Should I be concerned with dom wanting pain slave w/o my involvement?

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Should I be concerned with dom wanting pain slave w/o m... - 11/28/2009 9:05:59 PM

submissive2pleas

Posts: 4
Joined: 11/25/2009
Status: offline

I have been in D/s relationship for 9 months as a submissive. We were in love and exclusive, but things had been difficult for a few months. He seemed to be pulling back and I was asking constantly for his time, attention, etc. Recently, my Dom decided he needed a slave he could own. Not for anything other than using and more pain play than I can usually handle. I had some problems with this as the relationship was started in secret and I found out. I was open to being part of three, but had some requests. Instead of entertaining these, he just shut me down, said he wasn't sure he was ready for a serious relationship...yadda, yadda. I was devastated. Now we are talking, but he still seems unsure...he sometimes says he doesn't think he is good for me. As a sub, I am just not sure what to make of it. Do I just give him space, or tell him to leave me alone...is this something anyone else has experienced...a Dom wanting a slave on side of primary sub relationship. How can I navigate? Help

< Message edited by submissive2pleas -- 11/28/2009 9:07:31 PM >

Post #: 1

RE: Should I be concerned wiht dom wanting pain slave w... - 11/28/2009 9:09:10 PM

sexyred1

Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline

Only you can figure out how to navigate and what you will put up with. For me, I would never be involved with someone on the side. He does not sound like he is open to communication, and to me that is a huge issue in itself.

(in reply to submissive2pleas)

Post #: 2

RE: Should I be concerned wiht dom wanting pain slave w... - 11/28/2009 9:12:14 PM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline

Let's count:

1. He's retreating and you're pushing for more of his time.
2. He had an affair on the side, cheating on you.
3. When you found out, you asked to have conditions and he ignored you.
4. He said he's not ready for a serious relationship. After nine months with you.
5. Sometimes he says that he doesn't think he's right for you.

I'm not sure why you have a hard time understanding. It sounds to me like he's moved past the relationship with you and is staying in it only because he likes the sex or doesn't have the guts to call it off.

I'd leave. But only you can decide if this is worth saving.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to submissive2pleas)

Post #: 3

RE: Should I be concerned with dom wanting pain slave w... - 11/28/2009 9:12:26 PM

JustSayin

Posts: 4
Joined: 5/31/2009
Status: offline

I'm not good for you = i wish you would go away.

it's not you, it's me = i'm just not that into you.

you are too demanding = i'm just not that into you.

i'm not ready for a srs relationship = i'm just not that into you

i'm can't give you what you need, i'm bad news, ect = i wish you would go away.

(in reply to submissive2pleas)

Post #: 4

RE: Should I be concerned wiht dom wanting pain slave w... - 11/28/2009 9:22:24 PM

lookingforsame

Posts: 4
Joined: 4/29/2009
Status: offline

This story sounds familiar. i too had a "Dom" like this. Actually he was just a player. My 'relationship' with him lasted about 6 mths. i have now met a wonderful "Dom" who is showing me what a real man and Dom is all about. One who protects you body and soul. One who thinks of you first, your training and needs, not his. i would move on from this so-called Dom, he is only going to hurt you in the end. Turn the tables, be brave and move on,i did, and it led me to the right one. i hope the same happens for you...............

(in reply to sexyred1)

Post #: 5

RE: Should I be concerned with dom wanting pain slave w... - 11/28/2009 9:22:53 PM

JustSayin

Posts: 4
Joined: 5/31/2009
Status: offline

yea

< Message edited by JustSayin -- 11/28/2009 9:23:29 PM >

(in reply to JustSayin)

Post #: 6

RE: Should I be concerned with dom wanting pain slave w... - 11/28/2009 9:27:13 PM

tsatske

Posts: 2037
Joined: 3/9/2007
From: Louisville, KY
Status: offline

what would you do if this were a vanilla relationship? being a sub does not give a Dom the right to treat you like a piece of shit beyond the negotated ways which feel good to you, though others might find it 'shitty treatment'. this does not sound like an example of that. this doesn't feel good to you.

