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I ask for suggestions from the Masters - 11/10/2009 8:28:35 PM

kasumi

Posts: 84
Joined: 9/11/2009
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My master is quite permissive and gentle. He tends to spoil me and allow me most of what I desire. He seems to either be too exhausted to come up with special ideas for us at the end of a long day of working - or - just not all that sexually-creative in general.

My question for you: is there something that your subs do for you that drives you wild?

I want to go above and beyond what he asks of me, especially since I know that he appreciates whatever effort I put forth. So, I'm hoping the other Masters would please enlighten me to what would be a pleasant surprise to receive from their sub.

Thank you.

Post #: 1

RE: I ask for suggestions from the Masters - 11/10/2009 8:29:42 PM

RedMagic1

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http://www.whitelotuseast.com/LingamMassage.htm

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to kasumi)

Post #: 2

RE: I ask for suggestions from the Masters - 11/10/2009 10:56:35 PM

AnimusRex

Posts: 2165
Joined: 5/13/2006
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He says he is tired- but what you hear is "I secretly want you to do some exotic dance of the seven veils to awaken little willy."

He works all day and comes home exhausted- and all you see is that he has failed to provide you with a creative sexy scene.

Maybe the most loving and submissive thing you can do is take him at his word, trust that he means what he says, and ask him what he would like you to do.

Then do it.

(in reply to kasumi)

Post #: 3

RE: I ask for suggestions from the Masters - 11/10/2009 11:24:11 PM

WyldHrt

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Joined: 6/5/2008
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Well said, AR!

I'm not a D type, but I know what it is to get home from work exhausted and then be expected to "perform", when all you want is to kick back and relax. Things like having a nice dinner ready when he comes home, a good movie in the player, waiting on him while he relaxes, drawing a bath, and/or giving him a backrub might be more welcome after a long day at work than jumping kinky on him as he comes through the door. My $.02

_____________________________

"MotherFUCKER!" is NOT a safeword!!"- Steel
"We've had complaints about 'orgy noises'. This is not the neighborhood for that kind of thing"- PVE Cop

Resident "Hypnotic Eyes", "Cleavage" and "Toy Whore"
Subby Mafia, VAA Posse & Team Troll!

(in reply to AnimusRex)

Post #: 4

RE: I ask for suggestions from the Masters - 11/10/2009 11:26:04 PM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: AnimusRex

He says he is tired- but what you hear is "I secretly want you to do some exotic dance of the seven veils to awaken little willy."

He works all day and comes home exhausted- and all you see is that he has failed to provide you with a creative sexy scene.

Maybe the most loving and submissive thing you can do is take him at his word, trust that he means what he says, and ask him what he would like you to do.

Then do it.

Good post. If the man is tired, he's tired. Break out the massage oils and give him a back rub. Make him a drink. Rub his feet while he watches his favorite show. Or, if he's like my owner, leave him the fuck alone and let him decompress after a day of dealing with cranky people.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to AnimusRex)

Post #: 5

RE: I ask for suggestions from the Masters - 11/10/2009 11:34:55 PM

kasumi

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Joined: 9/11/2009
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Thanks, everyone.

I do these things for him, though he loves to cook and tends to insist upon doing so unless he's very tired. Every night when he comes home I give him a massage and sex usually only happens when he initiates it.

Part of the reason why I've asked here is because I ask him so often what he would like me to do. (and I hope I'm not annoying him) Occasionally, he will tell me what he'd like me to wear or what he'd like to have me do but I get a lot of "just stay in X position" Staying in one position is a bit boring to me but I do it for him of course, I just... I feel so very useless at times.

I do not wish to seem ungrateful - I'm really not. He works very hard to provide for our home and I merely go to school and care for the children, this sort of adds to my feeling useless. I guess this thread is more to help with my insecurities than anything. He always says that I please him but I want to make sure that I do make him as happy as I can - and I also want to keep things as interesting as I can.

