slaveluci
Posts: 4294
Joined: 3/2/2007
From: Little Rock, AR
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quote:
ORIGINAL: ipromise4u
i fell in love with Him very quickly and He as well, at least that is what He told me. W/we saw each other every week and talked daily. The one thing that started to cause issues with in the relationship were my insecurities. He flirted daily with others and it hurt my feelings. He would assure me that i was the only one for Him and that i had to just stop being "emotional" and just deal with it. i tried to deal with it but i felt as though He would test me on a daily basis. He was always emailing and instant messaging others and He would be sure i knew, just to get a reaction from me. i bit my tongue and would not say anything even though it hurt me and caused me great anxiety.
My first thought is: "Did you two talk about how things like this were going to go BEFORE you became his?" You say his behavior "hurt your feelings," "caused you great anxiety," and you felt he was doing it to "test" you. Again, I have to wonder if that is factual or just your perception. Again, had you discussed any of this previously? I think you hit the nail on the head when you mentioned your own "insecurities."
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W/we went to a munch together and there was a sub sitting across from me that He conversed with during the whole munch. He tells me a few days later that He got her email because He wanted U/us to be friends with her. Okay, i bit my tongue and told HIm that was great.
Ok, so you lied. I guess he wasn't able to read your mind clearly enough. He stated what he desired and...even though it was tearing you up....you said that it was "great." Wow, how could he not do what you wanted? You were so clear as to what you desired .
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A few days later He and i were in O/our nightly instant message together and the conversation was laggy so i repectfully asked Him if He was talking with some one else. He replied "yes" it was the girl from the munch. He could have lied. He didn't. I consider that much a good thing.
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i was so hurt, it felt like i was stabbed in the heart at that moment. Here it was, O/our nightly time together before W/we go to sleep and He has another message screen up with her at the same time. I told Him that it was rude and insensitive to do so and that if He wished to talk with her i would excuse myself and let them talk. i mean, is it me or is it not a rude thing to do? How can You hold 2 conversations at one time? it was like i was getting 50% of him and it was hurtful.
Again, only my opinion, but I'm not sure that it was "rude and insensitive" at all. Yes, you considered it "hurtful" but the action in and of itself is something many people do all the time. I have easily held "two conversations at once" and handled them both quite capably. I think anyone who is fluent with IM'ing has done that without a problem. I am always sure to tell both parties, however, that this is occurring. You tell him that if he "wished to talk with her" that you'd "excuse" yourself and "let them talk." Again, conflicting signals. First you're hurt and call him rude and insensitive and then you turn right around and play what I'd call a pity card and say something to the effect of "Well, if you want to talk to her, I'll just go." Which way is it?
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He released me 2 mins later in the instant message. His last 3 words to me were "okay, I'm Done". i thought he meant done with the conversation...No, i found out the next morning that i was actually released. He didn't even have the respect to tell me face to face.
This is the first thing you've mentioned that I consider wrong. Not that he was "done" with the whole situation, but that he didn't tell you face-to-face.
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i sent Him 2 emails begging for forgiveness, that i would try to not be jealous. He never replied back. i called Him 1 time, He would not speak to me. That was 3 weeks ago.
I think it's a good thing he didn't respond. You could "try to not be jealous" but that's obviously not going to occur over night. You can't just magically go from being jealous to not jealous. You didn't get that way overnight and you're not going to be able to change that big of an issue over night. It's going to take time.
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i am just not understanding any of this. He told me every single day how much He loved me, even in O/our last instant message before He released me. He was like a jekle/hyde.
No, he was like thousands and thousands of other people who throw the word "love" around carelessly and without a second thought as to what it really means. Anyone can say "I love you." It's that simple. Showing it is something else. He's no different than people all over the planet in that he said it and obviously did not really mean it.
Now, I say all that to say this: I'm sorry you were hurt and I really do understand where you're coming from. I've been there (under different circumstances, of course.) We live and learn. I would chalk this up as one of those "learning" experiences and move forward. BUT.....before getting involved in any other relationship.....I'd do some introspection as to what I really wanted and/or would accept. Then, you need to be forthright about it before getting involved with someone else. Tell him/her right up front that you have feelings of jealousy and some insecurities (your word) that you're working on and that you'll need their support. If they're not willing to do that and accept what you've said, pass them on by for someone who will.
Consider this a lesson learned the hard way, hon. He's gone on to do his thing to others. Poor them. Good luck.................luci
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