Oh, and, newsflash - that other girl is not just a piece of meat he beats on. she has the same expectations and demands you do, and, since she is still around, odds are they are being met. In other words, she is getting the time, attention, affection, conversation, friendship, dates, aftercare, cuddling. emotion, ect, ect, that you are going begging for. quit fooling yourself and telling yourself she is a punching bag. i promise, she is much, much more; and she is getting everything you are going without.

in other words - cheating is cheating, rather the flavor is vanilla, rockyroad or pistachio

_____________________________

“If you never did you should. These things are fun and fun is good”
~Dr. Seuss quote

(in reply to JustSayin)

Post #: 7

RE: Should I be concerned with dom wanting pain slave w... - 11/28/2009 9:33:51 PM

breatheasone

Posts: 4004
Joined: 7/14/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: submissive2pleas

I have been in D/s relationship for 9 months as a submissive. We were in love and exclusive, but things had been difficult for a few months. He seemed to be pulling back and I was asking constantly for his time, attention, etc. Recently, my Dom decided he needed a slave he could own. Not for anything other than using and more pain play than I can usually handle. I had some problems with this as the relationship was started in secret and I found out. I was open to being part of three, but had some requests. Instead of entertaining these, he just shut me down, said he wasn't sure he was ready for a serious relationship...yadda, yadda. I was devastated. Now we are talking, but he still seems unsure...he sometimes says he doesn't think he is good for me. As a sub, I am just not sure what to make of it. Do I just give him space, or tell him to leave me alone...is this something anyone else has experienced...a Dom wanting a slave on side of primary sub relationship. How can I navigate? Help

He CHEATED on you...tells you AFTER NINE MONTHS hes not ready for a relationship?? OMG!!! Please know i am SO sorry you were treated this way, and theres nothing you can do to undo it. What you can do is control how you react, how you allow yourself to be treated. If you allow yourself to be lied to, cheated on, and trifled with, then you are telling this man that kind of treatment is A-ok with you.

_____________________________

Romans 10:13,For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.
Mike posts in black font
candy posts in pink font

(in reply to submissive2pleas)

Post #: 8

RE: Should I be concerned with dom wanting pain slave w... - 11/28/2009 10:00:47 PM

KateyCaine

Posts: 274
Joined: 5/7/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: JustSayin

I'm not good for you = i wish you would go away.

it's not you, it's me = i'm just not that into you.

you are too demanding = i'm just not that into you.

i'm not ready for a srs relationship = i'm just not that into you

i'm can't give you what you need, i'm bad news, ect = i wish you would go away.

Well put !!

_____________________________

Proud to be owned and cherished by Master Charles (Gauge)

i wear His collar on my heart; and wherever i am, i know He is with me.

His love and my devotion and service to Him are stronger than leather or steel.

(in reply to JustSayin)

Post #: 9

RE: Should I be concerned with dom wanting pain slave w... - 11/28/2009 10:14:30 PM

Renee7852

Posts: 88
Joined: 11/12/2007
Status: offline

*sigh* If you were in Florida and his name was George I would say RUN...DON"T WALK AWAY from this "relationship". Sounds exactly like the Dom I was with for nearly 7 years. He was great at 2 things ...His S/M play & lying. Unfortunately his play was so damn good I stayed and wasted alot of years in a relationship that could never go anywhere due to trust issues. He was truly the most gifted liar I ever met. He also just wanted a painslut on the side as I am not that into pain. Well he found one, and more than pain play occurred. btw...she was a sister subbie who I was close friends with. :( Hope you find a deserving Dom who will treat you right. :)

(in reply to KateyCaine)

Post #: 10

RE: Should I be concerned with dom wanting pain slave w... - 11/28/2009 10:24:37 PM

AnimusRex

Posts: 2165
Joined: 5/13/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: KateyCaine

quote:

ORIGINAL: JustSayin

I'm not good for you = i wish you would go away.

it's not you, it's me = i'm just not that into you.

you are too demanding = i'm just not that into you.

i'm not ready for a srs relationship = i'm just not that into you

i'm can't give you what you need, i'm bad news, ect = i wish you would go away.

Well put !!

Crikey- She cracked our code!

(in reply to KateyCaine)

Post #: 11

RE: Should I be concerned with dom wanting pain slave w... - 11/28/2009 11:06:34 PM

Valyraen

Posts: 746
Joined: 2/14/2007
Status: offline

This is a new development? It's always been my understanding that women have known about those code words for years.

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There is no creature more loving than a hungry cat.

Valyraen in ValyraenandAqua

(in reply to AnimusRex)

Post #: 12

RE: Should I be concerned with dom wanting pain slave w... - 11/28/2009 11:10:38 PM

PhoenixAscendant

Posts: 18
Joined: 5/8/2008
From: A bottle of arsenic and a murderous intent
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: AnimusRex

quote:

ORIGINAL: KateyCaine

quote:

ORIGINAL: JustSayin

I'm not good for you = i wish you would go away.

it's not you, it's me = i'm just not that into you.

you are too demanding = i'm just not that into you.

i'm not ready for a srs relationship = i'm just not that into you

i'm can't give you what you need, i'm bad news, ect = i wish you would go away.

