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Submissive outside the relationship? - 11/1/2009 5:10:39 PM   
PainfullyCurious


Posts: 157
Joined: 10/26/2009
Status: offline 		I've read a few profiles where the dom has written that they are dominant in everything that they do. It's who they are.

Do you think the same holds true for subs?

I ask because in my career, i'm not submissive at all. I'm somewhat dominant, more of a leader, and and I like to teach others to be leaders as well. In a relationship though I want someone who is more dominant than me in every way. As a matter of fact, I can't think of any other area of my life where I would act submissively. 

What about you?
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RE: Submissive outside the relationship? - 11/1/2009 5:15:03 PM   
SilverMark


Posts: 3457
Joined: 5/9/2007
Status: offline 		Almost all of the subs I have ever met have been decision makers and had a great deal of responsibility outside of their D/s relationships. I have always thought they tired of making decisions so therefore when they could cede the responsibility they would do so.

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The trouble with ignorance is that it picks up confidence as it goes along.
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(in reply to PainfullyCurious)
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RE: Submissive outside the relationship? - 11/1/2009 5:16:32 PM   
lucylucy


Posts: 612
Joined: 3/1/2009
Status: offline 		I’m not at all submissive outside my relationship. In my career, I am very ambitious, and very much a leader. I supervise a large staff and have to assertively protect my turf on a regular basis. I’ve actually won awards for leadership on the job. 

Outside of work and my relationship, I am very assertive and confident.

I’m assertive and confident in my submission, too, now that I think about it. I’m not sure if that makes any sense. What I mean is, I am not submissive out of insecurity or lack of direction. I’m submissive because it feels really good, physically, emotionally, and intellectually.


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RE: Submissive outside the relationship? - 11/1/2009 5:23:03 PM   
Elizabeth666


Posts: 288
Joined: 10/14/2009
Status: offline 		I am the manager of the adult store I work at. May sound like an easy job but I am responsible for 7 staff members and all the other things that are included in running a large adult store. I am constantly in a role of authority, at work and home as I have a 14 year old daughter. It is nice to see Him and not have to worry about scedules and orders and all the other fun stuff that comes with being responisble lol

I enjoy submitting to Him and having the main focus as making Him happy and doing what i can to please Him. Other than that, I am in no way submissive outside of our relationship

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RE: Submissive outside the relationship? - 11/1/2009 5:26:06 PM   
Domtaur


Posts: 36
Joined: 5/14/2009
Status: offline 		IMHO
Many Careers directly contradict with what we "Need" or long for.. They are jobs..Example : Cops,Judges,Lawyers...positions of authority. Yet ALL yield both subs and Doms...What we choose for a career does not neccesarily have anything to do with the sexual side of ones personality.Or of personal relationships

(in reply to PainfullyCurious)
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RE: Submissive outside the relationship? - 11/1/2009 5:30:53 PM   
PainfullyCurious


Posts: 157
Joined: 10/26/2009
Status: offline 		Thanks everybody. Everytime I get a question in my head that gets me thinking maybe I should not be trying to get into this, I get overwhelmed with answers that seem to say I'll fit right in. That's good.
... and I know what you mean about "protecting your turf". I've worked in 2 different male dominated industries (in the South nonetheless). Learning to hold my own was just as important as learning employment law...

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RE: Submissive outside the relationship? - 11/1/2009 5:39:37 PM   
Hierodule


Posts: 597
Joined: 9/22/2009
Status: offline 		I am submissive outside my relationship. At this point I am a career assistant. I think there is something very noble about assisting in a creative field (I can get into that later, don't want to thread hijack)

And even when I move from the assistant's chair to the captains chair at the studio I am still "serving." As an audio engineer I "serve" the band and I "serve" the music. I am an audio slave.

I am the decision maker when it comes to mic choice, set up etc. But if the guitar player says "I don't like the tone. Its too bright" I don't tell him why he's wrong. I find a way to make his tone sound the way he wants it to sound. If I am mixing and they say bring the vocals up, I bring the vocals up. I don't argue. Audio engineers aren't producers. They serve.  Its the band's record. I exist to make it sound the way they want it to sound, period, not to express my opinion on the matter. That is, of course, unless they ask me for ideas and/or don't know what they want. At that point I make it sound how I think it should sound.

