RE: How do you get past being betrayed?

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RE: How do you get past being betrayed? - 11/14/2009 8:22:24 PM

tazzygirl

Posts: 37833
Joined: 10/12/2007
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There is a wonderful book out there... titled

He's just not that into you

Read it. Its an eye opening experience.

_____________________________

Telling me to take Midol wont help your butthurt.
RIP, my demon-child 5-16-11
Duchess of Dissent 1
Dont judge me because I sin differently than you.
If you want it sugar coated, dont ask me what i think! It would violate TOS.

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RE: How do you get past being betrayed? - 11/14/2009 9:02:09 PM

dvote2U

Posts: 4
Joined: 10/6/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: porcelaine

I'm sorry to hear you've had unpleasant experiences. However, in most cases there's an element of responsibility on both sides of the fence. As would be partners we must accept ownership for our decisions and the ideas we allow to occupy space in our head. You've bought into the fallacy that one manner of relating is somehow superior due to the suggestion that certain traits are absent, which is idealistic at best. The philosophy you're relating to is only of merit if both parties subscribe to it. Before you can ascertain if this is correct or not you need to spend time getting to know the other person.

I would also suggest that you have a much needed heart to heart with yourself to determine what you're projecting. I sincerely believe our mindset at a given time will influence the kind of people we draw to us. If you discover a pattern exists and you keep involving yourself with untrustworthy persons you need to be honest. Are you really being misled or merely have an inability to accept what is true or perhaps tell yourself otherwise?

Finally, there's a big difference between being victimized and behaving as a victim. Find out which one applies to you. Until you have released all the negative baggage you're carrying about these experiences you're cheating yourself and a would be partner out of the very exchange you profess a desire to engage in. Real submission starts at home.

Best of luck.

~porcelaine

The philosopher Sophocles once gave one of my favorite quotes:

It is a painful thing to look at your own trouble and know that you yourself and no one else has made it.

i do accept that i am souly responsible for my own happiness. Thank you for your wise words, Porcelaine. and also to the rest of you who have responded.

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RE: How do you get past being betrayed? - 11/15/2009 10:27:54 AM

SubmissiveOinker

Posts: 17
Joined: 10/23/2009
Status: offline

Take the time you need to get over whatever you've been through, no one is saying to rush into anything, without knowing where you are going but next time in a relationship take the time to look at things clearly before submitting much. In my past, each situation has taught me something, I try to be optimistc but also honest when submitting to someone. Its only natural to feel the pain and remember it but don't let that pain control you.

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RE: How do you get past being betrayed? - 11/15/2009 11:21:25 AM

starshineowned

Posts: 1551
Joined: 4/19/2005
From: Texas
Status: offline

Greetings..

I'm very sorry to hear that you've experienced this dvote as I am with anyone who has. The inner pain sometimes can be all consuming and over bearing because you want that companionship so much. As some have said it matters not the dynamic. Hurt is hurt yet I also disagree in certain respects that it does hurt more with these types of dynamics because of their rarity, and because we often do divulge a lot of very personal and private things that we'd not ever feel safe or comfortable enough to share with a person outside this realm no matter how much we actually trusted them.

It is time. Not that it really heals wounds..just that it gives opportunity for new things to happen. Watch and listen. Your initially in that driver seat. Try some different venues beyond bdsm that you'd previously never think to find what you seek. You know what your looking for it seems so it is much easier to spot anywhere. I met Master in a online game lol. Who would of thought to find it there.

Good Luck to you

starshine

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"And in the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years." --Abraham Lincoln

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RE: How do you get past being betrayed? - 11/15/2009 1:51:43 PM

windchymes

Posts: 9410
Joined: 4/18/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: dvote2U

We all know that this lifestyle draws all types of people. i think that what always was so attractive about it to me was that the relationship between a Dominant and submissive is so rooted in honesty that there is no room nor need for falsehoods or distrust.

Well, you've found out the hard way that this simply is not true. As you said in the first sentence, this lifestyle draws ALL types of people.....even players and dishonest ones.

Dominants and submissives are humans, not special, fantasmagorical creatures with mystical, magical powers. Just see them as humans as you are human, use common sense when making decisions, and don't dive headfirst into relationships just because the words sound pretty. Take your time and make decisions with your brain, not with your heart.

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Pick-up artists and garbage men should trade names.

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