Christmas gifts and kids...drawing the line (Full Version)

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sirsholly -> Christmas gifts and kids...drawing the line (11/5/2009 4:56:41 AM)

So...i was in Target yesterday doing a bit of Christmas shopping for my near and dear ones. Of course i found myself in the toy dept along with a few other moms. One group in particular had my eyes doing a serious roll....two little boys with their mother. The boys were running up and down the aisle, pointing and yelling "I want..." and "Santa's going to bring this for me!!" I was pretty amazed that their mother was using her cell to take pictures of what they were pointing to, as they were pointing to everything!

Now this is really the first Christmas that my three year old is interested in anything other than the wrapping paper. He has already said he is going to ask Santa for a camera, but that's it so far.

The plan here is to tell the kid the story of why gifts are given to begin with...the three Wise Men came bearing one gift each for the Christ Child, and thus was the gift-giving tradition started. Therefore..the LoudOne can request three gifts only, one for each Wise Man. This is my way of keeping the "I wants" at bay and the meaning of the holiday in the forefront. It goes without saying he will receive a sleigh full of gifts, but the limit is on what he asks for.

So...i am wondering how other parents handle the lists the kids want from us Santas. They are kids, and they want it all...and we want to give it to them...but when and how do you draw the line?



sunshinemiss -> RE: Christmas gifts and kids...drawing the line (11/5/2009 5:22:59 AM)

Hi Holly,
Although I don't have children, I am somebody's aunt, and went through the "I wants" (still do with the youngest sister's kids). I made a rule - they only got things that stimulated their minds. When they were wee uns, that meant art supplies and blocks. As they got older, we graduated to clay, science things, books, etc. As teens, I became the giver of "experiences". They could choose a place, and we'd go there. I've gone to art shows, the tattoo parlor, out to dinner, theater, the zoo, and a theme park. They were allowed to always bring a friend, too.

Another thing I did (and still do), is make a commitment to do something kind for someone unawares every day throughout December. My own version of the Twelve Days of Christmas. I've taught that to kids quite a lot.

I read once that a family was having a similar kind of experience when they had a baby. The grandparents and other adults wanted to buy buy buy things for the child. The parents made a point of letting people know that they didn't want the materialism. Perhaps you might want to make sure to have a little chat with the fam, also.

Good luck and it's a great topic.
sunshine



ShaharThorne -> RE: Christmas gifts and kids...drawing the line (11/5/2009 5:32:30 AM)

Mom and I got some books from the "Just a $1" store for my nieces and nephew. Cheap I know but they love being read to. We have been hitting the garage sales to find baby clothes for the soon-to-be yearling.



LinnaeaBorealis -> RE: Christmas gifts and kids...drawing the line (11/5/2009 5:53:38 AM)

We were very poor when Chelsea was growing up & I don't have any memories of her running rampant down toy aisles.  My all-time favorite Christmas is the year she was 8 & I didn't have any money at all for her gifts.  We went to Chubby & Tubby & got our 99 cent Christmas tree & made decorations for it.  Then I looked around the house for things that she had told me she wanted & I wrapped them up.  I also got a record player from a nurse at work who was getting a new stereo for her daughter.  I told Chelsea about the true meaning of Christmas, the giving, not the getting & told her that nothing under the tree was new, they were all previously loved.  She loved every one of those presents & was as excited about opening them as I have ever seen her.  When she was in her 20's she asked me one day if we had been poor when she was young.  Apparently she never noticed.

This was the year that she had decided that Santa wasn't "real".  So we talked about that a lot.  Now Santa came to our house every Christmas Eve with presents, so she wanted to know who he was.  I told her she would have to guess.  I had to work that Christmas Eve & Uncle Sandy Claus agreed to watch her.  He & Aunt Nancy had so many kids on their list to visit that they wouldn't have time for dinner, so I told them that having been with them all day she would guess who he was & they could come in for the food I was keeping warm for them.  She asked me over & over who he was & I reminded her that she had to guess.  Then we heard the sleigh bells & I sent her to answer the door.  When she led Sandy back into the living room, I could see that a spell had come over her & this really was the real Santa.  He stayed extra long & talked a lot, hoping she would guess, but she was so caught up in it, finally he told her to look out the living room window & she would see his sleigh fly by on his way to the other kids.  I walked him out & apologized for the fact that I couldn't feed him & walked back into the living room where my big girl was still staring out the window.  I sat on the couch & it must have been 5 minutes before I could see the spell leave her & she turned around & demanded, "Who was that???"  I told her she would have to guess next year.



Aylee -> RE: Christmas gifts and kids...drawing the line (11/5/2009 6:17:20 AM)

When I was growing up, there were a couple of different things that we were allowed.  One was to go through the Sears or JCPenny's catalogue (I do not remember which one) and circle anything that we could possibly want.  We could also make a list of whatever we wanted.  After all, HOW many times do strangers and relatives ask, "What do you want for Christmas?" Or "What is Santa going to bring you?" 

While out shopping, asking for things was verbotten!  The answer was ALWAYS a variant on, "It is too close to Christmas to be asking for such and such," combined with, "We are NOT shopping for YOU, we are shopping for X." 