The closest I ever come to "topping" at the studio is when I tell the interns to clean the toilet.

< Message edited by Hierodule -- 11/1/2009 5:41:10 PM >

(in reply to Domtaur)
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RE: Submissive outside the relationship? - 11/1/2009 5:53:18 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		I prefer not to be the leader in any area. That said, being a parent, I still have to be. And as my oldest was very ill with a rare mental disorder for many years, I had to become good at it. I was a truly excellent child advocate. However it takes more out of me to be the leader, to be in charge, to speak up then it takes out of someone who naturally enjoys such a position.

However it is very common for someone who has huge amounts of responsibility in their job to want a break from that in their home life. It's stereotypical that leaders of industry are married to the dragon lady type. Although I've known some who do fit that bill, I've known others who wore the pants at home too, and more who were in normal vanilla give and take relationships.

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Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


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RE: Submissive outside the relationship? - 11/1/2009 5:57:46 PM   
Acer49


Posts: 1434
Joined: 8/7/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: PainfullyCurious

I've read a few profiles where the dom has written that they are dominant in everything that they do. It's who they are.

Do you think the same holds true for subs?

I ask because in my career, i'm not submissive at all. I'm somewhat dominant, more of a leader, and and I like to teach others to be leaders as well. In a relationship though I want someone who is more dominant than me in every way. As a matter of fact, I can't think of any other area of my life where I would act submissively. 

What about you?

From what I have noticed, one's submissiveness does not have to carry over nto their professional lives

_____________________________

Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one's definition of your life; define yourself.
Harvey Fierstein

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RE: Submissive outside the relationship? - 11/1/2009 6:36:40 PM   
oceanwynds1


Posts: 53
Joined: 10/20/2009
Status: offline 		Most of my life I have been in some form of counseling field, so there is a sharp submissive part of me in my career and also can be found in how i live my life, yet I work a lot of helping women to empower themselves. I also, for myself, find owning up to my submissive nature very empowering.

oceanwynds

(in reply to Acer49)
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RE: Submissive outside the relationship? - 11/1/2009 6:38:30 PM   
antipode


Posts: 1787
Joined: 4/19/2004
Status: offline
quote:

Do you think the same holds true for subs?


Did you have any particular type in mind, or do you mean all 656,553,211?

(in reply to PainfullyCurious)
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RE: Submissive outside the relationship? - 11/1/2009 7:07:19 PM   
PainfullyCurious


Posts: 157
Joined: 10/26/2009
Status: offline 		I can admit it when I'm clueless- I don't understand.

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RE: Submissive outside the relationship? - 11/1/2009 8:02:21 PM   
MagiksSlave


Posts: 2768
Joined: 9/11/2006
Status: offline 		Now thats just silly, no one is dominent or submissive at ALL times. Different relationships and situations require different dom to sub ratio in a persons personality. If there wasnt any give there would be a lot of problems and a lot of Doms being fired by their bosses!!

MS

< Message edited by MagiksSlave -- 11/1/2009 8:30:48 PM >

_____________________________

If you’re going through hell keep on moving
don't slow down
if you’re scared dont show it
you might get out
before the devil even knows your there.


-Rodney Atkins-



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RE: Submissive outside the relationship? - 11/1/2009 8:07:09 PM   
AnimusRex


Posts: 2165
Joined: 5/13/2006
Status: offline 		Actually, no one is "dominant in everything they do";

What they perhaps mean to say is that they prefer to be in the dominant position in life or relationships; however, life has plans of its own; We all have someone to whom we are submissive to, to whom we defer, don't we?
Our "natural dominance" just doesn't impress a boss, or a cop.

Likewise, many submissive women would prefer to have a support position, but life circumstances require that they take the lead, and they do.

