RE: Why do I get a different person when I talk to a Sub online? (Full Version)

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Lockit -> RE: Why do I get a different person when I talk to a Sub online? (11/29/2009 2:30:06 PM)

Why move so quickly to chat with them? I have found the faster I move to messenger with them... the more gamers I find. I slow it down, make them answer some questions and talk about their life or self or experience and don't have to waste one on one time talking to a wanker/troll or player.

Typically a player won't waste time on you by email and moves on to someone who will quickly move to one on one messenger style because they stand a better chance of finding someone willing to play online.



SubmissiveOinker -> RE: Why do I get a different person when I talk to a Sub online? (11/29/2009 2:39:05 PM)

Its always hard to find out if someone is for real or not, being words can say anything....it can say someone is tall instead of short or agreeable instead of unagreeable. People will say what they want others to hear, the only way to get to know if someone is for real is to take the time in getting to know them, but most people get impatient and don't want to do so. They want to rush into things, by the time they do so,it is then they realize the person isn't who they thought they were as they become far too reckless with their own decisions. I've been single and unowned for several years now, as I try to be careful in who I get involved with an follow my instincts.

Another aspect is some people may fantasize about something they think they want and then farther down the road realize it isn't something they want, experience can tell you what may happen. as a Submissive I find so many messaging me wanting to see me on cam, but not wanting to take the time to know me for who I am,rather than just the pig.



xssve -> RE: Why do I get a different person when I talk to a Sub online? (11/29/2009 2:40:49 PM)

Just wait til you meet them.

The internet allows you you to construct an idealized identity, few people can resist.



subonmission -> RE: Why do I get a different person when I talk to a Sub online? (11/29/2009 2:48:29 PM)

truth is all about perception isn't it, his perception of 8 inches is my rulers perception of 5......



KateyCaine -> RE: Why do I get a different person when I talk to a Sub online? (11/29/2009 11:02:42 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: kanina

[:)]and sometimes when you are not looking is when they appear [:)]



i couldn't agree more, kanina :)

k.



KateyCaine -> RE: Why do I get a different person when I talk to a Sub online? (11/29/2009 11:04:12 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: subonmission

truth is all about perception isn't it, his perception of 8 inches is my rulers perception of 5......


*bursts out laughing*



TimrehIX -> RE: Why do I get a different person when I talk to a Sub online? (11/30/2009 12:24:44 PM)

Some times building an online profile is like going to a buffet. It is tempting to list everything you are even vaguely interested in as though it is one of your prime interests. So when someone responds to your profile and they focus on your more extreme interests when you listed them in the hopes of crossing that kink off your list someday safely in the future. You start to reevaluate. You are still interested in the activity but now that it is a possibility in the immediate future you are not sure you are really up to it IRL. You don’t want to miss out on the chance to really do it though, so you don’t want to say “no.” So you try to back away from the scary kink but still keep the Dom(me) interested. 

The Dom(me) could call you a tease and to fuck off, or still be willing to play and help you expand your limits.



xssve -> RE: Why do I get a different person when I talk to a Sub online? (12/2/2009 5:57:29 AM)

True, the list is a crude tool at best - for any given kink it could be "after I get to know you, when I'm comfortable, when the time is right", etc., not five minutes after I meet you.

It's a lot to expect, someone to disclose their deepest darkest fantasies, even in a like minded community - Hell I'm dishing it out, and there are things I'm reluctant to advertise because they are highly discretionary.

But w/regard to the OP, I'm talking more about personality - it's easy to construct an optimal personality behind the anonymity of a computer screen, repressed sides of your personality can come out - you can be all sweetness and light online, when in RT you're a bitch on wheels, or a cynical curmudgeon.



Thatbastard -> RE: Why do I get a different person when I talk to a Sub online? (12/2/2009 9:34:29 PM)

Well, not to rain on anyone's hate-parades, or thick judgements, but I think part of it isn't so much the need for dishonesty as the desire to fit in and make a certain impression here, coupled with a lack of self knowledge. I mean who gets more interest from alot of dominants or submissives? Someone who honestly says they don't know what they're looking for and wants to experiment or someone who licks their lips, gives a steamy look, and says "I just love to (insert lurid act of your choice here)"

Lets face it, if creating a certain sort of image on here weren't vigerously rewarded by others, would so many people feel so hard pressed to create one?



Avralivia -> RE: Why do I get a different person when I talk to a Sub online? (12/3/2009 4:24:57 AM)

Pah, I have read so many posts like the OP's in my time (on other BDSM forums I might ass as I am new to posting here)

The net is full of fantasists, left handed typers, the married, the insane, the manipulative, and the out right liars.

