RE: Submissive outside the relationship?

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DesFIP -> RE: Submissive outside the relationship? (11/2/2009 9:03:22 AM)
But there are a lot of dominants who do rise in their fields because they are naturally good team leaders. And many who own their own business and prefer that so they can be the one decision maker.

allthatjaz -> RE: Submissive outside the relationship? (11/2/2009 10:14:09 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: PainfullyCurious I've read a few profiles where the dom has written that they are dominant in everything that they do. It's who they are. Do you think the same holds true for subs? Its called self promotion!

agirl -> RE: Submissive outside the relationship? (11/2/2009 10:30:05 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: allthatjaz quote: ORIGINAL: PainfullyCurious I've read a few profiles where the dom has written that they are dominant in everything that they do. It's who they are. Do you think the same holds true for subs? Its called self promotion! . and is the same true of subs?........grin agirl

Surrenderwithin -> RE: Submissive outside the relationship? (11/2/2009 11:01:33 AM)
I am a slave to my Master. He has ultimate authority in my life, in all things. I am emotionally enslaved to him, and him alone. The fact is, I have a Dominant personality. I have never been seen in my life as being a submissive personality. Master alone inspires that in me.

littleone35 -> RE: Submissive outside the relationship? (11/2/2009 11:51:04 AM)
In my chosen career i cannot be submissive. As an assitant teacher in a class of 3 and 4 year olds i have to be the "leader" the children have to listen to me. (not that they always do but they are supposed to). So i am submissive to my Master and him alone. Matt's littleone

elleX -> RE: Submissive outside the relationship? (11/2/2009 2:17:01 PM)
As a health care professionnel i am highly responsible of my patients , that drives me to always make the best decision for each one on them. And I am fully confident and assertive with it As for my peers at work , I would never want be leader for them .And I know how important I am to them So yes I am submissive outside a relationship and still feel strong , happy and special

Icarys -> RE: Submissive outside the relationship? (11/2/2009 3:17:54 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DesFIP But there are a lot of dominants who do rise in their fields because they are naturally good team leaders. And many who own their own business and prefer that so they can be the one decision maker. That's exactly why I run my own business. I started my first one when I was 21 and have loved "almost" every minute of it. :>

yellowroses -> RE: Submissive outside the relationship? (11/3/2009 8:27:40 AM)
I think what everyone has posted so far is very true. In your job you need to be a certain way to make a living. If that is contradictory to who you are in your relationship then so be it. Personally I am submissive and even slightly introverted. Professionally I am different. My job requires that I be outgoing and rather assertive. There are different sides to everybody. It is just a matter of what we choose to show people. kim

PainfullyCurious -> RE: Submissive outside the relationship? (11/3/2009 12:41:47 PM)
I heard that loud and clear. It even got me wondering if I would be happy to submit at work if there was someone worth submitting to. I always thought of myself as dominant there. I got the point, I took it to heart. However, I also noticed that many other subs posting saying they do not want to be submissive at work. I noticed the subs had varying opinions. I noticed the doms did not seem to vary on that particular point. I'm not trying to silence this discussion. I find it interesting. I would however like to move it back to the other thread as it has little to do with my question. I will copy this repsonse there if you want to go on. quote: ORIGINAL: Hierodule I posted in that thread. I mentioned that I am submissive outside of my relationship. Maybe you missed my response. I am a career assistant and I think assisting in a creative field is noble work. I think you missed the point that some of the submissives were trying to make. I think many of them were saying that they are dominant in their careers out of necessity not that they enjoy it or prefer it. The simple fact is: there are not a lot of financially rewarding careers where a submissive personality is an asset. I don't think this means that subs like to be submissive only in the bedroom while doms prefer to be dominant in everything they do. It just says something about what traits are necessary to succeed in a capitalist society.