< Message edited by kasumi -- 11/10/2009 11:36:14 PM >

(in reply to WyldHrt)

Post #: 6

RE: I ask for suggestions from the Masters - 11/10/2009 11:37:23 PM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline

It's entirely possible he just wants you to leave him alone for awhile. How about you try asking him what he'd like when he gets home, doing that and then, when you aren't given orders, go read a book on sensual massage so you can knock his socks off on a day when he isn't working? Knit him a stylish sweater so he can be kept warm by your affection even when you aren't around.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to kasumi)

Post #: 7

RE: I ask for suggestions from the Masters - 11/10/2009 11:53:16 PM

kasumi

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Joined: 9/11/2009
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I think I've failed at coming across with what I mean.

I'm not actually upset at how much sex, how often we have it or anything. I'm more interested in both improving the sex we do have by performing things for him without his prompting as well as pleasing him more even in a non-sexual way.

I do ask what he'd like me to do quite often, but he doesn't actually give me commands very often at all. We've been together for almost 5 years and most of that time was without any real BDSM play so we've explored each other a lot and I know some of the things he likes by now and I do them whenever it seems appropriate. But I want to come up with new things to surprise him and, hopefully, give him the nudge that I'd like him to give me commands more often.

(in reply to AquaticSub)

Post #: 8

RE: I ask for suggestions from the Masters - 11/10/2009 11:54:36 PM

AnimusRex

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Joined: 5/13/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: kasumi
He works very hard to provide for our home and I merely go to school and care for the children, this sort of adds to my feeling useless.

Whoa- this changes the picture a bit. He works full time, and you go to school and care for (multiple?) children?
That is a full time- and then some- load of work, for both of you. No wonder he is exhausted- you should be too.

Having been there/ done that, I know that for the first few years of a young family, the sex life takes a beating. Not just the wild theatrical suspension bondage with 200 flickering candles and scented oils stuff....I mean, even the lets whip off the clothes and do it in the 5 minutes while the kids are asleep thing is a bit difficult to pull off.

He probably IS tired, but instead of his sex toy, maybe he needs you more to be his partner, his support, and indispensible assistant without whom his life would not run.

Submission in a 24/7 family can be much more intense than the erotic fables describe; making his world a better, more peaceful and joyful place is your loving service to him; making sure the children are taken care of, the home is neat, the dinner is ready- these are the loving gifts you give him instead of painting "fuck me" on your buttcheeks.

(in reply to kasumi)

Post #: 9

RE: I ask for suggestions from the Masters - 11/11/2009 12:13:30 AM

kasumi

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Joined: 9/11/2009
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Thanks for the advice (and the laugh!) AnimusRex.

(in reply to AnimusRex)

Post #: 10

RE: I ask for suggestions from the Masters - 11/11/2009 2:53:19 AM

Acer49

Posts: 1434
Joined: 8/7/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: kasumi

My master is quite permissive and gentle. He tends to spoil me and allow me most of what I desire. He seems to either be too exhausted to come up with special ideas for us at the end of a long day of working - or - just not all that sexually-creative in general.

My question for you: is there something that your subs do for you that drives you wild?

I want to go above and beyond what he asks of me, especially since I know that he appreciates whatever effort I put forth. So, I'm hoping the other Masters would please enlighten me to what would be a pleasant surprise to receive from their sub.

Thank you.

If the man is exhausted, he does not normally want to be driven wild, as AR said, ask him, he of all people knows what he wants

_____________________________

Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one's definition of your life; define yourself.
Harvey Fierstein

(in reply to kasumi)

Post #: 11

RE: I ask for suggestions from the Masters - 11/11/2009 6:20:58 AM

ranja

Posts: 2111
Joined: 11/1/2007
Status: offline

So you have a more vivid imagination than he does and he might be too tired to perform for you... so after you have lovingly massaged his feet you could ask if he would allow you to masturbate for him.... that way you get a lovely bit of wel needed action and release and he might sit back and enjoy the show....

... and don't count on it but.... he might even want to take over from you at some point.....

