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Aylee -> Suggestions please (11/9/2009 9:20:04 PM)

One of the ladies my mother works with, Mamma T, has a daughter that has just been diagnosed with Lukemia.  They thought it was the flu, but after some bed rest and fluids, it was not improving.  They took her to the doctor and admited her to the hospital.  She had pnenomia and was getting worse so she was flown to the children's hospital in Denver on Friday. 

Mamma T is there now with her and her father as well.  They have not been able to do a bone marrow test to determine what type she has in order to start treatment as she has not been stable enough for sedation.  I think that they were considering doing it without sedation soonest. 

The others in the office would like to help out this family, especially in regards to the holidays coming up. 

I know that my mother is donating a vacation day, and I am sure a couple of others will as well. 

It is unknown at this time whether they will be back in town for t-day. 

If any of you have some suggestions of things that can be done for this family I would appriciate you passing them along.

A couple things that have been suggested are:

A gift basket of paper products: TP and paper towels, disposable plates and untinsels, and napkins.

Providing t-day dinner

Making this year's xmas project this family (they pick an organization every year.)

Bringing in a casserole that can be frozen and cooked later

There are 2 other girls in this home.  8 and 12 who are staying with the grandparents.  The gal in the hospital is 14. 

I would greatly appriciate any other suggestions.  Thank you! 



impishlilhellcat -> RE: Suggestions please (11/9/2009 9:23:50 PM)

How about things for the little girl in the hospital. To keep her busy when she's awake or feels okay. Books to read games the family can play together etc...


Sometimes just having someone that will do laundry is a blessing.



yourdarkdesire -> RE: Suggestions please (11/9/2009 9:27:42 PM)

Aylee - I am so sorry this is happening.  All your ideas are very sound.  I would perhaps throw in something (maybe a movie day) for the girls at home - something to take their minds off what is happening.

I think that the best thing anybody could do - would be to get on the bone marrow donation register.  I believe it takes a simple blood test.  Whether this helps directly probably wouldn't matter to Mamma T - just the fact that people care enough to get tested might lift her heart.



Aylee -> RE: Suggestions please (11/9/2009 9:30:38 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: impishlilhellcat

How about things for the little girl in the hospital. To keep her busy when she's awake or feels okay. Books to read games the family can play together etc...


Sometimes just having someone that will do laundry is a blessing.


Thanks!  I will pass that along! 

quote:

ORIGINAL: yourdarkdesire

Aylee - I am so sorry this is happening.  All your ideas are very sound.  I would perhaps throw in something (maybe a movie day) for the girls at home - something to take their minds off what is happening.

I think that the best thing anybody could do - would be to get on the bone marrow donation register.  I believe it takes a simple blood test.  Whether this helps directly probably wouldn't matter to Mamma T - just the fact that people care enough to get tested might lift her heart.


Thank you as well!  I am on the bone marrow registration and I did mention that, but perhaps they can all go do that as well.  I will pass on the movie day idea as well.  [:)]



lovingpet -> RE: Suggestions please (11/9/2009 9:31:50 PM)

One that we did for a coworker going through something similar was restaurant gift cards. They will be spending a lot of time away from home or having to rush and run around to keep up with things. Get some ones for nicer spots, some casual dining places, some fast food. Everyone can do at least one of those. It helps when a meal at home isn't possible and cuts down on expenses that will soon be very hard to manage alongside medical bills. I know my coworker appreciated it greatly as did her family as her condition worsened. Hope this helps!

lovingpet



Aylee -> RE: Suggestions please (11/9/2009 9:34:44 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: lovingpet

One that we did for a coworker going through something similar was restaurant gift cards. They will be spending a lot of time away from home or having to rush and run around to keep up with things. Get some ones for nicer spots, some casual dining places, some fast food. Everyone can do at least one of those. It helps when a meal at home isn't possible and cuts down on expenses that will soon be very hard to manage alongside medical bills. I know my coworker appreciated it greatly as did her family as her condition worsened. Hope this helps!

lovingpet


Another great idea!  Thanks! 

My mom had nicely suggested that "maybe you could ask all those people on the 'boards' that you read." 



impishlilhellcat -> RE: Suggestions please (11/9/2009 9:38:07 PM)

When my grandfather got sick with cancer we all took turns up at the hospital. He got sick of hospital food pretty fast and he was bored... I can't think much right now, but I'll go back revisit all we did to keep him entertained and happy.



Aylee -> RE: Suggestions please (11/9/2009 9:48:17 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: impishlilhellcat

When my grandfather got sick with cancer we all took turns up at the hospital. He got sick of hospital food pretty fast and he was bored... I can't think much right now, but I'll go back revisit all we did to keep him entertained and happy.


