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RE: So very disappointed - 3/11/2006 4:04:52 PM

ExistentialSteel

Posts: 676
Joined: 1/18/2005
Status: offline

I'm curious why you called her a slave before you met her? Had you done a M/s online thing with her? You said you had talked with about 20 others and since you said she was a slave, I wondered. In any case, online is great. It is the giant sifter as I call it that lets you find what you want. I met ChainedExistence online before we talked on the phone and later met. Yep, it works.

_____________________________

For those who are like Roman Candles leaving bright trails in the night sky while the crowd watches until the dark blue center light bursts into magnificent colors and the crowd goes, ahhhhhhhhhh.

(in reply to andy62)

Post #: 21

RE: So very disappointed - 3/11/2006 4:21:20 PM

Submotive

Posts: 440
Joined: 9/9/2005
Status: offline

quote:

This obviously begs the question is there any point in looking for a slave on the Internet? If anyone has any success stories then I would be interested to hear them, I would be particularly interested to know how long it took and how many duds they had to deal with before finding a suitable slave.

Unfortunately, there is no time span. The internet allows anyone to present themself however they wish. i don't think it's a considerate thing, but it is how it is. If W/we consider the depth of the average person W/we encounter generally, W/we will cease to wonder why it's so difficult to meet someone honest and sincere. And when W/we do find that One with many of the characteristics W/we seek, undoubtedly T/they won't have everything W/we want. For me it was a matter of deciding what are the most important things i want/need in a Master and then putting all the other meanderings of my mind on the side.

One thing that made a considerable difference for me in finally meeting my right Master, is the way i presented myself on my profile. Rather than state the things i am or wanted, i expressed them through words that painted a picture and exemplified the emotional and psychological atmosphere i desired. For example, rather than say i am a submissive, seeking a depth of psychological and physical power exchange, i used words to convey that in a manner that would deeply touch the heart of the type of individual i sought.

There are many many players and fakes in this lifestyle, just like anywhere else. W/we must be as wise as serpents but as gentle as doves. i kissed many many frogs before i found my King. Yes, it does get discouraging. i just told myself if it's possible for some then it's possible for me.

_____________________________

Owned by Scotch Master

i would rather continue alone than be permitted to show only parts of myself to my Beloved.

If you're not living as you would like to today, when are you going to start?

(in reply to andy62)

Post #: 22

RE: So very disappointed - 3/11/2006 4:26:32 PM

IronBear

Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline

There is a time to live, a time to work, a time to play, a time to sleep, a time to learn, a time to teach, a time to grieve, a time to fight, a time to love and a time to die.

andy, if you will live your life to the fullest you are able, you will move through all the time zones often and you leave your heart open to more hurt than you can immagine and with luck and a tad amount of common sence you will avoid too much personal grief. But m'old lad you will live to experience exquisit joys.. No time spent on another is wasted ever! For you learn lessons and gain expoerience which for the wise can be used in another relationship to make it work and work well.

Jan di ashe drena kanta vethuk lina

(Travel with an open mind and heart)

< Message edited by IronBear -- 3/11/2006 4:27:44 PM >

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to andy62)

Post #: 23

RE: So very disappointed - 3/11/2006 8:04:30 PM

ehlovindom

Posts: 248
Joined: 1/23/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: andy62

Perhaps I should not generalise but I am forced to conclude that 100% of the women that I have dealt with have been liars or timewasters and I think I have been fairly selective.

So then you have selected what you have been searching for? Sorry andy62, but it happens, deal with it and move on. Stay positive and maybe, just maybe....

_____________________________

Know which bridge to build, which one to cross, and which one to burn!

(in reply to andy62)

