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PeonForHer -> RE: Submissives/Slaves/Masochists – Read This Before You Post! (11/16/2009 4:15:36 PM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Politesub53
quote:
ORIGINAL: PeonForHer
Howahkan,
To me, it's all about understanding where the opposite side is coming from. I have a theory as to why this can be so much more difficult between dominants and submissives, but I'll save it for later. Suffice to say: it's hard, but it can be done.
Theories are for sharing.......[;)]
I don't know if I've worked it out properly yet, PS. It's got to do with a) trying to understand the opposite sex and see yourself the way she sees you (difficult enough, anyway), b) trying to understand a dominant when you've got nothing inside you that can relate to her feelings of dominance and c), perhaps most importantly, the sheer amount of time and energy that's gone into constructing fantasies of dominants before meeting one over (in all likelihood) many more years than a vanilla will have constructed fantasies about vanillas of the opposite sex before meeting one. Thus, I was fifteen when it finally obtruded onto my consciousness that vanilla girls do actually like vanilla boys though God knows why (cf point a) above) and in that I was slow by most people's standards. But it wasn't till I was thirty-eight that I first came across real-life femdoms. I had to get past a lot of those aforementioned fantasised constructs. Not just fantasised constructs about women, but femdoms - and a couple of extra decades worth of them. Years and years of inventing them to suit whatever was giving me my jollies at any given time. It was an uphill struggle, I can tell you, and I know I haven't finished it yet . . .
Going on that, perhaps the best advice is: they're not goddesses; neither are they demons; they're just people. They don't understand us brilliantly well, either, to compound the problem. Said that way, though, the point looks bland and obvious - and therein lies the danger. It's all too easy to retort, "Yeah right, I know that." It's not, in truth, a difficult principle to grasp - once so many fantasies are out of the way and you can just get to the point of asking, simply, "All right then, you femdom. What makes you tick?" But getting the fantasies out of the way - that is difficult.
Or so I've half-baked it all so far. As I said: unfinished thoughts.
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