Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

Community


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Mistress >> Community Page: [1]
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
Community - 11/28/2009 2:08:36 PM   
Wickad


Posts: 428
Joined: 3/12/2005
Status: offline 		Greetings,

I have a question for those who are active in their local communities.

How do you deal with the outright lies about your person that go on behind (and sometimes sideways of - lol) your back?

Recently, I have been made aware of a great many 'interesting' things being said about me that are absolutely untrue. I'm not really sure where these are coming from but I am a strong minded, independent, verbal person so I am pretty sure of the 'why' of it all, but I am still left wondering 'what to do now'? A great deal of our little patch of kinkyland is online (low population and vast distances) and don't have the opportunity to meet me in person to form their own independent opinions. It saddens me that many of these people might not attend something because of the misinformation that has been spread.

What to do?

Wickad
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Community - 11/28/2009 2:21:57 PM   
Underumam


Posts: 485
Joined: 12/18/2008
Status: offline 		What can you do when that stuff happens? Not much I'm afraid. If one tries to speak against it, they assume there's something to hide, if nothing is done, they assume its true. I've been there, done that and have the tee-shirt. lol. I guess its very important to believe in ourselves, and stand strong in the face of adversity.

I hope you can pass through this quickly, and without serious detriment.

Bonne chance!

(in reply to Wickad)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Community - 11/28/2009 2:26:09 PM   
Wickad


Posts: 428
Joined: 3/12/2005
Status: offline 		Greetings Underumam,

Yup, yup!! Those where the two options that I saw as well and I also didn't like the outcome of either - lol. I was hoping someone might have a third option - lol.

Thirds anyone .... Thirds ....

Wickad

(in reply to Underumam)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Community - 11/28/2009 2:31:09 PM   
Acer49


Posts: 1434
Joined: 8/7/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Wickad

Greetings,

I have a question for those who are active in their local communities.

How do you deal with the outright lies about your person that go on behind (and sometimes sideways of - lol) your back?

Recently, I have been made aware of a great many 'interesting' things being said about me that are absolutely untrue. I'm not really sure where these are coming from but I am a strong minded, independent, verbal person so I am pretty sure of the 'why' of it all, but I am still left wondering 'what to do now'? A great deal of our little patch of kinkyland is online (low population and vast distances) and don't have the opportunity to meet me in person to form their own independent opinions. It saddens me that many of these people might not attend something because of the misinformation that has been spread.

What to do?

Wickad


This kind of stuff goes on all the time. to your friends, they will or should believe in your innocense. to those that don't know you, some will give you the benefit of the doubt, for those that don't there is no loss as they are not worth your time anyway. I seriously doubt that you are so important that someone who not attend an event (no disrespect intended) simply because of you


_____________________________

Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one's definition of your life; define yourself.
Harvey Fierstein

(in reply to Wickad)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Community - 11/28/2009 2:34:40 PM   
Underumam


Posts: 485
Joined: 12/18/2008
Status: offline 		I guess sometimes there is no third option. I personally don't worry too much about gossip, as the purveyors usually meet with the fruits of the seeds they've sown. It's great fun to watch too!  lol.

(in reply to Wickad)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Community - 11/28/2009 3:52:27 PM   
devilishpixie


Posts: 1044
Joined: 10/15/2009
Status: offline 		I personally take it as flattery that someone takes the time to talk about me. Unless they are being totally out of line or hurting my family or loved ones I don't bother with the childish rumors or games. The people who know me, know me those that don't really don't matter to me.

(in reply to Underumam)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Community - 11/28/2009 4:23:49 PM   
zephyroftheNorth


Posts: 8159
Joined: 10/5/2009
From: The Great Frozen North
Status: offline 		See personally I would go with the say nothing option. Let them say/think what they will. People who do that kind of thing aren't worth a second thought.

Zeph


_____________________________

And there's a smile when the pain comes
The pain gonna make ev'rything alright ~ Black Crows

Team Troll Trollop
Member: Cocksuckers For World Peace
Charter member: Lance's Fag Hags
Member: Subbie Mafia
Member: Hibbie's Hotties

(in reply to Wickad)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Community - 11/28/2009 4:27:57 PM   
allthatjaz


Posts: 2878
Joined: 8/20/2008
Status: offline


Some people love nothing more than a bit of juicy gossip and if they are not doing it about you they will be doing it about someone else. Sadly people like this get some sort of high from trying to bad mouth another person and the gossipers feel in a safer and more united place.
Don't believe for a minute that people will stay away from a function because your going to be there and they don't like the gossip they have heard. It takes more than a bit of gossip about a person to keep them away from something they intended to go to.
If they do stay away then its their loss and your gain.
Don't rise to it. Just keep smiling and stick with the nice people

_____________________________

S&M (Steve and Maria) persona libre de convencionalismos


Fan of edgeplay.co.uk

(in reply to Wickad)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Community - 11/28/2009 5:38:58 PM   
Drifa


Posts: 547
Joined: 7/27/2007
From: Rural Texas
Status: offline 		Obviously someone told you something about these untruths. When Person A says such a thing in your hearing, turn to them immediately and ask them where exactly they got this information. Press firmly until they name name Person B as the originator.

