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So very disappointed - 3/11/2006 4:12:18 AM   
andy62


Posts: 1
Joined: 12/17/2005
Status: offline 		Today I was expecting the arrival of a so called slave to stay for the weekend. Everything was arranged, I was going to (and did) call her at 10 to confirm and got nothing but the answer phone. I had my doubts yesterday when after weeks of chatting she mentioned out of the blue that she was going to see an aunt in Canada on Tuesday. Would it have been too much to ask for a little honesty? This is such a recurring theme. I would not dare to count the hours I have spent writing messages that get no reply, or worse, get a reply everything looks promising and then silence. I guess the problem is that a decent female slave is such a rare commodity that they get spoiled for choice. Assuming that they were not just time wasters they will, understandably, try and go for what is seen as ‘the best offer’. With hundreds of replies is it impossible that the Master that claims to be a seven foot tall, drop dead gorgeous, millionaire with vast amounts of experience is telling the truth? Well it may not be impossible, but it is pretty unlikely. How many slave or submissive profiles have I seen that have said ‘no timewasters’ (and usually they are the worst culprits) or coming up with some sob story about how they have been lied to or worse. Well you picked ‘em. I know that there is one Master available that is fair and honest, I would expect that there are thousands. There are also a lot of players, wannabees, misogynists, pimps and probably worse as well. I think I am reasonably experienced, I have a couple of part time slaves but neither is suitable for 24/7. I might not turn many heads but I would like to think that I would not turn any stomachs either. I have been looking seriously for a full time female slave for about a year now, here and on collarme. I have not been spamming every female in sight but have probably communicated with about 20 in that time that showed some promise and every single one has let me down. Usually it is just going quiet with no word of explanation. Today and on one other occasion I have simply been stood up. Obviously that is not every potential slave on the internet but I am starting to think that it is a fairly representative sample. It could possibly be me but I have always been totally honest (to a fault) and not once have I had a mail saying, ‘I do not believe you’, ‘you are too unattractive/poor/short/arrogant/boring’ or even ‘I have found a different master that I prefer’. Perhaps I should not generalise but I am forced to conclude that 100% of the women that I have dealt with have been liars or timewasters and I think I have been fairly selective. This obviously begs the question is there any point in looking for a slave on the Internet? If anyone has any success stories then I would be interested to hear them, I would be particularly interested to know how long it took and how many duds they had to deal with before finding a suitable slave.
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: So very disappointed - 3/11/2006 4:33:34 AM   
Chaingang


Posts: 1727
Joined: 10/24/2005
Status: offline 		All the time you spend searching is wasted time. Hell, I look back at some actual relationships as nearly 100% time wasted. People are dishonest, lack self-awareness, don't even begin to know what they want - and then you end up dating them for a while.

Such is life.

But no matter what happens you must always look back and say: "Gee, I'm really glad I found out now that this person is (a) not right for me / (b) an ass" - because you wouldn't want to waste any more time on them than you already have now would you?

I have a friend that came out of the closet - both to himself and everyone else - at the age of 34. How do you suppose he feels about much of his life between puberty and 34? But whatever, we each have our roads to travel in this world. You may well lay there in your death bed and with your dying breath exclaim "If only I had....!"

But you must at least try for happiness, or put another way:
If you want to catch fish you must keep a well-baited line in the water.

So kick back, let the fish nibble, and have a pint.

< Message edited by Chaingang -- 3/11/2006 4:35:48 AM >

_____________________________

"Everything flows, nothing stands still." (Πάντα ῥεῖ καὶ οὐδὲν μένει) - Heraclitus

(in reply to andy62)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: So very disappointed - 3/11/2006 4:41:36 AM   
caitlyn


Posts: 3473
Joined: 12/22/2004
Status: offline 		Andy, Sir ...

First, I hope you find what you are looking for.

I know your post is just a rant, but it's so full of generalizations and accusations ... it makes me wonder if each new person that interacts with you, has to overcome the baggage of all prior others. You may have more part in all this, than you are admitting to yourself ... which is of course, usually the case.

Either way, posts like this will do little to help youur cause.

(in reply to andy62)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: So very disappointed - 3/11/2006 4:43:03 AM   
MHOO314


Posts: 3628
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline 		There are many here who would share that disappointment---but life is what it is---better now than later----however, keep looking--I looked for over a year and finally found My boy---keep the chin up.

_____________________________

SLUTS: Southern Ladies Under Tremendous Stress...

Mistress Hathor


(in reply to andy62)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: So very disappointed - 3/11/2006 5:07:44 AM   
MstrssPassion


Posts: 2444
Joined: 1/1/2004
From: West Palm Beach, FL
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: caitlyn

Andy, Sir ...

