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How to find a Non PRo Dom - 11/3/2009 11:02:19 AM   
Desiretobesub


Posts: 2
Joined: 11/3/2009
Status: offline 		So how does one really find a truly Dominant Woman who will take me as a Submissive Trainee and begin to work with me to push me out to and beyond my limits.
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: How to find a Non PRo Dom - 11/3/2009 11:06:55 AM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		I read your profile and it basically says you want to serve.

What skills do you bring to the table?  Can you do carpentry?  Housework?  Balance the checkbook?


_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to Desiretobesub)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: How to find a Non PRo Dom - 11/3/2009 11:13:50 AM   
pyroaquatic


Posts: 1535
Joined: 12/4/2006
From: Pyroaquatica
Status: offline 		Yep, that is right.

If you have mad skills and tons of loot, a hot body and a charming persona then you will have no problem landing all the ladies.

To find the Dominant Woman of your dreams look inside yourself first. Don't try to find a Domina... one cannot pick one up in aisle seven.

Be yourself and she will see you.

there you are.


_____________________________

You are what your deep, driving desire is.
As your desire is, so is your will.
As your will is, so is your deed.
As your deed is, so is your destiny.
-Brihadaranyaka Upanishad IV.4.5

(in reply to Desiretobesub)
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RE: How to find a Non PRo Dom - 11/3/2009 11:35:03 AM   
OttersSwim


Posts: 2860
Joined: 9/1/2008
Status: offline 		Lifestyle Domme's are to be found at BDSM clubs, local munches, national conferences, and the like.  In other words - in real life places that are not the internet.

Find your local scene and become part of it.

They are here too, but harder to find, attract, get to know, etc.   Real life is like fishing from the shore.  Here is like fishing with your head under the water...


_____________________________

I am on a journey of authenticity and self.

(in reply to Desiretobesub)
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RE: How to find a Non PRo Dom - 11/3/2009 11:36:38 AM   
subtlebutterfly


Posts: 2230
Joined: 6/15/2008
From: Not your hood
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Desiretobesub

So how does one really find a truly Dominant Woman who will take me as a Submissive Trainee and begin to work with me to push me out to and beyond my limits.


You could always ask..


_____________________________

~Ms. Awesomeness to YOU!~

(in reply to Desiretobesub)
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RE: How to find a Non PRo Dom - 11/3/2009 12:11:02 PM   
Venatrix


Posts: 2238
Joined: 11/28/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: pyroaquatic

Don't try to find a Domina... one cannot pick one up in aisle seven.



Well, of course not.  Everyone knows we're in aisle eight, right in between the salad dressing and the croutons.

(in reply to pyroaquatic)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: How to find a Non PRo Dom - 11/3/2009 12:14:56 PM   
OttersSwim


Posts: 2860
Joined: 9/1/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Venatrix

quote:

ORIGINAL: pyroaquatic

Don't try to find a Domina... one cannot pick one up in aisle seven.



Well, of course not.  Everyone knows we're in aisle eight, right in between the salad dressing and the croutons.


"Wet cleanup on aisle eight, wet cleanup on aisle eight..." 


_____________________________

I am on a journey of authenticity and self.

(in reply to Venatrix)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: How to find a Non PRo Dom - 11/3/2009 1:45:32 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: OttersSwim

Lifestyle Domme's are to be found at BDSM clubs, local munches, national conferences, and the like.  In other words - in real life places that are not the internet.

Find your local scene and become part of it.

They are here too, but harder to find, attract, get to know, etc.   Real life is like fishing from the shore.  Here is like fishing with your head under the water...



Otters has the right idea here.  In addition, I would suggest talking with s-types like himself, aidan, and the others who have found the situation that is right for them.  You can't argue with success and I'm sure you could find good advice from the males who have entered successful authority based dynamics.


_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to OttersSwim)
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RE: How to find a Non PRo Dom - 11/3/2009 2:45:32 PM   
kccuckoldmist


Posts: 97
Joined: 7/1/2009
Status: offline 		I agree somewhat with Otterswim. Check out your local community to at least get a better feel for what a sincere non pro domme is all about. In essence realize they are regular multi dimensional human beings.

But in the end my advice is to be patient and make effort in communicating to dommes that to you come off as sincere non pros based in reality and not get caught up in the cyber delusion and theories of players who go against the reality of life and human behaviors.

Try to put yourself out there as a man who is submissive and not just some dime a dozen submissive acting cliché writing one. When communicating directly with a woman the same thing goes and do not get caught up in wishful thinking that anyone talking to you is like a fish on a line and get lost in trying to reel her in instead of thinking to yourself is she a fit for me.

It is your life and not a series of competitions where there someone is keeping score.



