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RE: For novices who have chickened out of meeting... - 3/12/2006 7:56:01 AM

PlayfulOne

Posts: 1047
Status: offline

I have never had any problems with no shows, but I am gernerally pretty picky about who I actually meet.

I have never been a no show, but I have been guilty of putting off a meeting usually because that little voice in the back of my head is tyring to call something to my attention. I have an excellent 6th sense which usually helps keep me from trouble.

K

< Message edited by PlayfulOne -- 3/12/2006 7:57:06 AM >

(in reply to IronBear)

Post #: 21

RE: For novices who have chickened out of meeting... - 3/12/2006 8:03:44 AM

ownedgirlie

Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline

quote:

Only fools meet at hotels or people place's. Im male and I can take care off myself but even I meet in very public spots as I dont know if that one person could be a pyscotic. I know at times you cant tell untill in private but id prefer to meet in public and meet in private a few days later.

Then i'm the happiest fool you've ever known :)

(in reply to imtempting)

Post #: 22

RE: For novices who have chickened out of meeting... - 3/12/2006 5:18:12 PM

MichMasochist

Posts: 234
Joined: 12/23/2005
Status: offline

Hey I'll say it. I chickened out three times before I ever made it to my first session. I called off that is. The first one was really quite abusive, obvisously she wasn't able to control herself so she wasn't safe to let control me. The second one was very professional in her conduct.

Another time, wasn't a chicken out thing. I saw her, at a predetermined location, and decided she lied, the picture she sent wasn't her. Maybe the old bait and switch con.

The biggest problem with no shows is that it's a very big step from fantasy to reality. Let's face it, it doesn't matter that someone calls themself pro or lifestyle. The title means nothing accept that the person is in it for the money, tribute, in my opinion. I won't place my flesh and life at risk just because of the title. Would you? I maybe kinky but I'm not crazy.

It's like there are so many women out there who make the claim of pro. Yet barely know which end of the whip to hold let a lone where not to whip. I read a post by some one on another board that described just this. My personal experiance not being too dissimular. One such lady appearently had such a limited experiance she should've called herself an amature domme.

quote:

ORIGINAL: MsSonnetMarwood

A few questions for the novices who have made plans to meet someone they met online, but cancelled last minute or otherwise backed out -

What caused you to decide to cancel meeting?

How many times have you done this?

How many times do you feel you will consider meeting someone then back out before you give up on the concept of following through real time?

I ask this because as seen on the forums, no shows and last minute cancellations are common. It's common among those I know online, and it's common among those I know real time - so much so that it's almost a surprise when someone you made plans to meet actually DOES show up when they say they will.

So I'd like to hear from those that actually do bail last minute as to why they do it.

Anyone?

(in reply to MsSonnetMarwood)

Post #: 23

RE: For novices who have chickened out of meeting... - 3/12/2006 6:41:52 PM

RiotGirl

Posts: 3149
Status: offline

i've bailed once when meeting some one and once after meeting, i just slipped away. Bailed the first time, i was 17 and the person just seemed WAY too pressed to meet me and kept talking about all the bathtub adventure he wanted. i bailed because he was doing everything in his power for me to meet him. His job seemed to.. well he said he worked in the movie business.. anything i was interested in, he'd use to tell me how much "further" i could go if i was with him. Some odd warning bell went off that if i DID meet him, i would disapear. Dunno why. Just what went off in my head and i've no clue if it was right or wrong or whatever. Even after i failed to show a few times.. the trying to "convince me" never stopped until i of course put a stop to it.

Bailed once AFTER meeting some one. LOL Had know the Dom for awhile and he had been patiently waiting for me to come of age. Dunno why i bailed. i got nervous? chickened out? Some alarm went off? i just bailed. Found out later from an ex of his that it was prollyl best that i did. As he tended to lean more towards heavy sadism with out worry about how the masochist was feeling. And at the time the word masochist never came into my head when thinking of myself. But i stayed friends with him afterwards i bailed... but just that. Friends who spoke occasionally on the phone LOL

(in reply to MichMasochist)