First, I hope you find what you are looking for.

I know your post is just a rant, but it's so full of generalizations and accusations ... it makes me wonder if each new person that interacts with you, has to overcome the baggage of all prior others. You may have more part in all this, than you are admitting to yourself ... which is of course, usually the case.

Either way, posts like this will do little to help youur cause.


I agree with this statement.

quote:

andy62: I have been looking seriously for a full time female slave for about a year now, here and on collarme.


Here & on collarme? Seeing that this is your first post & your profile is less than 3 months old, I assume this is a cut & paste bitch/rant that you have posted somewhere else.

quote:

This obviously begs the question is there any point in looking for a slave on the Internet? If anyone has any success stories then I would be interested to hear them, I would be particularly interested to know how long it took and how many duds they had to deal with before finding a suitable slave.


You need to explore many avenues. Get out & meet people locally. Join groups attend munches. If you are only looking on the net then it is time to expand.

I have been involved in this for about 20 yrs now. I spent much of that time single. I had miscellaneous play partners, typically at an event. I met many from events, groups, introductions from friends & of course from the internet.

I met my current partner online. Yes there is success from the net... but you really need to get out there as well.

One last thing... you've only been looking for a year & you are bitching about it? I was single for several years prior to meeting my current partner & I attended many functions, belonged to groups both real time & online. One year is nothing. There are MANY people who have been searching for much longer.

_____________________________

MstrssPassion


(in reply to caitlyn)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: So very disappointed - 3/11/2006 5:46:10 AM   
slavejali


Posts: 2918
Status: offline 		I have a sucess story for you.

Master was pretty much the first person I spoke to after I came online....we lived 14,000 miles apart..he came, He saw, he conquered...we now live as Master and slave and have been married for over a year.

I guess the differences in our getting together was, He was looking, I wasn't. So there was no reason to bullshit to him, or make myself out to be something I wasnt. I wasnt just saying I wasnt looking, I really wasnt looking. I didnt have to portray myself in any certain way to give an impression, or whatever. He jokes around and says "He stormed my castle walls" *grin*

We chatted for around 11 months before we met. Over that time, I heard some horror stories surrounding internet meets, some as you are describing, some stories way way worse. I wish there was a foolproof way for people to assess whether the person they are communicating with is serious, real or whatever..so people would stop being hurt.

We have had a few threads on here about having background checks done. A lot of people dont believe in them but personally, I think they are a good thing regarding meeting potential partners from online......at least if they are willing to do that, its gotta amount to them being serious to some degree and they cost less than buying someone a dinner. I guess though, if you are meeting people after a few weeks of online communication, you could see it as meeting someone in the street and asking them for coffee another day, if they dont show up, you havent really invested much in them anyways, so you could kinda just blow it off and not get upset by it.

I think as well, to really accept what the internet is would be helpful. Its an avenue for people to interact from the anonymous position behind a computer screen...of course its going to attract all kinds of people, the good, the bad and the ugly, the liers, the cheats, the players..but in amongst it all, there are some good people. You just gotta learn to sort it out, from the sounds of it Sir, if you dont mind me saying, your sorting skills may need a bit of polishing.




(in reply to MstrssPassion)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: So very disappointed - 3/11/2006 6:32:36 AM   
PlayfulOne


Posts: 1047
Status: offline 		Instead of focusing on the women, you may wish to spend more time focused on yourself. Take a long hard look at the things you are doing. I am not tying to inply something is wrong with you, but something may be amiss with what you are doing. You mention this has been a repeated pattern for you with many women and everyone here has had the run in with people who have "issues", but when it appears to be a never ending circle you need to ask questions. Look at the women you are pursuing, is there a pattern to the type of woman? Look at how you interact, at some point you may be doing something which scares them off.

Take some time and reflect upon you, your wishes, and how you represent yourself. You may find there are things you can improve whch will have an impact on your interactions.

K

(in reply to slavejali)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: So very disappointed - 3/11/2006 6:34:17 AM   
artglfr


Posts: 235
Joined: 4/8/2005
Status: offline 		A great relationship is well worth all the time and expense, when I was a sub I met "The Mistress", and knew She was the one...problems...I was a male sub along with at least 20 at the Group who also wanted to serve Her, She has a slave, a job,a social life and though she and I hit it off I was WAY down on Her list...long story short I Courted Her, bought her meal after the Group events, watched when Her glass was empty and brought a new drink etc.