Post #: 24

RE: So very disappointed - 3/11/2006 8:32:49 PM

B1gbear

Posts: 81
Joined: 5/7/2004
Status: offline

I agree that this is far more a rant than a topic for meaninful discussion. This is life! Life is filled with posers and players and those simply too afraid to say no or politely bow out when its not working for them. If your gonna call yourself a Dom then you need to grow a thicker skin and expect that you will run into far more who don't want to meet you than do. Some will only be here to live out a fantasy that they have no intention of fulfilling, but just as many Doms are living in denial too as some have suggested. First place for any Dom to look if there is a problem with sub/slave, be it potential or existing relationship, is to one's self. If there is a problem there, then fix it! If there isn't, then move on and know there is a better one out there who will see the advantages of not passing you by. You simply can't make them want you. Hell, I get nothing but raves from my friends in the lifestyle as to my qualifications as a Dom and Master, but I've been through countless prospectives on this and other sites as well as the local community over the last few years looking for the right slave for myself. Only now finding one I think can be all I have been looking for. There isn't a person on this site genuinely hoping to find someone that hasn't met disappointment. We get over it and move on. I'm the first one to bring light to those who try to con or steal from prospectives in either direction of the equation. I hate to say it, but I'm gonna anyway. When Doms do this they call it ranting, when subbies do it they call it whinning. In either case what it really is, is a pity party.

Is a pity party worth all this time and effort from all the people who get pulled into these things? I'm pleased to see the positive twist some have put on this thread and that we aren't afraid to say 'No...look into yourself before you fault the one who ran from you.' We can usually find the real problem right there. If we're as great as we like to think we are then the subs would be falling over us like we were some sort of rock star. I suppose that means we are just human and not always the human the one we are talking to really wants to be with.

Best of luck finding what your seeking.

(in reply to andy62)

Post #: 25

RE: So very disappointed - 3/11/2006 8:38:02 PM

truesub123

Posts: 15
Joined: 10/8/2005
Status: offline

Well, I like to think the internet makes it easier to be honest. You don't have to lie at all, just tell what you're looking for and wait for a match. You don't even have to show your face. I have had pretty good luck with it, but I'm not exactly desperate, being already married.

I've found most of the people I've met to be genuine, but I also know there are a lot of posers out there. I do hear it a lot about women. I think they're as bad or worse than men these days, especially for lying and cheating. To me, you get much more out of any relationship through honesty.

Good luck on your search. Sorry the world sucks, but it does.

-truesub123

(in reply to andy62)

Post #: 26

RE: So very disappointed - 3/11/2006 9:13:49 PM

FelinePersuasion

Posts: 4792
Joined: 11/20/2004
Status: offline

no sadly the internet makes it easier to lie. It cloaks abusers liars and all kinds of sperious people remain faceless nameless and allowes them to move on once they're discovered. Anonomitity is essentially the enabler of bad behaviors. You certaintly couldn't behave the way the some do here in public.

(in reply to truesub123)

Post #: 27

RE: So very disappointed - 3/11/2006 9:16:05 PM

shepkat

Posts: 8
Joined: 2/24/2006
From: Orlando, FL
Status: offline

Maybe she chickened out. She may be a first timer trying to act out her fantasies. She may have family obligations in Canada. Her aunt may live out in the boonies where only a dog sled team or a bush pilot can get to her. Maybe you scared her away...alot of maybees.

Ya gotta treat this one with kid gloves. Have you met her in a neutral place like a bar or restraunt first? You have to build some trust between each other.

I have met alot of great people on the internet. You have to meet them where you both feel safe. Sometimes you hit it off, sometimes you don't.

jeff

(in reply to Chaingang)

Post #: 28

RE: So very disappointed - 3/11/2006 9:24:31 PM

MsSonnetMarwood

Posts: 1898
Joined: 2/10/2005
From: Eastern Shore, Maryland
Status: offline

quote:

MsSonnetMarwood..Respectfully..I would hope you do not feel that ALL novices are hesitant or that even the many chicken out..i feel as in all walks of life you have the doers ..the watchers..and the dreamers but to encompass a group such as novices as the ones who are most likely to "chicken" out is to say the least in my opinion as prejudicial profiling...sincerely ..Tempting..

It's unapologetically prejudicial.

What shows me a novice is sincere is tangible steps taken to make this a part of their lives, as in - get out, get involved even if only superficially with their local scene. Go to a couple munches, meet people. How many hours logged into the computer reading castlerealm is not, in my opinion, a show of sincere interest and intent.

_____________________________

~Ms. Sonnet Marwood~

Deja Moo: The feeling you've heard this bull somewhere before.

(in reply to TemptingNviceSub)

Post #: 29

RE: So very disappointed - 3/11/2006 9:51:20 PM

MistressSassy66

Posts: 1675
Joined: 11/5/2004
Status: offline

I have to agree with some of the others and say that when it comes to taking that last step from cyber to real life....many chicken out.
Sometimes you get a note or a call and sometimes you dont.
Sometimes things really do happen and sometimes its just a fantasy they want to live in.
Thats just the way it is and its better to find out now rather than later.

