RE: Humiliation Why?

RE: Humiliation Why? (Full Version)

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion

Message

breatheasone -> RE: Humiliation Why? (12/3/2009 8:58:43 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: timmaygirl How bout at the end he told you how wonderfully sexy you were and how hard it made him (now that only works if he gets hard by those activities lol) Humiliation is a multitude of things for me personally. There are the things that make me wet yup. Those are easy to explain because if it gets you off it just does. As was mentioned before... allowing yourself to be vulnerable and emotionally transparent is extremely intimate. I think the other ladies did a bang up job with explaining those ones. And then there is my final reason. I love to go to the mountains or the ocean and feel the smallness of it. Sometimes i get so wrapped up in day to day crap that i really feel like any decisions i make are earth changing and i feel too "big" for my environment. When i stand by the ocean or at the base of a mountain i am reminded how small i truly am. When i am humiliated i get the same sensation. A reminder that i really am not that important in this world. I know that sounds like a paradox but that is just how i personally work. Is it emotionally healthy? I am with Lady Pact here. It takes a good deal of research to know the person you are with. I personally could not do humil in a casual scene because i wouldnt feel emotionally safe, but in a loving relationship ... well my Daddy knows exactly where to push because he knows and understands me. ~edited to add another o to my to~ See, i get and have those things, without me being humiliated. Hey! maybe that is one of the reasons i am having a hard time understanding....(man i love this thread, its the most learning and stretching, i've done in a while on this subject)

breatheasone -> RE: Humiliation Why? (12/3/2009 9:05:36 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: lizi quote: ORIGINAL: breatheasone i for real will take this to my Master...but i have to tell you, just THINKING about doing a hot sexy thing AND THEN getting berated for it by Master just made me cringe and tear up at the same time..... i'm trying to imagine it....and maybe i'm thinking of the wrong things....but just thinking about what you have suggested makes me really queasy. At the end of it is my Master supposed to say "Hey i didn't mean those bad things i just said, come here and give me a hug?" PLEASE don't think i'm being an ass or difficult on purpose...i swear i'm not! [:(] This is almost exactly what happened to me and it doesn't sound like it should have worked out to be a positive thing but it did. I asked for something because I thought it was hot and sexy, then felt berated, then at the end I got hugs and other things and felt utterly uplifted by my relationship with him. Weird, I know....hard for me to figure out too. I once asked my Dom to slap me across the face at some point when we were playing, I thought it sounded hot and I wanted him to do it just for that. He did, but it was after he'd asked me to hold onto the headboard and I let go for a second - he said to me in a low voice why had I done that when he asked me to hang onto it? And he slapped me. I burst into tears and felt utterly open and vulnerable. The sex stopped and never resumed that night, I laid in his arms while he whispered in my ear and stroked my hair- we were both kind of shocked by my reaction. I have never felt so close to him as at that moment and I find myself craving to have it again. I don't really understand humiliation either...yet. I'm trying to. I've always said I wouldn't like it but I have to rethink that after seeing some of the answers on this post and after having tried some small things within my relationship. The whole calling names thing (whore, slut, etc) during sex works well for me, I start to crave that to. Maybe I'm really into humiliation but haven't accepted it yet lol... i think i understand exactly what you mean about when you and he just laid together and he whispered to you....and you said you felt open and vulnerable. Master and i have that....i AM open and vulnerable to Him like i am with no other and like i have never been with any other.... There are many times when He will hold me, rock me, cuddle, soothe. i have felt that but without the slap, i guess is what i mean if that makes sense.

persephonee -> RE: Humiliation Why? (12/3/2009 9:06:48 AM)
When i stand at the base of a mountain or at the top and look around....i feel humbled. Not humiliated. i feel that i am small and insignificant in the whole spectrum of what is around me....thats humbled. When Master asks me what kind of filthy fucking slut would do.....X....while im doing...X.....that makes me wet.

Mercnbeth -> RE: Humiliation Why? (12/3/2009 9:09:56 AM)
quote: What kind of attraction is there to making a submissive feel humiliated? it has been this slave's experience that some sadists really enjoy their partner's discomfort from time to time---humiliation isn't necessarily "comfortable" for most folks, so this slave can understand why some sadists would be attracted to the activity. quote: ...Why would a submissive want to allow the dominant to attempt to make him/her feel humilated?... because it brings Him pleasure. quote: ...Are there positive benefits to this type of activity?... Master being pleased makes us both very happy---sounds like a positive thing to this slave. quote: ...Do you consider this an emotionally safe activity?... yes.

