RE: Is this real or a waste of time?

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leadership527 -> RE: Is this real or a waste of time? (11/13/2009 8:49:34 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: abjectobject So my question is, compared to a snowball's chance in hell, does a 50 year old guy keep looking, or is another pastime a better bet? In my general experience, not in BDSM but just everywhere, the best people always find jobs, partners, whatever. It really doesn't matter what ratios look like because if you're one of the best, then you're a rare find yourself. That then becomes the question.... are you? If not, why? What are you going to do about that? Personally I wouldn't worry about your age all that much.

CelticSubM -> RE: Is this real or a waste of time? (11/13/2009 9:17:32 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: abjectobject Thanks for the info. I'll try meeting people in person. Online is, well, it's online. The other reason for not being competitive is being cooperative. I'd rather help someone else get what they need, than have a contest with them to take what they need. If there are two people and only one thing, they can fight over it, share it, both go without or one can step back and be glad the other gets it. To people whose only approach is competition, the other three options are invisible. The simple fact of there being not enough of something to go around will make it pointless to want it. Someone else can have it, and they are welcome to it. Meeting people in person is a very good idea, especially if you do not limit yourself to the usual bdsm lifestyle venues. It's not so likely that competition will be absent though. It just takes different forms. Still, I would submit that it's best not to give up wholly on the Internet's possibilities. Maintaining an online presence is easy and takes up little time. It offers a way to get in touch with people that aren't comfortable going to "lifestyle" events. For anyone with interests outside the mainstream, whether those be medieval literature or bdsm, the Internet is the best thing that ever happened. You should not regard the total number of dominant women as a fixed quantity. To be dominant (or submissive) isn't a fixed, innate thing that someone has to be born with. It's a basic human option, among many others, for how we express our sexual and romantic desires. Your age is a positive in that midlife is a time of personal and sexual experimentation for many women. Don't be hesitant about speaking frankly about your particular sexual needs and interests with women that you have met and become intimate with in "vanilla" settings.

LadyPact -> RE: Is this real or a waste of time? (11/13/2009 10:24:40 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: abjectobject In person rather than online, there is probably no such competition and things happen between whichever two people are face to face. Online, you have countless profiles, emails, a lot of extraneous noise. In person, if you're talking, that's way ahead of emails. Like I said, it was a stupid question. I should have asked about venues where people meet in person. I learned something. Thanks for your help. Just for interesting conversation, a few years back, I had a sub that I named "chosen" literally because I had several boys who were wanting to be My sub. It had nothing to do with on line. These had all been boys in the Atlanta area where I was doing most of My playing. While you are going to find the closer ratio out in the real world, still don't expect it to be one female to every male.

howahkan -> RE: Is this real or a waste of time? (11/13/2009 10:57:51 AM)
I just read your profile and, WOW I'm depressed. Why would anyone reply to it? As far as a "snowball's chance in hell". Things in life happen on their own schedule, trying to force life to happen seems to slow things down rather than make it happen faster. Your real problem is your opinion of yourself. Let me tell you this. Your part in any relationship is of equal value. Never let anyone diminish your value in favor of their own. I had always thought of myself as less of a person because I am a masochist and a sub. Not true... Start taking some positive steps in your life and KILL that negative attitude. No one expects your profile to be all sunshine and flowers but MY GOD MAN, find something good about yourself and say it. quote: I'm looking for a brief yes or no kind of reply to a basic question about the chances of finding a Mistress. In short, is this all fantasy or with some patience could I ever find someone? The answer is, Yes, if you do it right. I wish you all the best things in life...

Venatrix -> RE: Is this real or a waste of time? (11/13/2009 11:03:56 AM)
All right, who are you and what have you done with howahkan?

