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RE: Need support - 11/6/2009 5:43:31 PM

ThundersCry

Posts: 892
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After reading this and your tag lines I am a little confused..

Your able to GO to the Throne of Grace BOLDLY...what a deal.

<shrugs> If I get to a point I don`t think I can pray for myself then I go to people I can see eyeball to eyeball with, people I know in the flock I am in and.....ask.

I hope you find that peace....that surpasses all...understanding.

(in reply to breatheasone)

Post #: 21

RE: Need support - 11/6/2009 7:50:10 PM

agirl

Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: breatheasone

i can actually answer that .... "The squeeky wheel gets the grease." my mind says, "The squeeky wheel gets kicked to the curb for squeekin."
i'm scared. i'm scared that if i say whats on my mind it will be bad. And not because i want out or anything bad like that....i'm talking about stuff like some loneliness maybe, or some discontent, not that i mean to feel that way...i swear i don't.....but if i say something...... i don't know.... i just seem to be petrified here....

Well....you could be a bit of a nuisance...........talking about this stuff. Sometimes difficult conversations have to be had. Few people *enjoy* them.

Few people WANT to feel lonely or discontented, either....but sometimes we just do. What's so bad about saying you feel lonely and discontented....? If he can't fix that at the moment , fine, you have to get on with it . If he doesn't even KNOW, he can't even go half WAY toward making you feel the slightest bit better.. But if he knows how you react in situations like this , he's at least aware and he has at least HALF a chance of moving toward understanding you.

He can do all sorts of small things if he knows you're in a bit of a mess ..it also helps if you give him a clue about what might help. It's not being demanding , it's being helpful. It's information.

If you're afraid of his reaction if you bleat on about it, have a good old look at whether you bleat on endlessly all the time, what you bleat about and why.You'll know the answer to that.

Does he KNOW you're this bothered?

agirl

(in reply to breatheasone)

Post #: 22

RE: Need support - 11/6/2009 10:15:13 PM

breatheasone

Posts: 4004
Joined: 7/14/2007
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agirl, all of your points are so valid....yes i am projecting (if i say this, will He react thusly...and so on) i have a good history of being able to talk to my Master, He is a very understanding, loving, and, caring Man. i fear that my own negative thinking, and old hurts skew my rational.... causing me to freak out sometimes. believe me when i say i truly appreciate the time you and everyone else takes to read and respond.

_____________________________

Romans 10:13,For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.
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(in reply to agirl)

Post #: 23

RE: Need support - 11/7/2009 4:35:16 AM

Drifa

Posts: 547
Joined: 7/27/2007
From: Rural Texas
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: breatheasone
agirl, all of your points are so valid....yes i am projecting (if i say this, will He react thusly...and so on) i have a good history of being able to talk to my Master, He is a very understanding, loving, and, caring Man. i fear that my own negative thinking, and old hurts skew my rational.... causing me to freak out sometimes. believe me when i say i truly appreciate the time you and everyone else takes to read and respond.

In a situation like this, it REALLY helps to sit down and write down all your thoughts in Notepad or Word. Don't worry about how it looks or reads, just write and write and write, get it on the page. Then take a deep breath and calmly read through what you have written.

Some sentences will probably have related thoughts, cut and paste so those are together on the page and apply bullet points. If you have duplicate sentences, see if you can combine them. Write a short summary at the top, explaining that these are your thoughts and fears and anxieties about [fill in the anxiety here], and that because you are very unhappy and afraid over the issue, you need your dominant to please read through these items and talk to you about them.

Then give the document to your dominant and ask to schedule a time to talk about it.

(in reply to breatheasone)

Post #: 24

RE: Need support - 11/7/2009 6:14:50 AM

Underumam

Posts: 485
Joined: 12/18/2008
Status: offline

It's unfortunate that you would need to jump through all those hoops just to get the Masters attention and input....

(in reply to agirl)

Post #: 25

RE: Need support - 11/7/2009 8:02:39 AM

sblady

Posts: 433
Joined: 9/28/2007
Status: offline

As others have suggested, write down how you feel. On another sheet of paper, write down why you feel this way. A few of your posts indicated that you may be projecting and that could be dangerous. When you decide to express how you feel, try to do so in a way where blame isn't a part of the conversation. Feeling one way and blaming those feelings on another could be awful, especially when/if that wasn't the person's intent.

In previous non D/s relationships, I wouldn't say what was bothering me, even when asked. Yes, this was my fault, however, if I did tell him, he usually blamed me for feeling a particular way. He never tried to explain why he did certain things nor did he stop doing these things. This caused me to hold things in and allow them to poison the relationship. The minute something my ex did anything to hurt me, it was another nail in the coffin of our relationship. Eventually, I ended things. I can honestly say we both sucked at communicating.

One of the things I like about D/s, M/s relationships is the fact that we're told to communicate our feelings. It's a struggle to do so as I don't want seem like I'm complaining, but I also want my relationship to work.

Talk to him before things start to unravel. As someone stated, Doms, Masters, etc. aren't mindreaders. Well, not usually.