curiousINct -> RE: Humiliation Why? (12/3/2009 9:10:31 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: breatheasone i for real will take this to my Master...but i have to tell you, just THINKING about doing a hot sexy thing AND THEN getting berated for it by Master just made me cringe and tear up at the same time..... i'm trying to imagine it....and maybe i'm thinking of the wrong things....but just thinking about what you have suggested makes me really queasy. At the end of it is my Master supposed to say "Hey i didn't mean those bad things i just said, come here and give me a hug?" PLEASE don't think i'm being an ass or difficult on purpose...i swear i'm not! [:(] It doesn't have to be bad things that he says! and it doesn't have to be so extreme that you end up a sniffling mess after either. Is there anything that you've had said to you that takes you out of your comfort zone for just a split second and makes you blush? How about something that when done to you by a partner or yourself has the same effect? You could start there, build just a little bit a time. It -never- needs to go so far out of your comfort zone that you are crying, or that the words hurt you. I'm hooked on that burning in the tummy feeling that accompanies the blushing cheeks..and it doesn't take a whole lot to cause it.

timmaygirl -> RE: Humiliation Why? (12/3/2009 9:11:13 AM)
That's an excellent word ... sometimes being humiliated humbles me and it brings me peace. Sometimes it just makes me wet though as well lol. It depends on the act and what i am experiencing at the moment in my core.

persephonee -> RE: Humiliation Why? (12/3/2009 9:12:06 AM)
Ahhh, a nature grrrl.....muahahaaa!

breatheasone -> RE: Humiliation Why? (12/3/2009 9:14:29 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: persephonee When i stand at the base of a mountain or at the top and look around....i feel humbled. Not humiliated. i feel that i am small and insignificant in the whole spectrum of what is around me....thats humbled. When Master asks me what kind of filthy fucking slut would do.....X....while im doing...X.....that makes me wet. Ok, i got it. Humbled to me is something i strive for. The next example you give (for me personally) would not feel good. And i quite possibly i wouldn't want to do "X" any more for a while at least. i TRULY appreciate your patience and explaining stuff....i am actually glad its not harmful....this was one of my worries, but listening to others on this some more has helped me understand that part much better.

persephonee -> RE: Humiliation Why? (12/3/2009 9:16:40 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: curiousINct quote: ORIGINAL: breatheasone i for real will take this to my Master...but i have to tell you, just THINKING about doing a hot sexy thing AND THEN getting berated for it by Master just made me cringe and tear up at the same time..... i'm trying to imagine it....and maybe i'm thinking of the wrong things....but just thinking about what you have suggested makes me really queasy. At the end of it is my Master supposed to say "Hey i didn't mean those bad things i just said, come here and give me a hug?" PLEASE don't think i'm being an ass or difficult on purpose...i swear i'm not! [:(] It doesn't have to be bad things that he says! and it doesn't have to be so extreme that you end up a sniffling mess after either. Is there anything that you've had said to you that takes you out of your comfort zone for just a split second and makes you blush? How about something that when done to you by a partner or yourself has the same effect? You could start there, build just a little bit a time. It -never- needs to go so far out of your comfort zone that you are crying, or that the words hurt you. I'm hooked on that burning in the tummy feeling that accompanies the blushing cheeks..and it doesn't take a whole lot to cause it. Hey, being taken to the sniffling mess in the end is the bestest part!!!![:D] i cant go into details, because it would humiliate me to do so....but lets just say.....sometimes the most embarrassing thing in your entire universe can be turned onto its head and become something you want to happen again and again and again....but you simply can NOT ask for it....so you squirm and squiggle and think you cant bear not doing it again, and you cant bear to never have it happen again....and you only beg if its really really important...and it almost is....and ohhhhhhh, noooooooo...... ahem straightensherskirt i need to do some dishes or something....[:D]

lizi -> RE: Humiliation Why? (12/3/2009 9:19:41 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: breatheasone i think i understand exactly what you mean about when you and he just laid together and he whispered to you....and you said you felt open and vulnerable. Master and i have that....i AM open and vulnerable to Him like i am with no other and like i have never been with any other.... There are many times when He will hold me, rock me, cuddle, soothe. i have felt that but without the slap, i guess is what i mean if that makes sense. Oh yes...it makes sense that you have this emotional closeness without the slap...i do too! Me asking him to slap me was utterly out of character for both of us, we don't do things like that although we do have very rough, noisy sex. I dont' know why I wanted to try it but I did and I can't say I regret it. It was a mind opening experiment but not for the reasons I thought it would be. Like the others have said, it was being in a situation where I felt open, vulnerable, and emotionally transparent and it led to a tightening of our bond for each other. Even if the situation was manufactured by the slap (or doing things in the examples that others gave) the result was this renewal of our deeper feelings for each other. I had to be laid open emotionally for the love that he offered to me afterwards to mean as much as it did. For both of us. His feeling that he caused me pain made him feel open and vulnerable too. I think I'm finally getting it myself - why humiliation is so powerful. This thread has been eye opening for me. I never thought that experience through to the point i have today and I can see now why it meant so much to me. I'd almost like to know where to go from here. I'll have to think about that...

timmaygirl -> RE: Humiliation Why? (12/3/2009 9:26:28 AM)
lol Nature definitely does it for me!!

