wisdomtogive
Posts: 636
Joined: 11/13/2009
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quote:
ORIGINAL: HisSweetElysium
Before Master and I got together He was seeing multiple subs. As part of our relationship, we wanted to be monogamous, so after we met and decided to move forward, we both stopped seeing other people. One of His subs is a bisexual woman who dommes men as a business, but also has a sub side, which she explored with Him. On the surface it seems like she took his breaking it off rather well, understanding He was looking for a monogamous relationship, and she herself is more pansexual.
Recently she invited us to a play party. We talked about it, and I had misgivings, mostly because I had not been to such a thing before, and while open to it, I didn't want possible drama and weirdness to result for anyone. I really want to be open to the idea in general, and not have my first experience be one where there was any sort of discomfort between Him, her, or me. So we didn't go.
As seen in my general BDSM forum post, Master and I made a movie over the weekend. It was wonderful. My sole gripe is that He had to keep messing with the camera and angles. So we talked about having someone else film us, and He suggested her. I said if they were both comfortable, I would not object to it. He asked her, and now she is all sorts of upset, and thinks this request came from me, wanting to stage some sort of "haha I'm better than you, I got the man and now you can watch" sort of thing. Nothing could possibly be further from the truth, in fact I was the one who said "only if everyone is comfortable!" and even, when Master broke it off with her, inquired about her well being in that transition.
Master is handling it, but last night when He explained to me what happened, I felt very bad. I felt misunderstood and misrepresented and asked if He thought it was appropriate to email her myself. He thought about it and said He felt not at this time, feeling like she might have been looking for something to get upset about, when really she was upset He broke it off.
I will of course respect His wishes, but should I bring it up again? I really would like to say to her that I'm His slave, and have always been submissive, there is no part of me that gets off domming women at ALL, and I was very concerned about putting her in an emotionally taxing place, I never set out to hurt her. But then I don't know, maybe it would just make things worse. I trust Him to do the right thing, but I do want Him to know I am willing to make the effort if need be.
So I guess I ask the question to other subs, since this woman, despite her other interests which may be influencing her interpretations of these interactions, relates to Him as a sub. Given these circumstances, would an email from the "new" woman expressing apologies and offering reassurances be rude, make things worse, or helpful in some way?
BTW, she has a fetlife page with a long list of poly-amorous relationships and a professional Domme site so if there is question about the amicable nature of their breaking things off because He wanted to be serious with someone, I think that is enough to say they were looking for different things.
Hi HisSweetElysium,
First please note i am not passing judgment on you and how you feel. I don't know you to do so. Nor am i assuming to know how you think, your master thinks or this other girl. I would like to pose some comments for you to ponder. If they resonate with you or not, only you will know.
Reading your words brought to my mind, as an outsider, that this situation is pretty much about you, and what i call the me, me, me syndrome. What you want and need verses your Master. This other sub had a party, you did not feel comfortable going, because of the reasons you mentioned. You were not happy with the filming, and when you Master suggested her, you were fine? This is odd to me. My 'den' is safe and on my grounds, and going to your 'den' is not safe since it is on your grounds. i will not meet you at your placee but you can come here and watch Master and i play. Yes, your master suggested that, and she decline.
Now you feel you need to explain yourself and your 'good deeds' to her, but you Master said no. Instead of accepting that you are askings other subs if you should present this to your Master again. Again it sounds more like me, me ,me over what your Master wants. Does it worry you that he might not be representing your intentions correctly? Does it bother you he is taking care of her wants or yours? Can you see why he wants it this way? Maybe try to look at the whole, and not the me, might help. You do not know her, and it doesn't matter about her profiles etc. The fact is you do not know her or how she thinks. Your master knows her better then you. Let him handle it.
I suggest perhaps you look at why you brought this to the boards, why you needed to be heard on this, and why you haven't been able to do as your Master told you. I know you wanted to know if you should bring it up again to your Master about emailing her. Why is this all about you? Can you be okay that it isn't?
Edited to Add:
I waited a couple days until i respend to your OP, because i didn't want to come off in judgment of your needs. I am not saying what i see in your post to be accurate, but wanted to give you another point of view. We all get to that me, me stage, nothing to be ashamed of if this is actually your case. If not, then that is good to hear as well. Blessing to you
< Message edited by wisdomtogive -- 12/3/2009 5:58:07 AM >
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RE: Here's one for you--to write or not to write - 
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You just seem like a thoughtful and articulate woman, your master is a lucky guy.....no wonder he wants you on film!
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