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The Power of Attraction - 11/21/2009 4:07:15 PM   
LadyAngelika


Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline 		Preface

I write this post to get the Dommes in this forum talking in the hopes that it might shed some light for submissive men about the diversity of thing we are looking for, other than to whip you ass ;-)

Attraction is a powerful.

What constitutes *attraction* changes from one person to another. For some people, it has a lot to do with appearance. For others, it has a lot to do with spirit, attitude, power, intelligence, talent or things that the other has in common with us. Sometimes we can define *it*. Sometimes *it* cannot be defined. But we know *it*. We feel *it*.

I can personally tell right away if there if there is no attraction. In such cases, I see no point in continuing the dialogue (as an aside, many have a hard time accepting this). When I see that there is potential, I want to dig deeper, but this is still not a guarantee, it's a probe. I may become more or less attracted to the individual. In part, this is based on who they are and in part it is based on what they chose to do.

The thing is, people can do things to make themselves more attractive. This of course is very subjective because as mentioned earlier, attractiveness is subjective. However, there are some baselines. Being respectful, I'm sure, is always attractive, as is being attentive. Patience also works well. In essence, you want to show your true self, but your best side, and not just in the beginning!

I tend to be very selective and I'm not attracted to a large sample of the population. It takes a lot to get my attention. I'd also rather be single than entertain a relationship of any kind, even friends, with someone that I'm not fully attracted to.

But the bottom line is, when I'm not attracted to someone, I do not want to continue. No amount of begging any one can do will make them attractive to me.

What I do find attractive in a man is (in no particular order):
- proactiveness
- enthusiasm
- pride
- respectfulness
- a good sense of judgement
- sensitivity
- chivalry
- virility
- masculinity
- intelligence
- intellect
- class
- worldliness
- an open mind
- a sense of adventure
- a sense of humour
- a positive/realistic outlook on life
- ambition
- power (if they have none, what on earth do they have to hand over?)

So to the Ladies, what do you consider to be attractive traits? What are your requirements, formal or informal?

- LA

< Message edited by LadyAngelika -- 11/21/2009 4:13:08 PM >

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RE: The Power of Attraction - 11/21/2009 4:26:36 PM   
Politesub53


Posts: 14862
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		Surely this is subjective LadyAnjelika. While attractive traits will vary from woman to woman, a better help for us submissives would be a list of common requirements. Personally some of my traits may appeal to one person but not another, for the relationship to work I need someone whose needs, traitwise, match the natural traits I have. I also think there is a great need for ALL of us to be a bit flexible, there will be very few cases where we are a perfect fit for each other.

I am also interested in your mention of power as a trait. Does this mean financial, physical, or just stability ? I think one can be stable and in control of ones own desires, without being super fit or ultra successful. If I have my own mind and my own view of how to run my life, and bowing to your wishes is surely an exchange of power, albeit on a different level to the one most people would think of first.

(in reply to LadyAngelika)
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RE: The Power of Attraction - 11/21/2009 4:28:54 PM   
dreamerdreaming


Posts: 2839
Status: offline 		Obedience, good communication skills, honor, honesty and a good ability to trust, a sense of humor that goes well with my own, and goals, needs and desires that match up well with mine.

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RE: The Power of Attraction - 11/21/2009 4:31:57 PM   
Politesub53


Posts: 14862
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: dreamerdreaming

Obedience, good communication skills, honor, honesty and a good ability to trust, a sense of humor that goes well with my own, and goals, needs and desires that match up well with mine.


I am shocked Ma`am, you forgot to mention sharing those sweet dreams.

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RE: The Power of Attraction - 11/21/2009 4:37:51 PM   
Venatrix


Posts: 2238
Joined: 11/28/2007
Status: offline 		I'm strongly attracted to men who hold a coffee cup in their avatar photos, but the minute they change that photo for a different one - wham - I lose interest completely.

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RE: The Power of Attraction - 11/21/2009 4:42:27 PM   
Politesub53


Posts: 14862
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Venatrix

I'm strongly attracted to men who hold a coffee cup in their avatar photos, but the minute they change that photo for a different one - wham - I lose interest completely.


I think I love you, MsFickle.

The coffee cup is on a much needed a vacation.

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RE: The Power of Attraction - 11/21/2009 4:44:00 PM   
Venatrix


Posts: 2238
Joined: 11/28/2007
Status: offline 		You mean, you finally decided to wash it?

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RE: The Power of Attraction - 11/21/2009 4:45:54 PM   
Politesub53


Posts: 14862
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Venatrix

You mean, you finally decided to wash it?


I was taking the yearly bath and it seemed a shame to waste the water.

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RE: The Power of Attraction - 11/21/2009 4:45:57 PM   
LadyAngelika


Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline
quote:

Surely this is subjective LadyAnjelika. While attractive traits will vary from woman to woman, a better help for us submissives would be a list of common requirements.


