for me. We both want to try and we are. i have decided to just stay quiet right now to those who cheered. Everyone means well, it is part of life, but many also have alternative motives. i'm learning and it is good thing, because i plan to learn to the day i die.
blessings
oceanwynds

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RE: Well Meaning Friends - 10/29/2009 10:47:31 AM   
MasterAramis


Posts: 279
Joined: 7/29/2008
From: Connecticut
Status: offline
quote:

and this is the reasoning behind the 'insultings' that a few people say exists on the forums, yanno, this is one that should be cross posted and allowed. it is what it is.


Duh, did something just go over my head? LOL

By the way been there done that with Johns books! Good call.

Aramis

< Message edited by MasterAramis -- 10/29/2009 10:48:43 AM >

_____________________________

"He who would be a man must be a master. He who surrenders his mastery surrenders his manhood." - Players of Gor

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RE: Well Meaning Friends - 10/29/2009 10:49:53 AM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		well, these bits at any rate......
---------------------------------
but as an adult it is necessary to draw clear boundaries. advice is fine and expressing concern isn't something i mind. but in the end i will live my life according to my own terms without their consent or necessary approval. i simply can't live in the manner. this doesn't imply i have little regard for their feelings, but i'm unwilling to be restricted by them.

when we share intimate things about ourselves we run the risk of negative consequences coming about. i'm of the opinion that some things are meant to remain within and don't need to be expressed verbally. i find myself far more tight lipped now than i ever was, and truth be told i'm much happier being this way.
-----------------------------------
does that make it any clearer?

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30


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RE: Well Meaning Friends - 10/29/2009 10:54:04 AM   
AnnaOfAramis


Posts: 523
Joined: 7/30/2008
Status: offline 		Pssst, Master, talk to Master Tim- he has a little prism decoder thingy he uses for Master Ron's posts
love,
anna

< Message edited by AnnaOfAramis -- 10/29/2009 10:57:15 AM >

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in obsequium hominis

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RE: Well Meaning Friends - 10/29/2009 11:35:45 AM   
MarcEsadrian


Posts: 852
Joined: 8/24/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: littleone35
Do you have well meaning friends who want to"protect" you? How did you handle it?


The only way to mitigate this problem is through privacy, and sharing what you do only with those of like-mind, who understand and respect the need for privacy. Those who find it "curious" no doubt see an element of scandal in it all, and can't help but diffuse details of your personal life to others—in the utmost "confidence", of course. It often starts with an innocent assumption as fodder for gossip, and in others by invoking that familiar incantation, "don't tell anyone else this, but did you know..."

As for dealing with well-meaning friends who happen upon these details of your personal life, a patient and thorough dialog is recommended. If they refuse to accept your way of life as a chosen path and insist on interfering, remove them from your life as gently as you may; these "friends", while well intentioned, have the tools to cause you a lot of trouble if they so choose. Be cautious about what you say to others. Better yet, refrain from offering these colorful vignettes to brag or show off in the first place.

_____________________________

Omnes una manet nox

Founder, Humbled Females

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RE: Well Meaning Friends - 10/29/2009 11:57:53 AM   
Toppingfrmbottom


Posts: 6528
Joined: 6/7/2009
Status: offline 		nope cause I have no real life friends, and my online friends are just as /kinky if not more than me.

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RE: Well Meaning Friends - 10/29/2009 11:58:06 AM   
Eamane


Posts: 8
Joined: 3/11/2009
Status: offline 		*makes a face* I made this mistake too. I have a very close girlfriend who thinks that only dominant personalities should take a submissive role and vice versus (she watched a tv show >.<) and thus because I have a submissive personality Sir is taking advantage of me and I should be in therapy.

I eventually just told her to leave it, that I'm happpy and that I chose this dynamic for myself. I don't think it worked, but she doesn't bring it up anymore


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RE: Well Meaning Friends - 10/29/2009 12:59:50 PM   
littleone35


Posts: 2828
Joined: 2/17/2005
Status: offline 		You all seem to thimk i share close intimate details of what we do. I don't do that i only go over in in broad terms i idon't give them a blow by blow (no pun intended). If igave them intimate details that would be TMI Thank you for all your thoughts and advice though, it is very much appricated.

Matt's littleone

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RE: Well Meaning Friends - 10/29/2009 1:03:58 PM   
sweetsub1957


Posts: 2201
Joined: 4/28/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: littleone35

Do you have well meaning friends who want to"protect" you? How did you handle it?

Matt's littleone


Very few of my nilla friends know about my bdsm proclivities.  Five to be exact.  And each one has proven herself trustworthy time and time again.  Other than that, the police liason for the apartment building asked why I was wearing a dog collar & when a friend explained why, then he understood & was happy for me.  And my sister knows & keeps quiet about it.  At first, my sister and one friend were a little freaked, but now everyone who knows is okay with it.  There's always a chance of unpleasant reactions if someone finds out.....

_____________________________

Member: Lance's Fag Hags.

"That's not just a chip on her shoulder, that's the whole potato!" ~Lady Angelika~

In lowering yourself to talking behind my back, you're perfectly positioned to kiss my ass.

An it harm none, do what ye wilt.

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RE: Well Meaning Friends - 10/29/2009 1:16:29 PM   
zephyroftheNorth


Posts: 8159
Joined: 10/5/2009
From: The Great Frozen North
Status: offline 		I've said nothing to my family and non-kinky friends. My family would NOTunderstand and what starts out as acceptance could end up front page news if the descrete friend and I have a fight. it's not worth it

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And there's a smile when the pain comes
The pain gonna make ev'rything alright ~ Black Crows

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Member: Cocksuckers For World Peace
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RE: Well Meaning Friends - 10/29/2009 3:54:14 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Eamane

because I have a submissive personality Sir is taking advantage of me and I should be in therapy.



The only person I told was my therapist. She sees me calmer and more able to handle things than before so she's fine with it.

However I don't tell people about my relationship, I allow them to observe and make their own decisions from what they see. And what they see are two people who respect each other, care about each other, are happy together and don't argue. And how could anyone thing there is something wrong with that?

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


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