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Help me please - 11/29/2009 7:22:17 AM   
slavetrainer24


Posts: 1
Joined: 11/7/2009
Status: offline 		What do you want to hear?
 I am struggling getting any replies or messages. I have only been using this site for about a month but still I was hoping I would have at least had a good conversation with someone by now. Can some one please help me with what you think I should put on my profile? or what would be a good hello message to send someone?
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Help me please - 11/29/2009 7:38:57 AM   
lucylucy


Posts: 612
Joined: 3/1/2009
Status: offline 		Your profile doesn’t tell me anything about you and what you’re looking for beyond a very generic headline. I’m in a relationship, but hypothetically, if I were looking for someone to submit to, I would want to know why I should submit to you instead of some other dominant. What sets you apart? I don’t mean that you should bash other doms, but give me a sense of what a day with you would be like.

Good luck.


_____________________________

“There are those who give with joy, & that joy is their reward.” Gibran / "Those who are willing to be vulnerable move among mysteries." Roethke / "Let the beauty we love be what we do. There are hundreds of ways to kneel & kiss the ground." Rumi

(in reply to slavetrainer24)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Help me please - 11/29/2009 7:56:26 AM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		Your picture shows nothing about you, really.  Bad angle and the red lighting hides your face.

Your profile says you want someone for keeps.  It says nothing about what kind of woman you want, what kind of man you are, what experience you've had, or what kind of relationship you envision.  And then your one journal entry sounds like it could be a whine - it's definitely not Domly to make that comment.

As my buddy lucylucy says, you need to put something in your profile that says something, not just "Here I am, come get me."

Here are some of the best hello messages I have sent:

"Okay, you stated that you live for Judaism and Mormonism both.  How does that work?"

(To littlewonder) "Is that you in the profile pic?  How did you get a picture of you with your hair like that?"  (Note that littlewonder was and is taken and my message respected that.  I expected for and received nothing more than a little cmail chat with her.)

Note that I've struck out a lot of times as well.  I don't always get a response.  And I've often started conversations with women that I know not to be compatible with me just for the chat, because I thought they'd be fun to communicate with.




_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to lucylucy)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Help me please - 11/29/2009 8:00:58 AM   
zephyroftheNorth


Posts: 8159
Joined: 10/5/2009
From: The Great Frozen North
Status: offline 		I'm with the others; I read your profile....what little there is of one....shrugged and said soooo? You really need to work on it, flesh it out. It's helpful to know what a dom is looking for so that I know if it would be a good use of my time to contact him. There's really no point if we aren't compatible.

Zeph


_____________________________

And there's a smile when the pain comes
The pain gonna make ev'rything alright ~ Black Crows

Team Troll Trollop
Member: Cocksuckers For World Peace
Charter member: Lance's Fag Hags
Member: Subbie Mafia
Member: Hibbie's Hotties

(in reply to slavetrainer24)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Help me please - 11/29/2009 8:06:37 AM   
sirsholly


Posts: 42360
Joined: 9/7/2007
From: Quietville
Status: offline 		i read it too...and it is rather bland.

Bland is polite for boring.

If i were looking, i would see no reason to contact or communicate with you.


_____________________________

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TECHNO-DOLT
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GRACEFULLY CHALLENGED :::::splat:::::
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GIVES GOOD HEART (Lushy)

CREATOR OF MAYHEM (practice)


(in reply to slavetrainer24)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Help me please - 11/29/2009 8:20:39 AM   
sweetnurseBBW


Posts: 2464
Joined: 1/26/2006
From: North Carolina
Status: offline 		I agree with the others. It says noting about you, your interests, and what you are looking for.

_____________________________

Sir Pain's pain slut

(in reply to sirsholly)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Help me please - 11/29/2009 8:27:07 AM   
theRose4U


Posts: 3403
Joined: 8/22/2005
Status: offline 		There's a lot more to kink...especially when male, than here I am come and get me. With women on both sides of the kneel at a premium you have to market yourself. Why are you worth our time? What do you have to offer? Why coke over pepsi?

