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Let's talk humiliation - 11/24/2009 5:49:53 AM

jrdnwill

Posts: 1
Joined: 11/7/2009
Status: offline

some background
... i haven't had more than my ankles deep in the broad ocean that constitutes the BDSM community and i suddenly find myself in a relationship where the option to express myself in a dominant and powerful manner sexually is available and, on both ends, encouraged. my once-thought wide understanding of the lifestyle has been immediately narrowed to the few kinkster things i've dabbled in. the relationship i am in is tremendously strong and we are consistently pushing the boundaries of trust and the are excited to discuss some very broad concepts and agree to push limits ...
no do not laugh, but of the many paths laid at our feet, the winding road of humiliation keeps coming up and i find my self as a funny dominant, unable to purposely humiliate the person to whom i make love. i can talk about it and tease and devise a scene for the sake of foreplay i.e. texting while she's working or leaving messages laden with sexual humiliation, but when it comes time to swing i feel more like casey at the bat. so my question is two fold: where should i begin as i feel totally unversed in humiliating a person and how do i detach myself from the meaning of what's coming out of my mouth because it is something i am very interested in but just cannot get around?

-jrdn
sigma eta epsilon lambda beta psi

Post #: 1

RE: Let's talk humiliation - 11/24/2009 5:52:16 AM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline

Translation: OP wants to humiliate and finds it hard.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to jrdnwill)

Post #: 2

RE: Let's talk humiliation - 11/24/2009 6:00:48 AM

EbonyWood

Posts: 2044
Joined: 7/8/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: jrdnwill

i suddenly find myself in a relationship .......

..........we are consistently pushing the boundaries -jrdn

I'm confused.

Sounds like a new relationship...and then it isn't.

Step 1. Get your story straight.

Step 2. Punctuate.

(in reply to jrdnwill)

Post #: 3

RE: Let's talk humiliation - 11/24/2009 6:02:24 AM

rockspider

Posts: 633
Joined: 9/26/2009
Status: offline

Well check down the local bookstore. Look for "Humiliation for dummies"

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Post #: 4

RE: Let's talk humiliation - 11/24/2009 6:13:11 AM

ranja

Posts: 2111
Joined: 11/1/2007
Status: offline

Make her blush and shy... and enjoy watching her embarrassment...

(in reply to jrdnwill)

Post #: 5

RE: Let's talk humiliation - 11/24/2009 6:24:13 AM

Rochsub2009

Posts: 2536
Status: offline

quote:

Espanol Deutsch Francais Italiano Portugues

quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven
Translation: OP wants to humiliate and finds it hard.

Thanks for the translation. i stopped reading his message because i had no idea what he was trying to say.

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Post #: 6

RE: Let's talk humiliation - 11/24/2009 6:37:19 AM

lizi

Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
Status: offline

Then why do it? There are so many other things to explore together, why get hung up on being successful with everything? Plus some things that don't click right now may become more attractive and easy to do down the road after more time is spent together. Humiliation isn't for me, I can't say I'll always dislike it though, there may come a day....

(in reply to jrdnwill)

Post #: 7

RE: Let's talk humiliation - 11/24/2009 6:41:29 AM

Aylee

Posts: 24103
Joined: 10/14/2007
Status: offline

Fast reply ~

My suggestion would be to stop trying. Just let things progress. Maybe re-visit this idea in six months or so. No one is going to take away your domly card over this. You are not in a comfort zone for it at this point in time. Perhaps later you will be.

_____________________________

Ceterum censeo Carthaginem esse delendam

I don’t always wgah’nagl fhtagn. But when I do, I ph’nglui mglw’nafh R’lyeh.

(in reply to lizi)

Post #: 8

RE: Let's talk humiliation - 11/24/2009 7:23:33 AM

kanina

Posts: 147
Joined: 11/19/2009
Status: offline

Owner loves to humilliat me, and i love to be humilliated by Him (and only by Him) but if He didn´t enjoy it, it would not be done, simple...

(in reply to Aylee)

Post #: 9

RE: Let's talk humiliation - 11/24/2009 7:41:19 AM

agirl

Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline

In a way......it's the same as the texts. It's not damaging to you both ....you both come away with happy hearts and filthy minds. You might just need to have a go at it...it doesn't have to be what you *say* , it can be what you do.

agirl

(in reply to jrdnwill)

Post #: 10

RE: Let's talk humiliation - 11/24/2009 7:44:03 AM

BrokenSaint

Posts: 301
Joined: 10/30/2007
Status: offline

Start small, figure out whether it's a problem with your comfort zone, or the headspace you're in at that particular moment. Sometimes it just takes a bit of work to get into that particular mindset. But it comes down to either it's part of you to enjoy it, or it isn't. None of us can tell you that.

_____________________________

In the name of progress,
In the name of madness
Drum beats faster
Crowd shouts louder
and chaos replaces order
VnV Nation - Nemesis

(in reply to kanina)

Post #: 11

RE: Let's talk humiliation - 11/24/2009 8:19:12 AM

Mercnbeth

Posts: 11766
Status: offline

quote:

i feel totally unversed in humiliating a person and how do i detach myself from the meaning of what's coming out of my mouth because it is something i am very interested in but just cannot get around?

