Trust and all that jazz

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

Trust and all that jazz

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Submissive >> Trust and all that jazz

Page: [1] 2 next > >>

Login

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

Trust and all that jazz - 11/20/2009 10:58:13 PM

daughterofdarkness87

Posts: 4
Joined: 11/19/2009
Status: offline

I'm pretty new to the site (like 2 days new) and am amazed that with a man that I met on here just 2 days ago, I feel more trust than I do with people who I've been around daily for more than a year... Am I rushing my trust? Or is this something else?

Post #: 1

RE: Trust and all that jazz - 11/20/2009 11:01:06 PM

GreedyTop

Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline

not to sound snarky, but have you ACTUALLY met? or just talked...

_____________________________

polysnortatious
Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

(in reply to daughterofdarkness87)

Post #: 2

RE: Trust and all that jazz - 11/20/2009 11:02:15 PM

daughterofdarkness87

Posts: 4
Joined: 11/19/2009
Status: offline

Talked, cybered and had phone sex but no not met in person.

(in reply to GreedyTop)

Post #: 3

RE: Trust and all that jazz - 11/20/2009 11:02:47 PM

breatheasone

Posts: 4004
Joined: 7/14/2007
Status: offline

i would tell you to slow way down, and let some of this trust you have catch up to what trust has actually been EARNED. i sincerely hope that it turns out your trust is well placed. Best wishes and welcome to the jungle, we have cookies!

_____________________________

Romans 10:13,For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.
Mike posts in black font
candy posts in pink font

(in reply to daughterofdarkness87)

Post #: 4

RE: Trust and all that jazz - 11/20/2009 11:02:55 PM

GreedyTop

Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline

then, IMO, you're probably rushing it.

I could be wrong, but...

_____________________________

polysnortatious
Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

(in reply to daughterofdarkness87)

Post #: 5

RE: Trust and all that jazz - 11/20/2009 11:03:59 PM

daughterofdarkness87

Posts: 4
Joined: 11/19/2009
Status: offline

Thank you both for the advice

(in reply to GreedyTop)

Post #: 6

RE: Trust and all that jazz - 11/20/2009 11:05:11 PM

breatheasone

Posts: 4004
Joined: 7/14/2007
Status: offline

Hey i'm a mom...the advice part is easy.

_____________________________

Romans 10:13,For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.
Mike posts in black font
candy posts in pink font

(in reply to daughterofdarkness87)

Post #: 7

RE: Trust and all that jazz - 11/20/2009 11:08:53 PM

kasumi

Posts: 84
Joined: 9/11/2009
Status: offline

He's probably pretty charismatic so its easy to feel comfortable around him. (That's my guess) He could be great, but I think it would be a bad idea to make that assumption without knowing him for very long.

Good luck, though.

< Message edited by kasumi -- 11/20/2009 11:09:08 PM >

_____________________________

I try to be a nice person so please don't assume that I'm saying something to be mean. As long as no one is getting hurt (in an unwanted way) then I don't care what they do but I might ask them WHY.

I can't stand trolls, they'll likely be ignored.

(in reply to breatheasone)

Post #: 8

RE: Trust and all that jazz - 11/20/2009 11:25:54 PM

Lockit

Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline

Think about why you trust him. Is it coming from you or him? What has he said or done that makes you trust him? You have only known of him for a very short time and anyone can play a part or present themselves as someone you could trust... for a time. It is easy to do... that is why so many get caught up in trusting someone they shouldn't. A manipulator knows how to find the person he/she wants to convince and can pull of a pretty good game with them.

I wouldn't consider a person I knew online for only a short time that wanted to go sexual with me. I would consider that that person wants some sexual kicks more than he wants to know me and do anything more than some kinky games. Someone I consider really trust worthy will take their time. Believe me... it isn't the person they are approaching that is so all consuming that they just can't resist them. Words are just words and it is the actions of a person that make them trustworthy.

Everyone at some point in life, wants to be so special that someone meets them, can see them for who they are and is thrilled with them. The problem is, is that these online and in person, players know that. They are practiced and skilled often times and you are not the first to thrill them to the point of they can't resist and insist on playing so quickly. You are in control and if you don't value yourself enough to take some time, then most will not value you either.

