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RE: Just a Question. - 10/30/2009 6:23:24 PM

DesFIP

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AR, I'd agree with you about the chatty factor except for his tell tale phrase about all his other girlfriends. It states he has a problem with communication and contact. You know; the only common denominator in all his relationships is him.

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RE: Just a Question. - 10/31/2009 2:21:15 AM

Drifa

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What I got out of the OP was that she seems to need constant communication, co0nstant talk, IM, touch etc. And when not getting it is distressed.

Have you ever seen kudzu (or any other clinking vine) crawl up over a strong, healthy tree and throttle it with too much closeness? That's sort of what I got the sense of in what you described.

A new relationship should be one in which bot of you have the chance to learn more about the other, as well as exploring your current compatibility. But right here at the onset you don't need to know every detail of his whole life's history - you are getting the lay of the land, as it were, finding out whether the two of you seem to be a fit.

I would even guess that you want these long talks as a sign of intimacy and attention. If so, you need to take a deep breath and step back. No one wants to be smothered by someone they just met. And at this level in the "getting to know you" phase of the relationship constant two hour long conversations are a bit excessive.

Take it slow, get to know each other gradually. Even if he is a perfect match, you will not be surgically joined at the hip. Great, enduring relationships grow best when one partner is not the clinging kudzu, squeezing the life out of their partner. Give him time to hear himself thing, and let him get a word or two in edgewise!

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RE: Just a Question. - 10/31/2009 9:23:32 AM

AnimusRex

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DesFIP-
You may be right, in that her bf may be inexperienced enough to not know that "you sound like my ex-wife/girlfriend" is only slightly below "you sound like your mother" in the all time Top Ten THINGS NEVER TO SAY TO A WOMAN;

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RE: Just a Question. - 10/31/2009 9:43:27 AM

barelynangel

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Okay Late August and its now late October so TWO WHOLE months you have pretty much been DATING - yeah unless you are both on the same wavelength of what you determine your relationship to be -- 2 months in is still pretty much a dating phase. On average you guys have seen each other once a week if you have seen each other 10 times -- sounds kinda NORMAL to me in the get to know you phase.

No sorry but when i am initially dating someone i don't expect to be in his pocket no matter how much i want to crawl inside with my eyes sticking out being with him, and while i love speaking and talking i do realize the person i am seeing has a life and two hours on a computer can wear someone out.

What it sounds like is how fast you are both deciding this should move isn't in balance with each other. You want to have a committment and sounds like LIVE with him already and he is still in the dating phase. I don't know if people get this but prior to texting and iming, which hasn't really been around all that long -- people didn't spend HOURS upon HOURS of talking on the phone, they well dated a couple times a week, had sex and didn't always spend the night and enjoyed getting to know each other.

I think you may be seeing him with COMMITTMENT let's act like we live together and are married idea, and he may be seeing DATING not spending 24/7. You are complaining because he things TWO hours iming back and forth is a lot? You are upset because he isn't having you stay overnight all the time? I mean the only redflag i see is for him telling him to RUN due to your incessant need to go from dating to committment overnight pretty much. I see a red flag in you that you are incapable of living life without demanding he be in your pocket. I see a red flag that you think TWO hours isn't enough or raise an eyebrow when he thinks its a long time (perhaps he wants to do something else other that sit on the computer?) I see a red flag that you after two months are upset becuase he is satisfied right now with spending the DAY with you and you want to be with him overnight all the time.

NOW this being said, if you were 8 months to a year out and he was not moving toward a committment idea with you as you have told him exactly what you are looking for (a full out committment of spending most of your free time together) then i would say, you may want to find someone who is more willing to move towards what you want in a relationship.

But two months?? Sometimes it does work where people meet and jump right into the full fledge committment of spending every moment talking or being together, but many times it takes time to get to full committment. I have seen people jump in and out of relationships because they didn't stop and smell the roses of dating and getting to know each other prior to the incessant need D/s relationships seem to have of finding out if you two actually are compatible in the long run.

I don't blame him for not jumping in with his barefeet and overhanging toenails saying oh yeah baby we are now together forever.

angel

< Message edited by barelynangel -- 10/31/2009 9:48:00 AM >

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RE: Just a Question. - 10/31/2009 9:52:30 AM

VampiresLair

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He might also be trying to hint at you that he is overwhelmed by how much of his time you think you are entitled to at this stage. Is the statement that you "have been talking for 2 hours" being thrown in randomly, or are you making comments like "we dont talk enough" to prompt them? Was "We spent the whole day together" out of the blue or did you say " I feel like we never see one another." first?

After 2 months, normally people do want to see each other frequently, but some people need time to themselves too. You are not entitled to be the center of his attention 24/7 just because you want it that way. Some people cant function like that and the more you push the less interested in time with you he gets.

While not the best way to do it, was he possibly comparing you to exs to keep you from making the same mistake they made in smothering him, hence their being the ex? Maybe rather than being mean he was trying to make you see his point that he needs space with the only tangible examples he has, other failures. Rather than condemning him, look at it as he is trying to make it workable with you, but you might not be willing to see it.

DV

< Message edited by VampiresLair -- 10/31/2009 9:56:11 AM >

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RE: Just a Question. - 11/1/2009 2:32:53 PM

yellowroses

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quote:

ORIGINAL: antipode

And I have to honsetly add that if you really delete all emails from California because "all people from Cali are crazy" you come across to me as "22 going on 16"... which is not a good place to start a relationship.

22 going on 16....more credit then I will give. You are being kind.

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RE: Just a Question. - 11/1/2009 5:39:26 PM

juicygummybear

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Thanks for everyones inputt

sorry if some people think i am 22 going on 16, lol but i have humor in my life!!

We are NO a way a couple i dont think that neither does he we are not in love, that would be a litte bit odd we havent known each other that long!

He doesnt think of as a couple intill after we had sex

And i am in no away wanting him here 24/7 touch we see each other 1 time a week and sometimes i sleep over!

Maybe i remind him of his ex lol!!!
since he is 50( going on 16) and i am 22( going on 16) !

I think we are a fit i just worry alot since i am very new at everything and needs to take one step at a time.

He helps me so its going swell:)

Thanks for everyones view it has helped me alot thank you everyone!!!

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