RE: So unsublike, I have to post it here --"under consideration??"

RE: So unsublike, I have to post it here --"under consideration??" (Full Version)

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marie2 -> RE: So unsublike, I have to post it here --"under consideration??" (12/5/2009 5:18:22 PM)
To me it just seems like more of the endless bdsm nomenclature where we like to make up our own exclusive terms for everything. Sure some doms might use "under consideration" to limit the subs involvements while he still sees other girls, but like anything else, there are people who operate with honor and people who do not, no matter what the chosen term or lifestyle. People usually have each other under consideration in the beginning stages of a relationship, whether dom or sub, but in some bdsm subscriptions the sub is supposed to be the one petitioning or waiting patiently for the 'priviledge' to serve the dom in question. While this may be a bit over the top for me personally, many doms and subs subscribe to this mindset because it works for them for whatever reason. There can be a certain level of humbling that a sub can feel in that particular frame of mind, and if that what he/she digs and that's how the two want to look at it, then go for it. Frankly I don't see it as any more whacked out than considering ourselves "slaves" and "masters" to someone. Or considering ourselves "collared" instead of "in an exclusive relationship" or being "released" instead of "breaking up"; it all falls into the same basic realm to me. I have found that most of us subscribe to the bdsm terms that work for us, while condemning the ones that don't.

LadyPact -> RE: So unsublike, I have to post it here --"under consideration??" (12/5/2009 6:06:02 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: AnimusRex I don't know what's wrong with "Currently dating someone." I missed this one earlier and wanted to say something on it. In My particular case, I don't date. I see the term 'date' as a word linked when two parties have a romantic interest in one another. Therefore, for Me to say that I am currently dating someone would be completely incorrect.

DesFIP -> RE: So unsublike, I have to post it here --"under consideration??" (12/5/2009 6:06:06 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: crazyml quote: ORIGINAL: sunshinemiss You know... I vascillate with this term. I understand why people want to use it, and all, but frankly I have only one litty bitty thing about it. If I am considering an M type, does that make him under consideration too? If it doesn't, it should... And you know why? Because I'm still in the decision making stage... Funny thing, I've never seen an M type have that on their profile. Bingo! You've helped me figure out my reservation. Initally, when I first saw the term used I cynically wrote it off as an attempt by insecure doms to prevent others snaffling a sub they were chatting to. But then, on talking to a couple of sub fem friends, it does seem to be very useful as a way of slowing down the influx of email from horny doms (although I suspect it only prevents considerate doms - the types that might even make good friends - from emailing rather than the HNG trolls. So now - while I would never suggest to a sub that she put "under consideration" on her profile, I'm a lot less cynical about it - with this one niggling reservation which sunshinemiss has pointed out... It would seem perfectly sensible that if a sub needs to put under consideration on her profile the dom should too. But doms don't get email come ons so they don't need to. The Man and I were an item for about a year before he bothered to change his profile to reflect that. And he wouldn't of if I hadn't asked him about it. He admitted he simply never thought about it since he had never gotten an unsolicited email from a sub. Now if the sub asks and he refuses, then yes, I agree it's a red flag. But if he simply doesn't think of it, that doesn't mean anything.

