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RE: Well Meaning Friends - 10/29/2009 4:09:13 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
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Can't say I have friends or family like this. Most just shake their heads and say "hey it's your life". They may give some well meaning suggestions but that's as far as it goes and then we start on a new conversation about "hey did you see that new movie? How's the job, kid, blah blah blah".

We all work on the premise that we're adults and that if we don't know better by now at our ages we probably never will.

(in reply to DesFIP)

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RE: Well Meaning Friends - 10/29/2009 5:01:43 PM

lizi

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Joined: 2/1/2009
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2 of my friends know of my interest in D/s. In the beginning one of them was concerned for my well being but has since changed her stance. I kept giving her information about it until she understood more and saw that it was my choice and that I was happy with it. That worked for me- to just keep talking and work it through with her until she understood the subject enough to accept its place in my life.

Think about when you were new to this and how much information there is to absorb and sort through - the abuse thing would be an easy assumption to make without all of the background. I think a lot of her gradual acceptance is due to the fact that I talk to her about my partner and our relationship as well as D/s in general. She is also able to see with her own eyes that I am happy and peaceful so she knows this works for me. In fact we've graduated to talking about more intimate aspects of my relationship with my Master (with his permission) and she is considering trying out some small things in her own relationship. It's been an interesting jouney seeing her struggle to understand and accept this about me to being open enough to admit that there are things about D/s that she would like to experience for herself.

< Message edited by lizi -- 10/29/2009 5:02:55 PM >

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RE: Well Meaning Friends - 10/29/2009 5:45:44 PM

Huntertn

Posts: 715
Joined: 10/7/2006
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In the end you have to decied for yourself what you like..and what works for you. Telling, or not telling, is up to you. Frankly,alot of so called friends can't handle what is too unnormal to them and sometimes they will out you. Again,You have to decied if thats the risk you want to take.

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RE: Well Meaning Friends - 10/29/2009 8:14:12 PM

NuevaVida

Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
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My friends see my owner and I together and have said he's "old school". I say we should have been born a generation or two ago, because we both enjoy the same relationship dynamic in which the man is head of household. They say "cool!" and that's about it. They see me joyous and they see for themselves his care for me, so there are no worries.

As for the "bdsm" stuff, I don't have much need to share what goes on there. I pick and choose carefully who gets to know what.

Although I did accidentally miss that my email did that "auto-fill" thing and I once sent an email addressed to "Dear Daddy" to one of my distribution lists - oops. Fortunately it was just an email discussing logistics and nothing more, and they all thought it was cute that I called him that.

I think if someone were to "freak" as the OP described, and threaten to call authorities, I would have a very serious conversation in which I would firmly yet lovingly assure her that all is well, I am happy, no one is hurting me, and that I need her to respect that. I would let her know I understand and appreciate her concerns, but if she takes this much farther, I will have to remove myself from the friendship.

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RE: Well Meaning Friends - 10/29/2009 8:43:04 PM

librarysub

Posts: 32
Joined: 11/16/2008
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Back when i was in college a close friend was taking "Human sexuality". i was her favorite person to question. But she just assumed that when my husband and i started actually having intercourse, that we wouldn't "need to do kinky stuff" anymore. i just let her believe that, Another friend knows, but has more trouble with it now that i'm not in a monogomous, married relationship. She thinks i just need to find another "soul mate" and i'll be "cured". At least they're harmless.

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RE: Well Meaning Friends - 10/30/2009 6:53:42 AM

lucylucy

Posts: 612
Joined: 3/1/2009
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The #1 reason I joined collarme (as my profile says) is to be able to talk to people about my relationship and not have to worry about them freaking out and putting me in the situation you are in, littleone35. I don’t talk about the BDSM aspects of my relationship except in VERY vague terms with friends, and only with a tiny handful of friends. (Of course my hairdresser knows everything, but come on, he’s my hairdresser!)

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RE: Well Meaning Friends - 10/30/2009 8:40:07 AM

MyLoveMyLord

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Joined: 10/29/2009
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I have very few friends that know about my lifestyle. Those that know accept it and are very supportive. Other than that, most people don't know and I think it's better that way.

I had one friend ask me why I would want to be "used" by a Dom. I explained to him that I was not used, but, cherished as His slave. After that, he accepted it as something that makes me happy and completes me. Now we can now talk openly about just about everything.

Of course it helps that the friends that do know are also very kinky in their own ways. Not in BDSM, but, I would definitely not classify them as vanilla... lol

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RE: Well Meaning Friends - 10/30/2009 11:34:27 AM

agirl

Posts: 4530
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I do have a friend that thinks my relationship is *bad for me*. I actually respect his view because it's based on his own perception of me and because he genuinely cares about me. He's very open-minded but he's got HIS idea of what's *good for me* and as far as I'm concerned he's entitled to that. I might possibly think the same way about relationships he's in. He doesn't understand it, although he's certainly given it a lot of thought over quite a few years , he doesn't dismiss it despite not *getting it*.

I don't think it'd be possible for us to be friends if either of us couldn't SAY those things , and yet accept them too.

I suppose the big difference is that he doesn't feel any need to *protect* me. He's met my owner now and then , can see that I'm pretty content, knows that M isn't a *bad guy* and so on . He just doesn't understand* and readily admits it. That's fine , I don't *get* some of his, too.

The type of friendship matters. Sometimes people feel quite miffed when they think they *know* you ....... and find out that they don't know something quite significant.

You knew she'd *freak* and you were right...lol. Of course it's a good idea to have the ones that *know* ,......also *know* that that you don't particularly want everyone to *know*.

agirl

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