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Why Make Us worry? - 3/8/2006 10:14:21 AM

lilserenity

Posts: 41
Joined: 7/1/2004
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I have recently been put unconsideration by a very nice and wonderful Dom..But like everything else He upsetted me...He laid down and took a nap and that was last i heard or seen of him until today(12 hours later)..We were suppose to call each other or chat with each like we have been before we go to sleep..But he went out with his cousin and had seafood not saying anything to me and left me hanging and worrying until I couldnt hold my eyes open anymore..I was yes upset but I had a very good reason to be..I lost my Master 3 years ago a week before we were to meet. He had passed away without letting me know how serious his condition was he had diabetes and cancer..It hurt me bad and for a long time we were spending all the time we could on the phone and online before we met on New Years..His mom had called me and told me and I just lost it..Now I have a potential and dont want to go thru the same with him..I feel close to him and will meet him soon if all goes well like it is or was..I hate worrying and not knowing..I just wish people would consider their other halfs before themselves then all would be fine,when they dont we never know what to expect..

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The gem cannot be polished without friction, nor man perfected without trials.

Post #: 1

RE: Why Make Us worry? - 3/8/2006 10:22:43 AM

amayos

Posts: 1553
Joined: 6/2/2004
From: New England
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: lilserenity

I have recently been put unconsideration by a very nice and wonderful Dom..But like everything else He upsetted me...He laid down and took a nap and that was last i heard or seen of him until today(12 hours later)..We were suppose to call each other or chat with each like we have been before we go to sleep..But he went out with his cousin and had seafood not saying anything to me and left me hanging and worrying until I couldnt hold my eyes open anymore..I was yes upset but I had a very good reason to be..I lost my Master 3 years ago a week before we were to meet. He had passed away without letting me know how serious his condition was he had diabetes and cancer..It hurt me bad and for a long time we were spending all the time we could on the phone and online before we met on New Years..His mom had called me and told me and I just lost it..Now I have a potential and dont want to go thru the same with him..I feel close to him and will meet him soon if all goes well like it is or was..I hate worrying and not knowing..I just wish people would consider their other halfs before themselves then all would be fine,when they dont we never know what to expect..

You did say you were under consideration. That to me does not mean anything contractual. I'm not certain of details, but I feel you may be worrying a bit too much at this stage. Give it time, and take care not to mother him. If, over time, it appears he's just not taking you seriously, move on.

(in reply to lilserenity)

Post #: 2

RE: Why Make Us worry? - 3/8/2006 10:24:28 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
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First off, try and put things in perspective. Hard considering you've been burned before, but in the long term scheme of things, this particular incidence is not the worst that could happen.

Secondly, yes, it would have been the best thing to make a quick call and say "Hey, can't talk now, but we're ok." Obviously at this point what you do is go to him and say "I felt really afraid and abandoned by not hearing from you. It would really help me feel secure if you could remember those little things until we had a long term established situation."

Thirdly, assess whether you are really ready to be in a relationship again. Your comment of "like everything else he upset me" speaks to a lot of negative and low self-esteem- someone who is preparing for failure. Or assess whether you want to keep getting into relationships with people you can't see on a regular basis. You're the one making the choices to be with these people and you should assess whether you can improve the process for yourself.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to lilserenity)

Post #: 3

RE: Why Make Us worry? - 3/8/2006 11:26:02 AM

IronBear

Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

First off, try and put things in perspective. Hard considering you've been burned before, but in the long term scheme of things, this particular incidence is not the worst that could happen.

Secondly, yes, it would have been the best thing to make a quick call and say "Hey, can't talk now, but we're ok." Obviously at this point what you do is go to him and say "I felt really afraid and abandoned by not hearing from you. It would really help me feel secure if you could remember those little things until we had a long term established situation."

Thirdly, assess whether you are really ready to be in a relationship again. Your comment of "like everything else he upset me" speaks to a lot of negative and low self-esteem- someone who is preparing for failure. Or assess whether you want to keep getting into relationships with people you can't see on a regular basis. You're the one making the choices to be with these people and you should assess whether you can improve the process for yourself.

Yeah what LA said.......

LA, you and don't agree very often but when your come up with something I agree with' I'll stand behind you 100%....

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 4

RE: Why Make Us worry? - 3/8/2006 11:29:45 AM

ExistentialSteel

Posts: 676
Joined: 1/18/2005
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I think Ann Landers or Emily Post is still alive.

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(in reply to lilserenity)

Post #: 5

RE: Why Make Us worry? - 3/8/2006 11:32:06 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: IronBear
LA, you and don't agree very often but when your come up with something I agree with' I'll stand behind you 100%....

Just be sure to bring gloves for the cold emotionless climate you apparently think I live in.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to IronBear)

Post #: 6

RE: Why Make Us worry? - 3/8/2006 11:53:51 AM

valeca

Posts: 403
Joined: 1/9/2006
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I'm just going to ditto LA's post, and add

It's 12 hours! He gave you a reasonable answer as to why He couldn't keep the commitment. Three days with no word, I could see a little anxiety creeping in...but 12 hours accompanied by a reasonable explanation?

_____________________________

~valeca, Owned and Operated by Loraith.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 7

RE: Why Make Us worry? - 3/8/2006 12:02:05 PM

ExistentialSteel

Posts: 676
Joined: 1/18/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

quote:

ORIGINAL: IronBear
LA, you and don't agree very often but when your come up with something I agree with' I'll stand behind you 100%....

Just be sure to bring gloves for the cold emotionless climate you apparently think I live in.

