MODS DO NOT DELETE, THANKS.

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Toppingfrmbottom -> MODS DO NOT DELETE, THANKS. (11/2/2009 1:58:34 AM)
and before any one says anything , please I am getting help yes but I want to share something so personal with you all so maybe you understand me better. C or E PLEASE DO NOT DELETE NOR ANY OTHER MOD I have a history of sounding like an idiot but I posted a real and honest cry for help and the people that thought I was an idiot realized I had mental problems and softened towards me BUT TODAY i was manic and so happy I could bust and I came on a sight and I posted and in order to be brief I didn't say everything I should because people complain when I do, but if I don't they think I am a collasal idiot and I am proud of the work I have done to make progress in these people's eyes, and they'll change their mind about thinking you're a ok and just a kid who had a tough time. And it won't matter but I hang there a lot on websites and in real life, an i don't want every one avoiding me cause I'm the idiot who posts to much. People here are beginning to do that, in real life and on collarme, and and it sucks cause all i wanna do is be friendly and share my joy with you an people find it annoying. And then when I do make ground I back slide and post my joy all over your topics forrum and you're all back to thinking I am an idiot. This has kept me in constant trouble with people and I can't control it and now I am finally getting help like C and so many kind people who understand but just can't risk having me around because I run people off their events has suggested, but the damage is already done because every one don't like me and if I come to events, they won't any more even ifI behave myself my stigma and reputation precedes me. I don't have any friends and I am desperate for friends and I try so hard to behave and it backfires and I make people uncomfortable, and then I am back to square one bt I am devistated now, because I thought I did so well pretending to be able to be normal and not bug the shit out of you and I failed. I am hopefully gonna have a real life friend here soon cause an old friend walked back into my life, and does not mind me gushing on her, so I'll be better, and then with help I'm getting I should be able to learn to control myself when I am so happy I need to gush and you'll all be victoms of my gushing. I'll double post this explination to other groups I have hurt, so please don't comment on me double posting.

sunshinemiss -> RE: MODS DO NOT DELETE, THANKS. (11/2/2009 2:39:40 AM)
Hello TFB, You are still very young, and perhaps life seems terribly immediate to you. Over time you will find that while yes, things will come back to bite you in the bum at times, and yes, people will remember that, there will also be those glorious times when people say "wow, she's really matured." You will find that even when you screw up, your taking responsibility and working on it and keeping on will be seen and your process respected. Even if people don't like you, or they have prejudices against you, you will still be ok. One day, the naysayers and the gloom and doom people will not matter to you. Many of us have been in the same boat you are in. I certainly have. I can't tell you how many people were uncomfortable with me and with how I behaved. But if we allow ourselves we really do grow up, gain coping mechanisms, and calm down. I would like to encourage you to look at a couple of things. I don't think you need to answer on the boards, but you may want to write me privately (you are very welcome to), or you may want to talk it over with a trusted advisor : Medications - are you on them? Are they correct for you (type and dosage)... I found that when I go off my thyroid medication I am really pretty crazy. I can't explain how it works, I just know that I can't focus, I'm scared all the time, and I have no control over my emotions and behaviors. When I'm on the right medication, I'm a pretty calm gal. Therapy - how's it working? Are you getting the RIGHT NOW help you need? Therapy is a two tiered process - one is dealing with the underlying issues to clean them up but the other is creating coping mechanisms so your underlying issues don't overwhelm you while you are dealing with them. Are you getting both of these things? Friends - You say you don't have any in real life. I want to recommend that you try some twelve step programs. I know you've mentioned that you were in Foster Care? Group Home? Clearly you have issues around food so Overeaters Anonymous could be an option. Also, I found Adult Children of Alcoholics and Alanon helpful because my father's drinking was what caused so many of the problems in my own family. Even if alcohol is not an issue in your life or your family's lives, those groups can still be helpful for people who have a hard time taking care of themselves. Generally speaking they are supportive and kind people who have been through some pretty heavy stuff and can handle what you are going through. Somebody has been where you are. Over the last two years, I've seen you grow and mature in many ways. Your posts used to be really angry and filled with some pretty hurtful, blasty kinds of things. Now you are a lot calmer than where you were (although, yes, you do have a ways to go - but don't we all?). Hang in there. This too shall pass, hugs, sunshine

Level -> RE: MODS DO NOT DELETE, THANKS. (11/2/2009 2:46:02 AM)
tftb, your posts HAVE matured, so like sunny said, hang in there, keep working on yourself, and getting help, and life will get better.