This was over 12 years ago and even though now I am a Dom, She and I still communicate constantly and She is the Only one I sub for so keep looking the right one is out there.

I also get a lot of" no answers "and it is frustrating to write and get no reply, like another person said...far better to know NOW ! If a sub cannot even write a "Thanks but No" Why would You ever waste another minute with them.

You will find someone.

(in reply to andy62)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: So very disappointed - 3/11/2006 6:42:46 AM   
LadyJulieAnn


Posts: 979
Joined: 6/29/2005
Status: offline 		The reality is that some people simply can't make that last step to "real life" when it comes to this lifestyle. They may honestly think they can and behave in a way that leads you to believe that they are 100% with you, but when the day comes, they can't do it. That doesn't say anything about your honesty or true desire to experience this lifestyle, and it most likely doesn't mean that you've done anything wrong. It's difficult to go through the process only to have someone back down in the end, and yes, it does seem like a waste of time, but sometimes it forces us to take a step back, take a look at the people we are approaching, and re-examine what we really want. In that way, it can be a positive experience. The alternative is to sulk, complain, and give up.

Be well,
Julie

(in reply to andy62)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: So very disappointed - 3/11/2006 7:17:23 AM   
OkSMWhiphandler


Posts: 13
Joined: 1/24/2006
Status: offline 		So this is my story and I'm sticking to it

I met my slave here on collar me about 1 year ago so far so good

But prior to meeting her there were alot of correspondance emails
and I will state this it is really hard for one to step from cyber to real time
or someone mentioned that they were posibly in a abusive relationship
which was the case of my slave
or just not ready for going into another relationship needing the time to heal emotionally
on some of the groups that I am on I see alot of the same post or questions
some one mentioned about the local scene or area dungeon not trying to insinuate that it is a dating place but it is a place to get involved and you can meet people likeminded people of course
I wish you the best of luck in your journey dont quit before the miracle happens
Sir Steve










(in reply to LadyJulieAnn)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: So very disappointed - 3/11/2006 9:23:22 AM   
Celeste43


Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
Status: offline 		I'm a little confused. You really expected someone who has never met you before to show up at your house and allow you to use her totally? Would you make this proposition to someone you met at a cocktail party "Excuse me, we've had a lovely conversation for five minutes so I want you to allow me free range of you with no chance of you protecting yourself or learning about me first". How do you think that would work?

You've got the horse before the cart. You don't jump from never laying eyes on to intimacy. You date just like normal people. You meet for coffee and see if there is any chemistry. You kiss while taking a walk. You earn her trust. What you don't do is assume that just because a woman is submissive means she is your submissive, she isn't and won't be unless you can prove you're trustworthy. Learn some social skills because there isn't any difference between them here or in vanilla situations.

(in reply to OkSMWhiphandler)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: So very disappointed - 3/11/2006 9:26:04 AM   
amayos


Posts: 1553
Joined: 6/2/2004
From: New England
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: andy62
Perhaps I should not generalise but I am forced to conclude that 100% of the women that I have dealt with have been liars or timewasters and I think I have been fairly selective. This obviously begs the question is there any point in looking for a slave on the Internet? If anyone has any success stories then I would be interested to hear them, I would be particularly interested to know how long it took and how many duds they had to deal with before finding a suitable slave.



An understandable rant, and yes, there are many, many time wasters on the internet.

That said, however, the online world is not a complete waste of time—though at times it does come pretty close. I know that if used patiently and with discrimination, the internet can assist you in finding a far more suitable match of the mind (not necessarily body) than what the usual merry much or kinky clubbing can accomplish, but just like in the "real world", you have to dig through a lot of pretty facades and tainted psyches. If you are running into consistent obstruction, you may just have to concede that the internet isn't helping you too much, that it might be beneficial to get away from the glow of the screen and search outside of it.

(in reply to andy62)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: So very disappointed - 3/11/2006 10:18:57 AM   
ScooterTrash