Christmas time started the day after Thanksgiving.  And I do NOT mean by going to the mall.  That was when Christmas music was allowed and talk about Santa and so forth. 

Christmas time activities included can food drives and the Girl Scout Mitten Tree.  There was also cookie baking and decorating, making ornaments, secret santas, making candies, looking forward to the christmas specials, finding a tree, decorating the house, being in the "Parade of Lights," and loads of other things. 

It was a busy time of DOING and not sitting and wishing for things.  It does you no good to sit and wish your life away! 

I think that the three gift idea is good.  Possibly when the LO is older you can even give more meaning behind each of the three things.  I do worry a bit about balancing this with the never ending, "And what is Santa going to bring you," and "What do you wnat for Christmas." 

I do not remember all the "things" that I got over the years.  I DO remember all of the things that we DID. 



LinnaeaBorealis -> RE: Christmas gifts and kids...drawing the line (11/5/2009 6:19:31 AM)

*loving Aylee*



Aylee -> RE: Christmas gifts and kids...drawing the line (11/5/2009 6:27:49 AM)

What did I do?




ShaharThorne -> RE: Christmas gifts and kids...drawing the line (11/5/2009 6:43:46 AM)

You're just loveable, Aylee (((HUGS)))



LinnaeaBorealis -> RE: Christmas gifts and kids...drawing the line (11/5/2009 6:45:07 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aylee

What did I do?




Nothing but be you.



Aylee -> RE: Christmas gifts and kids...drawing the line (11/5/2009 7:07:49 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: ShaharThorne

You're just loveable, Aylee (((HUGS)))


Am not!  [>:]

quote:

ORIGINAL: LinnaeaBorealis

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aylee

What did I do?


Nothing but be you.


*snort* 

Thank my parents.  Holly has the right idea.  It is up to her to guide the LO's thinking and behaviour when it comes to christmas and gift giving and receiving. 

The best thing that can be done, and she does this over and over, is to lead by example.  "Things & Stuff" come and go.  The important things stay with you, shape you, and influence you, and can never be taken away.

When we come to dark places in our lives, it will be these memories that will sustain us and make our lives and the lives of those we interact with better. 

YAY Holly!  You get the Kuddos! 



SL4V3M4YB3 -> RE: Christmas gifts and kids...drawing the line (11/5/2009 7:08:53 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: sirsholly
The plan here is to tell the kid the story of why gifts are given to begin with...the three Wise Men came bearing one gift each for the Christ Child, and thus was the gift-giving tradition started. Therefore..the LoudOne can request three gifts only, one for each Wise Man. This is my way of keeping the "I wants" at bay and the meaning of the holiday in the forefront. It goes without saying he will receive a sleigh full of gifts, but the limit is on what he asks for.

I looked for Myrrh on ebay and it turns out one of the three wise men was an utter cheapskate.

Myrrh

This stuff is even ISO certified and only costs $4.95, let us face it the last thing you want when shopping for Myrrh at Christmas time is sunflower oil disguised as Myrrh. Keeping to the Pagan origin of Christmas you’d probably have to sacrifice a goat or something in terms of gift giving.



LinnaeaBorealis -> RE: Christmas gifts and kids...drawing the line (11/5/2009 7:20:39 AM)

I think that I love Christmas so much because it has never really been about the gifts for me.  It's been about the warmth of family, the giving of myself to others.  The doing, as you said, Aylee.  I have one of the worst singing voices on record, but I've gone carolling at nursing homes, because for them it's not the quality of the voices that counts.  One year, I roasted about 5 turkeys for the homeless shelter & Chelsea & I went & served dinner.  One year we took names off the giving tree & bought things for kids who otherwise may not have had anything.  We drove around & looked at the lights & decorations every year & made our own decorations.  I just loves Christmas!! [:)]



DesFIP -> RE: Christmas gifts and kids...drawing the line (11/5/2009 7:43:00 AM)

We used to go through the Toys R Us catalogue and the JC Penney catalog to gauge the kids interest in things. The stores are over stimulating.

Although my daughter usually couldn't settle on any one item, I have a vivid memory of my son at age six entranced by a comforter and pillow sham in the Penney catalog. The sham had a steering wheel and the comforter had a race car printed on them. I got him other things and he was interested but not overwhelmed with joy. Last present he opened was this bed set and that was it, he was absolutely thrilled.

But we mainly had useful presents, new pjs for everyone on Christmas eve, new wool socks, brightly colored mittens, hats, scarves and gloves. And books. I would get a crossword puzzle book, my daughter got a horse book and my son the new Captain Underpants. One or two exciting presents and the rest useful. Including a calender for everyone. Now that my daughter is 20, it's pictures of half dressed cowboys in unsnapped jeans, lol. Used to be horses.

For Hanukkah, since my ex is Christian and I'm Jewish, pretty much the same thing. One big present on the first night. Chocolate for several other of the nights. Chocolate oranges which get so hard to find, I should start now looking. Chocolate gelt. A new menorah, a mug with a funny saying "oy to the world" and so on.