< Message edited by sblady -- 11/7/2009 8:04:06 AM >

_____________________________

Open your arms to change, but don't let go of your values. Dalai Lama

(in reply to breatheasone)

Post #: 26

RE: Need support - 11/7/2009 10:50:05 AM

breatheasone

Posts: 4004
Joined: 7/14/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Drifa

quote:

ORIGINAL: breatheasone
agirl, all of your points are so valid....yes i am projecting (if i say this, will He react thusly...and so on) i have a good history of being able to talk to my Master, He is a very understanding, loving, and, caring Man. i fear that my own negative thinking, and old hurts skew my rational.... causing me to freak out sometimes. believe me when i say i truly appreciate the time you and everyone else takes to read and respond.

In a situation like this, it REALLY helps to sit down and write down all your thoughts in Notepad or Word. Don't worry about how it looks or reads, just write and write and write, get it on the page. Then take a deep breath and calmly read through what you have written.

Some sentences will probably have related thoughts, cut and paste so those are together on the page and apply bullet points. If you have duplicate sentences, see if you can combine them. Write a short summary at the top, explaining that these are your thoughts and fears and anxieties about [fill in the anxiety here], and that because you are very unhappy and afraid over the issue, you need your dominant to please read through these items and talk to you about them.

Then give the document to your dominant and ask to schedule a time to talk about it.

THANKYOU. i can and will follow through on this.... and scheduling a time is a very good idea. Then i would know i have His attention for that amount of time.....well unless He gets a call from a number He doesn't recognize, or a call from home, or a call from work. Other than that i have His attention.

_____________________________

Romans 10:13,For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.
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(in reply to Drifa)

Post #: 27

RE: Need support - 11/7/2009 1:51:27 PM

trueshadow

Posts: 388
Joined: 1/1/2005
Status: offline

Perhaps a visit to a counselor might be in order. Colleges and universities often have counselors that are in training and the cost is low, so I've been told. Remember, when you reach the end of your rope, hold on!

(in reply to Level)

Post #: 28

RE: Need support - 11/8/2009 7:31:54 AM

agirl

Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: breatheasone

agirl, all of your points are so valid....yes i am projecting (if i say this, will He react thusly...and so on) i have a good history of being able to talk to my Master, He is a very understanding, loving, and, caring Man. i fear that my own negative thinking, and old hurts skew my rational.... causing me to freak out sometimes. believe me when i say i truly appreciate the time you and everyone else takes to read and respond.

You can be rational and still feel lonely and discontented. You may well be in a situation that means you have to suffer that.

From your posts , though you aren't specific, it appears that other things are taking his time and attention and that you might feel a little a little like *your* time is being *sqeezed in* between other things. Maybe you're feeling a little *unimportant* at the moment.

We all like to feel we are the *priority* for at least SOME of the time and we also get used to a certain amount of attention, no matter what relationship we're in. It's not some big failure to *feel* like that .......if it didn't bother you in the least , it's unlikely he'd mean as much to you as he does. Sometimes, even when we FULLY understand why we can't have the normal attention we're used to....we miss it.

It's not being *awkward* to explain how you're feeling , even if it's not a fixable situation. The odds are he'll notice you're not *super-happy* anyway so better to say exactly why, than twist yourself about trying to *not be a nuisance*.

agirl

(in reply to breatheasone)

Post #: 29

RE: Need support - 11/10/2009 5:48:16 PM

Huntertn

Posts: 715
Joined: 10/7/2006
Status: offline

well....go have a good scream..A really scream from the bottom of your toes to the top of your head!!!!!!! It lets a few endorfins out...and raises your bp a bit and lets face it, sometimes it just feel good to let it all out...

(in reply to Level)

Post #: 30

RE: Need support - 11/10/2009 11:18:27 PM

breatheasone

Posts: 4004
Joined: 7/14/2007
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.... i'm hurt and confused and FRUSTRATED!!!!!!!

_____________________________

Romans 10:13,For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.
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Post #: 31

RE: Need support - 11/11/2009 11:30:02 AM

breatheasone

Posts: 4004
Joined: 7/14/2007
Status: offline

Thank you....for answered prayers. God is SO gracious to me.

_____________________________

Romans 10:13,For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.
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(in reply to breatheasone)

Post #: 32

RE: Need support - 11/11/2009 11:53:59 AM

leadership527

Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: agirl
It's easy to make *excellent* points when it's not your own life..lol

*laughs*... one of life's great truisms. Frequently I say to Carol that it's not so much that I'm all-wise and all-knowing. It's just that fixing someone ELSE's problems is ever so much easier than fixing my own.

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to agirl)

Post #: 33

RE: Need support - 11/11/2009 1:16:56 PM

agirl

Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: leadership527

quote:

ORIGINAL: agirl
It's easy to make *excellent* points when it's not your own life..lol

*laughs*... one of life's great truisms. Frequently I say to Carol that it's not so much that I'm all-wise and all-knowing. It's just that fixing someone ELSE's problems is ever so much easier than fixing my own.