Firstly, requirements change from one woman to another.
Secondly, I would never even think of listing a common list of requirements for Dommes because I cannot speak for every Domme.
Thirdly, if you are patient and read through this thread, you might find some commonalities and then might write a post later on about the commonalities that you uncovered.

How's that?

quote:

Personally some of my traits may appeal to one person but not another, for the relationship to work I need someone whose needs, traitwise, match the natural traits I have. I also think there is a great need for ALL of us to be a bit flexible, there will be very few cases where we are a perfect fit for each other.


I personally won't be too flexible. I know what I want and I never settle. And I have gotten what I wanted in the past so that is a testament to me not lowering my standards.

quote:

I am also interested in your mention of power as a trait. Does this mean financial, physical, or just stability ? I think one can be stable and in control of ones own desires, without being super fit or ultra successful. If I have my own mind and my own view of how to run my life, and bowing to your wishes is surely an exchange of power, albeit on a different level to the one most people would think of first.


What is perceived as powerful ia also a subjective term. On this one, I'm actually flexible.

Power may be held through (source Wikipedia):


  • Delegated authority (for example in the democratic process)
  • Social class (material wealth can equal power)
  • Personal or group charisma
  • Ascribed power (acting on perceived or assumed abilities, whether these bear testing or not)
  • Expertise (Ability, Skills) (the power of medicine to bring about health; another famous example would be "in the land of the blind, the one-eyed man is king" - Desiderius Erasmus)
  • Persuasion (direct, indirect, or subliminal)
  • Knowledge (granted or withheld, shared or kept secret)
  • Money (financial influence, control of labour, control through ownership, etc)
  • Celebrity
  • Force (violence, military might, coercion).
  • Moral persuasion (including religion)
  • Operation of group dynamics (such as public relations)
  • Social influence of tradition (compare ascribed power)
  • In relationships; domination/submissiveness

Edited to add that in light of the above list, I'd be more attracted to an "average income earning intelligent, charismatic man" than a "rich dumd celebrity" ;-)

- LA

< Message edited by LadyAngelika -- 11/21/2009 5:15:24 PM >

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RE: The Power of Attraction - 11/21/2009 4:50:35 PM   
dreamerdreaming


Posts: 2839
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Politesub53

quote:

ORIGINAL: dreamerdreaming

Obedience, good communication skills, honor, honesty and a good ability to trust, a sense of humor that goes well with my own, and goals, needs and desires that match up well with mine.


I am shocked Ma`am, you forgot to mention sharing those sweet dreams.



Wow, yeah- I'm slipping!

"Dreams are said to blossom courage constant to the soul."
                                                                                        -Jon Anderson (Yes)


The thing I'm attracted to is a dreamer who is goal-oriented, so that we can work together to make our sweet dreams come true. I did mention good communication skills, above.

Bend over, you shameless flirt!  :o)





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RE: The Power of Attraction - 11/21/2009 4:52:27 PM   
Politesub53


Posts: 14862
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		Indeed LadyAnjelika. I agree there are some points that we can be inflexible on, these would vary from person to person. When I mentioned a list of commonalities, I was thinking these may be more helpful for those new to these forums. My own views on being flexible are that it widens a net for a good match, providing I dont change what I am looking for in a partner by too much.

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RE: The Power of Attraction - 11/21/2009 4:53:55 PM   
Politesub53


Posts: 14862
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		LOL @ shameless flirt....I am so busted.

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RE: The Power of Attraction - 11/21/2009 5:13:14 PM   
LadyAngelika


Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline
quote:

Indeed LadyAnjelika. I agree there are some points that we can be inflexible on, these would vary from person to person. When I mentioned a list of commonalities, I was thinking these may be more helpful for those new to these forums. My own views on being flexible are that it widens a net for a good match, providing I dont change what I am looking for in a partner by too much.


Good. Now do you accept the task of writing up a list of commonalities a little later on?

- LA

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RE: The Power of Attraction - 11/21/2009 5:17:02 PM   
Politesub53


Posts: 14862
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika

Good. Now do you accept the task of writing up a list of commonalities a little later on?

- LA


I would be pleased to when the thread has run its course Lady Angelika. Your OP probably nailed most of them though.

Edited because I spelt your name wrongly, I am so sorry.

< Message edited by Politesub53 -- 11/21/2009 5:18:08 PM >

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RE: The Power of Attraction - 11/21/2009 5:23:33 PM   
LadyAngelika


Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Politesub53

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika

Good. Now do you accept the task of writing up a list of commonalities a little later on?

- LA


I would be pleased to when the thread has run its course Lady Angelika. Your OP probably nailed most of them though.

Edited because I spelt your name wrongly, I am so sorry.


Excellent. I'm glad to hear this. And I might have gotten a lot out. Some of these might be contested, some might be added as dreamerdreaming did.