Thank you again!



Navina -> RE: Suggestions please (11/9/2009 9:49:47 PM)

I know that any time I'm exhausted or overwhelmed, pretty smelling bath products lift my spirits a bit. Maybe they could use some soaps/shampoos/body sprays in calming scents?



purepleasure -> RE: Suggestions please (11/9/2009 10:03:20 PM)

if a neighbor or friend can keep the outside of the house tidy, make sure any windblown debris is picked up on a regular basis.

Donations to take care of the utility bills, or have someone organize and keep track of when they need to be paid, depending on the family's financial situation.

Errands, omg, it was a blessing when someone could go the grocery store, or pharmacy for me, when my mother was dying, it was just a godsend that I didn't have to leave her alone to go running.

Get well cards and notes are usually a nice pick me up.

Forgo the flowers and dish gardens.... it creates more work for the family. Yes, it's "just watering the plants", but believe me, there's bigger issues going on than having to remember to water the plants.

If there are pets in the household, they need attention too, whether getting them to vet appointments, out for walks, or something as simple as getting the cat litter box cleaned once or twice a week.

The restaurant gift cards are a nice idea. So are the reloadable Visa and MasterCards, and remember... Visa is accepted just about everywhere.

As it gets closer to Christmas, maybe a gang could get together to get the tree up and decorated, bake some cookies, or have a local boy/girl scout troop come by to sing carols.



Aylee -> RE: Suggestions please (11/9/2009 10:11:13 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Navina

I know that any time I'm exhausted or overwhelmed, pretty smelling bath products lift my spirits a bit. Maybe they could use some soaps/shampoos/body sprays in calming scents?


Thank you!  That might be really nice for Mamma T herself!

quote:

ORIGINAL: purepleasure

if a neighbor or friend can keep the outside of the house tidy, make sure any windblown debris is picked up on a regular basis.

Donations to take care of the utility bills, or have someone organize and keep track of when they need to be paid, depending on the family's financial situation.

Errands, omg, it was a blessing when someone could go the grocery store, or pharmacy for me, when my mother was dying, it was just a godsend that I didn't have to leave her alone to go running.

Get well cards and notes are usually a nice pick me up.

Forgo the flowers and dish gardens.... it creates more work for the family. Yes, it's "just watering the plants", but believe me, there's bigger issues going on than having to remember to water the plants.

If there are pets in the household, they need attention too, whether getting them to vet appointments, out for walks, or something as simple as getting the cat litter box cleaned once or twice a week.

The restaurant gift cards are a nice idea. So are the reloadable Visa and MasterCards, and remember... Visa is accepted just about everywhere.

As it gets closer to Christmas, maybe a gang could get together to get the tree up and decorated, bake some cookies, or have a local boy/girl scout troop come by to sing carols.


You are all SO good!  Thank you! 



Termyn8or -> RE: Suggestions please (11/10/2009 1:19:28 AM)

Fuck all that. There is one thing that cannot be substituted, and that is human companionship. I would bring the whole gang (if possible) to the hospital and have the holiday there, even if it meant eating McD's or pizza or whatever.

If out of the hospital the closest should be there. To feel safe, warm and loved is more important than any food ever could be. What's more if there are alot of people in the family, extended family, or if the kid has chosen family, watch the environment. Don't dilute the experience with too many people no matter how close they are.

I don't know about you but when ill, the last thing I need is a bunch of flowers, big fuzzy useless shit or something to hang on the wall. And if it is food and I don't feel like eating it is just as useless. People, the right people. That doesn't mean to open a fucking disco. Even if the kid does not remember the day, the support of those who matter the most will have a positive impact. It might even aid in the recovery process. Of course it doesn't hurt if someopne comes up with some treats, like icecream or something.

And don't walk in there LOOKIE THIS LOOKIE THAT. Let the kid guide the conversation, and actually have one ! Get what I mean ?

Your presence is your gift. You express that you care, and have hope. You fuck up your day, or date, you show that you care.

In my family you never say "I love you" ever. It is expressed in deeds, not words. It runs from being able to call my Mom and ask her how to spell rhythm, or being able to show up at her house and have a breakdown. But we never say it. Fuck saying it, show it. Is the food that important ? A kid would probably be happy with a happy meal. It is those other things that really matter, that really matter.