Mmmm, my children think I'm awfully wise...lol. And I am........when it comes to their lives.

agirl

(in reply to leadership527)

Post #: 34

RE: Need support - 11/14/2009 9:13:12 PM

breatheasone

Posts: 4004
Joined: 7/14/2007
Status: offline

i wanted to thank everyone who responded to this thread for taking the time. Master/Daddy and i talked and listened and prayed....in the end that recipe always works well for Us. i still want to get scared and freak out sometimes! Master/Daddy posted this on Our journal, He continues to remind me of how Blessed i am.

"Candace, I am yours, and you are mine. We are each others. I know I need you, as you need me. I can';t lose sight of the basic facts baby-girl. It is a greater power than mere man that keeps us, This I know! Daddy" ____________________________

And Our journey continues....

_____________________________

Romans 10:13,For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.
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(in reply to agirl)

Post #: 35

RE: Need support - 11/15/2009 10:01:10 AM

UniqueRaven

Posts: 1237
Joined: 9/30/2009
From: Austin, TX
Status: offline

i wanted to add, if you find yourself struggling again with such feelings, yoga and meditation is quite, quite helpful for letting go of a lot of this sort of emotional "churn." Over the years, using yoga to work through my emotions and finding that base-level peace and happiness with my "self" has been soooo helpful. You have to be at peace before you can truly and easily deal with the situational experiences around you - and this has many, many applications as a submissive woman.

i struggled with emotions for many years, and yoga has been such a blessing for me - to the point where last year i became a 200 hour certified teacher specializing in yoga therapy, specifically for these sorts of concerns. Find your peace, sweet girl, and it all will be so much easier.

If i can ever be of assistance, please let me know, and my best to you and yours....

:)
julie

(in reply to breatheasone)

Post #: 36

RE: Need support - 11/15/2009 12:10:39 PM

breatheasone

Posts: 4004
Joined: 7/14/2007
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Thank you Julie, very good suggestion. Its a process i seem to go through, you'd think i'd know better by now. i seem to wait until the "pebble in my shoe" is killing me before i take it out. Instead of taking it out when i 1st notice it.

_____________________________

Romans 10:13,For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.
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Post #: 37

RE: Need support - 11/15/2009 7:30:05 PM

Zechriel

Posts: 308
Joined: 11/19/2007
Status: offline

Good evening,
When my head is going round and round and then the words don't wanna come out cause I am afraid of how Daddy will take it, I ask him if I can write an email later. So far he has never said no. So I rant and ponder and do the whole "Well one hand...and on the other hand....(and usually end up with like 5 hands at the end! lol) Then I quickly hit send. that way I can't get it back. After that it is up to him, he can delete it with or without reading it or reply back or tell me "we'll talk when I see you on----". But that way he knows something is bugging me that -at the time-I cannot adequotely verbalize. And rather than go round and round in person, let me work it out.
Hope that helps, but Daddy seems to have tons of patience with me...and I am not always the most subliest of slaves either, lol love that word-sub-li-est. Good luck.
Love,
Zechriel

_____________________________

Sir HighlanderME's little z

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Post #: 38

RE: Need support - 11/18/2009 10:34:32 AM

TheOldMan

Posts: 19
Joined: 9/19/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: breatheasone

Agirl, excellent point.... and spot on...i'm stressing too much about stressing..... how absurd is that?

Don't feel bad, you're not alone.
I have a friend who's essentially Paranoid OCD, won't walk down the street because she's afraid a car will jump the curb and run her over. She read about it happening to someone in the paper.

Just this morning someone was teasing her and I told em to leave her alone, "Her Issues Have Issues"

Come to think of it, she'd be a perfect mate for that Monk character on TV

(in reply to breatheasone)

Post #: 39

RE: Need support - 11/18/2009 10:55:09 AM

breatheasone

Posts: 4004
Joined: 7/14/2007
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i'm sorry for your friend, i hope she continues to get healthy. i see that i have to get better about speaking up regarding my feelings and needs....i don't do that. So consequently i wait until its a true crisis The problem with that is, by then its started to do real damage.....so i end up all scared up because of my own lack of communication.

Heres the deal i think, lets say you have a sliver, you say to yourself, "Its just a small thing, i won't bother with it" but then you notice soreness, swelling, but its not that bad at all, so you ignore it. Then you notice actual pain, redness, more swelling, PUSS! NOW you've done it...you have an infection. NOW you decide to take out the sliver. It HURTS real bad taking it out...it takes longer to heal....what a mess!

option B:
You have a sliver, you say, "Hey, i'm going to go ahead and take that out so it doesn't get worse later." You take the sliver out...it hurts but not too bad when you remove it, and by the next day you barely remember you had a sliver.

The "you" in the above analogy is your relationship. The sliver is ANYthing thats on your mind, or bothering you, regaurding your mate. The puss is resentment. Resentment will almost ALWAYS come from unresolved issues.

_____________________________

Romans 10:13,For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.
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(in reply to TheOldMan)

Post #: 40

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