PainfullyCurious -> RE: Submissive outside the relationship? (11/3/2009 12:47:36 PM)
I like the point you bring up. Some peole hav mentioned that they prefer to own their own business so that the do not have to submit, but one of the most import things that you do (as a career assistant) is serve your client. You don't get away from serving your client when you own your own business either. I suppose it's still the best way to minimize submission and avoid having a boss, but for anyone thinking about it, they might realize that, like you point out, being happy to serve your client is important too... quote: ORIGINAL: Hierodule I am submissive outside my relationship. At this point I am a career assistant. I think there is something very noble about assisting in a creative field (I can get into that later, don't want to thread hijack) And even when I move from the assistant's chair to the captains chair at the studio I am still "serving." As an audio engineer I "serve" the band and I "serve" the music. I am an audio slave. I am the decision maker when it comes to mic choice, set up etc. But if the guitar player says "I don't like the tone. Its too bright" I don't tell him why he's wrong. I find a way to make his tone sound the way he wants it to sound. If I am mixing and they say bring the vocals up, I bring the vocals up. I don't argue. Audio engineers aren't producers. They serve. Its the band's record. I exist to make it sound the way they want it to sound, period, not to express my opinion on the matter. That is, of course, unless they ask me for ideas and/or don't know what they want. At that point I make it sound how I think it should sound. The closest I ever come to "topping" at the studio is when I tell the interns to clean the toilet. [:D]

Hierodule -> RE: Submissive outside the relationship? (11/3/2009 1:00:24 PM)
Very true! And I think you would be hard pressed to find a small business owner who wouldn't get a smile on their face if one of their customers or clients told them what an awesome service or product their company provided. That could be seen as a submissive trait. Aiming to please is very submissive. But in any business you have to satisfy the people who give you money or you go bankrupt.

RCdc -> RE: Submissive outside the relationship? (11/3/2009 1:16:01 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: PainfullyCurious I like the point you bring up. Some peole hav mentioned that they prefer to own their own business so that the do not have to submit, but one of the most import things that you do (as a career assistant) is serve your client. You don't get away from serving your client when you own your own business either. I suppose it's still the best way to minimize submission and avoid having a boss, but for anyone thinking about it, they might realize that, like you point out, being happy to serve your client is important too... The flaw here is that submission does not equate to service. Dominant people also serve - after all the s-type is very important also. the.dark.

PainfullyCurious -> RE: Submissive outside the relationship? (11/3/2009 2:22:32 PM)
H- Here's that book that I disagree with but that helped me to relate to my boss. One of 9 bosses I had in the past 5 years. I really need to find a stable company this time... but that's another story! http://www2.tech.purdue.edu/cg/Courses/cgt411/covey/48_laws_of_power.htm the.dark, I like discussing subtlties. Can you give me your input on the difference?

lucylucy -> RE: Submissive outside the relationship? (11/3/2009 8:22:24 PM)
My submission to my boyfriend hinges on trust and my feeling comfortable and safe with being absolutely vulnerable to him. I can’t imagine feeling that level of trust at work. I have healthy relationships with my colleagues, but still.

Rochsub2009 -> RE: Submissive outside the relationship? (11/3/2009 10:03:30 PM)
i'm submissive in the bedroom, but dominant everywhere else. Personally, i don't think the two have anything to do with one another. i know lots of people who are quite dominant in their professional lives but who are submissive in the bedroom. The opposite is often true as well. i remember the first time i went to an event at the local BDSM club. i was surprised to see a gentleman there who worked at the same company that i did. At work he was rather shy. He worked in the accounting department, and was what one might envision when they think of the stereotypical accountant. He stayed to himself, and didn't give off any hint of power or authority. Nevertheless, he was quite well known and respected in the BDSM community. i understand that he was quite good as a Dom. His subs had nothing but good things to say about him.