Toppingfrmbottom -> RE: MODS DO NOT DELETE, THANKS. (11/2/2009 2:49:00 AM)
Sunshine, I wasn't I used to shine on that I had an adhd problem, I mean I knew I was adhd, but I was like oh it's ok it's not bad, and it wasn't but it is, and I just didn't realize it because I didn't see it and the scabs been ripped off the wound because Daddy tells me as gently as possible look honey you're doing x and people are doing ya nd I was like no daddy no daddy they're just not nice people . Or C has tried so politely to tell me to my face with out hurting me because she knows I have mental problems, and she's been so good, but daddy paints her as a villan because even though she's nice to me her words hurt and he can tell I was crying, and then he's like super protective, and I'm like no c's right and hes like no she's a fucking bully I want nothing to do w ith but you want to try to calm things down* and I end up making things worse,* and I'm going to let you do what you need to do to fix things and I fuck them up so banned I am damned near permenantly banned from her bdsm events. On here when I am agreeing an telling people what I am doing to get bvetter some cheer for me and then feel I am yes butting them and their advide and have no intention of doing what they told me, I'M NOT I am agreeing an letting you all know I tried it or that or this or some other. And every one has been so kind and tole me keep up the good work talk about your progress check in and I do, but albeit on a new thread an then the haters say shut up or oh god it's you again or you're an idiot, and it hurts me I was so happy tonight and I came here and all the negative replies an the ripping me a new asshole had me a panicking mes sin minutes because I tried to explain an them someone said wait why are you posting YET AGAIN, on a thread YOU ALREADY POSTED. And I explain an they understand but any good that came out of it is lost amongts the snarkyness, so I post again an try again and mods call it spam and delete it an mean while all the people who were rooting for me slowly begin to think of me as an idiot again and I''ve lost the friendship that was budding and then I am completely ignored because chris moss is an attention seeking whore who's an idiot, not because of her honest to god mental problems but because she's stupid and a post whore. quote: ORIGINAL: sunshinemiss Hello TFB, You are still very young, and perhaps life seems terribly immediate to you. Over time you will find that while yes, things will come back to bite you in the bum at times, and yes, people will remember that, there will also be those glorious times when people say "wow, she's really matured." You will find that even when you screw up, your taking responsibility and working on it and keeping on will be seen and your process respected. Even if people don't like you, or they have prejudices against you, you will still be ok. One day, the naysayers and the gloom and doom people will not matter to you. Many of us have been in the same boat you are in. I certainly have. I can't tell you how many people were uncomfortable with me and with how I behaved. But if we allow ourselves we really do grow up, gain coping mechanisms, and calm down. I would like to encourage you to look at a couple of things. I don't think you need to answer on the boards, but you may want to write me privately (you are very welcome to), or you may want to talk it over with a trusted advisor : Medications - are you on them? Are they correct for you (type and dosage)... I found that when I go off my thyroid medication I am really pretty crazy. I can't explain how it works, I just know that I can't focus, I'm scared all the time, and I have no control over my emotions and behaviors. When I'm on the right medication, I'm a pretty calm gal. Therapy - how's it working? Are you getting the RIGHT NOW help you need? Therapy is a two tiered process - one is dealing with the underlying issues to clean them up but the other is creating coping mechanisms so your underlying issues don't overwhelm you while you are dealing with them. Are you getting both of these things? Friends - You say you don't have any in real life. I want to recommend that you try some twelve step programs. I know you've mentioned that you were in Foster Care? Group Home? Clearly you have issues around food so Overeaters Anonymous could be an option. Also, I found Adult Children of Alcoholics and Alanon helpful because my father's drinking was what caused so many of the problems in my own family. Even if alcohol is not an issue in your life or your family's lives, those groups can still be helpful for people who have a hard time taking care of themselves. Generally speaking they are supportive and kind people who have been through some pretty heavy stuff and can handle what you are going through. Somebody has been where you are. Over the last two years, I've seen you grow and mature in many ways. Your posts used to be really angry and filled with some pretty hurtful, blasty kinds of things. Now you are a lot calmer than where you were (although, yes, you do have a ways to go - but don't we all?). Hang in there. This too shall pass, hugs, sunshine