Post #: 24

RE: For novices who have chickened out of meeting... - 3/13/2006 6:03:35 AM

LKP79

Posts: 34
Joined: 10/2/2005
Status: offline

I've "chickened out" only once, but then i've only met a handful of folks. The one i didn't meet, i had the courtesy to leave him a message on his yahoo messenger, as well as his email account. He didn't check them beforehand.
The reason i didn't meet with him was because he demanded that i show up at the mall in only a knee length coat. In my mind, that wasn't acceptable for a first meet, and probably not something i would ever feel comfortable doing. I have this silly fear of being arrested, and i just know someone would say "Oh my god! That girl isn't wearing anything!" He of course said it was to "test my obedience." Please.
This man has been harassing me for at least 2 months now, saying i need a good paddling to get myself out of this emotional slump i've found myself in. I happen to disagree, and i keep blocking the new names he keeps coming up with and telling him not to contact me further.

I didn't really "chicken out," i just made a decision that he was not the one for me. In fact, at this time, nobody is right for me as i'm just not ready at the moment. I'm still very much in love with my former Master.

(in reply to RiotGirl)

Post #: 25

RE: For novices who have chickened out of meeting... - 3/13/2006 6:12:35 AM

sweetnessforsir

Posts: 70
Joined: 1/5/2006
Status: offline

I have never been a no show on a first meet . . . but the drive has often made it difficult to meet my obligations. If they are sincere about meeting, some of the thoughts that may overcome them in transit:

1) This person will find me unattractive, and be unkind.
2) I will find this person/people unattractive, and I will not know what to do.
3) I will embarrass and humiliate myself and there will be no consolation in the sacrifice.

this one is the hardest one . . . .

4) Something incredibly horrible will happen. It is so bad I cannot even conjure up the event.

There are things that Dominants have done and said that have made it easier. Usually it a clear discussion about mutual respect and conversation. Mostly, it is taking the time to get to know the dominant a little better--either online or on the phone. However, there is an incredible anxiety that precedes a first meet.

s.

(in reply to IronBear)

Post #: 26

RE: For novices who have chickened out of meeting... - 3/13/2006 7:15:20 AM

truesub4u

Posts: 2949
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline

I posted on this thread day 1.... and forgot about it. Last night I mentioned it my girlfriend and she got to laughing. Reminding me of the 2 Doms that I went to go meet... that chickened out themselves.

One I have not heard from at all sense that "meeting" that never took place. Don't know if he showed up.... seen me.. was repulsed... and left. Or if he showed at all. Contact was never made.

The second one.... <I think I've posted this before.... lol> He agreed it was time to meet. Claimed to live in same town. So the agreement was to meet at local Apple Bees. Ok fine. Day came.. time came... no Dom came.. lol I had a nice dinner with my "backup" friend and we laughed over it. I get home to see a off line IM from him. Saying sorry, he must of been at wrong Apple Bees... I seen this.. smiled... and this was my response.... THERE'S ONLY 1 DAMN APPLE BEES IN TOWN... lol Let alone he forgets, he's the one that clarified it's location to make sure I knew where it was...

So the no shows do not just fall on the submissive/slaves. I think even some Doms seek reality... and when it's with in reach of them... they're like... Whoaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa and chicken out as well.

<Just my dimes worth>

< Message edited by truesub4u -- 3/13/2006 7:16:39 AM >

_____________________________

Wisdom is knowing what to do next, Skill is knowing how to do it, and Virtue is doing it.

(in reply to sweetnessforsir)

Post #: 27

RE: For novices who have chickened out of meeting... - 3/13/2006 7:23:12 AM

Aileen68

Posts: 6091
Joined: 8/2/2005
Status: offline

quote:

Only fools meet at hotels or people place's. Im male and I can take care off myself but even I meet in very public spots as I dont know if that one person could be a pyscotic. I know at times you cant tell untill in private but id prefer to meet in public and meet in private a few days later.

I've only met one from this site. I was where I said I'd be when I said I'd be...and I must be a fool because it was at a hotel and the meeting went very well.

Now I do plan on meeting Fergus for a plutonic lunch one of these days since I often pass through his stomping ground.
That will be quite interesting.

(in reply to imtempting)

Post #: 28

RE: For novices who have chickened out of meeting... - 3/13/2006 10:49:31 AM

liljoy

Posts: 577
Joined: 3/25/2004
Status: offline

this gave me a giggle because i just read and article about this in a nilla relationship context. It was pointed out that non dog people would be left out by that test and may still be very wonderful people.

