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Submissive Training. - 11/23/2009 12:57:50 AM

cyber

Posts: 32
Joined: 10/10/2006
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I am not very new in the realm of BDSM, and just experienced enough to know that the most difficult part of a D/S relationship is not using the whip, but it is the the psychological pattern and the mental play which put the submissive to the sub-space.

This will be more considerable for a 24/7 relationship where the power exchange should be maintained during the day to day life activities.

I am looking for practical guidelines, books or articles which provide tips based on real life experience (not fictions).

If you know any book or author who writes on the topic of D/S based on real experiences, please forward the link to me. This is one of those time that someone like me really appreciate a mentor!

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RE: Submissive Training. - 11/23/2009 1:58:33 AM

Focus50

Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: cyber

This will be more considerable for a 24/7 relationship where the power exchange should be maintained during the day to day life activities.

Well, yeah - which makes me wonder why there's a "need" to maintain a D/s dynamic through the everyday hum drum...? Too much of anything inevitably leads to tedium. Me, I like to let the batteries recharge - for both of us...!

Focus.

_____________________________

Never underestimate the persuasive power of stupid people in large groups. <unknown>

Your food is for eating, not torturing. <my mum> (Errm, when I was a kid)

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RE: Submissive Training. - 11/23/2009 2:05:39 AM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

If you go to the Alternative Lifestyles in the News section, there is a wonderful thread by ResidentSadist that is titled =BDSM Booklist=. You'll find a plethora of titles there.

Now, it could be the fact that I'm having a bit of insomnia tonight, but could you be a little clearer on the objective you are attempting to achieve?

< Message edited by LadyPact -- 11/23/2009 2:11:06 AM >

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

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RE: Submissive Training. - 11/23/2009 3:04:36 AM

elleX

Posts: 161
Joined: 10/24/2009
Status: offline

Dear cyber,
without hésitation i will recomend you this site ;http://www.enslavement.org.uk/
there is articles about internal enslavement and about submissive women
few articles are written by a psychiatrist
also this other site ; http://www.tanos.org.uk/
might help you a lot ,
take care
elleX

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RE: Submissive Training. - 11/23/2009 3:55:09 AM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
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Caveat: if you're reduced to assigning busywork then you aren't as dominant as you think you are. In this 24/7 relationship I know who holds most of the power simply because of the way I feel around him. He doesn't have to do anything to maintain it except be him.

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Cynical and proud of it!

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RE: Submissive Training. - 11/23/2009 5:14:38 AM

kanina

Posts: 147
Joined: 11/19/2009
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i don´t think i understood correctly but every training depends on the goals, for example if the Owner wants you to be more independent it would be different from a training to be more submissive...

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RE: Submissive Training. - 11/23/2009 5:42:21 AM

sunshinemiss

Posts: 17673
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*thread derailing....

Focus, good to see you again. Missed you.

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RE: Submissive Training. - 11/23/2009 12:28:27 PM

leadership527

Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: cyber
I am looking for practical guidelines, books or articles which provide tips based on real life experience (not fictions).

I have two thoughts:

a) You need to define what you mean, exactly, by training.
That word goes all over the map. For some, it is teaching how one likes one's tea served. For others, it is teaching how to perform (and maybe enjoy) a wide variety of sexual exploits. For me, it means teaching Carol about her submissive side. I am helping her to submit more fully when that is the right thing and less fully when it is not.

b) Just like dog training, it's training yourself, not the sub.
In my general experience, most humans automatically defer to a dominant personality in any context whatsoever. They will do so deeply to a dominant personality they also asess as benevolent. It's a people thing... not even a sub thing really. In my opinion, if you train yourself to be a skilled, respected, and benevolent leader, then most of the "training" required for the sub is simply to recognize that fact.

My personal favorite reading comes from the business section of the bookstore. Look up books on management & leadership. The fact that those books were written for a business context doesn't obviate the fact that there's a lot of background them... it's just a contextual switch to do it in the relationship as opposed to work place. For a short read, one of my personal favorites is Colin Powell's leadership primer.

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I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

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RE: Submissive Training. - 11/23/2009 3:11:09 PM

cyber

Posts: 32
Joined: 10/10/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

Caveat: if you're reduced to assigning busywork then you aren't as dominant as you think you are. In this 24/7 relationship I know who holds most of the power simply because of the way I feel around him. He doesn't have to do anything to maintain it except be him.

This is so true.

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RE: Submissive Training. - 11/23/2009 3:27:12 PM

cyber

Posts: 32
Joined: 10/10/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

Now, it could be the fact that I'm having a bit of insomnia tonight, but could you be a little clearer on the objective you are attempting to achieve?

The objective here is to move from casual play to living togather.

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RE: Submissive Training. - 11/23/2009 3:46:10 PM

MasterFireMaam

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline

Check out the books in my signature.

Master Fire

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The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

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RE: Submissive Training. - 11/23/2009 4:10:20 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
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quote:

ORIGINAL: cyber

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

Now, it could be the fact that I'm having a bit of insomnia tonight, but could you be a little clearer on the objective you are attempting to achieve?

The objective here is to move from casual play to living togather.

In My opinion, you're skipping a couple of steps there. That could be due to the fact that I term 'casual play' as a top/bottom scenario where there isn't necessarily a dynamic involved. I would be establishing the D/s first before I moved someone into My house. Then again, that's just Me.

In the methods that I favor, I tend to think the physical really comes last. Establishing D/s on a mental and emotional level is really before the moving in part. Having him submit to Me in the heart and the mind is more important than the street address. My boy is currently located half a world away. This doesn't negate the fact that I have authority over him. There's no doubt that he submits, even though he isn't in the same four walls.

Can I tell you how I created that dynamic? Not exactly. I could share with you what methods I employed to derive that result. Whether or not they would work for you is a crap shoot. My boy isn't your girl (I assume) therefore, there's no guarantee it would foster the same feelings of submission, obedience, loyalty, or relinquishing of authority in her. Not to mention, it would be a hell of a lot of typing work on My part.

Thankfully, a number of authors have already taken the time to do such a thing. MFM's booklist is rather good, as well as the one that I mentioned by ResidentSadist. That, and I'd suggest reading and participating here more often. For those of us not willing to write books all at once on the matter, you'll find that bits and pieces come out in threads from time to time. Somewhere in those 9,000 plus posts of Mine, there are a few mentions of things such as protocol and ritual, establishing trust, compatibility, and I can't tell you how many other topics where I and other posters have had the opportunity to expand our thoughts on the matter and what works for us. There's a wealth of information out there.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to cyber)

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RE: Submissive Training. - 11/23/2009 11:00:07 PM

pompeii

Posts: 934
Joined: 1/4/2007
From: Silicon Valley, San Jose, California
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quote:

ORIGINAL: elleX
i will recomend you this site

Methinks women generally recommend the literature; whereas we men go for the pics!
Interesting. Very interesting.

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RE: Submissive Training. - 11/24/2009 1:54:40 AM

Focus50

Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: sunshinemiss

*thread derailing....

Focus, good to see you again. Missed you.

Well thankya muchly... :-)

I've actually been onsight most days but have found it really difficult to get into the recent crop of topics on offer. Some sort of writer's block, perhaps?

Naaaah, surely it couldn't be moi...? lol

Focus.

_____________________________

Never underestimate the persuasive power of stupid people in large groups. <unknown>

Your food is for eating, not torturing. <my mum> (Errm, when I was a kid)

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