RE: Submissive outside the relationship?

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RE: Submissive outside the relationship? - 11/5/2009 7:16:16 AM

agirl

Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
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I'm not particularly submissive, in personality. I'm not particularly dominant either. In my life, I have a lot of responsibility for other people and therefore I do what needs to be done, for that reason.....I'm very often *in charge* or the leader, or the person that makes decisions..I head a large family.

In a situational sense, I can contentedly sit back and let someone else take charge.......IF they show they're able to do so.....I'm lazy. I don't HAVE to be in charge all the time ........but in the absence of anyone competant (in my view), then I'll be itching to get the job done efficiently.

In this context , I can be *submissive* to one of my children ....if they've got what it takes to do something well, if their idea seems apt or they show willing, if they're better equipped to do it..... I'm more than happy to delegate. By the same token , my owner would do the same.

Being able to shoulder responsibility or do a leadership job well enough, doesn't mean you're anything other than someone that takes their task seriously, diligently and applies skills to do so.

I'm not submissive but I'm in a relationship that demands that I am and that I happily agreed to. It has NOTHING to do with how I am as a person. All it means is that I am ABLE to submit in circumstances that are beneficial.

agirl

(in reply to PainfullyCurious)

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RE: Submissive outside the relationship? - 11/5/2009 3:51:18 PM

seany

Posts: 11
Joined: 10/23/2009
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This is so true for me. When it comes to that part of my life i need the Woman to be in complete control and be the dominant one. Outside of it i'm opinionated, show good leadership skills and like to be in control of whatever challenge that presents itself to me. Maybe it strikes a good balance but ultimately a Woman in control is just so damn titillating

(in reply to PainfullyCurious)

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RE: Submissive outside the relationship? - 11/7/2009 2:32:44 PM

trueshadow

Posts: 388
Joined: 1/1/2005
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I'm quite assertive and even aggressive in my everyday life. I employ a variety of people and have no problem making decisions. However, for some reason, I am totally attracted to a dominant woman in my personal life. I can't imagine living any other way. Nirvana is kneeling naked at the feet of my Domme, licking her boots.

(in reply to AnimusRex)

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Post #: 63

RE: Submissive outside the relationship? - 11/7/2009 3:05:39 PM

daintydimples

Posts: 967
Joined: 7/6/2009
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth

quote:

....I view dominance and submission as being on opposite ends of a continuum. No one is 100% dominant or 100% submissive, we are all just somewhere on that continuum. There is always going to be someone more dominant or more submissive than you...

if it was truly opposite ends of a continuum, wouldn't at least ONE person need to be 100% dominant and ONE person need to be 100% submissive?

sorry, but the whole idea of a continuum with NO ONE to represent the polar opposites that represent the end-points seems rather silly, don't you think?

Well sure. It's a metaphor and not meant to be taken so seriously. But I will amend my statement to "No one can be *verified* to be the most dominant or most submissive. . ."

After all, doesn't that change? I don't think people function at a set level of dominance or submission throughout their entire lives. People change, they evolve.

I acknowledge that there is a middle of the spectrum and that many people are happy there. If you dont mind me asking, did you start out at one end of the spectrum and then discover that you prefer to switch, or did you always know that you liked switching? (PainfullyCurious)

First let me say, I have switched for as long as I have been sexually active, and in the same way. I prefer a dominant male as my primary relationship who I submit to, and have relationships with one or more submissive males, as well. When I was younger (under 21) I had sex with the sub males, and I think that was simply my dominant nature coming out..."you don't seem to know what to do sexually, well I do and I can tell you."

When I first discovered BDSM I came out as a dominant. I was 22 and was incapable of acknowledging that I had a submissive side. This is despite the fact that I had a relationship with a dom male who I was sub to in the bedroom. We shared a male sub (he was bi) and frankly I didn't know enough about the power dynamics involved, or about myself, to see what must have been obvious to others.

I didn't acknowledge a sub side until I met and married my husband. He saw the submission in me, but he was a dom male, we were having sex, it was obvious.

Since then I have evolved a great deal, and have accepted I am very dual natured. I am both dominant and submissive, depending on who I am relating to.

However, your assumption that all switches are in the middle of that continuum is wrong. Some are, some are not. Many are like me, either very dom or very sub.

< Message edited by daintydimples -- 11/7/2009 3:27:28 PM >

_____________________________

Some soften by the forced reflection that comes from loss; others harden. Which are you?

(in reply to Mercnbeth)

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RE: Submissive outside the relationship? - 11/10/2009 4:03:43 PM

seralynn

Posts: 2
Joined: 11/8/2009
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I'm submissive the majority of the time... even at my job and with friends. Granted, I am not getting on my knees at the office, but I prefer someone else being in charge.

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Post #: 65

RE: Submissive outside the relationship? - 11/10/2009 4:30:49 PM

Mercnbeth

Posts: 11766
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quote:

...After all, doesn't that change? I don't think people function at a set level of dominance or submission throughout their entire lives. People change, they evolve...

perhaps...but not everybody vascillates between a set level of dominance and submission, some folks stay purely on one side or the other. which was actually more to this slave's point. some folks just aren't dominant...or submissive...at all.

however, this slave is merely 43 and still might, at some point in the future, evolve or somehow change to the point where she can actually locate a dominant bone in her body.

(in reply to daintydimples)

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RE: Submissive outside the relationship? - 11/11/2009 7:31:07 AM

subkenn

Posts: 4
Joined: 2/15/2009
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I agree with many posts...I persanally lead at work, but prefer submissive life at home- a kinda of release I think.

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RE: Submissive outside the relationship? - 11/12/2009 5:04:18 AM

daddysliloneds

Posts: 1351
Joined: 6/28/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: PainfullyCurious

I've read a few profiles where the dom has written that they are dominant in everything that they do. It's who they are....<snip>

i have yet to meet anyone, in my entire life, that is dominant in everything that they do, ever!

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RE: Submissive outside the relationship? - 11/12/2009 5:20:59 AM

Adelleda

Posts: 20
Joined: 9/23/2009
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In some areas I have to be dominant. I'm a cadet of the highest rank. So I have to take a lot of responsibility of care for the kids, organise things, make sure they get done, ensure they uphold standards etc, set an example.
Also I tend to hold my own with my sisters.
But with other things, uni, socialising, taking charge at other things, I am much more the one to stand back and let someone else approach me. You might call it shyness but I call it my submissive nature manifesting itself in subtle/more conventional (?) ways.

(in reply to AnimusRex)

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Post #: 69