It is rare that someone who hooks up right away, can be a long term anything of worth. It happens, yes.. but very rarely. Someone trustworthy wants to prove their worth and see your own. That doesn't typically happen in so quick a time. That's the truth of it. You have little foundation to build upon at this stage and it leaves room for you to question, just as you are now.

What are you worth?

Instant trust... is most often a falasy we have promoted within ourselves in hopes that it is something real. Most often it is not.

Good luck to you...

< Message edited by Lockit -- 11/20/2009 11:32:39 PM >

_____________________________

No matter how old a woman gets, some men will think she was born yesterday! ROFL... I love this place!

(in reply to kasumi)

Post #: 9

RE: Trust and all that jazz - 11/21/2009 2:33:10 AM

allthatjaz

Posts: 2878
Joined: 8/20/2008
Status: offline

Darn and I thought this thread was about me

_____________________________

S&M (Steve and Maria) persona libre de convencionalismos

Fan of edgeplay.co.uk

(in reply to Lockit)

Post #: 10

RE: Trust and all that jazz - 11/21/2009 3:48:06 AM

Elizabeth666

Posts: 288
Joined: 10/14/2009
Status: offline

Unless I read you're profile wrong, I get the impression that you're new to the lifestyle.

The advice above is great, don't rush. When I started out I met a nice couple for coffee. They answered all my questions and the Dom's biggest piece of advice to me was to not rush. He said people new in the lifestyle tend to want things NOW. They want to meet a D, NOW. They want to play NOW. He explained that it's just like dating in a vanilla relationship. Take things slow and get to know the person first. I agree with breathasone - Let him EARN your trust. Because in all honesty, has he really?
There are a lot of people out there who say they are Doms, Masters, whatever title they use, but who are just playing at the role. They aren't what they say, they're just people who want to get laid, or people who could possibly hurt you in a way you're not planning on.

My advice, take it slow. Talk more, ask him questions, don't be afraid to do that, don't think it would be a lack of respect, because in all honesty, has he really earned that yet? If he gets upset with that, there's a red flag.

The first Dom I met seemed great. We met online then went on to coffee after a couple weeks of communicating. He seemed to know EXACTLY what I wanted and was looking for. We went out for lunch, He would give me little tasks. It was awesome. Then one day we were chatting online and he sent me his picture, which was strange because I already met him and didn't need it. Then his next message was a comment that totally blew me away. I asked him if he was talking to someone else and he immediatley went offline. I was confused and about 10 minutes later I got this long email about how he is all messed up, he cheats on his wife and used to have a serious gambling problem. Yes, he had been talking to someone else and he apologized, said he couldn't help it. He talked about how he is always running around and can't stay faithful to his wife (who had no idea about his activities)

I was floored when I read that, I had trusted him (first mistake) and he lied to me. Then I was crushed, all the visions I had in my head about the "Perfect Dom" were destroyed. I emailed him back and thanked him for telling me and said that I was glad he told me the truth before anything really happened. I wished him luck and told him to deal with his issues. A couple of weeks later he wanted to meet for lunch to talk, I agreed. He explained things to me but I told him that he has issues to deal with and that is something I don't want to get involved in.

Moral of the story? TAKE THINGS SLOW (Not yelling, just emphasising)

It takes time to find someone and that person should want to EARN your trust and respect. Since that gentleman, I have found someone and am quite happy, but that Dom could have ruined things for me if I didn't give the lifestyle a second chance.

Good Luck

< Message edited by Elizabeth666 -- 11/21/2009 3:50:26 AM >

(in reply to allthatjaz)

Post #: 11

RE: Trust and all that jazz - 11/21/2009 4:21:04 AM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline

OP, I read your profile and you're new to D/s and sex as well. Your very first will involve a LOT of emotions, and that's entirely natural.

Take it slow and enjoy getting to know a new part of yourself.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to Elizabeth666)

Post #: 12

RE: Trust and all that jazz - 11/21/2009 5:35:45 AM

kanina

Posts: 147
Joined: 11/19/2009
Status: offline

The Doms all seem to be the perfect Dom, they are seducing, so they tend to look lovely, they don´t show the bad parts and those are the parts you should know...