The disconnect between the mental sexual/sensual idea of an act and the reality of doing it is a common crossroad. You happen to pick one of the many interactive sensations that swim in the "broad ocean that constitutes the BDSM community"; but it's no different than flogging, needle play, or single tail. It is a 'you' issue, but will only be a you problem if you and your partner let it be one.

There's two paths to forming a solution. The first is self focused, and is more likely to generated a pragmatic yes/no answer. You either like the 'humiliating' activities or not. You have to identify the source of your guilt and either quell it or control it. A person shouldn't do, and worse take pleasure, in causing 'discomfort' in their partner. It's socially unacceptable and politically incorrect. Well, get over it, or not; it will take introspection and resolution of an inner conflict. Desire versus 'upbringing' and social 'norms' (whatever they are); think about it, honestly determine your feelings and use the results to go forward, have fun and enjoy.

But what if it turns out that you really can't get your mind around the dichotomy of loving your partner while at the same time engaging in intercourse that 'humiliates' them? Well, if you love them or care for them, how much are you willing to do to show it? How much are you willing to do for them? This is called projection. Many practice this and have it as a primary motivation in their relationship, vanilla or rocky road.

As an example and keeping sex out of it; I hate shoe shopping. I love the way some of the shoes beth shops for look once purchased, but the process sucks. I don't have to put up with it, but I love her and care for her and she does, so I do it. I don't enjoy the process, but I enjoy the time spent with beth, enjoy her joy, I enjoy the results, so I have no problem doing it. Yeah, sometimes it gets a bit much and I pull the plug as I did in Italy after a week of shoe shopping, stopping at every store in Sorrento, Capri, and a bunch in Naples, determined that beth's shoe size, Euro 41, was only sold in specialty shops for cross dressing men. she had to suffer and instead of coming back with Italian shoes she compromised and came back with an Italian purse.

Don't "detach" yourself, involve yourself. Take the act, any act, out of the equation and participate in it for the joy it brings; either to you or your partner - hopefully both.

Anyway, that's my perspective and suggestions. Good luck!!

(in reply to jrdnwill)

Post #: 12

RE: Let's talk humiliation - 11/24/2009 8:39:29 AM

kanina

Posts: 147
Joined: 11/19/2009
Status: offline

Forgot something, when its over (the humilliation ) He hugs me and says He loves me

its so nice

(in reply to Mercnbeth)

Post #: 13

RE: Let's talk humiliation - 11/24/2009 9:27:07 AM

AnimusRex

Posts: 2165
Joined: 5/13/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven
Translation: OP wants to humiliate and finds it hard.

Oh, OK..got it.

Well given that- One of the nice things about being a Dominant, is that you are in charge; if you don't enjoy humiliating, and don't want to do it, then don't. You aren't there to provide service to her.

If on the other hand you want to do it, but find it difficult, then start slow, with little things; this is one case where erotic stories can be a good way of getting creative ideas and seeing what others do.

This is a relationship, not a obstacle course; you aren't obligated to explore every island and port in the "ocean of BDSM".

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Post #: 14

RE: Let's talk humiliation - 11/24/2009 9:39:57 AM

dreamerdreaming

Posts: 2839
Status: offline

Sounds like its just not your thing, OP.

If she's heavy into it, you may not be the best match for her.

_____________________________

Download SLAVE LOVER. Explicit BDSM porn, with a plot! A love story, on a FemDom planet! http://www.amazon.com/Slave-Lover-Chronicles-Book-ebook/dp/B0031ERBLI/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1261973416&sr=1

(in reply to jrdnwill)

Post #: 15

RE: Let's talk humiliation - 11/24/2009 9:54:00 AM

sexyred1

Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline

Just communicate with your partner. If the subject has been coming up, it sounds to me as if your partner wants that as part of what you do together. When I was with someone who had never done anything in the realm of BDSM, I gave actual examples of what would be fun, gave him erotic stories involving humiliation that I liked and generally kept it light.

He ended up being very good at dishing out sexual humiliation and it was all because I communicated to him, and he discovered he liked it.

Take it slow, there should be no rush.

(in reply to AnimusRex)

Post #: 16

RE: Let's talk humiliation - 11/24/2009 9:57:40 AM

ElectraGlide

Posts: 1246
Joined: 11/25/2005
From: Maryland
Status: offline

There is a fun way of doing humiliation also. I have been to good workshops on it. Its mild and its a mind thing. When you make your slave blush, you know its working. I made my slave go into the Wal-mart in her school girl skirt and no panties and get Subway Subs, I told her that I informed people working there that she would be wearing no panties when she got there at 7 P.M. , then when she brought them to work, I whispered in here ear that I told several people at work that was not wearing panties. She was blushing so much we were both laughing. It was fun. I can't remember his name but it was a great workshop, he takes his slave in Wal-mart and has her buy 5 things to fuck herself with and a tube of k-y jelly, then he picks the cashier and stands back while she is paying for the cucumbers etc. He said he made a comment at the checkout about the great toss salad she could make.