RCdc -> RE: Submissive outside the relationship? (11/4/2009 12:41:59 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: PainfullyCurious the.dark, I like discussing subtlties. Can you give me your input on the difference? I wouldn't say they are subtle. Service is something completely seperate from submission. You can serve without submission. It is an action. Submission(an d dominance) is however, at times, a state of being. They are as different as walking and running, yet just as linked. Dominants serve just as much as submissive types do and it doesn't in any way lessen dominance. Service is not the domain of the submissive. Owning and running your own business as a dominant person, as you put it in your other posting, doesn't mean they do not have to 'submit' (as you put it). There are still taxes to pay and laws to abide by, they still serve... so owning or running a business doesn't make you automatically dominant and isn't the domain of dominance that you seem to think it is. There are different types of d types and s types. Personally, I am not submissive because of 'choice' in the same sense that I choose to have red hair at times, even though I am naturally dark. I do acquiesce to my natural submissive tendancy/trait but that also takes a great deal of common sense and self awareness. So I am still submissive outside my relationship but realise that for property to have any real value or attraction, it must be cared for. But being submissive does not mean one cannot make decisions or run a business or follow the path of work that one is good at, in my case art and photography. the.dark.

ranja -> RE: Submissive outside the relationship? (11/4/2009 5:32:19 AM)
I wish my business was about art... i love art anyway i'm submissive and i run my own business... i still feel like i serve, both my customers and society as a whole with paying tax and that... when i earn cash i do like to hand it over to my Husband, it gives me a cheap thrill...

Mercnbeth -> RE: Submissive outside the relationship? (11/4/2009 8:25:23 AM)
quote: I've read a few profiles where the dom has written that they are dominant in everything that they do. It's who they are. Do you think the same holds true for subs?... it has been this slave's experience that most folk who self-identify as submissive, do so ONLY within the context of an intimate relationship and/or when their submission is drawn out, earned or otherwise inspired by a specific someone. absolutely nothing wrong with that, either![:)] quote: ...What about you?... this slave has encountered very few folk, this slave being one of them, who not only prefer to be the submissive partner within the context of an intimate relationship, but also find it to be intrinsic to who they are...their "nature", so to speak...to respond submissively to others and to situations life throws at them---not as a response to a specific someone or identifiable only as as a preferred relationship status once sufficiently in lust and/or love. it is infinitely more fulfilling for this slave to be the submissive partner in a relationship structure where she can draw on the strength of that intrinsic nature, feed the relationship with that energy and serve that relationship from a position that is the most natural for her. submissive has been the position this slave has taken up within every sort of relationship she has ever had...filial, financial, friendship, marriage, social, of a sexual and/or emotionally intimate nature...you name it.

Drifa -> RE: Submissive outside the relationship? (11/4/2009 9:10:53 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: yellowroses I think what everyone has posted so far is very true. In your job you need to be a certain way to make a living. If that is contradictory to who you are in your relationship then so be it. Personally I am submissive and even slightly introverted. Professionally I am different. My job requires that I be outgoing and rather assertive. There are different sides to everybody. It is just a matter of what we choose to show people. kim I am very shy and quite introverted, but way back in college I realized that I needed the ability to be able to deal well with others professionally and in school, so I joined Toastmasters. That was where I learned to speak before a group, chair a meeting, and deal well with people even when internally it's outside of my comfort zone because I don't enjoy dealing with people I don't know. Toastmasters helped me get the self-confidence and "mental armor" I needed to be assertive and even dominant as needed in a professional setting. As it happens, these are skills that serve a submissive well also at home, because I learned how to convey my needs to someone else, and I learned how to listen. I can't recommend Toastmasters highly enough to ANYONE who ever has to talk to other people.

PainfullyCurious -> RE: Submissive outside the relationship? (11/4/2009 11:32:47 AM)
I guess I find the difference to be subtle because like you say, they are intertwined: On one hand, how do you get away with serving someone without first submitting to their desires, judgement, etc. (at least for the moment). I suppose you can avoid that, but I would be concerned about the quality of the product or service that you produce. One the other hand, if your idea of service means giving them what they asked for, then that's not as intensense as submitting to their will. Yes, much like walking vs. running, like you say. I think if I was helping someone to find a career, I would might still point someone with a dominant personality (outside of the bedroom) towards their own business. Yes, there are a lot of times they will have to serve others. It can't be avoided, but it minimizes the risk/annoyance of having a boss. I call it a risk because I have a couple of friends with dominant personalities who have had trouble getting along with their boss. Even as they develop better self-control to avoid the risk, it makes them unhappy. I'm still not sure how they managed to keep their jobs.

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