Takes a lot of frogs to find a prince or princess as the case may be.

_____________________________

Mistress Sassy

http://www.mistresssassy.com

In the Immortal Words of Bob....Fuck the dumb shit.

"I love you not only for what you are,But for what I am when I'm with you."- Opening line from a poem by Roy Croft

(in reply to andy62)

Post #: 30

RE: So very disappointed - 3/11/2006 9:54:18 PM

FangsNfeet

Posts: 3758
Joined: 12/3/2004
Status: offline

Pet and I found each other here on Collarme.com

The net, church, bar, library, school, excetra is all the same when looking for someone special. Anyone and everyone can lie and give false first impressions.

As for getting stood up on the first meeting. Well that happens. People get cold feet or the bluff was finally called out. Either way, you are still safe and alive. So be thankfull for it and never allow someones cold feet or cruel joke ruin your day. You're already there, so enjoy the day with food, wine, and fresh air.

_____________________________

I'm Godzilla and you're Japan

(in reply to andy62)

Post #: 31

RE: So very disappointed - 3/13/2006 6:45:44 PM

ehlovindom

Posts: 248
Joined: 1/23/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: shepkat

She may have family obligations in Canada. Her aunt may live out in the boonies where only a dog sled team or a bush pilot can get to her.

jeff

Typical Floridian. Your state os the one with Jeb Bush as its pilot. Up here in Canada, we traded in our dog sled teams years ago for Sony AIBOs.

_____________________________

Know which bridge to build, which one to cross, and which one to burn!

(in reply to shepkat)

Post #: 32

RE: So very disappointed - 3/13/2006 11:25:28 PM

meatcleaver

Posts: 9030
Joined: 3/13/2006
Status: offline

I've found the internet a complete waste of time except for exchanging chit-chat and ideas. I don't even consider the possibility people are honest anymore which is a pity but I have to accept that if I don't find people honest they probably won't consider me honest but what the hell. You can't start to trust people until you can look directly into someones eyes, assess their body language and generally start to learn a few truths about them.

There are so many wannabes out there and the internet allows them to indulge their fantasies but most people are afraid of real life and being on the edge and will stick to their 9-5 boring job in a dead suburban town. In my experience not many people seize the day and I don't think someone will until I see them do it.

(in reply to ehlovindom)

Post #: 33

RE: So very disappointed - 3/14/2006 1:49:15 PM

Zensee

Posts: 1564
Joined: 9/4/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: andy62
Perhaps I should not generalise but I am forced to conclude that 100% of the women that I have dealt with have been liars or timewasters and I think I have been fairly selective.

If your failure rate with online submissives is %100 that suggests the problem lies with you, not with the rest of the world. Either you are consistently picking the sort of submissive who exhibits this behaviour or your method scares them off. Being selective does us little good if we keep making bad choices. If we run the same program over and over we shouldn’t be surprised that the same crap happens again and again.

Meeting people online can work. The internet is not much different from “normal’ channels. It’s all in how you use it. My sense is that you expect too much too soon and aren’t including the necessary transitional steps.

Z.

< Message edited by Zensee -- 3/14/2006 1:52:20 PM >

_____________________________

"Before enlightenment, chop wood and carry water. After enlightenment, chop wood and carry water." (proverb)

(in reply to andy62)

Post #: 34

RE: So very disappointed - 3/14/2006 3:30:25 PM

litaTshai

Posts: 31
Joined: 1/19/2004
Status: offline

i am disappointed by your apparent assumption that folks who do not respond immediately to your e-mails are ignoring you or wasting your time or somehow unfit as a female slave:

quote:

....I would not dare to count the hours I have spent writing messages that get no reply, or worse, ......I guess the problem is that a decent female slave is such a rare commodity that they get spoiled for choice.

there could be a number of reasons that a person does not respond that have nothing to do with you at all. for example, i myself have been seriously ill for some time, and while i have read my e-mails, i simply have not, until recently, been up to responding to them.

as fare as being "spoiled for choice". i was taught a slave needs to be exceedingly careful about the person to whom she submits, for her own safety if nothing else.

and yes, time wasting and other forms of rudeness or taking advantage of another person do occur. however an attitude such as you evince here is not going to attract anyone into a relationship with you either.

respectfully submitted,

lita {Tshai}

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 35

RE: So very disappointed - 3/14/2006 8:54:42 PM

EvilGeoff

Posts: 523
Joined: 8/24/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

I met my local partner through the Black Rose 04 forums. We didn't have time to meet at BR 04, but we met 3 weeks later at a Firefly meetup.