As for talking to people, umm here we are, we've been here for years talking to each other in this exact forum. Read, look, learn and apply our successes and mistakes. It may be YEARS before you meet your first sub and longer than that before you claim your first sub...let alone a real live female slave (the unicorn of the kink world). You're never going to attract unicorns using the same tired BS as bait that every other guy used before.

_____________________________

Finding a good sub is like sifting through trail mix. You find a few fruits, a lotta nuts and have to sift to get to the sweet and special ones
drama llama

(in reply to sirsholly)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Help me please - 11/29/2009 8:28:55 AM   
kanina


Posts: 147
Joined: 11/19/2009
Status: offline 		I always but always answer... i don´t actully get much mail  i get messages only saying: "hi" that led me to answer "hi" and then they vanish... some others ask me if i want a dom when i say i already have one they vanish... some  other just go for the "hi slut be mine" or the "doggy..." and then i answer in a bad way and they vanish...  or one they don´t get pics of me naked or cam sex they also vanish...


(in reply to zephyroftheNorth)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Help me please - 11/29/2009 8:34:52 AM   
theRose4U


Posts: 3403
Joined: 8/22/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kanina

I always but always answer... i don´t actully get much mail  i get messages only saying: "hi" that led me to answer "hi" and then they vanish... some others ask me if i want a dom when i say i already have one they vanish... some  other just go for the "hi slut be mine" or the "doggy..." and then i answer in a bad way and they vanish...  or one they don´t get pics of me naked or cam sex they also vanish...




Those are usually the guys typing one handed trying not to get any fluids on the keyboard.

_____________________________

Finding a good sub is like sifting through trail mix. You find a few fruits, a lotta nuts and have to sift to get to the sweet and special ones
drama llama

(in reply to kanina)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Help me please - 11/29/2009 8:48:47 AM   
lizi


Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
Status: offline 		This is a repeat comment but there is next to nothing in your profile. I would look at that and just go on to someone else where I could get a better picture of who I was dealing with.

Everything (except for one) you have listed in your interests is sexual - that always turns me off as it says nothing about you personally except how you like to get off. You do say you are looking for long term but the litany of sex related interests and the lack of detail in your profile says 'player' to me. You may be the best catch in the world but I'm just not getting that from the little you have posted.

One other thing I would say is that if you are trying to contact others and are sending out the one word emails (hi) or something that is obviously cut and pasted spam that may be hindering your progress as well. I'm thinking if you beef up the profile a bit to reflect who you are, get a better picture, and send out short but thoughtful emails you'll have success. For the emails remark on something in the profile you are responding to, be funny if possible (women like funny), polite (no kneel bitch messages), and ask a question - something she'd have to write you back to answer.

Something else you can do is use the search feature on this page (bottom right corner) to search for other threads on putting together an effective profile, there have been some good ones...I wish you luck

Edited to add another comment...OP, forgot to tell you that posting here in the message boards is a great way to get yourself out there and have potential s types get to know you. It works, when I was looking I contacted someone myself based on his postings in the forum in the hopes of getting to know him better.

< Message edited by lizi -- 11/29/2009 9:18:08 AM >

(in reply to slavetrainer24)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Help me please - 11/29/2009 8:51:03 AM   
CarrieO


Posts: 2432
Joined: 1/27/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: slavetrainer24

What do you want to hear?
 I am struggling getting any replies or messages. I have only been using this site for about a month but still I was hoping I would have at least had a good conversation with someone by now. Can some one please help me with what you think I should put on my profile? or what would be a good hello message to send someone?


You're looking for someone to "train and keep".  What does that mean?  What makes you different?  Do you have anything to offer outside of kink?  Can you post a photo that isn't so dark? 