The key on your end is to stay absolutely calm and unemotional about it, very businesslike. You know how it is when your boss calls you into their office to discuss work performance with you? You are playing the "boss" role here and you want the same professionalism. If you allow yourself to become emotional, cry, or be shrill, it becomes very easy to dismiss what you are saying. If you are calm and professional, then you have put them on the spot.

Next, go to Person B. Explain to them that Person A mentioned that Person B had said X, Y, and Z about you. Then say, "I wanted to come to you directly to see if that is, in fact, what you said, or if there has been a misunderstanding." And see what they say. If Person B says the rumor or lies started with Person C, repeat the process and talk directly to Person C about it.

Most people, dominant or sub, would generally rather have their toenails pulled out with white hot pliers than be confronted verbally this way. They may lie and deny, but if EVERY TIME these issues come up you have these talks, it provides an incredibly powerful incentive to stop the 5th grade gosspiy bullshit. Don't let a single mention pass, stay firm, polite, and calm during the talks.



(in reply to Wickad)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Community - 11/28/2009 5:56:46 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		To tell you the truth, I'd shrug it off.

Even as active as I like to be in the community, I don't get involved in the gossip, drama, political, on, and on, and on that can happen,  In fact, if there's too much of that happening, I'll go lengths to go to the community in the next area over.  As I told someone just last weekend, I would much rather drive twice as far to go to events that I know are going to be consistent and don't have the bs hanging over them.

On a personal level, these things can be addressed *without* involving the rest of the community.  Talk to the individuals that you believe this effects.  Do so through email or whatever, but don't bring the drama to the floor of one of the areas events.


_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to Drifa)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Community - 11/28/2009 8:17:30 PM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline 		There's been a festival of llamashit in our neck of the woods going on since summertime. I have found out that I have HATERS!! Little Me!! Evidently I am the biggest gossip in the East! (East side of Michigan). AND I am stuck up and snobby! There is another delightful rumour too, but it relates to a specific incident.

Now, I has a posse. NO ONE in my circle of friends has told me that any of this was going on, so I can only surmise that those who barely know me or do not know me at all are spreading the chit. What can I do to stop the "talk", what of it there is? Nothing. Who knows what other fantasies are being spread about me. I cannot stop the lies. Really, I do not care to. For one thing, HATERS!! It's kind of exciting that someone actually is talking about me behind my back, I always figure I go through the social world without leaving much of a ripple. For another, some folks gotta talk. It makes them feel good. The tough part for me is when someone who first met me maybe 14 yrs ago says to me after a munch, "Wow, you are nothing like I thought you were! I always figured you had your nose in the air!". Okayyyyyyyyy.....



_____________________________

[page 23 girl]



(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Community - 11/28/2009 11:52:54 PM   
Wickad


Posts: 428
Joined: 3/12/2005
Status: offline 		(fast reply)

Greetings,

Thank-you everyone for all the wonderful advice.

Just to clear something up ... the only thing happening in my neck of the woods is a munch, that I started. There are other folks who are looking to get stuff rolling here and I fully support them. Prior to this some people have boycotted events in an attempt to punish the organizers for socializing with people 'they' didn't like and then blamed the person they didn't like for making it so they couldn't go. This is a very small group and it is a real possibility that some folks would do the same thing in this case. *shakes head* This is the weirdest place I've ever lived.

However, that all being said, I agree with most of the posters that there is nothing I can do about other people's behaviour. The only thing I can do is take the higher road and rise above it all. I also refuse to not attend something because I think it might impact the event negatively.

Thank-you everyone for all your input. This thread has really helped me clear my head about this issue. I guess I always knew what to do but just felt a bit overwhelmed by the animosity of this gossip. Thank-you for bolstering my courage and reminding me that I am above this kind of base commentary.

Wickad

< Message edited by Wickad -- 11/28/2009 11:53:23 PM >

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Community - 11/29/2009 12:20:17 PM   
earthycouple


Posts: 4462
Joined: 2/19/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: devilishpixie

I personally take it as flattery that someone takes the time to talk about me. Unless they are being totally out of line or hurting my family or loved ones I don't bother with the childish rumors or games. The people who know me, know me those that don't really don't matter to me.



ditto

_____________________________

D~

Seeking, searching, hoping, living, loving, jumping. So what's new with you?

(in reply to devilishpixie)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Community - 11/29/2009 12:22:16 PM   
Underumam


Posts: 485
Joined: 12/18/2008
Status: offline 		If nobody's talking about you, you must not be doing very much...lol.

(in reply to earthycouple)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Community - 11/29/2009 12:38:50 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		You could ask your friends who is spreading lies about you. Slander is actionable if your find this sufficiently disturbing.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to Underumam)
Profile   Post #: 15
Page:   [1]
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Mistress >> Community Page: [1]
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.059