being shy

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

being shy

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Master >> being shy

Page: [1] 2 next > >>

Login

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

being shy - 3/11/2006 5:37:31 AM

mrsaucey

Posts: 2
Joined: 3/9/2006
Status: offline

Hi my name is jason.My problem is i am a shy guy and don't really know how to approach women,and what to put when i send them a message when introducing myself on there profiles.When i get to know them i am alright then it's just the first step i have a trouble with?If anyone can help i would be greatfull cheers mrsaucey

Post #: 1

RE: being shy - 3/11/2006 6:53:04 AM

LadyJulieAnn

Posts: 979
Joined: 6/29/2005
Status: offline

I have to ask if you truly identify as a male dominant or are just seeking someone for companionship?

Be well,
Julie

(in reply to mrsaucey)

Post #: 2

RE: being shy - 3/11/2006 8:11:04 AM

PenelopePitstop

Posts: 254
Joined: 4/22/2005
From: UK
Status: offline

There's no rule that says a Dominant can't be shy. We are people first and Dominant/Submissive afterward. It's a fair question there, m'Lady, but I don't think a person in search of companionship would seek out Collar Me when there's a world of other sites out there.

It's a bit awkward this whole internet BDSM context I find the internet and BDSM itself gives rise to a unique style of communicating but in this situation I think a falling back to Vanilla ways is probably best.

I suppose one way to initiate contact is to pick up points on profiles that interest you and discuss those things (although at first it's best not to get too personal). eg "I read in your profile that you like Knitting - hey, knitting is the new rock and roll!" kind of thing. Be interested in the profile, use that as inspiration, tell the girl why you liked her profile - it's not empty flattery - it's sharing thoughts. and a sense of humour is never a bad thing as long as you don't overdo it.

For the record, knitting IS the new rock and roll.

_____________________________

Wickedness is a myth created by good people to account for the curious attractiveness of others ~ Oscar Wilde

"You had me at Goodbye"

(in reply to LadyJulieAnn)

Post #: 3

RE: being shy - 3/11/2006 8:29:44 AM

JohnWarren

Posts: 3807
Joined: 3/18/2005
From: Delray Beach, FL
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: mrsaucey

Hi my name is jason.My problem is i am a shy guy and don't really know how to approach women,and what to put when i send them a message when introducing myself on there profiles.When i get to know them i am alright then it's just the first step i have a trouble with?If anyone can help i would be greatfull cheers mrsaucey

If there is one thing that's true in this world, it is you have to give in order to get. Look at your profile. All it says is "Hi easy going male looking for fun,friends or the right person to spend the long nights with."

This is like trying to sell a car with an advertisement "I have a car; it runs; I want to sell it."

Shy is one thing. Not putting yourself out there is another. One of the most attractive things to a woman, and in particular, a submissive woman, is a man who can look into her soul to see what she wants.

Think like the kind of submissive woman you want. Imagine you are her. Write a profile that would attract her.

_____________________________

www.lovingdominant.org

(in reply to mrsaucey)

Post #: 4

RE: being shy - 3/11/2006 8:35:43 AM

PenelopePitstop

Posts: 254
Joined: 4/22/2005
From: UK
Status: offline

Brilliant advice - will you be my guru? :)

_____________________________

Wickedness is a myth created by good people to account for the curious attractiveness of others ~ Oscar Wilde

"You had me at Goodbye"

(in reply to JohnWarren)

Post #: 5

RE: being shy - 3/11/2006 8:36:08 AM

LadyJulieAnn

Posts: 979
Joined: 6/29/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: PenelopePitstop

There's no rule that says a Dominant can't be shy. We are people first and Dominant/Submissive afterward. It's a fair question there, m'Lady, but I don't think a person in search of companionship would seek out Collar Me when there's a world of other sites out there.

It's a bit awkward this whole internet BDSM context I find the internet and BDSM itself gives rise to a unique style of communicating but in this situation I think a falling back to Vanilla ways is probably best.

I suppose one way to initiate contact is to pick up points on profiles that interest you and discuss those things (although at first it's best not to get too personal). eg "I read in your profile that you like Knitting - hey, knitting is the new rock and roll!" kind of thing. Be interested in the profile, use that as inspiration, tell the girl why you liked her profile - it's not empty flattery - it's sharing thoughts. and a sense of humour is never a bad thing as long as you don't overdo it.

For the record, knitting IS the new rock and roll.

I agree with you and didn't mean my question as a challenge to his dominance, but rather as a question for him to ponder internally. His profile text, in my opinion, reflected someone who simply wants companionship. It's a process to overcome shyness, and I think one of the steps to get there is to be sure of what you truly want.