Well put !!

Crikey- She cracked our code!

Bah! I've been using the code myself to men for years.. Only I was being serious in saying "I'm not good for you." They just never listened... *rolls eyes at the stubborn mindedness of some men*

At the OP... If it were me I'd see if I couldn't talk to the other woman... Which might open a whole new can of worms, but I'd want to know just what she was getting before making a final choice (whether to leave or not....), though whatever she said, I'd be leaning towards leaving since he HID his involvement with this slave, only admitting when you brought your knowledge of the situation to light...

< Message edited by PhoenixAscendant -- 11/28/2009 11:21:30 PM >

_____________________________

My heart's light is a wolf's soul.
My soul is a panther's memory.

-Corrupt me. You know you want to. ;p-

(in reply to AnimusRex)

Post #: 13

RE: Should I be concerned with dom wanting pain slave w... - 11/29/2009 3:16:57 AM

Elizabeth666

Posts: 288
Joined: 10/14/2009
Status: offline

He cheated on you and broke your trust. He's shutting you out and making different excuses "I'm not good for you" "I'm not ready for a relationship"

He has already hurt you. Do you want more?

It's totally up to you what you want to do with this situation, but in my opinion no one deserves being hurt and lied to.

(in reply to PhoenixAscendant)

Post #: 14

RE: Should I be concerned with dom wanting pain slave w... - 11/29/2009 8:23:17 AM

sweetnurseBBW

Posts: 2464
Joined: 1/26/2006
From: North Carolina
Status: offline

If your agreement was to be mono with each other then only you can decide if you can deal with it. It sounds like to me he just isn't wanting to have a relationship right now from what you posted. I sure wouldn't want to be with anyone that didn't want me. Good luck to you?

_____________________________

Sir Pain's pain slut

(in reply to submissive2pleas)

Post #: 15

RE: Should I be concerned with dom wanting pain slave w... - 11/29/2009 8:38:15 AM

theRose4U

Posts: 3403
Joined: 8/22/2005
Status: offline

quote:

He has already hurt you. Do you want more?

It's totally up to you what you want to do with this situation, but in my opinion no one deserves being hurt and lied to.

This is one of those situations where "thank you Sir can I please have another" is the WRONG ANSWER!!!

_____________________________

Finding a good sub is like sifting through trail mix. You find a few fruits, a lotta nuts and have to sift to get to the sweet and special ones
drama llama

(in reply to Elizabeth666)

Post #: 16

RE: Should I be concerned with dom wanting pain slave w... - 11/29/2009 8:47:16 AM

Lucienne

Posts: 1175
Joined: 9/5/2009
Status: offline

OP, your post is painful to read. Because you're being so willfully oblivious and because I've done the same thing. Not the exact same circumstances, but the whole denial thing. If a friend came to you and presented these circumstances, would you seriously respond with anything other than "you need to walk away from this man"? It's just wrong from top to bottom. You must know that somewhere deep down inside. Instead of wondering if you should stay with him, ask yourself why you have stayed with him this long. You're getting something out it. Figure out what that "it" is and figure out a healthy way to go get it.

Been there. Done that. Sincerely hoping you pull your head out of your ass quicker than I did. Good luck. :)

(in reply to submissive2pleas)

Post #: 17

RE: Should I be concerned with dom wanting pain slave w... - 11/29/2009 8:52:06 AM

LPslittleclip

Posts: 1163
Joined: 9/29/2007
Status: offline

if the dynamic has changed and not to your liking then ask to be released or just go away on your own since he has broke the rules then you dont have to stay.

_____________________________

proud to serve the awsome
LadyPact

(in reply to Lucienne)

Post #: 18

RE: Should I be concerned with dom wanting pain slave w... - 11/29/2009 11:52:48 AM

Elisabella

Posts: 3939
Status: offline

No no, you got the code wrong. "I'm not good for you" means "I'm using you for sex and have no desire to have a future with you, but I'm not going to come out and tell you this because then I won't be having sex with you anymore, but I have a bit of conscience so I'm going to tell you I'm a bad person in very generic terms so if you ever get mad at me in the future for not being what you want me to be I can tell you I have told you this from the beginning."

< Message edited by Elisabella -- 11/29/2009 11:53:04 AM >

(in reply to LPslittleclip)

Post #: 19

RE: Should I be concerned with dom wanting pain slave w... - 11/29/2009 12:09:13 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

He's already told you he doesn't want that much time with you. You aren't the primary relationship. Up to you to decide if you want to be a third until he ends it entirely.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to Elisabella)

Post #: 20

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