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so tell me everything - 12/1/2009 5:01:56 PM   
lermontov


Posts: 1
Joined: 12/1/2009
Status: offline

Fprum I throw myself open to your wisdom. I want a submissive woman in my life and I want to know everything about getting one.

So? Where do I go? What should I expect from her or the 'scene'? What three things would you tell a new dom man?

Please educate a young man with any advice, musings or 'I wish someone had told me's' you might have.



Profile   Post #: 1
RE: so tell me everything - 12/1/2009 5:19:36 PM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		I was about to suggest that you do the obvious, like attending local meets and filling out your profile... but I don't know if you're there yet.The first step is to look inside and ask yourself the basics like what it is that makes you Dominant, and why you want a submissive woman - what do you wish to do with her?

Once you've answered those questions, you'll be a lot better suited for the hunt.


_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to lermontov)
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RE: so tell me everything - 12/1/2009 5:31:50 PM   
dreamerdreaming


Posts: 2839
Status: offline 		1. Safety first, always.

2. Laugh with her and have FUN! Don't take yourself too seriously. Expect both of you to make mistakes, so be ready to quickly apologize, forgive, learn, and move forward.

3. Find a partner with whom you are compatible in and out of bed.
 
4. Don't be a cardboard dom,and don't seek or expect a cardboard slave. Be yourself, and enjoy her.

_____________________________

Download SLAVE LOVER. Explicit BDSM porn, with a plot! A love story, on a FemDom planet! http://www.amazon.com/Slave-Lover-Chronicles-Book-ebook/dp/B0031ERBLI/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1261973416&sr=1

(in reply to lermontov)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: so tell me everything - 12/1/2009 5:33:30 PM   
peachgirl


Posts: 396
Joined: 6/25/2009
Status: offline 		check out "The Loving Dominant", or check around and see if there are other bdsm titles that appeal to you.  there are a number of good books out there.  

_____________________________

Have you seen that girl in the corner?
I'd like to take her out of her chains
Cause if I had my way with you baby
I would be changing your life today.
- Bob Welch

(in reply to lermontov)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: so tell me everything - 12/1/2009 6:10:38 PM   
Valyraen


Posts: 746
Joined: 2/14/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: dreamerdreaming

1. Safety first, always.

2. Laugh with her and have FUN! Don't take yourself too seriously. Expect both of you to make mistakes, so be ready to quickly apologize, forgive, learn, and move forward.

3. Find a partner with whom you are compatible in and out of bed.
 
4. Don't be a cardboard dom,and don't seek or expect a cardboard slave. Be yourself, and enjoy her.


*Emphasis added*

I can't stress that one strongly enough. It's very easy to fall into the head-trap of "My word is LAW" and get yourself seriously screwed around in the head. Or, as I like to say, you may be a dominant, but you're only a master (or whatever term you prefer to stick in there) if your *insert title here* agrees with you.


_____________________________

CM's Resident Fuzzy Kitteh

There is no creature more loving than a hungry cat.

Valyraen in ValyraenandAqua

(in reply to dreamerdreaming)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: so tell me everything - 12/1/2009 6:19:49 PM   
Lucienne


Posts: 1175
Joined: 9/5/2009
Status: offline 		Change your name to Pushkin.

(in reply to lermontov)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: so tell me everything - 12/1/2009 6:26:35 PM   
WestBaySlave


Posts: 501
Joined: 9/24/2008
Status: offline 		 "What three things would you tell a new dom man?"

1. Have patience, this search may take a while - maybe months, maybe years, maybe decades, maybe tomorrow. Try not to get discouraged, frustrated, or worn out.

2. In everything, remember that she is a person first, and you'll likely need to appeal to more than just her submissive tendencies for you two to have a successful life together.

3. Try to make friends in the BDSM community, online and in person, but take everyone's advice with a grain of salt. There is no "one" way of going about this, only the way that works best for you.



(in reply to lermontov)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: so tell me everything - 12/1/2009 6:30:24 PM   
thaprincess


Posts: 69
Joined: 11/29/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Valyraen

quote:

ORIGINAL: dreamerdreaming

1. Safety first, always.

2. Laugh with her and have FUN! Don't take yourself too seriously. Expect both of you to make mistakes, so be ready to quickly apologize, forgive, learn, and move forward.

3. Find a partner with whom you are compatible in and out of bed.
 
4. Don't be a cardboard dom,and don't seek or expect a cardboard slave. Be yourself, and enjoy her.


*Emphasis added*

I can't stress that one strongly enough. It's very easy to fall into the head-trap of "My word is LAW" and get yourself seriously screwed around in the head. Or, as I like to say, you may be a dominant, but you're only a master (or whatever term you prefer to stick in there) if your *insert title here* agrees with you.



I think I read the same advice in this book called Fetish that I bought a few months back. It said that a good Dominant knows how to laugh at themselves because everyone makes mistakes. Granted, I told my sub that my word is law but I also told him that I'm open to suggestions if he has any.

(in reply to Valyraen)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: so tell me everything - 12/1/2009 6:44:59 PM   
shenshinoman


Posts: 58
Joined: 11/30/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: peachgirl

check out "The Loving Dominant", or check around and see if there are other bdsm titles that appeal to you.  there are a number of good books out there.  


agreed, that's where I started aswell. (and I can say i've head the good pleasure to meet the writer of The Loving Dominant in person, if in the southern florida area, I can suggest you talk to the genius behind the writing.)