_____________________________

www.starhillcreations.com

(in reply to dreamerdreaming)

Post #: 17

RE: Let's talk humiliation - 11/24/2009 10:07:43 AM

GYPSYMAMBO

Posts: 660
Joined: 9/26/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: jrdnwill

how do i detach myself from the meaning of what's coming out of my mouth because it is something i am very interested in but just cannot get around?

-

THE MEANING can be what you want it to be..not what wikipedia says or anyone..else
THE WORDS can be for erotic/sexual stimulation...asserting power..reducing her to lowliness or to de-emphasise ego

If this is something you both wish then I would suggest to start
slow..I too had difficulty and liked to humble but not humilate..

What is erotic to some is humilating to another..for example golden showers..CD..panties on men...baked in fornt of others

So it is important for you to know what YOU mean by humilating..and what your sub feels is..
.
It sounds like the VERBAL??

so then
"ass up fukkin whore" etc..
"get your head down where it belongs..slut" or more hardcore

so again SLOW..
Test a few words...even softly as you spoke of while" making love"
"Sweet slut of mine..push back...."

THen take it further for you comfort level //
"COME here whore"

and you do not necessarily have to detach from what the words"mean" BUT USE THEM FOR YOUR Purpose..

also this may be something YOU DO NOT Like..
adn will modfiy how you "humilate"
I know I draw the line at verbally humilating bodies. cocks..race.. and religion
HATE IT

GM\

_____________________________

"Better served women will better serve the world"

** ** **

"A turd is still a turd even if it is shellaced!"

(in reply to jrdnwill)

Post #: 18

RE: Let's talk humiliation - 11/25/2009 11:41:53 AM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

If you're the dominant, then you decide what you want to do.

You don't like to humiliate women. So don't do it.

It really is that simple. Try bondage, try spanking, try predicament bondage, try mindfucks, try rape scenes, try electric play, try objectification, try tickling etc etc. Just try the stuff that both of you like.

And if her top favorite is being humiliated and degraded, and that's what you absolutely won't do? Then you aren't a good match.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to GYPSYMAMBO)

Post #: 19

RE: Let's talk humiliation - 11/25/2009 2:12:38 PM

persephonee

Posts: 5089
Joined: 12/15/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth

quote:

i feel totally unversed in humiliating a person and how do i detach myself from the meaning of what's coming out of my mouth because it is something i am very interested in but just cannot get around?

The disconnect between the mental sexual/sensual idea of an act and the reality of doing it is a common crossroad. You happen to pick one of the many interactive sensations that swim in the "broad ocean that constitutes the BDSM community"; but it's no different than flogging, needle play, or single tail. It is a 'you' issue, but will only be a you problem if you and your partner let it be one.

There's two paths to forming a solution. The first is self focused, and is more likely to generated a pragmatic yes/no answer. You either like the 'humiliating' activities or not. You have to identify the source of your guilt and either quell it or control it. A person shouldn't do, and worse take pleasure, in causing 'discomfort' in their partner. It's socially unacceptable and politically incorrect. Well, get over it, or not; it will take introspection and resolution of an inner conflict. Desire versus 'upbringing' and social 'norms' (whatever they are); think about it, honestly determine your feelings and use the results to go forward, have fun and enjoy.

But what if it turns out that you really can't get your mind around the dichotomy of loving your partner while at the same time engaging in intercourse that 'humiliates' them? Well, if you love them or care for them, how much are you willing to do to show it? How much are you willing to do for them? This is called projection. Many practice this and have it as a primary motivation in their relationship, vanilla or rocky road.

As an example and keeping sex out of it; I hate shoe shopping. I love the way some of the shoes beth shops for look once purchased, but the process sucks. I don't have to put up with it, but I love her and care for her and she does, so I do it. I don't enjoy the process, but I enjoy the time spent with beth, enjoy her joy, I enjoy the results, so I have no problem doing it. Yeah, sometimes it gets a bit much and I pull the plug as I did in Italy after a week of shoe shopping, stopping at every store in Sorrento, Capri, and a bunch in Naples, determined that beth's shoe size, Euro 41, was only sold in specialty shops for cross dressing men. she had to suffer and instead of coming back with Italian shoes she compromised and came back with an Italian purse.

Don't "detach" yourself, involve yourself. Take the act, any act, out of the equation and participate in it for the joy it brings; either to you or your partner - hopefully both.

Anyway, that's my perspective and suggestions. Good luck!!

Yeah, ....what Merc said....And, Midori has a great book on that subject, but i cant think of the title right off hand.

_____________________________

You be the Captain; i'll be no one.

And You can carry me away....if You want to. ~Kasey Chambers

E*Whore, extraordinaire....

Nothing is exactly as it seems~Nor, is it otherwise.

(in reply to Mercnbeth)

Post #: 20

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