Be well,
Julie

(in reply to PenelopePitstop)

Post #: 6

RE: being shy - 3/11/2006 10:58:02 AM

Vendaval

Posts: 10297
Joined: 1/15/2005
Status: offline

Hello Jason. In addition to the advice given here by others I also recommend having new photos taken. The one you have is very dark and does not show you to your best advantage. Take the time to consider your clothing and the background, interior or exterior, the type of lighting and the mood you want to convey to the viewer.

This need not be a highly expensive, professional level; having a friend with a good camera who has some photo classes completed and a modest portfolio would be beneficial. Most students will work for modest fees. And you can just tell them you
are putting your photo up on a vanilla dating site.

Good luck in your search,

-Vendaval-

_____________________________

"Beware, the woods at night, beware the lunar light.
So in this gray haze we'll be meating again, and on that
great day, I will tease you all the same."
"WOLF MOON", OCTOBER RUST, TYPE O NEGATIVE

http://KinkMeet.co.uk

(in reply to mrsaucey)

Post #: 7

RE: being shy - 3/11/2006 11:58:08 AM

amayos

Posts: 1553
Joined: 6/2/2004
From: New England
Status: offline

There is a certain boldness inherent in dominance.

That is not to say there is some natural law stating dominant personalities can't exhibit shyness, but it is attractive when a dominant male exudes confidence and clarity, as well as charm, taste and intellect. As others have stated, if your limp profile is any indication of how you present yourself often on-line, it would be wise to start there and expand on what makes you a dominant male, and further to clarify what you seek. Work on the "gravity" of your presence, both on-line and off. When articulated correctly, confidence and clarity in your words on-line are like good clothes and the presence of strong physical posture in the day-to-day world; they help to attract. Of course, it goes without saying that the goal here is presenting yourself truthfully, not to perfect associating with the lifestyle of a rake.

(in reply to mrsaucey)

Post #: 8

RE: being shy - 3/11/2006 12:27:12 PM

slavejali

Posts: 2918
Status: offline

Well you can take heart Sir, shyness when first communicating with someone comes under the categories of the worlds top 2 fears,

1. Fear of the unknown
2. Fear of public speaking

You're not alone.

Advice?

Take Guru "Nikes" Advice and "Just do it".

(in reply to amayos)

Post #: 9

RE: being shy - 3/11/2006 1:25:33 PM

SlavepetEnslaver

Posts: 16
Joined: 3/10/2006
Status: offline

I understand being shy, in many situations within the vanilla world I myself tend to react to things in a shy matter, but I am not afraid to speak my mind, to give my thoughts out about what I desire for myself and that one that I choose as a mate and submissive. Next question, is it shyness or rather the point your unsure how to go about things and socialize? If you wish to socialize and desire to find the life mate as said before, I advice you to try to find other forms to go and find these social qualities, as I am not the most outgoing person and if someone saw me in the vanilla world, they'd assume me to be submissive when its quite the opposite of that. Please take a step back and decide for yourself, shyness is one thing but unconfidence is another.

Hopefully all I said makes sense

Best of Luck

(in reply to slavejali)

Post #: 10

RE: being shy - 3/11/2006 2:28:14 PM

RavenMuse

Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: mrsaucey
Hi my name is jason.My problem is i am a shy guy and don't really know how to approach women,and what to put when i send them a message when introducing myself on there profiles.When i get to know them i am alright then it's just the first step i have a trouble with?If anyone can help i would be greatfull cheers mrsaucey

OK others have taken a rather softer approach......

You are a Dominant? Start acting like it for a start. You have a problem with shyness? Then take it in hand, deal with it and stop it holding you back.... If you can't be confident in yourself then how the hell do you expect a girl to be confident in you?

You don't even know how to approach women? Then how the hell do you expect to communicate well enough to give her the control she needs? Because that is all the approach IS, communication.

Stop wimping out, if you are going to lable yourself as a Dominant, then step upto the plate and TAKE the responsibilitys for yourself that it entails... BEFORE you start looking for a girl to take on.

Hope you get there eventualy, but it is upto you and you alone to do the work, no-one can do it for you.

_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to mrsaucey)

Post #: 11

RE: being shy - 3/11/2006 4:03:12 PM

Cloudz

Posts: 836
Joined: 9/13/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: RavenMuse

quote:

ORIGINAL: mrsaucey
Hi my name is jason.My problem is i am a shy guy and don't really know how to approach women,and what to put when i send them a message when introducing myself on there profiles.When i get to know them i am alright then it's just the first step i have a trouble with?If anyone can help i would be greatfull cheers mrsaucey

OK others have taken a rather softer approach......

You are a Dominant? Start acting like it for a start. You have a problem with shyness? Then take it in hand, deal with it and stop it holding you back.... If you can't be confident in yourself then how the hell do you expect a girl to be confident in you?