Missokyst -> RE: Humiliation Why? (12/3/2009 9:33:58 AM)
I must admit to feeling some confusion about humiliation myself. Are these things listed below, the begging, masturbation, being called a slut, ect, humiliating? I am trying hard to see the debaseness of the acts but it is not clear for me. quote: ORIGINAL: lucylucy For me it’s lots of different things: having to ask permission to masturbate and then report back on it; masturbating in front of him; begging; being called a slut or whore . . . but like I said in a previous post, there’s no shame in it for me. I love doing these things for my boyfriend and it makes me feel incredibly close to him.

Missokyst -> RE: Humiliation Why? (12/3/2009 9:36:51 AM)
AHHH!! Thank you! lol well it is clear that I must not be the sort that reacts positively to humilation, if I react at all. quote: ORIGINAL: allthatjaz Humiliation only works if its humiliating to the person involved and more importantly, that they actually desire to be humiliated and the Dominant wants to humiliate them.

breatheasone -> RE: Humiliation Why? (12/3/2009 9:38:31 AM)
Here's where i'm stuck i think. i want the "rescue" part for lack of a better word (rebuilding, coming together, comforting, etc...) without the humiliation that is supposed to come 1st i guess. And to be honest, i feel Master and i have it. We are very open to each other and its not easy. We nurture, and comfort, as well as listen and learn. (i need a LOT of work in the listening dept, just sayin[:D]) So this is where i think i don't get it.... i don't want to have to be humiliated to get that closeness....just give me the closeness already....

Mercnbeth -> RE: Humiliation Why? (12/3/2009 9:41:53 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: breatheasone Here's where i'm stuck i think. i want the "rescue" part for lack of a better word (rebuilding, coming together, comforting, etc...) without the humiliation that is supposed to come 1st i guess. And to be honest, i feel Master and i have it. We are very open to each other and its not easy. We nurture, and comfort, as well as listen and learn. (i need a LOT of work in the listening dept, just sayin[:D]) So this is where i think i don't get it.... i don't want to have to be humiliated to get that closeness....just give me the closeness already.... it has been this slave's experience that humiliation appeals to sadists and masochists. sadism and masochism are often not just represented by the physical, but by the emotional as well. perhaps part of your disconnect comes from not being a masochist or from not being involved with a sadist?

breatheasone -> RE: Humiliation Why? (12/3/2009 9:43:57 AM)
Yes, excellent point.

starshineowned -> RE: Humiliation Why? (12/3/2009 9:46:18 AM)
Greetings.. The best I can say is that sometimes my strengths and weakness's alike are reveiled more clearly in moments when I am vulnerable. These moments happen sometimes in humiliative situations no matter who brings them on. From there it can be worked on to make those moments and how they affect me in the future my own..as in am I humiliated in feeling because of social or peer pressure saying I should be..or am I just really not able to handle this..as well as decide weather those strengths or weakness's need addressing in some manner not no. starshine

wisdomtogive -> RE: Humiliation Why? (12/3/2009 9:52:45 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: breatheasone Here's where i'm stuck i think. i want the "rescue" part for lack of a better word (rebuilding, coming together, comforting, etc...) without the humiliation that is supposed to come 1st i guess. And to be honest, i feel Master and i have it. We are very open to each other and its not easy. We nurture, and comfort, as well as listen and learn. (i need a LOT of work in the listening dept, just sayin[:D]) So this is where i think i don't get it.... i don't want to have to be humiliated to get that closeness....just give me the closeness already.... Hi breathesone, Your Master and you seem to have something very special and works for you both, because of who you both are. Closeness can be felt, imo through many ways, not just one. Humilation isn't for everyone, and if used on me too much I don't think it would be as useful of a tool to knock me down a few pegs. Sometimes i need to be knocked down, and it works. For instance, one time ex sir and i were in a chat room, and i got mouthy with one of the people in there, and it was not called for. So iwithin a week he came over and punihsed me for my behavior by using humilation as the tool. it helped me to get off my 'holy then thou' attitude, which is something sadly i know i am capable of doing. It also helps me to release anger within me, that usually is stemming from some unknown reason. It is not something i enjoy well it is going on, but at the end it is one of the rare things that can break through my walls. i again can feel my connection with the ALL, and be humble. For me all my life i have fought within the Capital B on wheels, the bitch:) and sometimes i cant stop it..it's insane i guess. So this is why i find it so valuable to me. i hope this helps. blessings

breatheasone -> RE: Humiliation Why? (12/3/2009 11:08:36 AM)
Yes, i have learned that different people respond to different things. i SO enjoy hearing how others experiences helped them grow.

timmaygirl -> RE: Humiliation Why? (12/3/2009 11:20:55 AM)
Perhaps, and i am just thinking while i type, i need a reason for the comforting. People seem kinda creepy and not genuine to me if they gush on me for no reason at all but i can lap it up after i have gone through something difficult. I'm not saying that this theory would lend itself to anyone else though.

Page: << < prev 1 2 [3] 4 5 next > >>

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.046875