(in reply to kasumi)

Post #: 12

RE: I ask for suggestions from the Masters - 11/11/2009 6:30:07 AM

CNJDom

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Joined: 6/6/2006
From: Southern NJ
Status: offline

My submissive and I discuss this often, when it comes to a long day and what to do when coming home. I have said that since we both enjoy cooking so much, that it would not be a problem for whom ever was getting home first, to begining the meal. There will be occasions when one of us will probably come home exhausted...and this is where one will look after the other. If I see her run-down and frustrated from this long day, then I am going to have her soak in the tub or relax in some manner to decompress and recoup from the day. Likewise for myself. If we both are exhausted, we'll order out, take a hot shower, and retire for the evening being close and enjoying each other's attention.

OP: does your Master work a very strenuous job? A 9-5 office job, or something with a lot of physical / mental stress? All these factors weigh in on how one feels at the end of the day. So does health. A proper diet and sleep time is also important. Energy is sometimes misdirected through not taking care of one's self in any of these ways, and can manifest as exhaustion and a lack of motivation. Perhaps taking a look along these lines to make sure that he is alright in these respects might also help.

I believe you also mentioned that you'd like to have your Master give you commands more often. With my submissive, I don't really wish to order her around all the time. I believe in anticipating the needs of someone before they have to ask usually. But there are times when it is good to ask/order around. There is a balance that needs to be achieved. Being a "Daddy" D-type, I'm a bit soft-edged compared to others as it were. And though my authority is always present, there are times when my submissive likes it when I exercise that authority by letting her know what I want or what we're going to be doing at that time. This way, balance is achieved and we are both happy.

The best way to convey would be through a frank dialog of communication. But what you'd like may not be exactly when he gets home. Give some time to recuperate, pamper him and discuss. You both are wearing multiple hats: caregiver, provider, parent, student, submissive, Master...there is a time for all of that no matter how small, but making time is important. I would rather have 30-minutes or an hour of quality time, than an evening of mediocre time...so I would say planning would be important to designate which hat is needed at that time. Hope this helps.

_____________________________

“For every beauty there is an eye somewhere to see it. For every truth there is an ear somewhere to hear it. For every love there is a heart somewhere to receive it.”
~Ivan Panin

(in reply to Acer49)

Post #: 13

RE: I ask for suggestions from the Masters - 11/11/2009 6:42:16 AM

OneOldSoul

Posts: 4
Joined: 5/14/2007
Status: offline

I'd go with a massage. Start with his shoulders while he is in a chair if he likes it you can progress from there. If you get put him to sleep great, if he relaxes and you think he is ready to play a little tickling might get you a response :)

(in reply to CNJDom)

Post #: 14

RE: I ask for suggestions from the Masters - 11/11/2009 10:45:28 AM

justagirlinzh

Posts: 55
Joined: 9/23/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: kasumi

I think I've failed at coming across with what I mean.

I'm not actually upset at how much sex, how often we have it or anything. I'm more interested in both improving the sex we do have by performing things for him without his prompting as well as pleasing him more even in a non-sexual way.

I do ask what he'd like me to do quite often, but he doesn't actually give me commands very often at all. We've been together for almost 5 years and most of that time was without any real BDSM play so we've explored each other a lot and I know some of the things he likes by now and I do them whenever it seems appropriate. But I want to come up with new things to surprise him and, hopefully, give him the nudge that I'd like him to give me commands more often.

In my opinion, the best way to achieve your goal is to ask for more commands straight out. No nudging; just direct communication. And ask him what you can do to make his life easier, which in my opinion, is the fastest route to giving him the service you both want. You'll feel useful, and he'll be getting what he wants from you.

< Message edited by justagirlinzh -- 11/11/2009 10:47:57 AM >

(in reply to kasumi)

Post #: 15

RE: I ask for suggestions from the Masters - 11/11/2009 11:06:51 AM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: kasumi

I think I've failed at coming across with what I mean.

I'm not actually upset at how much sex, how often we have it or anything. I'm more interested in both improving the sex we do have by performing things for him without his prompting as well as pleasing him more even in a non-sexual way.