AnimusRex -> RE: So unsublike, I have to post it here --"under consideration??" (12/5/2009 6:26:05 PM)
GM- There is that nebulous period in dating, isn't there, after the casual aquaintance, before the official term of "boyfriend/ girlfriend". It is sometimes referred to as "seeing someone" or in your case, a period of "consideration". It reminds me of the articles I would read back in the 70's (yes, I am a REALLY Old Fart) about the need for a term for those who were living together. Various possiblities were tossed out- Significant Other; Lover; Partner (teh gheys stole that one) but no one could really coin a term that precisely captured the meaning of two people living together. They haven't to this day, and in my opinion, never will. Why? Because living together is by its very definition, an ambiguous state; some people are committed for life, but others aren't; some have children together, joint bank accounts, co-sign on 30 year mortgages- while others live together only for the fall semester. There just isn't any way you can define a term that covers so broad a territory and still have any meaning- you might as well just call it a "thing". Here is where I completely veer off into Old Fart territory- in my opinion,the informality of relationships that modernity has brought, isn't doing anyone any favors- the old structure of Courtship/Dating- Betrothal/ Engagement- Marriage had the benefit of having precision- you knew what engagement meant, what it expected, and how to behave. The word "friend" was stretched in the 1970's to include that guy you wave to sometimes at the grocery store; and the guy who stuck his dick in your mouth. A friend was someone who knew your inner secrets and soul-baring truths; and also someone whose name you keep forgetting, but told a funny joke once. I guess this is why I have such an allergic reaction to coining terms that have vague, flexible and yet grandiose sounding value. "friends with benefits"? It seems to hold benefits only for people who want to avoid saying anything that might have consequences. I am glad that for you the term "collar of consideration" has a meaning that is valuable to you and yours; but we need to acknowledge that very same term also is exchanged between a girl and "a man I met in the chat room who gets off on the same kink as me, and we chatted for 2 hours and now my nickname is kajirabumfuck{XY} and I wear a ko'lar of konsideration!" I mean, it isn't the issue of sex- I think there is more honesty in the swingers who openly say "I want to fuck" than there is in the sly "I want to be your friend and talk about your feelings" while slipping a clammy hand under your blouse. As was mentioned in the other thread about collars versus marriage, one means just about anything, where the other has real consequences. And so to wrap it all up- HEY YOU KIDS-GET OFF MY LAWN!

persephonee -> RE: So unsublike, I have to post it here --"under consideration??" (12/5/2009 7:51:50 PM)
if i happen to agree with everything you just posted, can i still in good conscience pretend to be 23?

littlewonder -> RE: So unsublike, I have to post it here --"under consideration??" (12/5/2009 8:00:55 PM)
really hopes agreeing with AnimusRex's post doesn't put her in the old category.

persephonee -> RE: So unsublike, I have to post it here --"under consideration??" (12/5/2009 8:12:59 PM)
wonder....do you fully appreciate todays music?[:D]

littlewonder -> RE: So unsublike, I have to post it here --"under consideration??" (12/5/2009 8:14:48 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: persephonee wonder....do you fully appreciate todays music?[:D] yay! I appreciate some of it....I guess that only makes me middle aged. I can deal with that!

persephonee -> RE: So unsublike, I have to post it here --"under consideration??" (12/5/2009 8:15:22 PM)
sweet....me too then. Its settled....

persephonee -> RE: So unsublike, I have to post it here --"under consideration??" (12/5/2009 8:16:59 PM)
Of course, its now 1015 pm...and im being signalled that its bedtime....so how old does that make me?[8D]

sunshinemiss -> RE: So unsublike, I have to post it here --"under consideration??" (12/5/2009 8:26:00 PM)
quote: Here is where I completely veer off into Old Fart territory- in my opinion,the informality of relationships that modernity has brought, isn't doing anyone any favors- the old structure of Courtship/Dating- Betrothal/ Engagement- Marriage had the benefit of having precision- you knew what engagement meant, what it expected, and how to behave. Hello Animus Rex, I couldn't agree more. I like clarity. I like calling a spade a spade. When I used to ask women about their "baby daddy" or their guys, what could I say? I ended up using old fashioned terms. Do you have a beau? A gentleman friend? It made things clear and everybody knew the term. It was non-judgmental but also acknowledged the relationship status. I like knowing where I am. Right now I am considering a cup of tea.

Justme696 -> RE: So unsublike, I have to post it here --"under consideration??" (12/6/2009 12:17:23 AM)
quote: I like clarity. I like calling a spade a spade. the digging tool...or the thing on the card games :P

GYPSYMAMBO -> RE: So unsublike, I have to post it here --"under consideration??" (12/6/2009 7:07:54 AM)
ANIMUS>.. Greetings I certainly see your point about vague wording and attaching grandioseness to labels etc. THis is a forum where IDEAS are exchanged...and contributions made. From personal experience comes personal response From personal experience and life comes belief patterns..many ingrained and accepted without question. To question and discuss as we do here is an excellent way of re-forming... and re-patterning if we so choose. *We can take what we want and leave the rest.* MY personal experience is in building a SOLID POLY home and seeking to do again LIKE LADY PACT I DO NOT DATE ; NOR do I see the sub males who serve me as BF'S... ;Therfore the term UNDER CONSIDERATION..for me...and them is CLEAR because WE make it so..( in considering each other) YOU say you are glad the term works for me..thank you ...Animus and ask that "we" understand that 'others" may use the term differently.. I Do... AS well I never mistake MY OPINION FOR FACT ..........just sharing..as I am so glad to do so with others here. GM