(in reply to PainfullyCurious)
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RE: Submissive outside the relationship? - 11/1/2009 8:20:06 PM   
Icarys


Posts: 5757
Status: offline 		An act of "submission" doesn't make a person submissive..It's a frame of mind. If anything. I have to fight my nature to try and take over in situations that might not be appropriate.
There are plenty of people that I've come across that are compliant with almost every person they have come in contact with.





_____________________________

submission - the feeling of patient, submissive humbleness - the state of being submissive or compliant; meekness.

Alaska Bound-The Official Countdown Has Started!
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RE: Submissive outside the relationship? - 11/1/2009 8:32:58 PM   
MagiksSlave


Posts: 2768
Joined: 9/11/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Icarys

An act of "submission" doesn't make a person submissive..It's a frame of mind. If anything. I have to fight my nature to try and take over in situations that might not be appropriate.
There are plenty of people that I've come across that are compliant with almost every person they have come in contact with.






Which of course makes the muggers jobs so much easier!

"Give me your valubles"

"Yes Sir!"

< Message edited by MagiksSlave -- 11/1/2009 8:34:27 PM >

_____________________________

If you’re going through hell keep on moving
don't slow down
if you’re scared dont show it
you might get out
before the devil even knows your there.


-Rodney Atkins-



(in reply to Icarys)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Submissive outside the relationship? - 11/1/2009 8:35:42 PM   
Hierodule


Posts: 597
Joined: 9/22/2009
Status: offline 		lol

(in reply to MagiksSlave)
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RE: Submissive outside the relationship? - 11/1/2009 8:59:01 PM   
Icarys


Posts: 5757
Status: offline 		There ya have it. lol

Ever seen a person that everybody referred to as a pushover? They are out there.

There just happens to be less of those versus the Independent/Submissive types.

Of course I'm sure we all know that there are many varying degrees to almost anything a person can think up in this lifestyle.


Night.


< Message edited by Icarys -- 11/1/2009 9:00:28 PM >

_____________________________

submission - the feeling of patient, submissive humbleness - the state of being submissive or compliant; meekness.

Alaska Bound-The Official Countdown Has Started!
http://tinyurl.com/872mcu3
http://alturl.com/mog7m

(in reply to MagiksSlave)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Submissive outside the relationship? - 11/1/2009 9:00:24 PM   
PainfullyCurious


Posts: 157
Joined: 10/26/2009
Status: offline 		Those are good points.. dealing with a boss or a cop... I agree.
A boss may be impressed if you can keep your team well-organized, but may not be impressed if you try to tell him or her what to do.

I remember the last time I got a new boss, I had tried for weeks to get him to hear my ideas and he would always cut me off or avoid me. My grandmother, who worked full-time back when it really was a man's world, gave me the advice to bring up my ideas but to give him credit for them. She said to make them his ideas if I really think it's more important to turn my plans into action. (I felt a little better about subjugating myself when I realized he was snubbing his male employees as well as his female ones.) It worked like a charm! I still can’t believe it.

I didn’t want to do that, but I didn’t have much of a choice. In my personal life I would never chose to submit to someone who’s that insecure, but had he been a more dignified leader, may I wouldn't have minded.

Hmmm... I've always assumed that I prefer to be more of a dominant at work, but maybe i am pushed into that role sometimes just because the people I would classify as worth-submitting-to are few and far between. You don't get to chose who you work with...


 

Oh, and I forgot to add this to the original post. I will probably make it my signature: I know everyone is different. No need to reiterate that. Please tell me about your thoughts and experiences if you care to share. Thank You.

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RE: Submissive outside the relationship? - 11/1/2009 9:03:15 PM   
AnimusRex


Posts: 2165
Joined: 5/13/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Icarys

An act of "submission" doesn't make a person submissive..It's a frame of mind. If anything. I have to fight my nature to try and take over in situations that might not be appropriate.



Thats rather what I mean; being deferential to a superior or being dominant over others at work doesn't negate our essential dominant or submissive nature. We prefer to be in the dominant or submissive position, but often have to supress our preferred nature to do what we need to do.

The silliness inherent in "I am dominant, always and everywhere" is what caught my eye.

(in reply to Icarys)
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