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ORIGINAL: Termyn8or

Fuck all that. There is one thing that cannot be substituted, and that is human companionship. I would bring the whole gang (if possible) to the hospital and have the holiday there, even if it meant eating McD's or pizza or whatever.

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If out of the hospital the closest should be there. To feel safe, warm and loved is more important than any food ever could be. What's more if there are alot of people in the family, extended family, or if the kid has chosen family, watch the environment. Don't dilute the experience with too many people no matter how close they are.

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I don't know about you but when ill, the last thing I need is a bunch of flowers, big fuzzy useless shit or something to hang on the wall. And if it is food and I don't feel like eating it is just as useless. People, the right people. That doesn't mean to open a fucking disco. Even if the kid does not remember the day, the support of those who matter the most will have a positive impact. It might even aid in the recovery process. Of course it doesn't hurt if someopne comes up with some treats, like icecream or something.

And don't walk in there LOOKIE THIS LOOKIE THAT. Let the kid guide the conversation, and actually have one ! Get what I mean ?

Your presence is your gift. You express that you care, and have hope. You fuck up your day, or date, you show that you care.

In my family you never say "I love you" ever. It is expressed in deeds, not words. It runs from being able to call my Mom and ask her how to spell rhythm, or being able to show up at her house and have a breakdown. But we never say it. Fuck saying it, show it. Is the food that important ? A kid would probably be happy with a happy meal. It is those other things that really matter, that really matter.

Everybody seems to want to substitute the true expression of love with something else. I see it everywhere, from the jeweler's to the open air market. Oh yeah she'll like this. Bullshit, if she likes YOU, she wants YOU around her. Do that and of course eat. Of course a favor here and there. But the best thing is to be there, and listen. Respond, don't direct. Another one of my favorite ironies in life is that sometimes you teach the most effectively just by listening, or at least you enable yourself to teach.

My opinion, throw it in the dumpster if you like. But I put it out there.

T

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ORIGINAL: wandersalone

Touch is really important, so remind your mum and the other friends to hug Mamma T and if they know her daughter well enough, go visit her in hospital and hug her as well.  I did volunteer work on the oncology ward of a children's hospital for a number of years when younger and the one thing that made me sad was all the visitors who would stay a foot away from the child, scared to touch them or go near them

And don't forget the sisters, ask how they are going, they can often feel relegated to unimportance at times like this when so much of the focus is on their sister but they are no doubt scared and sad and lonely as well.  And they may even be jealous and that is entirely normal in this situation

My thoughts are with all of you and thank you for caring so much to do this

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ORIGINAL: sirsholly

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ORIGINAL: Rule

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ORIGINAL: Termyn8or
Fuck all that. There is one thing that cannot be substituted, and that is human companionship. I would bring the whole gang (if possible) to the hospital and have the holiday there

I second that. It must be horrible for that child not to have the company of its siblings and vice versa.

i agree with the basic idea, but i also suggest checking with the hospital for a private area in which to do so.
Nothing can stop you from getting together in the hospital cafeteria, but something more private would be nice.

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ORIGINAL: Level

Maybe get a massage for the mom; she has to be tied up in knots, literally and figuratively, and just a nice 30 minute or hour massage may help a bit.

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ORIGINAL: CountrySong

My suggestion - watch Patch Adams. Then find out what makes her laugh and get a group together to do it. Laughter is the best medicine!

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ORIGINAL: sirsholly

i want to suggest a weekend at a local hotel for mom, dad, and the girls. Make sure the hotel has a pool so the kids can have an absolute blast and their parents can enjoy their laughter.

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ORIGINAL: sunshinemiss

I had a girlfriend who had surgery, and what we did for her was set up a schedule for 30 days.  We had a different person commit to going to see her each day.  One person (me) kept the schedule.  Each person agreed to not just sit there, but to do something special for the family.  There was the guy who came and played his musical instrument, the woman who brought ungents and lotions, another guy who showed up with a boatload of videos, the chef who brought her favorite dish (complete with chef's hat), puzzle books brought by another person, and another gal went to the house and polished all the shoes, one lady took the family for a joy ride.  Each person was responsible for recognizing the gift that was personal to them that they could give.  It was a wonderful experience for my friend, her family, and each person involved.  Really an amazing experience.

Time goes very slowly in the hospital.  Things that fill the time are a godsend.  And that includes hour long visits.  But remember, people are tired too and they will need to be left alone.  Once or twice my friend had to cancel because she just couldn't do it. 