Posts: 1407
Joined: 1/24/2005
From: Indiana
Status: offline 		Andy,
I regret that your story is probably true more often then not, but that doesn't mean it never works. I met my co-Dominant on-line several years ago and we did meet, dated a few times, then I moved her in. We have stayed together, will most assuredly always be together and have been very very happy every since. Since then, since we are both Dominants, we have contacted many sub/slaves on-line and yes, with mixed results. As with you, many either disappear after a few messages or of course never respond at all. We have been stood up for meetings, where they conveniently disappear never to be heard from again, met some people who were downright scary and of course there are the one's that don't show up and always have some excuse, but of course want to remain on-line friends, maybe they are living in denial. We have met some that just weren't a good fit, and we have brought one in that we met on-line that was close. In time it became apparent that that "fit" wasn't there, but there were no hard feelings, actually I consider that a success story as we ended up being a stepping stone to where she is now, very satisfied and very happy. On-line meeting which lead to real time meetings and/or sharing of our home have happened on several occasions, although for the most part the ultimate success rate seems low, but probably no worse than meeting through other means. Once we brought in a female who was for the most part a lier and a thief, something hard to detect when you are talking on-line, this was one of the rare occasions when moving out was not a request, it was a demand. We had one female show up to stay that thought being a blob in front of the computer was submissive enough and of course she failed to mention that she had to shave her face daily..lol, we helped that one move at the first opportunity. We had a near hit with one sub who although after a couple visits we felt was a very good fit, she simply couldn't bring herself to pull away from her family obligations, we still remain very good friends and visits are common. We have had a male arrive from long distance who seemed sincere, but after he arrived it seemed obvious that we weren't what he needed, well other than helping him attain material items, later reflection on that I don't think he was a sub at all, just into limited kink and his hobbies. Another male that we brought in ended up being more in touch with himself and his needs than concerned about being submissive, politely (well maybe it wasn't real polite), I offered a bus ticket to a new destination. Our current slave we did meet on-line and after a few conversations she boarded a plane and flew here from 2000 miles away to move in, with no face to face meeting. She is as close to a perfect fit as I could ever imagine, note that we did meet on-line and I expect her to be around until we are all old and grey.

In other words, yes, we have had our disappointments throughout it all, but even though we have been irritated before, we didn't write off the internet as a means to find what we were looking for. We belong to a munch group and many will tell you this is a good way to meet potentials, perhaps it is in some areas, but if the participants are limited in your area, then the odds are stacked against you. The "net", is nothing more than another means to try and contact like minded individuals. Sure it is a tough ritual to endure, because in most cases it takes believing someone is who and what they claim to be, taking them at face value and actually moving them sometimes great distances without the benefit of that casual meeting, but it's just as chancy from their side as well. The net in itself is not the problem, those who choose to make it a game or a release for their boredom do tend to get on your nerves, but you have to weather the storm and keep trying. Yes, we have many disappointments, but on the same note, we have met some wonderful people and lifelong friends. It can happen, it has happened and it will continue to happen, but just like walking up and introducing yourself in person, there are no guarantees. Nothing says that an idle conversation in person will ever become anything other than just that...an idle. Just keep trying, your perfect "one" may be having the same frustrations, who knows.

Best bet, make sure you have a complete profile and state what you are pretty sure you are into and say what you "think" you are looking for. Bear in mind, be open minded, the internet does limit us in many ways so even though you might be pretty sure you know what you are looking for, you never really know until it finds you.

_____________________________

Formal symbolic representation of qualitative entities is doomed to its rightful place of minor significance in a world where flowers and beautiful women abound.
-Albert Einstein

(in reply to andy62)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: So very disappointed - 3/11/2006 10:34:14 AM   
ScooterTrash


Posts: 1407
Joined: 1/24/2005
From: Indiana
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Celeste43

I'm a little confused. You really expected someone who has never met you before to show up at your house and allow you to use her totally? Would you make this proposition to someone you met at a cocktail party "Excuse me, we've had a lovely conversation for five minutes so I want you to allow me free range of you with no chance of you protecting yourself or learning about me first". How do you think that would work?

You've got the horse before the cart. You don't jump from never laying eyes on to intimacy. You date just like normal people. You meet for coffee and see if there is any chemistry. You kiss while taking a walk. You earn her trust. What you don't do is assume that just because a woman is submissive means she is your submissive, she isn't and won't be unless you can prove you're trustworthy. Learn some social skills because there isn't any difference between them here or in vanilla situations.

Although I am not privy to any more information than what the OP offered, I didn't assume they were meeting for a play period. If so, then I agree that the first meeting perhaps should have been more like a first date, depending on of course the distance involved and perhaps how long they had been conversing.

As for the date like normal (I hate that term), utilizing the internet as your meeting media doesn't always allow that, due to the distance barrier. The dating ritual in many cases has to be done on-line and then it's a leap of faith, because that first meeting may be THE meeting. This is what makes it tougher, you can't do the "normal" thing, you don't get that walk in the park, or that coffee. Sure, social skills are needed, but they ARE quite different when dealing with long distance relationships that have the underlying potential to go real time. If they are local, then I agree, treat it as any other local date, but I believe that is rarely the case when you have met on-line.

