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RE: Communication - 11/4/2009 7:57:02 PM   
breatheasone


Posts: 4004
Joined: 7/14/2007
Status: offline 		How seriously awesome that there seems to be many level headed "D" types out there. Its nice to see. i am also blessed to have a Master/Daddy like this. 

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Romans 10:13,For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.
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(in reply to OsideGirl)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Communication - 11/4/2009 8:02:31 PM   
AnnaOfAramis


Posts: 523
Joined: 7/30/2008
Status: offline
quote:

Honestly, I feel that someone who attempts to restrict or limit your communication with others, your contacts with friends and family, or other support and friends is probably an abuser.


I think this is rather a broad statement that is frequently stated out of context, so I just wanted to expand on it a little. If someone is trying to restrict contact with family and friends who are your support that is one thing and could be a red flag (though not always), but if someone is monitoring or restricting your discussions with strangers it could be that they are protecting you. There can also be some people in your life that for some reason are not good for you as they upset you or are dangerous to you. People restrict and monitor who their children interact with, and there is no less danger simply because we are adults. So again there can be good and non abusive reasons for doing so. But I do agree that if someone is trying to isolate you, that can be a red flag.

well wishes,
anna

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in obsequium hominis

(in reply to Drifa)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Communication - 11/5/2009 8:27:52 PM   
Kalista07


Posts: 4240
Joined: 7/1/2007
Status: offline 		He does not monitor who i talk to or correspond with online or in real life.. Although, much like the.dark He is very cognizant of my moods...For example He is always aware when i've had conversations with my mom... And has (in the past) encouraged me to not take her calls when i was not in a good space to deal with her. He would never prohibit me from interacting with them, but He would encourage me to do what's in my best interest. i don't know if i'm adequately explaining this or not.
Kali


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~~Sweedish Proverb


(in reply to AnnaOfAramis)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Communication - 11/5/2009 10:10:27 PM   
NuevaVida


Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: breatheasone

Does your "D" type restrict or monitor your communication with others? ie... online, going to munches, phone calls, txt's etc...


He doesn't monitor but he has passwords and can look if he wants.  He has only looked once, browsing through my CMail.  He hasn't looked at my correspondence elsewhere. 

And sure, maybe it was a trust thing, as we are still fairly new to each other and learning each other, and he knows I go to various sites a bit.  He didn't instruct me to give him the passwords, I just did on my own, saying if he took a look around he might feel more comfortable, seeing the way I respond to come-on's and such.  So one night over dinner he basically said, "By the way, I went through your CM stuff and liked what I saw, and any concerns that were in my mind are gone" and I said "Cool!" or something like that.  He said it sealed his trust in me and he wouldn't be giving me any issues about my online activities.

He has one or two general rules about "real life" male friendships, and I adhere to them.

I don't go to munches, and phone calls & texts are not restricted, but he can look at my phone at any time if he wants...I have nothing to hide.  Sometimes I'll show him a text I received, and sometimes he'll ask who I'm texting with.  It's not an issue.


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(in reply to breatheasone)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Communication - 11/5/2009 10:18:23 PM   
Acer49


Posts: 1434
Joined: 8/7/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: breatheasone

Does your "D" type restrict or monitor your communication with others? ie... online, going to munches, phone calls, txt's etc...


This "D" does no such thing as I trust my partner otherwise I would not be with her

_____________________________

Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one's definition of your life; define yourself.
Harvey Fierstein

(in reply to breatheasone)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Communication - 11/6/2009 5:43:45 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Acer it isn't always a matter of trust. On another site, where the ability to block email from certain users wasn't possible, I began getting really creepy email. Not overtly threatening but something was really wrong with the writer. I had written back after the first time saying I was taken, and deleted the rest, but they kept coming. I was grateful when he took it over for a few weeks. Checking to see if the creep had written anything, and then him writing back very forcefully which finally ended it.

This wasn't a lack of trust. This was help which I really needed.

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Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to Acer49)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Communication - 11/6/2009 6:04:42 AM   
housemouseinoz


Posts: 83
Joined: 2/3/2009
Status: offline 		He has my passwords, however I also have his. He looks sometimes, I'm ok with that, I have nothing to hide. He will get a text or call and tell me who it was, I tend not to, not on purpose, sometimes I just think it would not interest him. He did say just the other week he would like to know as he shares that info with me........point taken. I do not use IM or the chat functions here, or MSN, I'm not into them, and I know his preference is that I don't. He has a keen interest in what goes on in my life, and to me that is beautiful, it works for us.