I do ask what he'd like me to do quite often, but he doesn't actually give me commands very often at all. We've been together for almost 5 years and most of that time was without any real BDSM play so we've explored each other a lot and I know some of the things he likes by now and I do them whenever it seems appropriate. But I want to come up with new things to surprise him and, hopefully, give him the nudge that I'd like him to give me commands more often.

No, I honestly think I'm getting at what your saying. And I'm suggesting that maybe he doesn't want to be giving you commands all the time. Maybe that isn't the style of dominance he enjoys.

For example: Valyraen rarely issues me commands of any type during an average day. But I know that it's my job to keep the house clean, dishes washed, laundry folded, etc. As long as I do it, he really doesn't care how or when.

However, if you want to him to be giving commands more often... forget nudging. The man can't read your mind. Just go up on a non-work day when he isn't exhausted and ask if you can talk to him about something. Then explain how it excites you/makes you feel fuzzy/loved/owned when he issues you commands and could he please do it more often. Be respectful but let him know and go from there.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to kasumi)

Post #: 16

RE: I ask for suggestions from the Masters - 11/11/2009 11:32:22 AM

ranja

Posts: 2111
Joined: 11/1/2007
Status: offline

yep i'm with justagirl and Aquatic; no nudging... men are so ill equipped to pick up on hints you should not waste your time on it, it won't get you anywhere...
clear and polite always gets best results

(in reply to AquaticSub)

Post #: 17

RE: I ask for suggestions from the Masters - 11/11/2009 11:43:18 AM

KCpower

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Joined: 10/5/2009
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Now that is not a fair assesment at all. Of course we pick up all hints, we just tend to ignore them, just as we have selective hearing also. An intelligent submissive knows these things so instead of dropping hints she/he should instead just allow the following to happen.
When Master is ready....I too will be.
When Master looks at me seductively....I will blush
When Master looks at me Devilishly .... I will look Angelic
When Master looks at me angrily....I will pout
When Master looks at me lovingly...I will swoon
and when Master comes home tired, grumpy, and no fun to be with.....I will pamper, worship and turn his bad day into a great night by being there for him.

EZ PEEZY

(in reply to ranja)

Post #: 18

RE: I ask for suggestions from the Masters - 11/11/2009 12:33:34 PM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ranja

yep i'm with justagirl and Aquatic; no nudging... men are so ill equipped to pick up on hints you should not waste your time on it, it won't get you anywhere...
clear and polite always gets best results

Well... to be fair... sometimes they can. I'm in the "only hint if you don't actually care about it happening because they might/probably won't get it" camp. Usually I just say something and then look at Valyraen till he laughs and says "That was a hint wasn't it?". I definately wouldn't do it about anything regarding my happiness in our relationship. That's something he needs to know and I need to know he knows, regardless of how he acts on the information.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to ranja)

Post #: 19

RE: I ask for suggestions from the Masters - 11/11/2009 12:36:35 PM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: KCpower

Now that is not a fair assesment at all. Of course we pick up all hints, we just tend to ignore them, just as we have selective hearing also. An intelligent submissive knows these things so instead of dropping hints she/he should instead just allow the following to happen.
When Master is ready....I too will be.
When Master looks at me seductively....I will blush
When Master looks at me Devilishly .... I will look Angelic
When Master looks at me angrily....I will pout
When Master looks at me lovingly...I will swoon
and when Master comes home tired, grumpy, and no fun to be with.....I will pamper, worship and turn his bad day into a great night by being there for him.

EZ PEEZY

*grins* Val would hate it if I started blushing. He'd ask where his brazon wench went to. Same thing for angelic. And I think he'd be confused if I started swooning. Same with the pampering - he likes to be left ALONE when he's grumpy. Giving a foot massage when Sir wants to be alone puts you in a great place for being kicked... I'd say the intelligent submissive learns theirs owner's moods and desires.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to KCpower)

Post #: 20

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