You don't even know how to approach women? Then how the hell do you expect to communicate well enough to give her the control she needs? Because that is all the approach IS, communication.

Stop wimping out, if you are going to lable yourself as a Dominant, then step upto the plate and TAKE the responsibilitys for yourself that it entails... BEFORE you start looking for a girl to take on.

Hope you get there eventualy, but it is upto you and you alone to do the work, no-one can do it for you.

ROFLMAO

THANK YOU RAVEN!!!

_____________________________

Enjoy the Journey,
~Cloudz

"Life isn't about how to survive the storm, but how to dance in the rain."

(in reply to RavenMuse)

Post #: 12

RE: being shy - 3/11/2006 5:52:40 PM

IronBear

Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: mrsaucey

Hi my name is jason.My problem is i am a shy guy and don't really know how to approach women,and what to put when i send them a message when introducing myself on there profiles.When i get to know them i am alright then it's just the first step i have a trouble with?If anyone can help i would be greatfull cheers mrsaucey

Whilst there are numerous organizatiuons and web sources (I am informed) to assist in helping the shy, ultimately, each person needs to find what works for them. One idea which ihave seen work wonders for some is to join organizations like debating clubs, and Speachmasters. Both will help in public speaking and dealing with people in the public arean.

quote:

ORIGINAL: RavenMuse

OK others have taken a rather softer approach......

You are a Dominant? Start acting like it for a start. You have a problem with shyness? Then take it in hand, deal with it and stop it holding you back.... If you can't be confident in yourself then how the hell do you expect a girl to be confident in you?

You don't even know how to approach women? Then how the hell do you expect to communicate well enough to give her the control she needs? Because that is all the approach IS, communication.

Stop wimping out, if you are going to lable yourself as a Dominant, then step upto the plate and TAKE the responsibilitys for yourself that it entails... BEFORE you start looking for a girl to take on.

Hope you get there eventualy, but it is upto you and you alone to do the work, no-one can do it for you.

Sounds rough doesn't it and yet from a lifestyle perspective it is exactly what you need to do. Yoydon't have tobe the leader of every party and head all conversations. I know Dominants who rarely speek and even control their sud/slave with hand gestures. They did however establish their Masters with personality and voice.

How do I know this? How is it that I can empathise with you mrsaucey? Because I am probably the most naturally shy person in my locality! I too had to oversome the fears of talking to people and how to learn to command. I'm told that the only idnication of my shyness is that I can start to talk too much socially. Ilearned thewe as people have various "faces". Our family face, our work face, our happy when we are hurting face. Shyness is not always about a lack of self confidence, but may be a lack of personal esteem socially. (Yes there is or can be a huge difference). I have an overload oif self confidence in areas where I am considered expert or at least have a proven track record (Combat areas and black opps for exampla). I am very comfortable socially in the higher echelon of society and especially British society, as I am with thepure salt of the earth workig class.I am extreemly unclofortable socially in the yuppy zone. Yet in areas of shared interests I ah as happy as a pig in shit with all there even though I may be on opposing ends of the shared interest spectrum. E.G. I'm more often as not in opposition with a young lady here and have been known to comment along such lines. She in turn has a couple of chivelrious boyos who come to her defense (Gotta love these damsel needing rescue senarios, thet can be fun and I have to respect those boyos too). I am socially comfortable with even enemies within a shared interest.

OK so I've ranted enough.. Mate you need to take yourself in hand and make changes, albeit small ones and slowley but have a stready vision of who and what you want to be and you will become it.

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to mrsaucey)

Post #: 13

RE: being shy - 3/11/2006 9:20:55 PM

B1gbear

Posts: 81
Joined: 5/7/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: mrsaucey

Hi my name is jason.My problem is i am a shy guy and don't really know how to approach women,and what to put when i send them a message when introducing myself on there profiles.When i get to know them i am alright then it's just the first step i have a trouble with?If anyone can help i would be greatfull cheers mrsaucey

Okay, first off understand that most subs will assume that a Dom is not shy and filled with self confidence. That in no way means there aren't tons of shy Doms out there. I'd try thinking of things this way. If your real self is quiet and reserved and afraid to make the first moves, then saying 'be yourself' isn't the best advice unless your luck enough to find a shy Dom seeking sub. I'd try making it all business. Assuming you understand the control and dominance factors around considering a sub, try focusing on the open communication side of things and the business of being the Dom. I'm the teacher type myself so when I am not sure how I feel about a situation I simply go in teacher mode until things fall into place more naturally. Now granted I would not be considered shy, but the key is focusing your mind on something contructive and expected of a Dom rather than the mental chaos and frustration that being shy can drive you to in the initial meeting stages.

