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What do I do? My hubby wants ‘kinky’ sex - 3/10/2006 6:48:46 AM

DiannaVesta

Posts: 1087
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From: Mid-Atlantic area
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I was doing some research and found this article and book online. I thought it would be something interesting to post here & perhaps it may help some of you who have a partner that doesn’t know about your kink.

I think that the book is good because it approaches the subject yet is not labeled KINK & therefore a more non-threatening approach.

Full Article Here

I wrote an article some years ago directed towards a woman who just discovered her husband is kinky. You can read it here:

You have just discovered your husband is kinky!

One of the reason's I stopped doing professional sessions, years ago, was that I had a difficult time seeing married men. Married men make up for 80% of clients using professional adult services. As much as I understand the need to fulfill ones desires, I have always been against infidelity and cheating. This is not to say I am against someone having multiple partners when everyone is in agreement.

I understand the reasons why someone would be reluctant to share kink fantasies and risk ridicule or rejection from their spouse, especially when they can’t fully understand themselves.

Maybe it was my southern upbringing where I find it hard to be with another woman’s man. I would always push them to try and explore their fantasies with their wives. I lost a few clients this way. Not because they told their wife but got tired of hearing it or felt guilty towards me. I think that if a person wants to explore, it’s ok and maybe there is a small part of me that thinks its ok to check it all out before bringing it home. I don’t know but I hope that if there are any of you who are married that you will seriously consider finding a way to approach the subject carefully.

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RE: What do I do? My hubby wants ‘kinky’ sex - 3/10/2006 7:15:12 AM

Driver1961

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Joined: 9/8/2005
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He enters,

expects to find a Vanilla woman on a kinky site , asking for help about her kinky husband- now this would be interesting!................

Thanks for a nice post DiannaVesta! Hopefully this might stay on the front page for next weeks?

Slight Bow, departs.

Paul, Sir to His Wild and His Angel.

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RE: What do I do? My hubby wants ‘kinky’ sex - 3/10/2006 7:35:04 AM

DiannaVesta

Posts: 1087
Joined: 2/6/2006
From: Mid-Atlantic area
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Driver1961

He enters,

expects to find a Vanilla woman on a kinky site , asking for help about her kinky husband- now this would be interesting!................

Thanks for a nice post DiannaVesta! Hopefully this might stay on the front page for next weeks?

Slight Bow, departs.

Paul, Sir to His Wild and His Angel.

Lol- I had to read that 3 times to figure out what you were saying. Been burning the midnight oil.

They both are references for someone to pass along. I didn’t post it expecting a vanilla wife to just along it. The book looks like a safe approach to at least open ones mind. It speaks about relationships in general and options. How one passes along the information is up to them.

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RE: What do I do? My hubby wants ‘kinky’ sex - 3/10/2006 8:08:03 AM

luckyslaveboync

Posts: 69
Joined: 3/18/2005
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quote:

One of the reason's I stopped doing professional sessions, years ago, was that I had a difficult time seeing married men. Married men make up for 80% of clients using professional adult services. As much as I understand the need to fulfill ones desires, I have always been against infidelity and cheating. This is not to say I am against someone having multiple partners when everyone is in agreement.

I understand the reasons why someone would be reluctant to share kink fantasies and risk ridicule or rejection from their spouse, especially when they can’t fully understand themselves.

Maybe it was my southern upbringing where I find it hard to be with another woman’s man. I would always push them to try and explore their fantasies with their wives. I lost a few clients this way. Not because they told their wife but got tired of hearing it or felt guilty towards me. I think that if a person wants to explore, it’s ok and maybe there is a small part of me that thinks its ok to check it all out before bringing it home. I don’t know but I hope that if there are any of you who are married that you will seriously consider finding a way to approach the subject carefully.