And as far as "stuff" goes - remember stuff becomes something the family will need to handle.  Teddy bears and flowers and all that, while we think it's thoughtful, what happens to it when they leave the hospital?  Do you really want them to throw away dead flowers and figure out what to do with all those bears?  Things that can be donated to the hospital after can be helpful.

And for the girl who is there.... she's 14.  What do 14 year olds like?  Ask her.

Hugs to your mom, Aylee,
sunshine

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i waas just thinking how parents and families bond with each other in a hospital setting. Perhaps getting a private room and getting a few of the families of other young patients to join you for a bite to eat and a chance to relax?

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ORIGINAL: VirginPotty

All of these are great ideas! I especially like the gift card for the restaurant's. That way they can eat at a decent hour instead of having to go home & heat up food late at night.

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i waas just thinking how parents and families bond with each other in a hospital setting. Perhaps getting a private room and getting a few of the families of other young patients to join you for a bite to eat and a chance to relax?

Regarding what Holly said above, that is so true! I used to volunteer at a Ronald McDonald House and that place was a GODSEND to the parent's and the commraderie was just incredible! The support these people gave each other was like none other I've seen. I took my daughter to Children's Hospital one day and as we were in the cafeteria waiting for some tests, one of the parents came up to me to see if we were ok and that if I needed anything she was there for me. For pete's sake, she was at the hospital cause her daughter was there for an inoperable brain tumor & she was checking on me??!?!?!
Check to see if there's a RMH in the area. They provide shuttle service back & forth to the hospital in addition to rooms (payment is on a sliding scale) and meals.

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ORIGINAL: DesFIP

Ipod and a dock so she can listen to music quietly. DVD player and movies that appeal to a 14 year old. Fame, High School Musical. Get all her friends together to say they love her and miss her to a digital camera and let her play it over and over. If the hospital has wireless, then a laptop would be a godsend.

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ORIGINAL: purepleasure

ok, I'm praying that it's "just" swine flu and NOT leukemia

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ORIGINAL: Termyn8or

Fuck all that. There is one thing that cannot be substituted, and that is human companionship. I would bring the whole gang (if possible) to the hospital and have the holiday there, even if it meant eating McD's or pizza or whatever.

Is the food that important ? A kid would probably be happy with a happy meal. It is those other things that really matter, that really matter.

Everybody seems to want to substitute the true expression of love with something else. I see it everywhere, from the jeweler's to the open air market. Oh yeah she'll like this. Bullshit, if she likes YOU, she wants YOU around her. Do that and of course eat. Of course a favor here and there. But the best thing is to be there, and listen. Respond, don't direct. Another one of my favorite ironies in life is that sometimes you teach the most effectively just by listening, or at least you enable yourself to teach.

My opinion, throw it in the dumpster if you like. But I put it out there.

T

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ORIGINAL: Toppingfrmbottom

Yes Termy food really matters. The ability to eat and eat well keeps you running healthily when stressed, junk food and happy meals may feed a tummy for now but it does not nourish  you when you're away from home so much. You WILL get SICK, from eating junk and nothing but junk if you're not used to it, so the parents, and not just the child need HEALTHY nutrition options on the run. They need to keep their strength up and sometimes all you really need and can not get is a healthy lunch when you're on the run so much.


There's still other kids to consider and not just the 14 y/o  in the hospital. This sickness takes a toll on the whole family and the whole family needs support not just one sick child.

Sometimes with out the donation of food for the whole family , the families ability to eat suffers.

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ORIGINAL: Termyn8or

Fuck all that. There is one thing that cannot be substituted, and that is human companionship. I would bring the whole gang (if possible) to the hospital and have the holiday there, even if it meant eating McD's or pizza or whatever.

Is the food that important ? A kid would probably be happy with a happy meal. It is those other things that really matter, that really matter.

Everybody seems to want to substitute the true expression of love with something else. I see it everywhere, from the jeweler's to the open air market. Oh yeah she'll like this. Bullshit, if she likes YOU, she wants YOU around her. Do that and of course eat. Of course a favor here and there. But the best thing is to be there, and listen. Respond, don't direct. Another one of my favorite ironies in life is that sometimes you teach the most effectively just by listening, or at least you enable yourself to teach.

My opinion, throw it in the dumpster if you like. But I put it out there.

T

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ORIGINAL: DesFIP

Poor kid, H1N1 and leukemia. Praying for her and them.

But TFB has a point in that living off of fast food for all of them isn't any good either. So gift cards to better restaurants, will be helpful.

1. Gift cards for gas... Gas is always expensive and this makes things easier on all involved.
2. Books, journals, magazines, etc.....for the children that are younger that will be visiting the 14 year old