Find a place you can relax and behave in confidently. Hell, if nothing else just say, "Tell me about yourself?" "What are you looking for in me?" "What is your ideal situation?" And then nod a lot while you 'listen' and digest what they tell you. The quiet and reserved Dom is greatly desired by many and commonly expected of Doms as well. For that matter, simple create a list of questions that you can pull from till the words come naturally. Every time you think of a good line to describe yourself or say something about yourself that you'd like to share in those posts, write it down like a list of bullets so you have that list to pull from too. Eventually it will get easier and you will get it down pat.

Hang in there....sometimes it just takes repetition to make things uncomfortable come easier.

(in reply to mrsaucey)

Post #: 14

RE: being shy - 3/11/2006 10:47:07 PM

FangsNfeet

Posts: 3758
Joined: 12/3/2004
Status: offline

It's time to look back at some of our past Mocho Heroes.

When you are in these situations just ask yourself

1. What would John Wayne do?

2. What woud Clark Gabel do?

3. What would James Bond do?

Being that you do have a quiet/shy trait, you may want to ask yourself "what would Charles Bronson do?"

Being a man that's shy or of few words is okay. After all, actions speak louder than words. "I may speak softly, but I carry a Big Stick" Follow your actions through with confidence and you'll be a great dom.

_____________________________

I'm Godzilla and you're Japan

(in reply to mrsaucey)

Post #: 15

RE: being shy - 3/12/2006 2:03:06 AM

RavenMuse

Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: IronBear
Sounds rough doesn't it and yet from a lifestyle perspective it is exactly what you need to do.

Absolutely old friend. The reason I didn't take the softer approach is that the OP looks to be giving himself excuses. "I can't do it because.... I'm shy and don't communicate well", IMO the softer approach is only telling him that it is OK to hide behind an excuse. It isn't.

He has a problem, fine, we all hit problems. You are a Dom, when you hit a problem you CAN'T hide from it, you have to step up and OWN it. If you can't find a way to directly solve it, find a way to get around it, but you have to take responsability for it.

When a girl in your collar has a problem, you are her first port of call for help in addressing that problem. Hiding from your own problems rather than taking them in hand isn't going to give her much faith in your ability to help, isn't going to let her build trust in your judgement or in your decisions. How then is she going to be able to trust in your control of her?

As for techniques to help overcome the shyness, F'n'F gives one that might help. Though personaly I wouldn't use a model that isn't yourself because you have to remain true to yourself. Rather ask yourself "What would I be doing about this RIGHT NOW if the shyness wasn't stopping me?" Then get off your arse and do it!

_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to IronBear)

Post #: 16

RE: being shy - 3/12/2006 6:24:27 AM

IronBear

Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: RavenMuse

As for techniques to help overcome the shyness, F'n'F gives one that might help. Though personaly I wouldn't use a model that isn't yourself because you have to remain true to yourself. Rather ask yourself "What would I be doing about this RIGHT NOW if the shyness wasn't stopping me?" Then get off your arse and do it!

I couldn't agree more Chinyeh. Perhapsd an alternative question mat be, "If shit was happening all about me and these people turned to me as their last hope what would I do and how would I do it?" I am a great believer in tossing people in at the deep end.

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to RavenMuse)

Post #: 17

RE: being shy - 3/12/2006 7:10:15 AM

PenelopePitstop

Posts: 254
Joined: 4/22/2005
From: UK
Status: offline

I'm so sorry, I just can't resist this

1. What would John Wayne do?
Act all protective, teach you to ride a horse, shoot a gun and then explain to you why he never wants another woman since he has incurable cancer.

2. What woud Clark Gable do?
Frankly he wouldn't give a damn.

3. What would James Bond do?
Spend a night of passion post-mission and then dump you inexplicably before the next mission

"what would Charles Bronson do?"
Very little until something horrible happened to you, and then he'd go ballistic.

_____________________________

Wickedness is a myth created by good people to account for the curious attractiveness of others ~ Oscar Wilde

"You had me at Goodbye"

(in reply to FangsNfeet)

Post #: 18

RE: being shy - 3/12/2006 7:22:29 AM

IronBear

Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to PenelopePitstop)

Post #: 19

RE: being shy - 3/12/2006 7:26:55 AM

LadyJulieAnn

Posts: 979
Joined: 6/29/2005
Status: offline

Hmmm, it appears that mrsaucey removed his profile.

Be well,
Julie

(in reply to mrsaucey)

Post #: 20

Page: [1] 2 next > >>

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Master >> being shy

Page: [1] 2 next > >>

Jump to:

New Messages	No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages	Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages	Locked w/o New Messages

Post New Thread

Reply to Message

Post New Poll

Submit Vote

Delete My Own Post

Delete My Own Thread

Rate Posts

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.094