In looking at your profile, I read nothing that stands out.  Nothing that makes you any different than the other men on here looking for kink. You have only one thing listed as a like that isn't kink.  Why should that appeal to any woman?  I would suggest you give a better idea of who you are and what you want and can offer outside of kink...unless that's all you want. 

I've always said, a profile is an advertisment and you are the product being sold.  It's all about marketing...can you market yourself in a trufhful manner?  When you contact a woman, do so as an adult...not as some HNG.  I had a man email me the other day asking me to explain my concept of switching and how it plays into a relationship for me.  He had taken the time to read some of my journal entries (older ones at that) and was curious.  We exchanged some very interesting emails that had absolutely nothing to do with sex (D/s, yes).  How do you approach a woman in real life?  Do you jump from "hello" to "on your knees bitch" or do you take to time to get to know her?  It's the same here.

Good luck.

_____________________________

"No matter what happens in the kitchen, never apologize"~Julia Child~


(in reply to slavetrainer24)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Help me please - 11/29/2009 9:09:35 AM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		NOTE:  OP has changed his profile and I'm reviewing it freshly now.

OP, the comments I made above about your pic and journal entry still hold.

I'd delete the first paragraph of your profile.  Sounds like wank material and makes you look like a wannabe.  Plus, I'll be damned if I'd head out in a rainy night and freeze my rump off to play with a sub!

I love the first sentence of your second paragraph.  Direct and simple. The second sentence sounds to me like "I'm looking for the perfect sub but have no idea what that is, so I'm leaving it to you".  I like the third sentence, but have an issue with the "All I ask" in the fourth,  I'd be more assertive - "You need to enjoy bondage and restraint play, impact play, and serving."  (I added impact play because so much of your likes revolve around it.)  Or better, "You may expect bondage and restraint play..."


_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to CarrieO)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Help me please - 11/29/2009 9:23:29 AM   
CarrieO


Posts: 2432
Joined: 1/27/2008
Status: offline 		OP,

I agree with DarkSteven...lose that whole first paragraph and try to keep in mind how unappealing most women find HNGs. 

The list of loves/likes advice is the same for me...do you have anything more than kink to offer?

Actually, let's just say I agree with what DarkSteven wrote! 

Also, lose the swearing in any part of your profile...huge turn-off and it only makes you appear to lack the ability to carry on an intelligent conversation.  Remember...you're selling yourself...would you buy what you have to offer?  Does it sound realistic or wanky? 

_____________________________

"No matter what happens in the kitchen, never apologize"~Julia Child~


(in reply to DarkSteven)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Help me please - 11/29/2009 10:55:59 AM   
lizi


Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
Status: offline 		OP, I like the new revisions you have made to your profile. I must say it's very refreshing to see someone come here and ask for advice without whining and then take it to heart. You really give me the sense that you are serious about your search and that bodes well for a happy ending.

One thing that I would consider that may take a bit more time is to replace your picture with something that shows you off to a better advantage. And I would include your interests again...rather than just leave them off I would include more non sexual items along with the sexual ones to give the idea of you being a well rounded person.

(in reply to slavetrainer24)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Help me please - 11/29/2009 11:00:52 AM   
Elizabeth666


Posts: 288
Joined: 10/14/2009
Status: offline 		I agree with the comments about your picture. No offense, but by picture alone, I would go right past your profile, the picture is a little creepy.

Also, filling out the interests. From what I read, it sounds like you changed your profile and I did not see the original but you should include what you're into and such.

(in reply to lizi)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Help me please - 11/29/2009 11:15:49 AM   
chiaThePet


Posts: 2694
Joined: 2/4/2007
Status: offline
I see nothing about the size of your penis.

How do you expect to make any headway.

What?

chia* (the pet)


_____________________________

Love is a many splendid sting.

You can stick me in the corner, but I'll probably just end up coloring on the walls.

