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dummy up - 11/29/2009 12:28:31 PM

NittyBit

Posts: 2
Joined: 11/29/2009
Status: offline

Hello to all,

This is not for the one that is into this solely for play or being in a scene involving negotiations.

I am interested to know your perspective on what you believe to be the definition of "dummy up" in regards to a relationship of the sort that includes bdsm, servitude and no boundaries? Do you feel that you should or do know why you do what you do? Why you search for the type of relationship that you do? Or is this purely about the hedonistic exercises that you can perform? What about dealing with a strong, evolved and self-aware slave, how do you deal with that, if at all?

I know these are a lot of questions. I ask simply because I constantly encounter the one that in order for me to proceed, I have to dummy up/down and I'm not necessarily referring to the intellectual. I am referring to the strength and awareness one has in regards to the whys. Understanding so deeply that there is no other way.

Post #: 1

RE: dummy up - 11/29/2009 12:32:26 PM

sexyred1

Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline

I don't deal with that at all. I don't "dummy up or down" in regards to anything, especially this.
I find self awareness a desirable trait in myself and anyone I am involved with. If someone is saying that in order to have a relationship with them you need to become less self aware, I would question that.

(in reply to NittyBit)

Post #: 2

RE: dummy up - 11/29/2009 12:35:10 PM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline

I took your post (and profile) to be alluding to the fact that the Doms you meet are nowhere near as smart as you and you have to tone yourself down. Then I ran across the last paragraph in your post and it makes me think that I need to ask you to dumb it down for me! And I have two graduate degrees!

Evidently you are using the terms "dumb down" and "dummy up" to refer to the fact that you have been asked to tone down your intensity? I'm at a loss to see why you chose those terms...

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The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

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(in reply to NittyBit)

Post #: 3

RE: dummy up - 11/29/2009 12:36:30 PM

dreamerdreaming

Posts: 2839
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I much prefer strong, evolved, self-aware people, over the ones who have amazingly little self-awareness. The non-self-aware people are aggravating, annoying, and they make it pretty much impossible to form a deep relationship with them due to: they don't even know themselves... One wonders how these people even made it to adulthood, with so little knowledge of their own inner workings...

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(in reply to NittyBit)

Post #: 4

RE: dummy up - 11/29/2009 12:38:53 PM

mnottertail

Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline

lol. a very self absorbed person, the op. looking only for an enabler, not a master of any sort.

Well, they are out there, so who cares, just harder to find, don't see any reason to be denigrating anyone over it....lot's like you out there, op, and lots like me........

go get em tiger. wish you well.......

Ron

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(in reply to DarkSteven)

Post #: 5

RE: dummy up - 11/29/2009 12:49:57 PM

sirsholly

Posts: 42360
Joined: 9/7/2007
From: Quietville
Status: offline

quote:

I am interested to know your perspective on what you believe to be the definition of "dummy up" in regards to a relationship of the sort that includes bdsm, servitude and no boundaries? Do you feel that you should or do know why you do what you do? Why you search for the type of relationship that you do?

i don't play games

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Post #: 6

RE: dummy up - 11/29/2009 12:53:42 PM

angelikaJ

Posts: 8641
Joined: 6/22/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: NittyBit

I ask simply because I constantly encounter the one that in order for me to proceed, I have to dummy up/down and I'm not necessarily referring to the intellectual. I am referring to the strength and awareness one has in regards to the whys. Understanding so deeply that there is no other way.

I see no need to dummy up/down.
My suggestion is to find a partner with whom you are compatible instead.

edit: clarity

< Message edited by angelikaJ -- 11/29/2009 12:54:17 PM >

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Post #: 7

RE: dummy up - 11/29/2009 12:55:27 PM

mnottertail

Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
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well, then heres the news bitch, you are going to be serving the tacos and beer at the poker game, and your seat will be going to henry kissinger.............

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Post #: 8

RE: dummy up - 11/29/2009 1:00:21 PM

lizi

Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
Status: offline

My owner absolutely loves having a literate, intelligent sub to call his own. If I happen to know something about a topic that he does not he takes that as a point of pride. I never feel as though I have to "dummy" up or down and I wouldn't be interested in someone if that were the case.

(in reply to NittyBit)

Post #: 9

RE: dummy up - 11/29/2009 1:11:52 PM

ranja

Posts: 2111
Joined: 11/1/2007
Status: offline

i am baffled

(in reply to NittyBit)

Post #: 10

RE: dummy up - 11/29/2009 1:12:47 PM

mnottertail

Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline

How do you do that? duct tape and gorilla glue?

Ron

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Post #: 11

RE: dummy up - 11/29/2009 1:13:30 PM

sirsholly

Posts: 42360
Joined: 9/7/2007
From: Quietville
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: mnottertail

well, then heres the news bitch, you are going to be serving the tacos and beer at the poker game, and your seat will be going to henry kissinger.............