There is no doubt that non dog people can and are still wonderful people but i have always found that dogs are a GREAT judge of character
lil_joy

quote:

anybody who may be visiting regularly etc will need to pass the Malamute Test

(in reply to IronBear)

Post #: 29

RE: For novices who have chickened out of meeting... - 3/13/2006 11:01:50 AM

LKP79

Posts: 34
Joined: 10/2/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: liljoy

this gave me a giggle because i just read and article about this in a nilla relationship context. It was pointed out that non dog people would be left out by that test and may still be very wonderful people.

There is no doubt that non dog people can and are still wonderful people but i have always found that dogs are a GREAT judge of character
lil_joy

quote:

anybody who may be visiting regularly etc will need to pass the Malamute Test

I personally don't trust people who dislike animals. Since i myself have a plethora of pets (around 80 tarantulas, 8 snakes, a ferret, crayfish, etc), anyone who can't handle pets isn't right for me anyways. I also grew up on a 20 acre horse farm, and plan to have horses again when i get to the right point in my life.

(in reply to liljoy)

Post #: 30

RE: For novices who have chickened out of meeting... - 3/13/2006 11:13:30 AM

truesub4u

Posts: 2949
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LKP79

quote:

ORIGINAL: liljoy

this gave me a giggle because i just read and article about this in a nilla relationship context. It was pointed out that non dog people would be left out by that test and may still be very wonderful people.

There is no doubt that non dog people can and are still wonderful people but i have always found that dogs are a GREAT judge of character
lil_joy

quote:

anybody who may be visiting regularly etc will need to pass the Malamute Test

I personally don't trust people who dislike animals. Since i myself have a plethora of pets (around 80 tarantulas, 8 snakes, a ferret, crayfish, etc), anyone who can't handle pets isn't right for me anyways. I also grew up on a 20 acre horse farm, and plan to have horses again when i get to the right point in my life.

Oh yeah... I learned years ago.. <thanks mom> If they don't like Animals... Or John Wayne... be leary... LOL

_____________________________

Wisdom is knowing what to do next, Skill is knowing how to do it, and Virtue is doing it.

(in reply to LKP79)

Post #: 31

RE: For novices who have chickened out of meeting... - 3/13/2006 11:17:45 AM

liljoy

Posts: 577
Joined: 3/25/2004
Status: offline

wow i myself and terrified of spiders and snakes. A friend of Master's has spiders and scorpions as pets. He get's a real kick out of tormenting me when we visit by taking out one of the tarantulas and holding it in the same room i'm in. i don't scream but i do get nervous and move as far away from him as i can. He tries to pretend he isn't trying to torment me but the evil chuckle is hard to miss.
lil_joy

quote:

ORIGINAL: LKP79

I personally don't trust people who dislike animals. Since i myself have a plethora of pets (around 80 tarantulas, 8 snakes, a ferret, crayfish, etc), anyone who can't handle pets isn't right for me anyways. I also grew up on a 20 acre horse farm, and plan to have horses again when i get to the right point in my life.

(in reply to LKP79)

Post #: 32

RE: For novices who have chickened out of meeting... - 3/13/2006 2:12:19 PM

MichMasochist

Posts: 234
Joined: 12/23/2005
Status: offline

Personally I think listening to your gut instinks on this guy was a very right thing to do. I got some very scary thoughts on just what type of movies he was making; And that's just from reading your letter.

Your second paragraph is perhaps my biggest worry as well. The psyco sadist.

Hugs and kisses
Mich

quote:

ORIGINAL: RiotGirl

i've bailed once when meeting some one and once after meeting, i just slipped away. Bailed the first time, i was 17 and the person just seemed WAY too pressed to meet me and kept talking about all the bathtub adventure he wanted. i bailed because he was doing everything in his power for me to meet him. His job seemed to.. well he said he worked in the movie business.. anything i was interested in, he'd use to tell me how much "further" i could go if i was with him. Some odd warning bell went off that if i DID meet him, i would disapear. Dunno why. Just what went off in my head and i've no clue if it was right or wrong or whatever. Even after i failed to show a few times.. the trying to "convince me" never stopped until i of course put a stop to it.