Toppingfrmbottom -> RE: MODS DO NOT DELETE, THANKS. (11/2/2009 2:51:40 AM)
I will answer all your questions but I am afraid the mods will delete my post so I am in a manic mania from earlier, and I am trying to tell you my heart before the mods delete it or idiots come hijack my thread, because they think I am a doofus and it's fun to hijack threads. All though to be honest, people who see I am genuine and have been rude in the past now are not and will rip other people who're mean a new ass. When I am in a mania I can't post in a regular fashion, I am so desperate to tell you all everything important stuff gets left out, and then I let people rain on my pride because they're like oh great she's an idiot she's been blowing smoke up our ass the whole time about trying to get help and needing advice, and I'm not but you all, generic you all think I am and the more I explain the worse the whole gets an on and on and on.

Toppingfrmbottom -> RE: MODS DO NOT DELETE, THANKS. (11/2/2009 2:57:57 AM)
and lately my pride in my success has made me manic, and I come on and spew my guts all over you in manic pride and you're back to like shut up and sit down and if you're not you're like honey you're making things worse STOP DIGGING AND GET OFF THE PC, and I can't I have no place else safe to spill my mania, and so I come here and take all your blows and then cry and shake and become manic in a bad way and not a proud way, and then I have no one to talk to and I am shaking and crying alone, and you some of you have emailed me your tele privatly and told me to call and it helps but i have just had that the last day or two, so then I haven't had a chance to call you yet, and then you think I am shinning on your efforts to help me, and then I make people mad making it seem likeI am total boob and abusing my dog, and I am, but out of kindness and not knowing better, and now I make the effort to train her and do better people think I am a boob and don't deserve her, and when I open myself up some of the people here attack me when I am most open an it hurts and I am like a trusting dog who'll take as many kicks to the ribs as you can give me and still come back to show you love and you'll all do it again. I can't help it I have no support gtroups and I am using you guys and some of you are wnderful in fact tonight I told daddy I am manic you can't handle me you dealt with me all day I am going to go blast my steam at someone who's consented to let me blast them with my steam, and I will too but I need to get offline and go in the house cause she's in canada. and I can't call long distance on my phone , talk to her and spill my guts on here as fast as I can in reply to all your help least you think I am shining on your efforts to help me, and I am so afraid of offending the people I want to make the proudest. I'm exactly likea puppy who wants your approval and it shouldn't matter jack shit to me what you all think but it does, and sometimes after opening myself up to much to ridicoul I am like fuck you all, I'll post what I want and annoy you more. And then later I am sorry for annoying those I want to please and be friends with. I am like the puppy who just wants friends but alienates every one with their overt friendlyness and pesky behavior and he's a puppy he don't know he's bothering you and he can't read your go the fuck away signals, but you're like go away and you're to polite to say so and if you're not and you say you bother me go the fuck away I am embarrased and charinged and ashamed, and it's a vicious cycle. yes there's tons of typo's I'm sorry.

Toppingfrmbottom -> RE: MODS DO NOT DELETE, THANKS. (11/2/2009 3:02:34 AM)
because I can't talk for hours un interupted on end. and pulling so much out then stuffing it back in in 30 minutes never helped.

wandersalone -> RE: MODS DO NOT DELETE, THANKS. (11/2/2009 3:15:22 AM)
tfb ..... I sincerely apologise for my post on the other thread that got pulled. The point I was trying to make but did badly was that you could have made your explanations on that original thread about taking your dog out rather than creating a brand new thread. Honestly, it would have been easier for people who had been reading that thread to follow if it was kept on the one place. Yes many of us have seen changes in you and I am sure that everyone is pleased that you went and say a psychiatrist and also that you are now on medication and getting counseling. This was a huge step for you and no doubt it was scary but it is also exciting to be getting some support and help. Yes we know when you are having a mania and sometimes it can be hard to make sense of what you are writing as I guess your wanting to say everything faster than your fingers can type means some things are lost. Have you thought of starting a blog so that when you are having a high you can write everything down. The blog could also be wonderful when having lows, I know that writing and journaling has saved me so many times in the past when I have felt that I haven't had anyone or haven't wanted anyone to talk with. No one is saying you are an idiot or hating on you, my post was truly about making it easier for everyone else if you kept the comments on the one thread it was related to.