Firefly? As in Serenity?

LA are you a Browncoat? Damn! I met you too late! *LOL*

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 36

RE: So very disappointed - 3/14/2006 9:05:41 PM

classykindasassy

Posts: 291
Joined: 12/13/2005
Status: offline

I have had good luck on the internet. Surprisingly, the ONE time that I had a terrible experience meeting someone, it was from, EHarmony, better known as Vanilla Hell. The asshole and his vanilla idiocy...I declined to kiss him, and he had a tantrum, and I won't bore you with the rest of the story.

I have met my last 2 longterm doms online. But, I have integrity, I do what I say I will do, and I have a strong screening protocol I stick by. If a man does not find my charms worth running the gauntlet I have designed, then off into the dust by the side of the road he goes.

I feel for people who live in isolated locations. But one of my personal rules is not to do anything long distance because I don't have the time or resources to waste on things where the odds of it working are so slim. There are a few success stories out there but the number of long-distance failures and no-goes out there is enough to show me it;'s not worth the gamble.

I, like you, cannot understand WHY people say they will do something that they have no intention of doing. Why they pull no-shows without calling and fessing up on chickening out, before the other person feels like an idiot.

Better luck next time - elevate your standards and make them communicate plenty.

_____________________________

"The less I seek my source for some definitive, the closer I am to fine." -The Indigo Girls

(in reply to litaTshai)

Post #: 37

RE: So very disappointed - 3/15/2006 9:26:52 AM

Celeste43

Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ScooterTrash

Although I am not privy to any more information than what the OP offered, I didn't assume they were meeting for a play period. If so, then I agree that the first meeting perhaps should have been more like a first date, depending on of course the distance involved and perhaps how long they had been conversing.

As for the date like normal (I hate that term), utilizing the internet as your meeting media doesn't always allow that, due to the distance barrier. The dating ritual in many cases has to be done on-line and then it's a leap of faith, because that first meeting may be THE meeting. This is what makes it tougher, you can't do the "normal" thing, you don't get that walk in the park, or that coffee. Sure, social skills are needed, but they ARE quite different when dealing with long distance relationships that have the underlying potential to go real time. If they are local, then I agree, treat it as any other local date, but I believe that is rarely the case when you have met on-line.

Sorry I disagree. Expecting someone who never laid eyes on you before to show up at your house and be your slave is inappropriate. We were living 150 miles apart when we met. We met for coffee and that went well so we went down the road to a diner and had breakfast. That went well so we got some picnic stuff and spent the rest of the day at the beach. At no point did he have unreal expectations such as immediate play. As it happened by the end of the day we were in a quiet corner of the parking lot necking in the car but if either of us had felt no chemistry or that we were not the same people we had talked to for a month before meeting, then we would have ended it then and there. We had hopes but not unreal expectations and that is the difference.

(in reply to ScooterTrash)

Post #: 38

RE: So very disappointed - 3/15/2006 9:47:14 AM

plantlady64

Posts: 755
Joined: 5/19/2005
Status: offline

Hello There,
Patience is a hard virtue to master at times. I also struggle with it constantly.
Just for the record, it's not just deceptive sub problem. I think Dom, Master, slave, sub and switch all are exposed to the challenge of making friends we can trust here or anywhere for that matter.
Keep the faith and one day all the legwork will pay off.

Sincerely,
Suzanne

(in reply to andy62)

Post #: 39

RE: So very disappointed - 3/15/2006 10:24:39 AM

suhayla

Posts: 2
Joined: 2/10/2006
Status: offline

Wow... I'm sorry to hear you've had such poor luck. But we all know how unfair it is to generalize all women in this category based on your past experiences. Women could quite easily say the same of men.

The truth, I think is that while it happens often, it happens for a reason. Keep looking - that perfect woman will on her knees at your feet in no time.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 40

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