Bailed once AFTER meeting some one. LOL Had know the Dom for awhile and he had been patiently waiting for me to come of age. Dunno why i bailed. i got nervous? chickened out? Some alarm went off? i just bailed. Found out later from an ex of his that it was prollyl best that i did. As he tended to lean more towards heavy sadism with out worry about how the masochist was feeling. And at the time the word masochist never came into my head when thinking of myself. But i stayed friends with him afterwards i bailed... but just that. Friends who spoke occasionally on the phone LOL

(in reply to RiotGirl)

Post #: 33

RE: For novices who have chickened out of meeting... - 3/13/2006 2:34:00 PM

windy135

Posts: 437
Joined: 10/17/2005
Status: offline

I forgot to call a person one time to meet up only because something happened. They were not mad. I don't like it when people push to meet and I try nicely to say no thank you or not yet. I think I need to b*t*h it up a bit.

(in reply to IronBear)

Post #: 34

RE: For novices who have chickened out of meeting... - 3/13/2006 2:45:03 PM

Laura

Posts: 573
Joined: 6/22/2004
From: Ontario, Canada
Status: offline

I have met five people from online, never chickened out.

I have been stood up once and just never replied to any of his excuse emails. Now I prefer to meet BDSM people who have attended munches and I don't take any others seriously enough to meet them.

(in reply to IronBear)

Post #: 35

RE: For novices who have chickened out of meeting... - 3/13/2006 2:51:53 PM

Laura

Posts: 573
Joined: 6/22/2004
From: Ontario, Canada
Status: offline

I tend to avoid people with pets. I am allergic to animals, have learned to dislike dogs (after seeing my sister attacked) and animals in the house just grosses me out.

I like animals, outside.

(in reply to LKP79)

Post #: 36

RE: For novices who have chickened out of meeting... - 3/18/2006 10:32:32 AM

QueenKimberlie

Posts: 13
Joined: 1/1/2006
Status: offline

I would like to know that I think the ones that made plans with me were just fake people bored playing games as soon as the day came up their profile on here was gone just game players

(in reply to MsSonnetMarwood)

Post #: 37

RE: For novices who have chickened out of meeting... - 3/18/2006 10:39:02 AM

QueenKimberlie

Posts: 13
Joined: 1/1/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aileen68

quote:

Only fools meet at hotels or people place's. Im male and I can take care off myself but even I meet in very public spots as I dont know if that one person could be a pyscotic. I know at times you cant tell untill in private but id prefer to meet in public and meet in private a few days later.

I've only met one from this site. I was where I said I'd be when I said I'd be...and I must be a fool because it was at a hotel and the meeting went very well.

Now I do plan on meeting Fergus for a plutonic lunch one of these days since I often pass through his stomping ground.
That will be quite interesting.

I have no probelms with meeting in a hotel I always have someone know where im at and what room im in I get ground floors so my driver parks my the window of the room I do get to talk to them on the phone but if I feel funny I trust my gut I met a guy online once from another state gave him my # and in 3 days he called 37 times I told him not to call unless he asked and he would call all hours....The first call I felt weird about him he then decided to threatn me I had to make a police report and everything since he was doing via the net it was actually Federal SO I was told

(in reply to Aileen68)

Post #: 38

RE: For novices who have chickened out of meeting... - 3/18/2006 2:39:44 PM

ChainedExistence

Posts: 507
Joined: 2/5/2005
Status: offline

My favorite no-show was the guy who called and said he was on the way....then disappeared for two weeks...no phone call, no note. I pictured the man dead in a ditch somewhere. He showed up online two weeks later .He claimed he had been called in for the president's "underground government" and had no phone or internet access and no time to let me know. Now I know in my early days on the net, I was needy enough to be a bit gullible...but I was never THAT clueless!

(in reply to QueenKimberlie)

Post #: 39

RE: For novices who have chickened out of meeting... - 3/18/2006 2:50:56 PM

HisGirl8

Posts: 55
Joined: 2/15/2006
Status: offline

I've only had one online experience of meeting someone. I was so stupid I met him at my house, though we immediately left and went to have lunch and walk the beach. I really didn't know him at all but had this intense gut feeling that something was... right.

That two hour date went fantastic and he hasn't left yet. We live together now and I'm well aware that this story could have a terrible ending instead of the blissful one it does... I got lucky.

(in reply to ChainedExistence)

Post #: 40

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