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(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Communication - 11/6/2009 7:13:57 AM   
CollaredLisa


Posts: 135
Joined: 3/28/2009
From: Germany
Status: offline 		No, not really. Party because we live in different countries (4 hours apart) and it just wouldn't be practical. But also because it's something I'd have a huge problem with. I really enjoy all those things and it really wouldn't do for me if I had to ask and hope for permission every time.
I do tell him about making new friends, talking to new people, going to a munch... But I think I'd also do that in a vanilla relationship.

(in reply to OsideGirl)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Communication - 11/6/2009 7:41:00 AM   
proudblueeyedsub


Posts: 2
Joined: 2/15/2009
Status: offline 		i am 9 1/2 hrs away from my Master, but He has implicit trust in the decisions i make. He is aware that i go into chat rooms, that i have 'nilla friends, as well as D/s friends. I could not be with Someone who didn't trust me completely to do the right thing for both of U/us. He is well aware that i have no intention of straying, and it is a matter of honor to me. I focus, absorb, learn from Him. I also have given Him full trust in me, my integrity, passion, imagination. He has me body, mind and soul. He is my All, and i would never consider A/anyone else. i am His in all respects.

(in reply to CollaredLisa)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Communication - 11/6/2009 1:00:25 PM   
Drifa


Posts: 547
Joined: 7/27/2007
From: Rural Texas
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: breatheasone
Does your "D" type restrict or monitor your communication with others? ie... online, going to munches, phone calls, txt's etc...


Noting your other thread on feeling distressed and unhappy, does this question have something to do with your source of unhappiness, BAO?

(in reply to breatheasone)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Communication - 11/6/2009 1:07:16 PM   
breatheasone


Posts: 4004
Joined: 7/14/2007
Status: offline 		Actually i read something on another thread that made me think of asking the question.

_____________________________

Romans 10:13,For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.
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(in reply to Drifa)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Communication - 11/7/2009 7:24:56 PM   
sweetsub1957


Posts: 2201
Joined: 4/28/2009
Status: offline 		~Fast Reply~
When I was with Sir, no, He did not monitor my communications, although multiple times I volunteered my passwords.  He must not've felt the need to do so.  If I were with a Dom right now & He DID want to, it wouldn't bother me, as I don't hide anything from my Dominant.

_____________________________

Member: Lance's Fag Hags.

"That's not just a chip on her shoulder, that's the whole potato!" ~Lady Angelika~

In lowering yourself to talking behind my back, you're perfectly positioned to kiss my ass.

An it harm none, do what ye wilt.

(in reply to breatheasone)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Communication - 11/7/2009 11:29:24 PM   
breatheasone


Posts: 4004
Joined: 7/14/2007
Status: offline 		Master and i seems to be a lot like the majority here.....He doesn't restrict my communication with others....and We both have each others passwords to email accounts, full access to each others cell phones and such. If We want to, We can do all the checking in the world on each other. 

_____________________________

Romans 10:13,For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.
Mike posts in black font
candy posts in pink font

(in reply to sweetsub1957)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Communication - 11/8/2009 10:15:37 AM   
DearJessicaD


Posts: 55
Joined: 10/26/2008
From: East Coast
Status: offline 		Not actively. I've walked away from my computer when my gmail page is up and he's asked "Who's Devon?" or whatever. If my cell rings and he picks it up he'll look at who's calling to tell me "it's Brianna" as he hands me the phone. But he doesn't sit down every night and look through all the calls I've made or received. That would be gross.

(in reply to breatheasone)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Communication - 11/8/2009 11:53:17 AM   
Hierodule


Posts: 597
Joined: 9/22/2009
Status: offline 		I first joined this site because my Master asked me to. At first, I had a single, female, slave profile. He chose the pictures and the password and told me what to write in my profile. He used to log in once a week or so to read my messages but after he saw that I was being good and responding to people in a way that was respectful to him, myself, and others (when they deserve it) He stopped logging in. The last thing he did was change it to a couples profile and post a pic of my newest tattoo. Since then I have changed what as written in the original profile slightly and he no longer feels the need to read my c mail. He has the password and could log in any time. But unlike me, he doesn't really have the time,or the inclination, to socialize on the internet.

