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Aswad -> RE: politeness is it a sign of weakness? (12/25/2009 9:12:56 PM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Michael3001
Wishful thinking? Change your circle of female friends. Any self respecting woman is going to expect a man to treat her with respect. You need better examples, change your friends.[:D]
I'm not overly prone to wishful thinking. I'm merely a careful observer of the disparity between what people say, what they appear to think, and what facts are in evidence. You are touting the party line which underlies the conformity bias which causes part of what I described. A certain structure in the ascending reticular activating system, if my memory serves, is the one that allows us to disregard what one part of our brain tells us ("shut up and ravish me already!") in favor of what another part of our brain tells us ("I'm a nice girl, and nice girls don't fuck on the first date!").
I've friends who do want an asshole. I've friends who don't want one. I've friends who know what they want. I've friends who don't have a clue what they want. I've friends who are open about what they think they want. I've friends who are quiet about it. And I have some very few friends who are aware of the disparity in themselves, and a few of these take steps to be more honest with themselves. I occasionally, by request only, assist people in introspection and exploration.
If someone tells me they don't want an asshole, that's great. I'm not an asshole by default.
If someone tells me they do want an asshole, that's great, too. I don't have a problem being one.
I'm simply pointing out that there can be a significant gap between what people say they want, what they think they want, what they actually want, and what they need. I first made that observation working as a consultant, where- as a general rule- those four are never the same thing. Suddenly, in order to do my job and not get blamed for the disparity and its consequences, I found myself needing to figure out all four, and bring them in line, before taking on the job. As I'm a curious person, I wondered if that might be a general trait of humans. My observations and reading have led me to conclude that it is indeed so.
And, more importantly, it's contextual.
When I'm discussing important decisions with my dear, obviously I treat her with respect, and obviously she would get more than a little bit pissed off if I didn't. When she's on all fours, taking it up the rear while sucking my toes, obviously respect and dignity are not part of the package, and the evening come to an abrupt halt if I suddenly came across as all respecting and mindful of her dignity and whatnot. There's a time and a place for everything.
Ron might remember the source of the quote he once pulled up, wherein a certain woman pointed out that while women want respect and all that good stuff, it can be too much at times, too. A woman craves intimacy. And a part of intimacy is letting your guard down. Dignity can be a barrier to that, sometimes. If you place her on a pedestal, she will feel like she has to stay there, and the pressure will ruin the intimacy. At times, it's not the gentle, caring man she's after, but the brutish tyrant that in our distant evolutionary past would secure her and her offspring a prosperous and safe life. Other times, it's the man that has her best interests at heart while confidently calling the shots on his own. And sometimes, it's the romantic sap that's human after all. We're not fixed in an unchanging mask, and we wouldn't be much fun if we were.
I can carry on an intelligent conversation with a woman, and I can fuck her brains out.
I can comfort and reassure a woman, and I can have her howling.
Why would you think I can't fully respect one, too?
I just happen to respect all of her, as is.
Health,
al-Aswad.
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