lusciouslips19 -> RE: MODS DO NOT DELETE, THANKS. (11/2/2009 3:22:19 AM)
Breathe in, breathe out.... As you grow in maturity(and you have), you will stop caring so much what others think of you. Most of us here are just a bunch of horses patooties anyways![&:]

purepleasure -> RE: MODS DO NOT DELETE, THANKS. (11/2/2009 4:05:03 AM)
Tfb, as mentioned, there are some of us here who do care what's going on, but it would make it ALOT easier on us if your adventures were kept to one or two threads. I don't always have the time to do a search on your posts, and find which threads contain information. Even if those threads do take twists and turns, and how many of the threads in PORS do that - LOL, everything pertinent to you is in just a couple of places. For instance, the I love it, and I hate it threads.... I can go there, and immediately catch up with what's going on with my favorite posters. Many times these threads go WAY off topic, in sharing our love and support, but somehow they manage to get back on track. Same with the Holly and Potty show. I think of that thread as a sort of Oprah/Tyra/Laugh-In/Saturday Night Live, and at moments - Jerry Springer- thread of collarchat. Create your own "show", many of us will watch and be active audience participants. There might be unpleasant moments, hijacks, hijinks, but mostly there will be good sound advice, and it will be a "show" that if some people don't want to watch, they just don't have to tune in. Right now, if I want to find out any new pumpkin recipes you discovered, or how Ginger is doing, or how things are going medically or emotionally for you right now, I have to look for 3 or more threads. Anyways.... I wish the very best for you, and I'm glad you're getting the help you need, and are taking better care of yourself and your responsibilities. Pure

lusciouslips19 -> RE: MODS DO NOT DELETE, THANKS. (11/2/2009 4:11:25 AM)
Ditto on what Pure said. My(gotta take credit as the O.P) I love it when and I hate it when threads are a great place for everything. They were created when the thread jacking crackdown occured. We were all trying to get to know each other and joke and we needed a place to do that. I thought we needed a place to share our triumphs and tribulations. I like supporting my friends who are down and cheering them on when they do good. Its nice that I have 2 threads to go to to do that. It would be just be impossible if everyone created lots of different threads. We would not be able to keep up or have one source to go to to catch up on peoples lives.

sirsholly -> RE: MODS DO NOT DELETE, THANKS. (11/2/2009 4:14:27 AM)
Lushy gives good thread[:D]

Toppingfrmbottom -> RE: MODS DO NOT DELETE, THANKS. (11/2/2009 5:58:53 AM)
pure I just thought that instead of every one asking me over and over are you ok how ya doing I'd update a few days every coupl and it drives people nuts, and our help threads go 1088 pages sometimes an who wants to skim through all that just to read I am fine this is good and so I updatea new threwad every fre days an people get annoyed but I was honestly trying to be helpful. quote: ORIGINAL: purepleasure Tfb, as mentioned, there are some of us here who do care what's going on, but it would make it ALOT easier on us if your adventures were kept to one or two threads. I don't always have the time to do a search on your posts, and find which threads contain information. Even if those threads do take twists and turns, and how many of the threads in PORS do that - LOL, everything pertinent to you is in just a couple of places. Pure

purepleasure -> RE: MODS DO NOT DELETE, THANKS. (11/2/2009 6:45:34 AM)
I'd rather go to a thread with hundreds of pages, because more than likely I've been active in that thread since its inception, and I can easily find where I've left off reading and participating in that particular thread. My point is, keep your sharing contained to just a few threads, instead of having them scattered all over. It easier to follow what's going on that way. Not to mention, you will get that "oh god, she started another thread" response to a minimum. I have no problem posting diabetes related information, recipes, or dog training hints in the SAME thread. I'm sure others feel the same way. And I don't really look at it as a hijack. I look at it as a conversation about life and living, with participants from all over the planet. For just one example... the pumkin seed, the sugar vs. jack-o-lantern, and the pumpkin recipe threads could have all been contained in one thread, instead of being scattered. Just sayin'. I'm not trying to pick on you, or trying to tell you what or how you should post. It's merely an observation on my part.