_____________________________

Formal symbolic representation of qualitative entities is doomed to its rightful place of minor significance in a world where flowers and beautiful women abound.
-Albert Einstein

(in reply to Celeste43)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: So very disappointed - 3/11/2006 12:04:06 PM   
MsSonnetMarwood


Posts: 1898
Joined: 2/10/2005
From: Eastern Shore, Maryland
Status: offline
quote:

The reality is that some people simply can't make that last step to "real life" when it comes to this lifestyle. They may honestly think they can and behave in a way that leads you to believe that they are 100% with you, but when the day comes, they can't do it. That doesn't say anything about your honesty or true desire to experience this lifestyle, and it most likely doesn't mean that you've done anything wrong. It's difficult to go through the process only to have someone back down in the end, and yes, it does seem like a waste of time, but sometimes it forces us to take a step back, take a look at the people we are approaching, and re-examine what we really want. In that way, it can be a positive experience. The alternative is to sulk, complain, and give up.

Be well,
Julie



I think this is very true of novices. When the time comes to do something more than fire up the computer, many chicken out.

The only way I have seen to counter that is to just not meet novices. I suppose if you are very patient and take things at a snail's pace and are ok with dealing with the bail outs that happen more often than not, then have at it. It's yet another limiting factor, to be sure.

When I can, I get out and about in the local scene. If I meet people who have first contacted me online, it's because they have at least gone to a local munch or two.



_____________________________

~Ms. Sonnet Marwood~

Deja Moo: The feeling you've heard this bull somewhere before.

(in reply to LadyJulieAnn)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: So very disappointed - 3/11/2006 12:15:38 PM   
slavejali


Posts: 2918
Status: offline 		I've shared this before in other posts, but fits for here too: When I was meeting Master at the airport I was terrified, I really had fright and flight syndrome, my heart was palpitating, my legs were shaking, heck my whole body was shaking, every fear I ever had rose up for me to take notice of..and I wasnt young, a novice, or anything like that..so can just imagine what it would be like for those who are...good point.

(in reply to MsSonnetMarwood)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: So very disappointed - 3/11/2006 12:24:40 PM   
TemptingNviceSub


Posts: 3054
Joined: 10/1/2005
Status: offline 		MsSonnetMarwood..Respectfully..I would hope you do not feel that ALL novices are hesitant or that even the many chicken out..i feel as in all walks of life you have the doers ..the watchers..and the dreamers but to encompass a group such as novices as the ones who are most likely to "chicken" out is to say the least in my opinion as prejudicial profiling...sincerely ..Tempting..

(in reply to MsSonnetMarwood)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: So very disappointed - 3/11/2006 1:10:18 PM   
shylittleheart


Posts: 101
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		Well Andy Im sorry to hear things did not go as You had hoped but its part of life too. We have to go through the barrel of apples and find a few rotten ones before we get the one we enjoy and devour. Master and myself have had the same happen with us. We plan to meet in public and spend time together at the movies and shopping and other things and all goes good and when it comes to something more serious the story changes and they decide sorry Im not looking for someone I have to share when in the beginning they knew and were wanting to live 24/7 in a home with another. We all go through heart ache, disappointments but I believe one day We will find my sister. It may not be this month, this year but it will happen.
Good luck in your search,
shy

_____________________________

life is a road we travel, how we travel it is up to us

(in reply to andy62)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: So very disappointed - 3/11/2006 2:22:26 PM   
cloudboy


Posts: 7306
Joined: 12/14/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: andy62

Today I was expecting the arrival of a so called slave to stay for the weekend. Everything was arranged...........This obviously begs the question is there any point in looking for a slave on the Internet? If anyone has any success stories then I would be interested to hear them, I would be particularly interested to know how long it took and how many duds they had to deal with before finding a suitable slave.


Just one minor point, going from cyber to one whole S&M weekend together sounds like a pretty big leap to me. There's no real use in ramping up any sensible expectations until you generate at least one F2F meet. Ergo, I think the internet is a good basis for getting a harmless, no-strings attached, safe, first date out in public --- but its not so good for finding dive-into-the-pool slaves.

(in reply to andy62)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: So very disappointed - 3/11/2006 3:25:11 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		Woohoo go success stories!

I met my ex owner online through AOL and, through him, met his Boston sub and her husband who is now my Boston partner.

I met my boyfriend directly here on collarme. After a handful of emails, and two phone calls, we met for lunch two weeks after our first contact.

I met my local partner through the Black Rose 04 forums. We didn't have time to meet at BR 04, but we met 3 weeks later at a Firefly meetup.



_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to andy62)
Profile   Post #: 20
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