(in reply to peachgirl)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: so tell me everything - 12/1/2009 6:47:35 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Become a good dominant. Be more focused on the responsibilities than on the rights. Be a man of your word.

Don't say that you'll be there at 7:00 and not show for 40 minutes because you weren't paying attention to the time. If you say you'll be there at 7:00 then be there or in a hospital.

How do you treat those who aren't in a position to do you any favors? If you stiff waitresses, she'll know that you aren't trustworthy. If you kick dogs, ditto. Expect women to observe and judge you, and if you aren't someone worth submitting to, then no one will.

This isn't about blow jobs on demand. It's about a great deal more than that. Think before you speak and act and don't do stupid things that will prove you aren't trustworthy to be in control.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to thaprincess)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: so tell me everything - 12/1/2009 7:47:58 PM   
DomMeinCT


Posts: 2355
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline 		Be open to the idea that you can learn from everyone.

_____________________________

The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances:
if there is any reaction, both are transformed.
~ Carl Jung

(in reply to lermontov)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: so tell me everything - 12/2/2009 12:46:35 AM   
lally2


Posts: 2621
Joined: 4/16/2009
Status: offline 		be youreself basically and responsible.

it isnt about strutting about barking orders and standing aloft in some draconian fashion afraid to show youre feelings for fear of looking less dominant.

its a personality trait not an attitude. so go about as you would normally, if youre genuinely seeking a partner you can share this way of life with then you need to be all that you are, with the usual smatterings of fun, humour, warmth and humanity.

adopt whatever standards, expectations, hopes and parameters you believe will ensure a safe, sane and concensual dynamic and hold by them.

then find someone as close to youre ideal as you can.

always be open to communication though you can adopt the codicil that you will listen but youre decision is finite.

be trustworthy, dependable, realistic and genuine.

_____________________________

So all I have to do in order to serve him, is to work out exactly how improbable he is, feed that figure into the finite improbability generator, give him a fresh cup of really hot tea ... and turn him on!

(in reply to DomMeinCT)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: so tell me everything - 12/2/2009 8:46:38 AM   
littleone35


Posts: 2828
Joined: 2/17/2005
Status: offline 		You need to fill out your profile. Many subs will not answer mail from someone with no profile.

Matt's littleone

(in reply to lermontov)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: so tell me everything - 12/2/2009 9:17:57 AM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline 		The same things I would tell any young adult about relationships and becoming a responsible, productive member of society.

Never forget, there is more you do not know, than you do. Quite often you will meet other people that know a LOT more than you, keep your mouth shut and your ears open. That person may be an s-type person, then you REALLY need to listen!!

Make your journey all about becoming a person you would respect and admire. Do not give your respect and admiration freely.

Learn to laugh at yourself and never forget how. It really makes life an awful lot easier.


_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to lermontov)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: so tell me everything - 12/2/2009 9:20:16 AM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DomMeinCT

Be open to the idea that you can learn from everyone.


this


_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to DomMeinCT)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: so tell me everything - 12/2/2009 11:20:38 AM   
kanina


Posts: 147
Joined: 11/19/2009
Status: offline 		i think that a big mistake is to treat a woman  like a slave before anything else

(in reply to LaTigresse)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: so tell me everything - 12/2/2009 12:19:42 PM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline
quote:

...What three things would you tell a new dom man?...


1.  Welcome to the jungle!!!
 
2.  submission does not mean the exact same thing to everyone who identifies with the submissive label...it would be smart to find out how it is perceived by the individuals you are in contact with, so you can decide if they, in particular, are suitable for your needs.
 
3.  confidence is dead sexy.


(in reply to lermontov)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: so tell me everything - 12/3/2009 10:40:26 AM   
petcerina


Posts: 143
Joined: 4/4/2005
Status: offline
quote:

So? Where do I go? What should I expect from her or the 'scene'? What three things would you tell a new dom man?


Where do you go? Anywhere. i prefer meeting people online, but that is my way of doing things. Many say that it is best to meet people in person. i find that to be very... tense. Don't get me wrong. i love munches. i love meeting people. But i have a hard time going from, "Hi friend" to "so... yeah.. i want to be with you and not just as friends".

The italicized part was the part that caught my attention. The scene varies from place to place. i know here in Dallas it is pretty lax. i also know in other places it can be very strict. You have to be initiated into the scene and protocols are followed, etc, etc. What should you expect from her? Ask yourself. What is it you want from her? What is it you want from the relationship? It's up to you to decide how the relationship will go.
  1. Research. People don't do enough of it anymore.
  2. Know yourself before you look for another.
  3. Don't move someone in right away. It might be tempting, but give it time.

(in reply to Mercnbeth)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: so tell me everything - 12/3/2009 11:02:48 AM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline
quote:

I want a submissive woman in my life and I want to know everything about getting one.


You don't need to "know everything" you only need to know two things. Most important - exactly and honestly figure out who you are. After that don't focus so much on what you want, that's likely to change and evolve as you live. Instead of "what" determine WHY you want it.

Once you're armed with that information use it to go out, have FUN; and the opportunities will come.

(in reply to lermontov)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: so tell me everything - 12/3/2009 4:10:40 PM   
kiwisub12


Posts: 4742
Joined: 1/11/2006
Status: offline 		You need to have some idea what you want from a submissive. Since , as the dominant member of the partnership. you need to be in control. You are the one that decides - not to say you don't take suggestions , but the ultimate course of action is yours to dictate, so you had better have some idea where it is you want to go (metaphorically speaking).


(in reply to Mercnbeth)
Profile   Post #: 20
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