impishlilhellcat -> RE: MODS DO NOT DELETE, THANKS. (11/2/2009 7:50:48 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Toppingfrmbottom and before any one says anything , please I am getting help yes but I want to share something so personal with you all so maybe you understand me better. C or E PLEASE DO NOT DELETE NOR ANY OTHER MOD I have a history of sounding like an idiot but I posted a real and honest cry for help and the people that thought I was an idiot realized I had mental problems and softened towards me BUT TODAY i was manic and so happy I could bust and I came on a sight and I posted and in order to be brief I didn't say everything I should because people complain when I do, but if I don't they think I am a collasal idiot and I am proud of the work I have done to make progress in these people's eyes, and they'll change their mind about thinking you're a ok and just a kid who had a tough time. And it won't matter but I hang there a lot on websites and in real life, an i don't want every one avoiding me cause I'm the idiot who posts to much. People here are beginning to do that, in real life and on collarme, and and it sucks cause all i wanna do is be friendly and share my joy with you an people find it annoying. And then when I do make ground I back slide and post my joy all over your topics forrum and you're all back to thinking I am an idiot. This has kept me in constant trouble with people and I can't control it and now I am finally getting help like C and so many kind people who understand but just can't risk having me around because I run people off their events has suggested, but the damage is already done because every one don't like me and if I come to events, they won't any more even ifI behave myself my stigma and reputation precedes me. I don't have any friends and I am desperate for friends and I try so hard to behave and it backfires and I make people uncomfortable, and then I am back to square one bt I am devistated now, because I thought I did so well pretending to be able to be normal and not bug the shit out of you and I failed. I am hopefully gonna have a real life friend here soon cause an old friend walked back into my life, and does not mind me gushing on her, so I'll be better, and then with help I'm getting I should be able to learn to control myself when I am so happy I need to gush and you'll all be victoms of my gushing. I'll double post this explination to other groups I have hurt, so please don't comment on me double posting. I've been where you are I think it's part of being young. Here's some of what I have learned the hard way. 1. There will be people who dislike you in life no matter what you do. It's just a fact. 2. It's better to be who you are than to try to be something you are not otherwise you will just be miserable and never know who your true friends are. 3. If you are making a lot of mistakes step back take a minute or two or weeks to reflect. See what you could have and would have done differently make the appropriate changes, let the past go, move on and forward with those changes in tow. 4. Always be able to laugh at yourself. If you can't life is going to hurt a lot more. 5. It's always better to listen before you speak. As for the posts you screwed up, people poked some fun no biggie.. LAugh or shrug it off and move on. I don't think it's really needed to post this three or four different times. The people who are going to read it will find it. If they don't they probably wouldn't understand anyways. Trust me I understand the need to be heard and going to any lengths that you can to make sure you get your point across (I'm that way when it comes to closure), but sometimes it's just not going to happen. You have to find a way within yourself to get that acceptance. There are going to be times when you just aren't going to get it from someone else. But that's just my two cents worth.

barelynangel -> RE: MODS DO NOT DELETE, THANKS. (11/2/2009 9:11:15 AM)
TfB, you will find since you are posting this stuff on a random anonymous discussion board that its not you, but it IS what you are doing that everyone also is doing -- we all have our reasons for posting otherwise we wouldn't be here. We all perceive and respond to random anonymous posts from nicknames in different ways. If you post in such a place, you have to learn to expect that not everyone wants to spend their free time seeing tons and tons of posts by one person with regard to topics that are VERY SIMILAR in nature. BUT MORE importantly, when you post something personal to strangers -- and yes, we are mostly strangers on this discussion board (you may know a couple off the board but the board in and of itself is a black hole of anonymous nicknames) you have to expect to be judged no matter WHAT it is, and it won't always be a judgment you want because as you realized -- only YOU know the whole story and those commenting can only respond to what they see. So a couple lessons learned here, yes? 1. If you post something personal expect to see things you don't like and see people take a different presumption than what you meant. 2. If you want attention and post many different threads to have many different conversations going, as above, expect judgment and people who are bored or who use the board for entertainment to respond to them in ways you may not want or expect. 3. Laugh at yourself, and here is the biggest thing 4. NEVER USE AN ANONYMOUS MESSAGE BOARD TO DETERMINE YOUR WORTH. People online on a message board anonymously are just like strangers on the street. You pass them by, nod in vague hello, say some random stuff while in line but in the end, they are FLEETING part of your life. Find those who matter, people you KNOW their names for one would be a good start. Never think what people say on this board is a concept of judging whether you are friend or foe to them because usually you aren't either you are simply a random post of words that doesn't matter to them. THE majority of nicknames on a message board shouldn't matter to you, but see what the posts are --- simply responses to written words some random nickname threw out there. I am not sure if you are understanding what i am saying but seriously, its not worth the angst and hurt feelings YOU are putting yourself through. grins, i have offended, verbally fought with, ignored, been ignored, made someone's day, clarfied things for, made someone laugh, probably made someone cry, pissed people off and made many go hmmmm with what i have written in my 1000s of posts. I have been at the bottom of the pile and i have been at the top, i have waivered in between, hell i have even been accused of wanting some guy i didn't know lol, stalked, been insulted by, insulted back, and believe i have had a hit on me a time or two lol and would have enjoyed blasting a few myself etc. and i am sure i can go on and people could contribute, but in the end.... NONE of them matter, hell most of what i say here doesn't matter as i expect people to take it or leave it with me going about my life. Many people use this as a social board, what you may want to view this board as instead of a board of friends, see it as a club wherein you matter to a select few and the rest are simply fleeting images that are part of the painting of your life soon to be made part if the whole. I don't know much about manic depressive other than my cousin who is bipolar and that isn't much. But maybe in those times focus on those people who MATTER -- make a bloody list if you need too and then focus on those people as who is important otherwise read the message boards even responses to your threads as little books that you can take home and browse or discard at the library. YOU are important, random nicknames on a message board should not have the power over you to gage your selfworth -- and TfB, friends are the people you know outside of random nicknames, don't give random nicknames the power of determining anything about you. Hope this is understandable. angel