I have told him about some stuff on the forums, mostly the funny stuff, and how I am getting addicted to reading them. He said well, be good, or I might forbid you from reading collar chat for a few days. But I have been good so its hasn't been necessary.

Oh and also becasue we have a semi-open relationship (I say semi becasue he controls who I see and who I don't) There are a couple of guys that I chat with and/or text who are my friends and lovers, who he knows. One of them, is an ex-boyfreind who has asked him more than once to "use his slave" or to take me out. Sometimes Master says yes sometimes he says no. Occasionally this boy will text me and Master says "ignore him for 3 days" and I do. The weird part is it makes this guy more persistent. I think Master know this and likes it.

< Message edited by Hierodule -- 11/8/2009 11:55:58 AM >

(in reply to DearJessicaD)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Communication - 11/8/2009 12:29:31 PM   
Aileen1968


Posts: 6062
Joined: 12/12/2007
From: I miss Shore, New Jersey
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: breatheasone

Does your "D" type restrict or monitor your communication with others? ie... online, going to munches, phone calls, txt's etc...


He doesn't restrict who I can talk to, but he has made it perfectly clear that I am his and that I am always a reflection of him and should act accordingly.

Edited to add....he has all of my passwords to all of my accounts. Oh hell...he even pops on here under my name and posts as me at times just because he can.
I have passwords to a few of his accounts....I placed some horse racing bets for him yesterday as a matter of fact since he was on the road.

< Message edited by Aileen1968 -- 11/8/2009 12:37:31 PM >

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(in reply to breatheasone)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Communication - 11/8/2009 12:37:19 PM   
dreamerdreaming


Posts: 2839
Status: offline 		No, I've never done that. Who has the time, and what would be the point?


If I did anything it would be to trade passwords so that we could both look at each other's stuff. That idea interests me, but the one about monitoring or restricting his stuff bores me.

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(in reply to breatheasone)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Communication - 11/8/2009 12:44:43 PM   
SL4V3M4YB3


Posts: 3506
Joined: 12/20/2007
From: S.E. London U.K.
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: breatheasone
Does your "D" type restrict or monitor your communication with others? ie... online, going to munches, phone calls, txt's etc...

Would that not be considered a lack of trust for the 's' to make sensible choices or worse still a symptom of fear, paranoia and jealously as to what the 's's were communicating with the other letters of the alphabet?


_____________________________

Memory Lane...been there done that.

(in reply to breatheasone)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Communication - 11/8/2009 12:51:05 PM   
Hierodule


Posts: 597
Joined: 9/22/2009
Status: offline 		I don't feel the control he exerts over my texts is mistrust. Its control and he uses it wisely. He let me go to TNG munch alone. But of course I had to ask him. Had he said no that would be within his rights. I chose to give him control over my life. He trusts me and expects me to act in a way that would make him proud. He also has the right to tell me "no" when ever he wants for what ever reason. And I trust him to not abuse the control he has over me. He would never restrict my communication with my family or friends in a harmful or manipulative way because he would never harm me on the inside or outside. But does he have the right and the power to restrict my communication in any way he sees fit? Absolutely.

< Message edited by Hierodule -- 11/8/2009 12:52:25 PM >

(in reply to SL4V3M4YB3)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Communication - 11/8/2009 1:00:33 PM   
Aileen1968


Posts: 6062
Joined: 12/12/2007
From: I miss Shore, New Jersey
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SL4V3M4YB3

quote:

ORIGINAL: breatheasone
Does your "D" type restrict or monitor your communication with others? ie... online, going to munches, phone calls, txt's etc...

Would that not be considered a lack of trust for the 's' to make sensible choices or worse still a symptom of fear, paranoia and jealously as to what the 's's were communicating with the other letters of the alphabet?


It's more of exerting his power, not a lack of trust. He likes having control over me. I like it too. I have a lifetime of showing that I make sensible choices. He wouldn't have picked me if I didn't. I wouldn't have been attracted to him if he was an idiot in life. For us it's just another form of domination. Pure and simple.

_____________________________



(in reply to SL4V3M4YB3)
Profile   Post #: 40
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