RE: Torturing the Willing (or the sado/maso contradiction) (Full Version)

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sklgmichael -> RE: Torturing the Willing (or the sado/maso contradiction) (4/19/2010 9:57:47 AM)

Is there a Domme or Switch female in Michigan that finds this area of amusement fulfilling?



LadyAngelika -> RE: Torturing the Willing (or the sado/maso contradiction) (4/19/2010 5:11:13 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: catize

quote:

Can you explain to me where this is coming from? Was there any point where I mentioned that you had to apologize for being a masochist?

It was not directed to you personally. But threads with this theme irritate me, and yeah, my bad, I start feeling defensive. The concept is often summed up in a phrase I have seen sprinkled throughout other threads:

Sado-Poster: “I don't want to be life support for a flogger.”

I usually think 2 things to myself: the first is: What the hell does that mean??? and the second thought is: Well, OK, then don't!

Lally summed up my thoughts rather well (thanks Lally!)
quote:

i think i kinda understand where she's coming from. in a way the inferrance is that to enjoy pain means to some that youre in the 'do me' bracket - and for a sub thats really irksome.

i dont see her submission to pain any differently to mine other than i struggle to get there and she doesnt (lucky moo! ) - she is still submitting herself to the pleasure of her Master/Dominant.


Yes, I made sure that the men I submit to are sadists because I know what I need. But in all the years I have known them, I have never asked for pain(unless they tell me to). They provide it because it is what they want to do, when they want to do it. They know what implements I enjoy and which ones are not my favorites. They use them all whenever they choose. And sometimes, our interactions don't involve pain play at all.
Again, it simply boils down to finding some one who meets our expectations and desires. I imagine it is more difficult to find someone who will accept pain without liking it.
And I do need to work on making this particular issue less of a 'hot-button' topic for me.


I can understand that you got defensive, it's totally natural. I was hoping this thread didn't turn into one of those threads.

I actually have more often then not been in relationships with masochists and I like to take my time to put them through their paces so that I can enjoy the slow climb, why? Well because what turns me on is the thrill of the hunt. That's really what this thread is about. It's about a hunger, not a put down of masos. It's really more about the sado's dilemma and how our own hunger can sometimes be an issue for us.

Believe, I've never yet met a maso upon whom I've laid my sadistic hands that that I haven't made push a limit yet, so I'm not too worried ;-)

- LA



catize -> RE: Torturing the Willing (or the sado/maso contradiction) (4/19/2010 6:12:39 PM)

quote:

That's really what this thread is about. It's about a hunger, not a put down of masos. It's really more about the sado's dilemma and how our own hunger can sometimes be an issue for us.


I can relate to that from the other side, wondering how far I could someday go, how much I could someday endure.. Yeah, sometimes what I dream about scares the crap out of me! But in fantasy, nobody ends up in the ER or the morgue or in jail
So in S+M, we settle for what can be done realistically. There are agonies that do no actual harm, and those are the places the sadists in my life take me.



LadyAngelika -> RE: Torturing the Willing (or the sado/maso contradiction) (4/19/2010 7:16:52 PM)

Indeed, the hunger stops before I damage my partner. Always.

- LA



catize -> RE: Torturing the Willing (or the sado/maso contradiction) (4/19/2010 7:28:26 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika

Indeed, the hunger stops before I damage my partner. Always.

- LA

I never doubted that!



MistressRouge -> RE: Torturing the Willing (or the sado/maso contradiction) (4/20/2010 1:13:54 AM)

If I were brutally honest, I would delight in inflicting My sadism on the unwilling.

However, My sadism is very satisfied with the willing :)



reynardfox -> RE: Torturing the Willing (or the sado/maso contradiction) (4/20/2010 2:16:56 AM)

I would not dream of laying hands on someone who didn't want me to.
I would also run naked through fire over broken glass before I would play with someone who simply wanted me to hurt them.
You should really indicate whether what they are looking for is play pain or the sort that can cause serious damage.
To inflict damage on someone who really, really craved it, is like being the instrument with which some poor soul wanted to commit self harm by proxy.
The stuff that stings and smarts, that's all good, in a previosuly agreed scenario.
I never do anything I haven't talked through with them first.
I have no wish to have my post play conversation in a Police interview room.



LadyAngelika -> RE: Torturing the Willing (or the sado/maso contradiction) (4/20/2010 2:21:54 AM)

reynardfox, I think I get the gist of your post but I'm not sure you got my OP. You might want to read through the thread.

- LA



AAkasha -> RE: Torturing the Willing (or the sado/maso contradiction) (4/20/2010 4:56:24 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika

reynardfox, I think I get the gist of your post but I'm not sure you got my OP. You might want to read through the thread.

- LA


Yes, do re-read it!  The OP isn't talking about that at all.

When femdoms talk about a little resistance, or about not torturing the willing, we're not talking about taking men against their will off the streets.  We're pointing out that for some of us the process of seduction is exhilarating.   To me, making a man do something that makes him feel vulnerable (but the payoff - of exciting me - makes it worth it to him) is the sweet spot of BDSM for me.  It doesn't mean I have to have a man who is having a horrible time, it means I want a man who understand the value of authentic vulnerability, and will work with me to get there.

I will even perfectly enjoy a man who can *fake it* if he's believable (this is where experienced bottoms are treasures).  But mostly, I find that men who are in touch with submission/bottoming/surrender recognize that they are often feeling a few conflicting emotions:  Excitement, glee, total arousal, adrenalin high, fear, nervousness, vulnerability and anxiety.  It's a matter of him having the savvy to recognize which of these emotions, when communicated to his partner, cause her the most excitement and satisfy whatever it is she is trying to safisfy. For me, it's pretty consistent, but it does vary depending on my mood.

Akasha



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