Ladynslave -> RE: Is this real or a waste of time? (11/13/2009 11:46:32 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: abjectobject The numbers make it a waste of time. I won't compete. Thanks for the answers. It was a stupid question. One of my favorite sayings is that the only stupid question is the one that you really wanted the answer to and didn't ask. So no, this is not a stupid question. However, your attitude about it seems to indicate that you are looking at this as a hobby rather than as a life style. Perhaps a Pro-Domme would be better suited to such pursuits. While I am not in the habit of recommending someone seek a professional, from what I see from your comments it seems it would be a better match for you and would take care of your need to not put yourself out there in a "naked" display by telling people about yourself and what you are looking for. The "competition" as you put it is eliminated as one person's money is as good as any other's when it comes to a pro. Good luck whatever you decide.

youngsubgeoff -> RE: Is this real or a waste of time? (11/13/2009 12:13:42 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyPact I'd say you've got a better chance than the snowball. LOL. What I will tell you to keep in mind is the exact thing that you've written above. There absolutely are more submissive males than Dominant females. That means that you will have competition. The more you have to offer, the better your chances. I must say I disagree somewhat. There are some that will tell you the ratio is ten to one, but really it is more like two to one if not one to one. Why? Because with the 10:1 thereoy, the 5 or 6 trolls you encounter on the sub male side arent factored in. Then, factor out another 2-3 for compatibility perpouses and -poof- there goes the ratio. Just keep your chin up. I also recommend joining a few local groups.

LadyPact -> RE: Is this real or a waste of time? (11/13/2009 12:43:25 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: youngsubgeoff quote: ORIGINAL: LadyPact I'd say you've got a better chance than the snowball. LOL. What I will tell you to keep in mind is the exact thing that you've written above. There absolutely are more submissive males than Dominant females. That means that you will have competition. The more you have to offer, the better your chances. I must say I disagree somewhat. There are some that will tell you the ratio is ten to one, but really it is more like two to one if not one to one. Why? Because with the 10:1 thereoy, the 5 or 6 trolls you encounter on the sub male side arent factored in. Then, factor out another 2-3 for compatibility perpouses and -poof- there goes the ratio. Just keep your chin up. I also recommend joining a few local groups. From the internet standpoint, yes, you have to include the trolls. I don't tend to find many of those at munches and events. Nor do you have to figure in the wankers or the daydreamers who haven't made the leap to getting into this life. Compatibility is always a factor no matter who is looking for who and ultimately, the best fit is going to win out. However, even with those factors that I feel many would find Me incompatible for their situation for (I'm married, I'm poly, and I'm over 40) any time that I have wanted to add a sub to My life, there have always been three or four good candidates compared to one Me. That's over and above the play partners.

youngsubgeoff -> RE: Is this real or a waste of time? (11/13/2009 12:51:34 PM)
ah but LP you are too modest to admit that you yourself are a rare breed.

LadyPact -> RE: Is this real or a waste of time? (11/13/2009 1:19:38 PM)
Thank you, geoff. Very sweet of you.

howahkan -> RE: Is this real or a waste of time? (11/13/2009 3:42:44 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Venatrix All right, who are you and what have you done with howahkan? Slowly coming to my senses. I was really thrown off course from recent events but I'm coming back...

Lockit -> RE: Is this real or a waste of time? (11/13/2009 3:45:25 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: howahkan quote: ORIGINAL: Venatrix All right, who are you and what have you done with howahkan? Slowly coming to my senses. I was really thrown off course from recent events but I'm coming back... I'm glad to see it! I believed you would do just that... but you had me cringing a time or two and wonderin! lol I'm glad you are feeling better!

howahkan -> RE: Is this real or a waste of time? (11/13/2009 3:52:49 PM)
Thank you Lockit, I've stopped feeling sorry for myself. Something I'm trying to convey to the OP.

AlexandraLynch -> RE: Is this real or a waste of time? (11/13/2009 5:00:46 PM)
Basic politeness both online and off can only help you. I am sitting home with the internet because a sub just didn't show up. No call, nothing. Fortunately I didn't have enough invested in him for me to do more than shrug and pull out a "when I have time" project to start on, but still, it's rude as hell. Start with basic politeness, and go from there, and you'll stand head and shoulders above everyone else. Really.