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Post #: 13

RE: Trust and all that jazz - 11/21/2009 6:32:57 AM

sexyred1

Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline

Yes, you are rushing your trust. As someone else said, trust is earned, not expected.

You are experiencing newbie high; just have fun and be safe with yourself and your emotions.

Most importantly, be smart.

(in reply to kanina)

Post #: 14

RE: Trust and all that jazz - 11/21/2009 6:56:16 AM

ncbabe

Posts: 1060
Joined: 4/19/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

OP, I read your profile and you're new to D/s and sex as well. Your very first will involve a LOT of emotions, and that's entirely natural.

Take it slow and enjoy getting to know a new part of yourself.

What DarkSteven said. You are going to encounter a lot of strong feelings that will open up parts of you that you didn't know were there. Just experience them and enjoy them and don't make any major decisions based on them until they have settled and you have a clearer view of everything.

Trust takes time to develop and it should be done incrementally. Your instincts may be to go with this guy, and you are going to have to put yourself out there if you want to learn and get experience, just remember to keep it real and in perspective. Take it very slow, don't make stupid decisions that you wouldn't make in a vanilla setting, and don't give to him more than you are comfortable with.

_____________________________

As we think, so we become.

Nichts ist unmöglich

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Post #: 15

RE: Trust and all that jazz - 11/21/2009 7:26:25 AM

daddysliloneds

Posts: 1351
Joined: 6/28/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: daughterofdarkness87

Talked, cybered and had phone sex but no not met in person.

you trust him because you can get your rocks off without being touched by him, doing anything for him or meeting him; in other words, it's easy to trust your fantasy because you are 100% in control of everything.

(in reply to daughterofdarkness87)

Post #: 16

RE: Trust and all that jazz - 11/21/2009 8:57:13 AM

agirl

Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: daughterofdarkness87

I'm pretty new to the site (like 2 days new) and am amazed that with a man that I met on here just 2 days ago, I feel more trust than I do with people who I've been around daily for more than a year... Am I rushing my trust? Or is this something else?

Well, as you talk about trust as a *feeling* then no, not really. You *feel* you can trust him but you simply can't have anything to base it on in 2 days.

There are lots of things you can *trust* about people that have been around daily for a year .......... even if they aren't good things, you have experience to *trust* what they're like.

2 days is easily long enough to *feel* anything at all........... they just don't usually have much basis in fact.

agirl

(in reply to daughterofdarkness87)

Post #: 17

RE: Trust and all that jazz - 11/21/2009 10:49:50 AM

GreedyTop

Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1

Yes, you are rushing your trust. As someone else said, trust is earned, not expected.

You are experiencing newbie high; just have fun and be safe with yourself and your emotions.

Most importantly, be smart.

GORGEOUS!!!

omg.. *SMOOCH!!!!*

*happy dances*

Ok, back to the OP.. it's a good sign that you've been reading these responses.. I hope you take them to heart, and I wish you all the best on your journey of discovery :)

_____________________________

polysnortatious
Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

(in reply to sexyred1)

Post #: 18

RE: Trust and all that jazz - 11/21/2009 10:50:57 AM

sunshinemiss

Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: daughterofdarkness87

I'm pretty new to the site (like 2 days new) and am amazed that with a man that I met on here just 2 days ago, I feel more trust than I do with people who I've been around daily for more than a year... Am I rushing my trust? Or is this something else?

I'd say you are all twisted up in sub frenzy and the newness of sensuality.

People in this lifestyle are no different than other people - some good, some rotten, most somewhere in between.

WIITWD (what it is that we do) is very emotional. be careful.
aunty sunshine

_____________________________

Yes, I am a wonton hussy... and still sweet as 3.14

(in reply to daughterofdarkness87)

Post #: 19

RE: Trust and all that jazz - 11/21/2009 11:41:24 AM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

You could be lucky and have the first man you talked to be the right one for you. I was.

But I would suggest you google the term sub frenzy.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to sunshinemiss)

Post #: 20

Page: [1] 2 next > >>

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Submissive >> Trust and all that jazz

Page: [1] 2 next > >>

Jump to:

New Messages	No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages	Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages	Locked w/o New Messages

Post New Thread

Reply to Message

Post New Poll

Submit Vote

Delete My Own Post

Delete My Own Thread

Rate Posts

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.094