DOM being "topped" by His old slave

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DOM being "topped" by His old slave - 11/6/2009 11:39:28 AM

playme2

Posts: 7
Joined: 5/31/2009
Status: offline

i have been in submission to a DOM for 4 months. His slave that left Him just before we met keeps coming back, trying to redefine their relationship. first it was "in a leather family" and "under His Protection" then she went out of the bounds of that agreement. then she went "off line" for all of 3 weeks. now she asked Him to be her "Daddy" and once again wants to be part of the "family"

i feel as if she is dictating the terms and of course He is letting her. in return i feel as if He is letting her Top, and Dominate HIm and in turn me. i am having a hard time with this and i need to either come to terms with it and deal or let go. the former really isn't an option as i am alpha female and will not be topped by another woman but letting go is hard. allit takes it an email, a text, or a phone call and i am on my knees. the power exchange is one sided as He seems to take only to pour into her. that is the way it feel anyway.

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RE: DOM being "topped" by His old slave - 11/6/2009 12:02:55 PM

GabrielleSlave

Posts: 616
Joined: 9/20/2007
From: in servitude
Status: offline

Your profile says you are under this Doms protection..... your message does not read that way. You need to talk to him about how he feels about this slave and if indeed he wants her back... i am like you, an alpha female and if this was to happen in my relationship it would not wash, slave or not. Some may call that topping from the bottom also, so be it. Wwe have lately had a situation where another female has been introduced in play....i got my knickers in a twist over that and my Master knows in no uncertain terms how His slave feels lol! Wwe continue to play with her, but it took several conversations and a training session before i was happy with the message i was getting.

hugs

gabrielle x

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Slave to Master Slayer

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"There is no such thing as liberty. You only change one sort of domination for another. All we can do is to choose our master."
D. H. Lawrence

(in reply to playme2)

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RE: DOM being "topped" by His old slave - 11/6/2009 1:18:30 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

Being under his protection is a far cry from being in a relationship with him. Yes, you want to be his one and only, we get it. But he is still in love with her.

Put him on block, screen your phone calls, etc. And next time don't get involved with someone who's going through a messy breakup.

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RE: DOM being "topped" by His old slave - 11/6/2009 1:48:48 PM

lovingpet

Posts: 4270
Joined: 6/19/2005
Status: offline

I see two people trying to find a specific dynamic that works for them. That would be neither topping from the bottom nor being topped. It is working on a relationship that still apparently shows some kind of potential.

I am noting what others have stated that your profile says you are under protection. This is not a situation where you are even the primary relationship. There is no relationship beyond watching your back. I think there needs to be some very serious discussion. I don't think any of the three of you are on the same page. What a mess! All my best!

lovingpet

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RE: DOM being "topped" by His old slave - 11/6/2009 2:20:37 PM

Drifa

Posts: 547
Joined: 7/27/2007
From: Rural Texas
Status: offline

You appear to be jealous, just like thousands of other women whose boyfriends are seeing or interacting with an ex. I see YOU trying to top from the bottom, as it were, in dictating who your man can see and how the poly relationship will operate.

You need to sit down with your man and explain to him that you are distressed by the situation, exactly how you feel, and why you feel that way. You need to find out from him what he understands the boundaries of your current relationship to be.

If you BOTH agreed, upon beginning the relationship, that the relationship would be closed/monogamous between the two of you, then having your guy seeing another women would be a violation of that agreement. However, if this wasn't explicitly stated, or if you agreed to a poly relationship, you can't change the rules in midstream.

If you didn't have a mutual agreement to monogamy, then you can still open a negotiation now and explain how distressed your jealousy is making you. If (and only if) your man decides to allow a change in the rules of the relationship to monogamy, you can have that. Otherwise, you will need to decide if the situation is intolerable - if so, you need to exit gracefully and with dignity, and plan to do a better job negotiating this type of boundary at the start of your next relationship.

Or, you can choose to accept that he is seeing this other woman, whether you approve or not, and decide to focus on your master and what HE wants, and quit worrying about other parts of his life that are not within your control. Focus on serving him and making him happy. Few people really enjoy being in a relationship with a judgmental, jealous person, so consider whether you want to be that person!

(in reply to playme2)

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RE: DOM being "topped" by His old slave - 11/6/2009 2:44:16 PM

littleone35

Posts: 2828
Joined: 2/17/2005
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You have been submission to him you say. Did you agree to be exclusive? You need to talk to him why not tell him what you told us. He is not your Master you are just under his prortection. You need to let him go and find a Master that wants you ,not you and an old slave.

Matt's littleone

(in reply to Drifa)

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RE: DOM being "topped" by His old slave - 11/7/2009 2:05:02 PM

trueshadow

Posts: 388
Joined: 1/1/2005
Status: offline

Sounds like there are still feelings between them; otherwise he would tell her to get lost.

(in reply to littleone35)

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