IBused -> RE: Is this real or a waste of time? (11/13/2009 5:10:59 PM)
Be 50 act 40 and look 39...and the doors will open for your ass to be whipped into shape.

BohemianGoddess -> RE: Is this real or a waste of time? (11/13/2009 5:39:09 PM)
You most certainly do have a chance in finding someone, keep on looking don't give up. Unfortunately as someone else has already said there are way more sub males out there than Dommes so you have alot of competition . Please do not give up, it is possible.

CelticSubM -> RE: Is this real or a waste of time? (11/13/2009 6:45:24 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: BohemianGoddess ...Unfortunately as someone else has already said there are way more sub males out there than Dommes so you have alot of competition... Everyone says that, but I've never seen anyone cite a source. I suspect it's one of those things everyone assumes is true, merely because so many people say so. I suspect also that it might look that way merely because males in general are more likely to express sexual preferences openly. Also, on sites such as CM, the abundance of adverts from commercial dominants skews the apparent numbers. It would be really tough to get a good count anyway, since "submissive" and "dominant" are both fluid and flexible categories. In any case, I don't think overall numbers mean a lot. Most persons are not looking for just any dominant or submissive. They are looking for one that they feel a special compatibility and intimacy with, sexually and emotionally.

Lockit -> RE: Is this real or a waste of time? (11/13/2009 6:59:21 PM)
Honestly... I don't get the numbers game. I don't care how many great or not so great submissive's or dominant's there are. I just want one. I don't care what the odd's are becasue I believe in myself and I believe that sooner or later, I am going to run into someone who will fit me and I will fit him. Why focus on how hard or easy it might be. I would rather focus on the outcome. In a place like this, I focus on having fun... meeting people, taking part and seeing what the heck everyone is doing and what trouble they are stirring up and then there just might be a guy for me that pop's into my world. I do my thing and look for someone to do other things with. I don't care how many are there because there are so many variables, it really doesn't matter. Make yourself worthy in the ways that are important to you and at least one other person... find that person and go have fun. But you get far more with a smile and some positive than you will with the poor me... I suck...not in a good way and I am so fucked and not in a good way.

MaamJay -> RE: Is this real or a waste of time? (11/14/2009 6:38:14 PM)
Firstly, howahkan ... great to see the new positive steps there! Always heartening to see someone learning from their mistakes and moving forward. YAY! [:)] Wish I could give you a hug! Secondly, OP ... as others have said, it's all in the attitude not the numbers! If there really are so many male subs for each Domme ... they must all live somewhere else cos I can't find a good one! I've had a few near misses, and some who would have been wonderful if not for circumstances ... but not found one who is willing and able to become My permanent 24/7 YET. But I still say yet, I'm not about to give up and nor should you. I've been looking on and off for 9 years. However, I DO know it CAN happen ... my sub side found my Master and we have lived together happily 24/7 since June 2004. I've also seen other Dommes find their right boys and marry them. It CAN happen, I just have to keep working at finding the right one who will fit in with Master and Myself (and that does narrow the field somewhat). However, if you are full of negativity and lack a genuine sense of self worth and can't articulate clearly what you bring to a relationship then for sure, it won't happen. Why would anyone want a worthless person who cannot define himself? Work on you first and foremost, meet real people as well as being active online ... when you put out vibes of desirable, you will be perceived as such. At least then you will start meeting Dommes and begin the process of sifting them (as they sift you) to find the right match. Maam Jay aka violet[A]

IBused -> RE: Is this real or a waste of time? (11/14/2009 7:15:13 PM)
life is a waste of time..is it not? so...do you prefer to die? I'd say not...let's waste our time and enjoy life and those that ignore you...atleast you have time to waste.

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