Just looked and first night is early this year, before my daughter gets home from school. So the one big present will be on the last night.



pahunkboy -> RE: Christmas gifts and kids...drawing the line (11/5/2009 7:57:41 AM)

Santa Clauss broke his leg this year so he can not carry alot of toys.   Maybe one or 2.



Aylee -> RE: Christmas gifts and kids...drawing the line (11/5/2009 8:03:48 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: pahunkboy

Santa Clauss broke his leg this year so he can not carry alot of toys.   Maybe one or 2.


If this is supposed to be funny it is not. 

I know that Butterhead is empathetic enough that saying something like this would upset her.  (well, she actually does not know who Santa is yet.  It is not the day after T-day.) 

Leaving aside the fact that Santa has a MAGIC bag, essentially you would be giving a child an excuse based on suffering with the implication that the child would be furthering the suffering rather than proactively demonstrating what the season is about. 



SL4V3M4YB3 -> RE: Christmas gifts and kids...drawing the line (11/5/2009 8:44:47 AM)

Falling from height is the biggest cause of building site deaths, just ask the HSE. Stands to reason that people that walk along frosty roofs are exposed to the risk of serious injury and or death.

What Santa should be asking himself is the following: can I be doing this task in a way that is not so inherently dangerous e.g. by breaking in through the front door?[8|] or the coal cellar.



LaTigresse -> RE: Christmas gifts and kids...drawing the line (11/5/2009 8:56:24 AM)

I have a love hate relationship with Christmas. First of all I HATE all the commercialism of it. hate hate HATE!!!!!! I hate Christmas music. I also hate shopping. Plus, I do not at all get into any religious significance.

But.....

I love family gatherings.

So, I have always focused on making it fun for the kids. I ignore their frenzied wish lists from the catalogues and try to get them one or two things that I know they will love. So far, it seems to have worked. This year, we are doing down and dirty inexpensive because NO ONE has the money to be buying a bunch of crap.

I am not at all a masochist and so would NEVER take children shopping with me until January. And if I had to, we would not even go near the toy isle.



subtlebutterfly -> RE: Christmas gifts and kids...drawing the line (11/5/2009 10:10:08 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse
I hate Christmas music.
And if I had to, we would not even go near the toy isle.


you...you.....................you....
NOT EVEN THE TOY ISLE???? ok lemme ask you..have you never gotten any joy out of setting the WHOLE isle (or isles [:D]) off? all these buttons..and sounds...and oh my god

and....no christmas songs? [&o][&o][&o][&o][&o][&o][&o][&o][&o][&o][&o][&o][&o][&o][&o][&o][&o][&o][&o][&o][&o][&o][&o][&o][&o]

>is so disappointed<



purepleasure -> RE: Christmas gifts and kids...drawing the line (11/5/2009 10:38:19 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: subtlebutterfly

quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse
I hate Christmas music.
And if I had to, we would not even go near the toy isle.


you...you.....................you....
NOT EVEN THE TOY ISLE???? ok lemme ask you..have you never gotten any joy out of setting the WHOLE isle (or isles [:D]) off? all these buttons..and sounds...and oh my god

and....no christmas songs? [&o][&o][&o][&o][&o][&o][&o][&o][&o][&o][&o][&o][&o][&o][&o][&o][&o][&o][&o][&o][&o][&o][&o][&o][&o]

>is so disappointed<



aha!  So YOU are the one!!!

every year, mannnnnn oh mannnnnn.  and then the people that actually BUY the friggin' things wonder why the battery is dead.

(just kidding, because I do the very same thing.)



BKSir -> RE: Christmas gifts and kids...drawing the line (11/5/2009 10:49:58 AM)

LOL, and here I am already driving people out of their minds listening to christmas music.  Then again, I'll listen to it year round if I get the chance.  I'm still being nice and turning it off if someone else comes in though, tending to only listen to it if I'm alone.  On midnight of Thanksgiving night though, that all changes.  It's an agreement.  From that moment, until 12 midnight new years is mine all mine. [:D]

As far as the main topic goes though, I grew up in a not exactly priveledged environment as well.  Now, I'm sure I had my times of "Oh I want, I want, I want.", but, I tried not to.  I understand quite well what Christmas is all about, both historically, mythologically and what it's all about in my mind.  I'm not going to get into all of that right here, because I don't feel like sounding preachy.  And I'm not even meaning in a religious manner.  "Religious" is not on the top 1000 list of words anyone would call me I don't think. [;)]

I will say, though, that I agree.  It's not about gifts, at least not the kind that can be bought and sold or even made.  It's about the gifts you can't necessarily put on a shelf, or often even truly see for the gifts that they really are.  And I seem to surround myself with people of a like mind, whether they're that way when we first meet, or if they sort of gravitate toward that during the season and being around me.  In the end, it all culminates to a wonderful and beautiful thing.  A deeper understanding of others, the world around us, what's truly important and finally, ourselves.  Hopefully, a deeper love for one another is the final result.

Happy Holidays everyone, whatever you may celebrate, celebrate it with love.



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