Henry Kissinger wants my ASS???

Damnit Ron....why didn't you tell me that before i ate all the tacos? *urp*

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Post #: 12

RE: dummy up - 11/29/2009 1:13:57 PM

Aileen1968

Posts: 6062
Joined: 12/12/2007
From: I miss Shore, New Jersey
Status: offline

Dummy up or down my intelligence?
Dummy up or down my intensity in regards to the things I like to do with him?

Ummmm no. Not gonna ever happen. How would I expect him to ever know me if I'm not completely 100% myself with him?
If you feel the need to do that then you should question whether or not you're with the right person.

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(in reply to NittyBit)

Post #: 13

RE: dummy up - 11/29/2009 1:27:09 PM

Roselaure

Posts: 672
Joined: 4/12/2008
Status: offline

In my lexicon, the expression "dummy up" means to shut up, while the term "dumb down" means to pretend to be dumber than you are. We all need to learn when to "dummy up" and when to talk. As far as "dumb down", that's a matter of compatibility. Don't get involved with Dominants whom you do not feel are intelligent enough or strong enough or whatever enough to handle you.

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(in reply to NittyBit)

Post #: 14

RE: dummy up - 11/29/2009 1:35:30 PM

honeygirl

Posts: 111
Joined: 11/12/2004
Status: offline

Yes, I think of "dummy up" as being quiet or being told to stop talking, as well. Since the OP said it was not referring to intellectual matters and was referring to intensity, I'm baffled about what she's asking, too!

*edited to quote her properly!

< Message edited by honeygirl -- 11/29/2009 1:36:32 PM >

(in reply to Roselaure)

Post #: 15

RE: dummy up - 11/29/2009 1:55:14 PM

Lockit

Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline

Okay, I responded to the other thread... but since have read a bit and have a far different answer.

Op, you state that you won't dummy down... but you call yourself an it and you talk of unlawful things that I would consider pretty stupid to admit in print. For someone who is skilled/trained and or works in reading people for a living... read this in me... k9 is about as stupid as it gets and to admit an unlawful interest or practice is legal suicide in the right setting.

You cannot convince me you are all that smart when you do silly things like that.

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Post #: 16

RE: dummy up - 11/29/2009 2:04:12 PM

CaringandReal

Posts: 1397
Joined: 2/15/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ranja

i am baffled

Well, I was baffled too but after reading what Nittybit said a few or six times, I think it basically boils down to "I'm not willing to compromise on the things that are important to me and one of the things that is very important to me is that a dom meet me at my own level of understanding and intelligence."

When the first half of that statement is made by a regular sub poster in this forum, it is rarely challenged, nor is the dom called an enabler (looks askance at nmnottertail). In fact, the regular sub posters are more often than not likely to take it one step further: "I do not compromise, etc. ...and you shouldn't too!"

Nittybit, there are a lot of stupid and/or shallow people in the personals. To survive happily here, you have to learn to ignore them. It helps to actively seek out the doms you feel more compatible with. Don't wait for them to come to you. Sometimes they do, but that is rare.

Just one observation from your profile, where you also mention this subject. You said:

"I grow and find strength in relinquishing full control. The difficulty is finding the outlet in which to do it in and not have to "dummy down".

You can't relinquish "full" control, can you, if you must hold something back, keep something reserved and in your own control? And not having to "dummy down" seems to be that thing that you are holding onto control over. It's perfectly fine to do this, but it's not relinquishing full control. It's reliquishing almost full control. So, in order to grow, maybe once you find somebody compatible, do you feel you might need to take that final step and relinquish control over this dummy up/dummy down business?

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Post #: 17

RE: dummy up - 11/29/2009 2:13:55 PM

sunshinemiss

Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline

I don't even understand the question...
And I'm not exactly dumb as a box of rocks.

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Post #: 18

RE: dummy up - 11/30/2009 1:03:36 AM

aldompdx

Posts: 538
Joined: 10/24/2004
Status: offline

Surrender is by conscious and aware free choice from self will.
A "dummy slave" does not truly surrender, but merely bargains at a subconscious level.

If a controller really prefers a "dummy slave," then they should go shout orders to a rock. When it fails to obey, keep hitting it with a hammer until it breaks. Perhaps then, will the controller release some of their own issues which arise from lack of control in your own life.

(in reply to NittyBit)

Post #: 19

RE: dummy up - 11/30/2009 2:35:32 AM

Fitznicely

Posts: 1597
Joined: 10/18/2006
Status: offline

Ohhhh! I get it!

NittyBit, I shall posit a theory: I suspect you have never been owned.

You'll find that decent Owners cherish an intelligent slave. You also need to realise that the intensity you crave isn't exactly conducive to a 24/7 setup.

That said, good luck.

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Post #: 20

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