_____________________________

"The ultimate authority must always rest with the individual's own reason and critical analysis." - H.H. The 14th Dalai Lama

http://mistress-jen.blogspot.com/

(in reply to Desiretobesub)
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RE: How to find a Non PRo Dom - 11/3/2009 2:58:14 PM   
OttersSwim


Posts: 2860
Joined: 9/1/2008
Status: offline 		Okay yea...the fishing analogy was perhaps ill chosen. 

_____________________________

I am on a journey of authenticity and self.

(in reply to kccuckoldmist)
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RE: How to find a Non PRo Dom - 11/3/2009 3:39:09 PM   
littlesarbonn


Posts: 1710
Joined: 12/3/2005
From: Stockton, California
Status: offline 		I'll offer a quick piece of advice that has always worked for me. Treat dominant women as you would treat any woman you would want to pursue a relationship with. Treating them as some kind of strange alien race is certainly to get you a lot of frustration. Yeah, I'm sure all sorts of jokes can be made from that analogy, but I'm serious. Be up front and treat them as you would any woman you would want to court, and you'll find yourself doing a lot better than if you treat them as some fantasy object.

And then once you've attracted one, you need to then figure out what it is she wants, and then see if that's what you're comfortable being.


_____________________________

<---- FYI, this picture looks JUST like me


http://www.littlesarbonn.com/Stickman/Stickman.htm
The Adventures of Stickman and the Unemployed Lego Spaceman

(in reply to Desiretobesub)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: How to find a Non PRo Dom - 11/5/2009 9:28:55 PM   
sflds43


Posts: 8
Joined: 11/5/2009
Status: offline 		Well some of the advice helps, but i still have trouble connecting.  No one seems interested.
i would love to find a dominant women in the Chicago area that would allow me to do house work on regular basis. Not really seeking relationship or any role playing. Just want to clean, do the laundry, dishes, yard work. i really don't understand why this is so difficult to find. Does it always have to be about sex?  i have the need to submit to a woman, but no one wants to use me.

(in reply to littlesarbonn)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: How to find a Non PRo Dom - 11/5/2009 9:54:07 PM   
Andalusite


Posts: 2492
Joined: 1/25/2009
Status: offline 		sfdls, you have a blank profile, and lots of submissive men initially offer the same thing that you are, then turn out to get pushy about wanting to crossdress or go naked, or do the housecleaning the first time they meet the Domme. Most women don't want a strange man, no matter *what* his BDSM orientation, naked in their home. It comes across as pushy, even threatening, to bring that up right away. Some men are genuine in their offers of service, and actually willing to be helpful. If she is a member of a kinky group, ask if you can volunteer for the group under her direction. That way, you'll be interacting, and even taking orders from her, in a way that she will actually find useful, but with other people around. You can actually *talk* and get to know each other aside from the kink aspects. Once you've spent time together a few times, you can ask if there are any other ways you can be helpful/of service to her. If you don't want a relationship though, a lot of them won't be interested. I can order someone around, but if I don't get that sense of vulnerability from him, and connect on more romantic and sexual levels, and if he isn't available for more, I didn't want to waste my time on him (back when I was looking, I have my Master and my female submissive playpartner now).

(in reply to sflds43)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: How to find a Non PRo Dom - 11/6/2009 11:39:52 AM   
slavekal


Posts: 1486
Joined: 7/20/2004
Status: offline 		There are many ways.  Place personal ads, answer them, go to fetish events, gauge the domme potential of women you meet at school, work, or at a club.  Lifestyle dommes (and potential dommes) do exist.  Sometimes it takes a bit of work to find the right one for you.  I promise you, it can be done.
I hope this is not breaking any rules here...but check out the link below.  I wrote a book for submissive men interested in meeting and serving dominant women.  Get it.  Read it.  Follow the instructions.

< Message edited by slavekal -- 11/6/2009 11:42:00 AM >

_____________________________

"The Courage to Submit: the submissive male's guide to finding a dominant woman"
http://www.lulu.com/product/paperback/the-courage-to-submit-the-guide-for-the-submissive-male-seeking-a-dominant-woman/5968917

(in reply to Desiretobesub)
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RE: How to find a Non PRo Dom - 11/6/2009 2:52:45 PM   
sflds43


Posts: 8
Joined: 11/5/2009
Status: offline 		Yes Ma'am, i've just started exploring recently and pretty new to being open to others.
Understand the trust issue and relationship expectancies. i guess i'm seeking to just live this out without really getting too involved.