- LA

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RE: The Power of Attraction - 11/22/2009 1:33:50 PM   
Politesub53


Posts: 14862
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika


What I do find attractive in a man is (in no particular order):
- proactiveness
- enthusiasm
- pride
- respectfulness
- a good sense of judgement
- sensitivity
- chivalry
- virility
- masculinity
- intelligence
- intellect
- class
- worldliness
- an open mind
- a sense of adventure
- a sense of humour
- a positive/realistic outlook on life
- ambition
- power (if they have none, what on earth do they have to hand over?)



LadyAngelika asked me to merge her answers with any others. I like a challenge so i spent all day reading the other answers ( I am a slow reader ) Dreamerdreaming rightly added shared dreams and ambitions.

Some instincts are indeed basic, A woman will want a man who can give her healthy children, so the typical man she will look for will have a great figure and be strong and healthy, he will also be successful, as he needs to be the provider. A man will look for an attractive woman, as again this indicates healthiness. I know I may get bashed for saying that, but for both sexes being overweight is considered unhealthy, thats just a simple generalisation and I dont mean it unkindly ( see my pic lol )

So to sum up the above at an unconcious level we seek someone fit, healthy, and able to provide. I dont think this has much to do with our own choices as individuals, but the ingrained job of ensuring the survival of the species.

As we get older, the above may not apply so much, although I do wonder if an ingrained view of the right partner ever goes away at an unconsious level.

So now we come to the question again, what are Dominant women looking for in a submissive male ?

Attractiveness.....I would include cleanliness and a good dress sense under this heading.

Honesty........Who wants someone they cant trust or depend on.

Reliability......Who likes to be let down or stood up ? especially by a guy trying to make a deep impression.

Intelligence....I think most people want someone at a similar level. Too much of a difference either way could be a problem. I see intellect as what we know, and intelligence as using what we know in the best practical way.

Loyalty.....Big on any list of mine. I dont think we can participate in BDSM without a degree of trust. Even on a play date instinct gives a quick yes/no on the trust level. Consistent loyalty is a trust builder.

Humour.......Three gorillas walk into a bar, the barman says "Is this a joke ? "

A sense of adventure/Open mind....... Useful in any new venture. trying new things is also a trust builder for both partners. IE it shows her you trust her enough to do X, even if you are unsure about it.

Manners/Chivalry........Maketh the man, no one likes a slob. Not just manners towards your partner but manners in general.

A positive outlook.......Doom and gloom doesnt make for a good date, although we all have off days.

Sensitivity......While not everyone will have this on a list, it is important to be caring when required. Always cracking jokes may be good and well, but someone not feeling too good would prefer as little care to a quick joke.

Respectfulness......I fail to see how a submissive guy could be disrespectful and think he was doing the right thing.

Unselfishness.......Not on the list, but being willing to give up time and effort, and to put her needs first, will go a long way.

Dreams......Whats life without them ?

Just a few thoughts on a wet and windy Sunday.

(in reply to LadyAngelika)
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RE: The Power of Attraction - 11/22/2009 3:59:21 PM   
LadyAngelika


Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline
quote:

LadyAngelika asked me to merge her answers with any others. I like a challenge so i spent all day reading the other answers ( I am a slow reader ) Dreamerdreaming rightly added shared dreams and ambitions.

Well that was mighty sweet of you. Though I have to say that this thread did not get much response. Maybe as you said, I listed most of the common traits in my initial message.

I do appreciate your compiling. I thought of another one, maturity, though I'm sure it is implicit in that list.

Now I'm curious if you'll get any backlash about your survival of the species comment:
quote:

Some instincts are indeed basic, A woman will want a man who can give her healthy children, so the typical man she will look for will have a great figure and be strong and healthy, he will also be successful, as he needs to be the provider. A man will look for an attractive woman, as again this indicates healthiness. I know I may get bashed for saying that, but for both sexes being overweight is considered unhealthy, thats just a simple generalisation and I dont mean it unkindly ( see my pic lol )

So to sum up the above at an unconcious level we seek someone fit, healthy, and able to provide. I dont think this has much to do with our own choices as individuals, but the ingrained job of ensuring the survival of the species.


Oh well... it's your ass ;-)

- LA

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RE: The Power of Attraction - 11/22/2009 4:09:37 PM   
Politesub53


Posts: 14862
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		Survival of the species is something inherent in all of us to some degree. I recently saw a documentary on how much of our thinking on mating revolves from that. 

If i wanted my ass spanked I would just........beg.

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RE: The Power of Attraction - 11/22/2009 4:20:38 PM   
Eivarden


Posts: 101
Joined: 4/15/2009
Status: offline 		I almost found that list insulting... but w/e.

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RE: The Power of Attraction - 11/22/2009 4:23:32 PM   
Politesub53


Posts: 14862
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Eivarden

I almost found that list insulting... but w/e.



How so ?  I am interested to know how we differ.

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