CalifChick -> RE: MODS DO NOT DELETE, THANKS. (11/2/2009 9:21:49 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Toppingfrmbottom I don't have any friends and I am desperate for friends and I try so hard to behave and it backfires and I make people uncomfortable, and then I am back to square one bt I am devistated now, because I thought I did so well pretending to be able to be normal and not bug the shit out of you and I failed. Have you looked into this group? (click here) It sounds like they may be able to help you with some of the issues you have described. Cali

DesFIP -> RE: MODS DO NOT DELETE, THANKS. (11/2/2009 9:53:39 AM)
TFB you have just now seen a psychiatrist, you still don't have a therapist. You need to be patient. You need to wait until you are stable on the medication and have some time with a therapist under your belt before you will be able to make new friends. My oldest is bipolar and had huge difficulty making and keeping healthy friendships. The bipolar makes it impossible to learn how to be a friend. Because when you are the one constantly in need of help, the other people cannot ever turn to you for help when they need it. They may care about you but need more to care about themselves. Because an out of control bipolar takes huge amounts of energy to deal with. You never know how they will react. What they are fine with one day will have them sobbing the next or screaming with anger. And walking on eggshells, trying not to accidentally set them off is not something I want to do. What I want in a friend is someone who can manage their own emotions, not take them out on me. Saying you had a bad day and you're angry is one thing, getting out of control and hitting someone is something else. You need to learn to identify your emotions without acting on them. And that won't come until you are at an optimum dosage of medication and have been on that dose for about six months. At that point you will make the first steps toward control and then will be able to begin to make friends. But it takes time.

Termyn8or -> RE: MODS DO NOT DELETE, THANKS. (11/2/2009 10:06:46 AM)
I got three words for you TFB. Don't sweat it. Really, don't shoot the elephant because it has a flea. People getting into bad or strange moods all of the sudden are called manias or attacks of some type. Nobody has the control to remain stoic at all times, even me. Life is that way, and what seems like an illogical response is logical when it is in response to an illogical situation. Try to have a little more faith in yourself. As far as the dog goes, Ginger is alive and well no ? So not to sound like a broken record, but I will reiterate, don't sweat it. The only other thing I can say is don't jump into a pill bottle unless and until you are sure you need it. I have seen no evidence of that. Now if you were in here looking for a recipe for dog sauce, maybe .......... T

angelikaJ -> RE: MODS DO NOT DELETE, THANKS. (11/2/2009 10:29:50 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Toppingfrmbottom I don't have any friends and I am desperate for friends and I try so hard to behave and it backfires and I make people uncomfortable, and then I am back to square one bt I am devistated now, because I thought I did so well pretending to be able to be normal and not bug the shit out of you and I failed. Tfb What you aren't seeing is that you didn't fail and you aren't at square one. Most of the people here have responded to your distress with care and compassion. So, try to keep this in perspective. It's a wobble, not an earthquake.

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