(in reply to slavetrainer24)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Help me please - 11/29/2009 11:35:06 AM   
zephyroftheNorth


Posts: 8159
Joined: 10/5/2009
From: The Great Frozen North
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: chiaThePet


I see nothing about the size of your penis.

How do you expect to make any headway.

What?

chia* (the pet)



How uncharacteristically bad.....you feeling okay, Chia?


_____________________________

And there's a smile when the pain comes
The pain gonna make ev'rything alright ~ Black Crows

Team Troll Trollop
Member: Cocksuckers For World Peace
Charter member: Lance's Fag Hags
Member: Subbie Mafia
Member: Hibbie's Hotties

(in reply to chiaThePet)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Help me please - 11/29/2009 11:38:50 AM   
chiaThePet


Posts: 2694
Joined: 2/4/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: zephyroftheNorth

quote:

ORIGINAL: chiaThePet


I see nothing about the size of your penis.

How do you expect to make any headway.

What?

chia* (the pet)



How uncharacteristically bad.....you feeling okay, Chia?



I blame the Meat Lovers Pizza,

chia* (the pet)


_____________________________

Love is a many splendid sting.

You can stick me in the corner, but I'll probably just end up coloring on the walls.

(in reply to zephyroftheNorth)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Help me please - 11/29/2009 11:42:19 AM   
zephyroftheNorth


Posts: 8159
Joined: 10/5/2009
From: The Great Frozen North
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: chiaThePet

quote:

ORIGINAL: zephyroftheNorth

quote:

ORIGINAL: chiaThePet


I see nothing about the size of your penis.

How do you expect to make any headway.

What?

chia* (the pet)



How uncharacteristically bad.....you feeling okay, Chia?



I blame the Meat Lovers Pizza,

chia* (the pet)



Dammit Chia don't you know the "meat" on those things can best be described as "mystery meat".


_____________________________

And there's a smile when the pain comes
The pain gonna make ev'rything alright ~ Black Crows

Team Troll Trollop
Member: Cocksuckers For World Peace
Charter member: Lance's Fag Hags
Member: Subbie Mafia
Member: Hibbie's Hotties

(in reply to chiaThePet)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Help me please - 11/29/2009 11:44:27 AM   
Elisabella


Posts: 3939
Status: offline 		A lot of people here have told you what your profile should have, etc...because they're answering your question, but personally I reject the very premise of your question.

What do we want to hear? Who cares...what do YOU want to say? There's no "we" when it comes to submissives, we're all people, unique people with different desires, and if you're just looking for Generic Submissive X to fill Generic Empty Kneeling Spot Y then you're just going to end up spending a lot of money on pointless first dates.

Put yourself out there - boldly if you're bold, shyly if you're shy, sweetly if you're sweet, arrogantly if you're arrogant...make your profile reflect your personality, not your desire to have a girl in your life.

As for what we want to hear - the truth. Something about our profiles that doesn't sound forced. I get messages that say stuff like "Your profile says you're into the occult, what do you study?" and I rarely reply, because it sounds forced (if we shared the interest, I'd expect them to tell me about THEIR interest) and also I don't want to write a big explanation to someone if I don't know they're worth it. It just sounds to me like some dating coach told them "chicks like when you ask them stuff, so ask them a bunch of stuff and you'll get laid." These are also the same types of guys who insult girls in a bar because they think the girl will have a one night stand with them if they do. Hint: It doesn't work.

I guess the best advice I can give is to focus your mind on finding the perfect girl for you, and your writing will represent that. On a dating site there are so many guys who have a girlfriend-shaped hole in their life that they're looking to fill with anyone with approximately the right shape and temperment. Personally I look for the type of guy who would have no problem telling me we should just be friends, because he's looking for *his* match, not just *a* match.

Anyway I hope some of this helped. 6:45 AM is NOT when I have greatest mental clarity.

(in reply to chiaThePet)
Profile   Post #: 20
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