Everybody seems to want to substitute the true expression of love with something else. I see it everywhere, from the jeweler's to the open air market. Oh yeah she'll like this. Bullshit, if she likes YOU, she wants YOU around her. Do that and of course eat. Of course a favor here and there. But the best thing is to be there, and listen. Respond, don't direct. Another one of my favorite ironies in life is that sometimes you teach the most effectively just by listening, or at least you enable yourself to teach.

My opinion, throw it in the dumpster if you like. But I put it out there.

T



wandersalone -> RE: Suggestions please (11/10/2009 2:14:14 AM)

Touch is really important, so remind your mum and the other friends to hug Mamma T and if they know her daughter well enough, go visit her in hospital and hug her as well.  I did volunteer work on the oncology ward of a children's hospital for a number of years when younger and the one thing that made me sad was all the visitors who would stay a foot away from the child, scared to touch them or go near them

And don't forget the sisters, ask how they are going, they can often feel relegated to unimportance at times like this when so much of the focus is on their sister but they are no doubt scared and sad and lonely as well.  And they may even be jealous and that is entirely normal in this situation

My thoughts are with all of you and thank you for caring so much to do this



Rule -> RE: Suggestions please (11/10/2009 3:23:05 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Termyn8or
Fuck all that. There is one thing that cannot be substituted, and that is human companionship. I would bring the whole gang (if possible) to the hospital and have the holiday there

I second that. It must be horrible for that child not to have the company of its siblings and vice versa.



sirsholly -> RE: Suggestions please (11/10/2009 3:40:44 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Rule

quote:

ORIGINAL: Termyn8or
Fuck all that. There is one thing that cannot be substituted, and that is human companionship. I would bring the whole gang (if possible) to the hospital and have the holiday there

I second that. It must be horrible for that child not to have the company of its siblings and vice versa.

i agree with the basic idea, but i also suggest checking with the hospital for a private area in which to do so.
Nothing can stop you from getting together in the hospital cafeteria, but something more private would be nice.



Level -> RE: Suggestions please (11/10/2009 3:41:46 AM)

Maybe get a massage for the mom; she has to be tied up in knots, literally and figuratively, and just a nice 30 minute or hour massage may help a bit.



CountrySong -> RE: Suggestions please (11/10/2009 3:43:47 AM)

My suggestion - watch Patch Adams. Then find out what makes her laugh and get a group together to do it. Laughter is the best medicine!



sirsholly -> RE: Suggestions please (11/10/2009 3:49:38 AM)

i want to suggest a weekend at a local hotel for mom, dad, and the girls. Make sure the hotel has a pool so the kids can have an absolute blast and their parents can enjoy their laughter.



sirsholly -> RE: Suggestions please (11/10/2009 3:53:37 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: sirsholly

quote:

ORIGINAL: Rule

quote:

ORIGINAL: Termyn8or
Fuck all that. There is one thing that cannot be substituted, and that is human companionship. I would bring the whole gang (if possible) to the hospital and have the holiday there

I second that. It must be horrible for that child not to have the company of its siblings and vice versa.

i agree with the basic idea, but i also suggest checking with the hospital for a private area in which to do so.
Nothing can stop you from getting together in the hospital cafeteria, but something more private would be nice.

i waas just thinking how parents and families bond with each other in a hospital setting. Perhaps getting a private room and getting a few of the families of other young patients to join you for a bite to eat and a chance to relax?



sunshinemiss -> RE: Suggestions please (11/10/2009 6:00:33 AM)

I had a girlfriend who had surgery, and what we did for her was set up a schedule for 30 days.  We had a different person commit to going to see her each day.  One person (me) kept the schedule.  Each person agreed to not just sit there, but to do something special for the family.  There was the guy who came and played his musical instrument, the woman who brought ungents and lotions, another guy who showed up with a boatload of videos, the chef who brought her favorite dish (complete with chef's hat), puzzle books brought by another person, and another gal went to the house and polished all the shoes, one lady took the family for a joy ride.  Each person was responsible for recognizing the gift that was personal to them that they could give.  It was a wonderful experience for my friend, her family, and each person involved.  Really an amazing experience.

Time goes very slowly in the hospital.  Things that fill the time are a godsend.  And that includes hour long visits.  But remember, people are tired too and they will need to be left alone.  Once or twice my friend had to cancel because she just couldn't do it. 

And as far as "stuff" goes - remember stuff becomes something the family will need to handle.  Teddy bears and flowers and all that, while we think it's thoughtful, what happens to it when they leave the hospital?  Do you really want them to throw away dead flowers and figure out what to do with all those bears?  Things that can be donated to the hospital after can be helpful.

And for the girl who is there.... she's 14.  What do 14 year olds like?  Ask her.

Hugs to your mom, Aylee,
sunshine



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