Not having a relationship with married men unless it is an open marriage is probably the standard philosophy of most dommes. It is one lucky used to support too. But lucky has found life is complex, probably too complex for simple rules. One of lucky's relatives has a wife in a nursing home, with long-term brain cancer, does not recognize anyone; lucky arranged for this non-computer-literate relative to find a partner online, leading to real-time meetings. He went from depressed and suicidal to happy and able to continue facing daily visits with his wife. Conventional rules say he should be faithful till death, but the reality is that following this rule led to depression, alcoholism, resentment, and suicidal thoughts. Or to take another personal example, another relative is married to an ill woman whom there has been no sex for over twenty years; as she is a religious fundamentalist who spends most of her free time in prayer and 'binding demons' it is not very realistic to suggest he find a way to approach the subject carefully. This individual has developed a relationship outside marriage and in lucky's opinion is not only a happier individual but also a better husband not walking around resentful and angry all the time.

lucky's advice: this is a topic where each person's case is unique and the situation must be treated holistically before a decision is made. A one-size-fits-all rule is unrealistic.

Just this sub's thoughts,
lucky

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RE: What do I do? My hubby wants ‘kinky’ sex - 3/10/2006 8:27:21 AM

Driver1961

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He enters, smiles...........

Nice one lucky,my 'bottomline sentiments' to your words, although the words 'personal conscience' I would have added in there, that is really is the decider for grief without companionship or grief/destruction after the demise of the significant other.

Warm regards to you Lucky,

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RE: What do I do? My hubby wants ‘kinky’ sex - 3/10/2006 9:46:05 AM

DiannaVesta

Posts: 1087
Joined: 2/6/2006
From: Mid-Atlantic area
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quote:

ORIGINAL: luckyslaveboync

lucky's advice: this is a topic where each person's case is unique and the situation must be treated holistically before a decision is made. A one-size-fits-all rule is unrealistic.

Just this sub's thoughts,
lucky

This is advice IMO is how everything in life should be treated. There is always an exception & the rules always seem to change.

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RE: What do I do? My hubby wants ‘kinky’ sex - 3/10/2006 7:07:10 PM

MichMasochist

Posts: 234
Joined: 12/23/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: DiannaVesta

<<<<clipped>>>>

One of the reason's I stopped doing professional sessions, years ago, was that I had a difficult time seeing married men. Married men make up for 80% of clients using professional adult services. As much as I understand the need to fulfill ones desires, I have always

<<<<clipped>>>>

I understand the reasons why someone would be reluctant to share kink fantasies and risk ridicule or rejection from their spouse, especially when they can’t fully understand themselves.

Maybe it was my southern upbringing where I find it hard to be with another woman’s man. I would always push them to try and explore their fantasies with their wives. I lost a few clients this way. Not because they told their wife but got tired of hearing it or felt guilty towards me. I think that if a person wants to explore, it’s ok and maybe there is a small part of me that thinks its ok to check it all out before bringing it home. I don’t know but I hope that if there are any of you who are married that you will seriously consider finding a way to approach the subject carefully.

We share the same feelings on the marriage bit. Myself, I will not play with another mans' woman. As for the open marriage thing, not, it's still cheating as far as I'm concerned.

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RE: What do I do? My hubby wants ‘kinky’ sex - 3/12/2006 9:58:43 AM

DiannaVesta

Posts: 1087
Joined: 2/6/2006
From: Mid-Atlantic area
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MichMasochist

quote:

ORIGINAL: DiannaVesta

<<<<clipped>>>>

One of the reason's I stopped doing professional sessions, years ago, was that I had a difficult time seeing married men. Married men make up for 80% of clients using professional adult services. As much as I understand the need to fulfill ones desires, I have always

<<<<clipped>>>>

I understand the reasons why someone would be reluctant to share kink fantasies and risk ridicule or rejection from their spouse, especially when they can’t fully understand themselves.

Maybe it was my southern upbringing where I find it hard to be with another woman’s man. I would always push them to try and explore their fantasies with their wives. I lost a few clients this way. Not because they told their wife but got tired of hearing it or felt guilty towards me. I think that if a person wants to explore, it’s ok and maybe there is a small part of me that thinks its ok to check it all out before bringing it home. I don’t know but I hope that if there are any of you who are married that you will seriously consider finding a way to approach the subject carefully.

We share the same feelings on the marriage bit. Myself, I will not play with another mans' woman. As for the open marriage thing, not, it's still cheating as far as I'm concerned.

Do still feel that people who are in an open or maybe poly relationship are cheating even if the other person knows about it?

I think its great that you share those feelings and respect for other men. Kudos to you Sir.

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