Lay on the couch, look at the Rorschach ink blots and tell me why you feel this way?

_____________________________

For those who are like Roman Candles leaving bright trails in the night sky while the crowd watches until the dark blue center light bursts into magnificent colors and the crowd goes, ahhhhhhhhhh.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 8

RE: Why Make Us worry? - 3/8/2006 12:11:03 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ExistentialSteel
Lay on the couch, look at the Rorschach ink blots and tell me why you feel this way?

Recent "Collar" thread, post #28.

< Message edited by LuckyAlbatross -- 3/8/2006 12:12:04 PM >

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to ExistentialSteel)

Post #: 9

RE: Why Make Us worry? - 3/8/2006 12:20:25 PM

ExistentialSteel

Posts: 676
Joined: 1/18/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

quote:

ORIGINAL: ExistentialSteel
Lay on the couch, look at the Rorschach ink blots and tell me why you feel this way?

Recent "Collar" thread, post #28.

LOL..where do I find post #28?

_____________________________

For those who are like Roman Candles leaving bright trails in the night sky while the crowd watches until the dark blue center light bursts into magnificent colors and the crowd goes, ahhhhhhhhhh.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 10

RE: Why Make Us worry? - 3/8/2006 12:23:40 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ExistentialSteel
LOL..where do I find post #28?

In between post #27 and #29?

At the bottom of each person's post is a number associated with it. The original post is #1 and it goes from there.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to ExistentialSteel)

Post #: 11

RE: Why Make Us worry? - 3/8/2006 12:23:46 PM

proudsub

Posts: 6142
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Washington
Status: offline

quote:

We were suppose to call each other or chat with each like we have been before we go to sleep..

Sometimes life gets in the way.

_____________________________

proudsub

"Without goals you become what you were. With goals you become what you wish." .

"You are entitled to your own opinions but not your own facts"--Alan Greenspan

(in reply to lilserenity)

Post #: 12

RE: Why Make Us worry? - 3/8/2006 12:28:01 PM

ExistentialSteel

Posts: 676
Joined: 1/18/2005
Status: offline

LA, thanks for the math lesson, but I still don't know how to find the post. I know that I'm probably being dunce as all get out to you, but, honestly, I don't know where it is. Does anyone know how to get there? Speak up if you do.

_____________________________

For those who are like Roman Candles leaving bright trails in the night sky while the crowd watches until the dark blue center light bursts into magnificent colors and the crowd goes, ahhhhhhhhhh.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 13

RE: Why Make Us worry? - 3/8/2006 12:31:22 PM

angelic

Posts: 1807
Joined: 1/24/2005
Status: offline

it's on page 2 of the thread simply called "Collar", Sir...

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~....and once you have tasted flight, you will walk the earth with your eyes turned skyward, for there you have been and there you long to return.~ -- Leonardo de Vinci

(in reply to ExistentialSteel)

Post #: 14

RE: Why Make Us worry? - 3/8/2006 12:32:37 PM

proudsub

Posts: 6142
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Washington
Status: offline

quote:

Does anyone know how to get there? Speak up if you do.

It's probably on page 2 or this thread:

collars

_____________________________

proudsub

"Without goals you become what you were. With goals you become what you wish." .

"You are entitled to your own opinions but not your own facts"--Alan Greenspan

(in reply to ExistentialSteel)

Post #: 15

RE: Why Make Us worry? - 3/8/2006 12:32:52 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

Here's the page directly.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to ExistentialSteel)

Post #: 16

RE: Why Make Us worry? - 3/8/2006 12:33:52 PM

Vancouver_cinful

Posts: 1911
Joined: 2/3/2004
Status: offline

I think a good way to put this into perspective is this: One raindrop does not a thunderstorm make. But one followed by another and increasing into a visible pattern of rain, thunder and lightning, does.

If you notice he makes a habit of not keeping his commitments to call, or be there online, then it's a problem. but everyone forgets occasionally, or rushes out the door without something, only to remember later...

Give him the benefit of the doubt, but watch for ongoing patterns of behaviour that you just don't feel comfortable with. Then deal with it, as you think best.

And remember, a calm non-blaming statement about how you felt is never out of place in a mature relationship.

Cin

< Message edited by Vancouver_cinful -- 3/8/2006 12:37:40 PM >

_____________________________

Cin

quote:

My Karma Account is huge, but I just can't seem to make a withdrawal!!

http://cinful.wordpress.com

(in reply to lilserenity)

Post #: 17

RE: Why Make Us worry? - 3/8/2006 12:41:12 PM

ExistentialSteel

Posts: 676
Joined: 1/18/2005
Status: offline

Ahhh, okay, I found it. Thanks to all.

_____________________________

For those who are like Roman Candles leaving bright trails in the night sky while the crowd watches until the dark blue center light bursts into magnificent colors and the crowd goes, ahhhhhhhhhh.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 18

RE: Why Make Us worry? - 3/8/2006 1:09:42 PM

caitlyn

Posts: 3473
Joined: 12/22/2004
Status: offline

You live in a cold, emotionless climate LA?

It's odd ... we never ran into each other.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 19

RE: Why Make Us worry? - 3/8/2006 1:13:20 PM

ownedgirlie

Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline

Given your recent situation and the fact that this relationship is new - therefore you are not comfortable with fully trusting yet, it is understandable to have some anxiety. Often time life just happens. Unless he specifically said "wait up for me and I will contact you," when you get tired, go to bed. Let him know of your anxieties due to what recently happened so he knows the big picture.

(in reply to lilserenity)

Post #: 20

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