However there are little gems sparkling in amongst the cess pit, keep wading and keep your chin up! It takes time and effort to find someone wwho is not only a *goodun* but also a good match for you.

P.S.  I find the best way is to treat it all a bit like an amusing game which can have a wonderful outcome, then the idiots dont get you down!!


(hmm am not used to having to click on the right box to quote from - just realise it says who I replied to...  I shall try harder in future! lol)



lally2 -> RE: Why do I get a different person when I talk to a Sub online? (12/3/2009 5:32:54 AM)

i genuinely think that people havent completely worked out what they want fully.

so they say they like the idea of water sports - fine, so someone comes along and says 'great ill piss in youre mouth and make you swollow' - the response is likely to be 'um no thanks' - one persons idea of a heavy flogging isnt the same as anothers, humiliation can be to so many different degrees and levels. so its all about interpretation and tastes very often.

as for the 'they dont really want a Dominant' that can be taken the same way. they might have a preconceived notion of what Dominance means to them and the effect it will have on them but along comes a Domme with very strong ideas of what she likes and you get an 'eek, no i dont want that!'

in the end the thing that sends subs runing for the hills in the early days is the actual realisation that handing over complete control is a much bigger leap than they first realised.



ReverendSauced -> RE: Why do I get a different person when I talk to a Sub online? (12/3/2009 4:36:45 PM)

Ah, the joys of honesty.

I'm a switch, I recognize that. I have less experience subbing, I recognize that too.

One thing I could imagine is a guy being so desperate for contact that they'll certainly *say* anything to get your attention, even when they're hoping they can kinda back out a bit once they've "got you."

That's why I'm just upfront about my limits - I know I'm worth it, so there's no need for games. I just got pm'd by someone demanding I do a webcam; great, very cute woman - not my thing, and not worth the drama of pretending it is. Obedience tests are one thing, trying to manipulate an encounter is another :)

Ah, but guys generally just have one thing on our minds.
Girls have it on their minds too, but they multitask better.



Wolf2Bear -> RE: Why do I get a different person when I talk to a Sub online? (12/3/2009 5:31:01 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: subonmission

become a lesbian, all men are liars ;)


Ah thank you so much for that vote of confidence!



Wolf2Bear -> RE: Why do I get a different person when I talk to a Sub online? (12/3/2009 5:56:33 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: lally2

i genuinely think that people havent completely worked out what they want fully.

so they say they like the idea of water sports - fine, so someone comes along and says 'great ill piss in youre mouth and make you swollow' - the response is likely to be 'um no thanks' - one persons idea of a heavy flogging isnt the same as anothers, humiliation can be to so many different degrees and levels. so its all about interpretation and tastes very often.

as for the 'they dont really want a Dominant' that can be taken the same way. they might have a preconceived notion of what Dominance means to them and the effect it will have on them but along comes a Domme with very strong ideas of what she likes and you get an 'eek, no i dont want that!'

in the end the thing that sends subs runing for the hills in the early days is the actual realisation that handing over complete control is a much bigger leap than they first realised.


Exactly. From what I have seem, a person is ever changing and growing throughout the course of their lives. Naturally a person's likes and dislikes are changes over time and this includes their interests in what they like in kink activities. Just because a person expresses an interest in a specific activity does not mean they will suddenly embrace that activity right off the bat.

I know of one guy who in a short 6 months went from not knowing a damn thing about a Master/slace dynamic and his attitude was "hell hasn't frozen over" where he'll be a slave to any man and then ended up being collared and moving across the border to live as a slave. At that time, his kink interests were plenty yet his actual experience was few. Guess what....3 months later he left that relationship and removed the collar. Fast forward to present day and you will see this same male who formerly identified as a slave now identifies as a switch, he now has a better understanding of exactly what he likes, what he loves and what he eventually desire to experiment before delegating certain activities as either yes or no bloody way. This is a good example of how a person changes and evolves and DOES NOT necessary mean they are stuck in a fantasy.

And btw...that person's experience I related above is myself. I make it a point that my profile here on on other kink oriented sites fairly and accurately describes me . As a side note; having a fairly accurate profile has allowed me to be accepted in a leather family in my area, has allowed a few dominant friends of mine look at me as more than just a fellow kinkster but as a potential sub and has allowed me to have a strong network and support system in my local area.



BalletBob -> RE: Why do I get a different person when I talk to a Sub online? (12/3/2009 7:27:00 PM)

They probably are. It is hard to tell anymore the way they dress. You can't tell the guys from the Lesbians.

Now sounds just as bad, as someone saying all men lie. There are some good men here who don't lie, and maybe some Lesbians that do too. All men should not be grouped together, like all Lesbians should not be grouped together. 

Being the best I can be, sub BalletBob



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