LaTigresse -> RE: So unsublike, I have to post it here --"under consideration??" (12/6/2009 8:15:10 AM)
I do not believe I have ever used the phrase 'under consideration' and am not sure it fits my style. I do not see myself using the term 'dating' either. It doesn't fit the dynamic I am interested in.

LafayetteLady -> RE: So unsublike, I have to post it here --"under consideration??" (12/6/2009 11:34:59 AM)
FR- I think one of the largest differences comes when discussing one on one relationships vs. the poly household. Frankly, I think a whole hell of a lot more consideration is needed all around when trying to form or maintain a poly household. The "newcomer" can't simply be making the master/mistress/head of the household happy. They certainly can't be making everyone else miserable. There are multiple personalities that need to mesh and get along. When I start thinking of everything that must be involved in trying to fit everyone together in such a household, my head spins and I'm glad it isn't something that is for me (and probably one of the reasons as well). Clearly for those poly households which seem to be successful, such as Dame Calla's, GypsyMambo's, and LadyPact's the awareness that everyone is under consideration in some way is probably part of what makes their households successful. Having said that though, I think that for the most part the people who have such difficulties with the term, me included, are those of us who are seeking that one on one "dating," "boyfriend/girlfriend," type of relationship. From what I am reading here, it seems that too often in those one on one situations, the "dom" seems to think he holds all the cards in the consideration situation, and realistically that is just fantasy on their part. Any sub/slave who doesn't believe they are "considering" that potential dom likely not able to see the forest for the trees or just doesn't use the term "consideration" in their own mind for how they are looking at the potential dominant. In the end it just seems to me that "under consideration" is more appropriate in a poly household while in the one on one situations it just seems to be too one sided.

lizi -> RE: So unsublike, I have to post it here --"under consideration??" (12/6/2009 11:41:12 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: crazyml Bingo! You've helped me figure out my reservation. Initally, when I first saw the term used I cynically wrote it off as an attempt by insecure doms to prevent others snaffling a sub they were chatting to. But then, on talking to a couple of sub fem friends, it does seem to be very useful as a way of slowing down the influx of email from horny doms (although I suspect it only prevents considerate doms - the types that might even make good friends - from emailing rather than the HNG trolls. So now - while I would never suggest to a sub that she put "under consideration" on her profile, I'm a lot less cynical about it - with this one niggling reservation which sunshinemiss has pointed out... It would seem perfectly sensible that if a sub needs to put under consideration on her profile the dom should too. It does seem like a term that can be misused by D types to get a potential s type off the market and I'm sure that happens. I also agree with the highlighted statement above and this is why I used UC myself. I was sick and tired of the unending mail from pushy weirdos so with my Dom's suggestion I put under consideration in my profile for a while. We had been dating in RL already and were a couple - it made sense. Did he want to get me 'off the market'? Maybe, he knows what it can be like on places like this for unattached women, but I wanted to be off of it too at that time so I did it. He did not make this decision for both of us, he was under consideration by me as well which was a point I brought up to him before we ever met for the first time. I would just say to others to know where you are in testing things out with someone - if the two of you are seeing each other exclusively I'd say under consideration works as a description. Or just say you are dating- same thing really. For non dating situations it would apply if there is intent to enter into a trial relationship of whatever flavor.

CaringandReal -> RE: So unsublike, I have to post it here --"under consideration??" (12/6/2009 1:25:07 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LaTigresse I do not believe I have ever used the phrase 'under consideration' and am not sure it fits my style. I do not see myself using the term 'dating' either. It doesn't fit the dynamic I am interested in. I see "I am talking to ..(sub name)" or "I am talking to a very interesting submissive" used a lot in dominant profiles, to indicate politely that they're involved at the moment. But I would enjoy it very much if I came across a dominant who put on their profile... "Under Consideration By SublyBottom." That would be quite funny!

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