(in reply to Andalusite)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: How to find a Non PRo Dom - 11/6/2009 10:27:31 PM   
TheMistressKay


Posts: 34
Joined: 9/29/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sflds43

Well some of the advice helps, but i still have trouble connecting.  No one seems interested.
i would love to find a dominant women in the Chicago area that would allow me to do house work on regular basis. Not really seeking relationship or any role playing. Just want to clean, do the laundry, dishes, yard work. i really don't understand why this is so difficult to find. Does it always have to be about sex?  i have the need to submit to a woman, but no one wants to use me.



I wish you were in the Des Moines area. I'd love to have you submit like that. Sounds like a great relationship to me. :)

(in reply to sflds43)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: How to find a Non PRo Dom - 11/6/2009 11:02:47 PM   
Rochsub2009


Posts: 2536
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sflds43
Well some of the advice helps, but i still have trouble connecting.  No one seems interested.
i would love to find a dominant women in the Chicago area that would allow me to do house work on regular basis. Not really seeking relationship or any role playing. Just want to clean, do the laundry, dishes, yard work. i really don't understand why this is so difficult to find. Does it always have to be about sex?  i have the need to submit to a woman, but no one wants to use me.


sflds43,
Like yourself, i am primarily a domestic service oriented sub.  My primary kink leans more towards errand boy/chauffeur/butler/chef/masseuse/lawn care, and other no-strings housework activities.  My primary enjoyment comes from making life easier for my Domme.  i have had many relationships of this nature.  However, they are a bit difficult to come by.  The reason for this is just as many have explained; allowing a strange man into Her home can be a frightening (and potentially dangerous) undertaking for a Domme..

i have had greatest success by attending local BDSM functions.  Try arriving early and offer to help with set-up.  After the function is over, volunteer to help clean up.  Find as many ways as possible to be of service.  Be cordial to everyone.  Let them see your personality.  Not only will you be giving a first-hand demonstration of your submissive nature, but you will also be performing a needed (and much appreciated) service for the organization. 

Don't go around begging Dommes to allow you to be their 24/7 sub.  Just treat them like regular people.  But if you see that one is carrying bags to Her car, offer to carry them for Her.  If a Domme is behind you as you enter the club, hold the door open for Her.  There is no better advertisement than simply being a gentleman.  Over time, members of the local scene will begin to recognize you.  You will begin to gain their trust, and you will become part of the community.  That doesn't guarantee you that a Domme will take a liking to you and give you the opportunity to serve Her, but it will greatly increase your chances.

i hope that helps.  Good luck in your search.

(in reply to sflds43)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: How to find a Non PRo Dom - 11/7/2009 3:57:10 AM   
CherokeeRose2


Posts: 36
Joined: 11/29/2008
Status: offline 		Roch has it right. Build the trust because, rightly so, not many women will just allow a man into their homes to handle their personal items. It takes time to build up to that. My houseboy (who has been serving me like this for about a year now) started out by meeting with me several times, then slowly moving into more of a service capacity. He spent a lot of time OUTSIDE the house doing things like yardwork and washing the car and running errands before he started doing actual housework.

Also understand that a lot of males dangle housework as a hook, thinking that if they can snag someone to let them do that, they'll be able to manipulate it into more of a play situation, which is what they really want but have had no luck finding. That's so common, in fact, that if you tell an experienced Domme you want to be a houseboy/servant, her reaction may well be something along the lines of "yeah right - you want to flit around doing a lousy job so I'll "punish" you for it - it's just easier to clean my own house!"

Be honest with yourself - what is it you REALLY fantasize about happening during these cleaning sessions?

As a Domme, I understand that EVERY sub has something that they need to get out of the experience of interacting with a Domme. Sometimes it is indeed the satisfaction of having served well and been useful, but that's very rare. The best way to make sure it's a MUTUALLY satisfying experience is to know yourself AND be able to communicate what you need.

(in reply to Rochsub2009)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: How to find a Non PRo Dom - 11/7/2009 4:11:55 AM   
thesubmissiveboy


Posts: 40
Joined: 4/19/2009
Status: offline 		When I first joined the website I had exactly the same view. But as time went on I got talking to many people, met some and now my view has compeltely changed. Although I'm still the same opinion of what I desire as a submissive, I'm now have a lot more patience and find I'm in no rush. I also understand that even though I may have thought I would be desirable because I'm young (ish), enthiusiastic etc, there are hundreds of male subs who are exactly the same who want the same things as me and most can even offer more like specific skills. You just have to look into what you can offer that makes you different to the rest.

I've actually got to know some people very well and have met them on occasions. I don't go to munches or the local scene due to my time restrictions with my job/travelling (and shyness), so it just shows that it can work.

I know I've just repeated what most have said, but I hope it helps you.

(in reply to CherokeeRose2)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: How to find a Non PRo Dom - 11/7/2009 5:22:13 AM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Rochsub2009
/buncha really good stuff/





_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to Rochsub2009)
Profile   Post #: 20
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